Novel – Page 6 – Anthony Otero

Countdown

How long has it been since I started this? I think I started on this novel in March of last year. I finished the first draft last September and the second draft in December. Major editing begin in January of this year and before we knew it, the third draft was completed by May. Along the way, there were test readers who helped critique the book. Now, I have a final manuscript that I still tweak here and there. But the real countdown has begun the moment I purchased a set of ISBNs on my birthday.

I considered it a birthday gift to myself because the time for lingering is over. I have worked very hard on all of this and I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to get all of this done before the end of the summer. I wrote about the need for me to get ISBNs back in 2011. I knew three years ago that I need to get these and I put it off for various reasons. They are not cheap and technically, I’m buying something that I cannot touch as of yet. Since my financial situation was different three years ago, I put it off.

Of course, it should not be a surprise that the price went up. What was once a $250 investment for 10 ISBNs became $295. Maybe not that much of a difference but it’s still $45 dollars I could’ve saved had I not put it off for so long. But you know what? I just ran with it. So what makes me ultimately laugh is the fact that I think I’m done. I figure that I would have this crucial final piece so when the cover is done I’m all set. Right? No, I still have to buy bar codes for the books. lol (clearly, I just found out they are not the same thing) So, it will be stuff like that that I need to look out for. I’m already aware that I will have to figure out font type and size of pages. Hopefully, that these will be the final hurdles.

This is a learning process and the bar codes will not hold me up. They are $25 each and I will deal with that as it comes. More importantly, I think we may have found someone to design the cover. I’ve seen his work and he may be the right match for what I’m looking for. I just need to have a little more patience because I am so ready to do this. To pass the time I may go over the book one more time but to be honest, I’m ready to get this done, NOW.

So, the countdown has began on June 12. I’m giving myself to September 1st to get this done. I will not be happy if I cannot deliver.

comic books, my life, Novel, writing

Building a Better Book

I can see where it has taken people years to finish a book. I’ve heard stories about how it has taken ten plus years to finish a book. I figured out why that is. Building a better book is all about perfection in the eyes of the writer.

As I have combed through pages upon pages of this novel, I have found new things to either tweak or even add if the story called for more detail. This is why drafts get numbered. The current manuscript is the fourth of its kind. It’s fully edited and complete from my stand point (for the moment). But now it’s time for more feedback and cover designs.

First, I think I need to say that I have a publicist. Before you tell me how fancy you think I am, she’s family. Which brings me to my editor, she’s one of my oldest friends. It’s this type of network that has made me just focus on the writing and less on everything else. The role of the publicist is to help me promote the book as well as get the things I need to make this book happen. She is the one getting me new test readers. These two women have invested time into this novel and has made me believe in the book as much as I’ve made them a believer in me.

Their efforts have helped me make this book better and that is important. There have been many potholes in this journey. Many moments of self doubt when I wanted to just quit this whole process. Let me be real, this novel is rated R. It’s an adult oriented book that discusses many issues and sex is a very prevalent theme. This has made me think twice about if what I’m writing is necessary, is this a narrative that I really want to put out there?

I struggle with that question knowing the book’s content so when I got my first negative review, it hit home. Granted, I knew that not everyone is going to like the book but in her feedback, this lady mentions that Black and Latinos need to do better with their stories. I’ve heard something similar to this in the past with other authors. People wondering why sex has to be so prevalent, aren’t we sexualized enough as it is? Perhaps we are but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore the importance of sex and physical interactions in life. Sex is not in the story just to be in the story, it serves a purpose. Which brings me back to my publicist that had originally pointed out that I will need to figure who my audience is.

Yet, there is something that has been really calling me lately in terms of the book cover. First, understand the the title of the novel is Hanging Upside Down and there are several things one can do with that. However that are things that I’m NOT willing to do, which is anything has to do with a noose. There are too many images out there already that have negative connotations for people of color. So instead, I’m thinking about the real possibility of making the cover have of a comic-booky (yes, I know) feel. Reason being is that I think in a parallel universe I’m a comic book writer and I really want to honor the things that made me want to write in the first place.

I’ve also come to notice that the way I write comes from reading so many comic books. There are cliff hangers, flashbacks, and of course, a villain. I realize that this may be the case in many novels as it is but I like think that this is where my style has come from. So with that being said, when I saw the photo at the top of this blog, I already knew what I wanted. The background is this, I stopped collecting comic books when I went to college because I could not afford it. So when this series came out in 2007, it reeled me back into collecting again. I love the presence of a strong woman and I can tell you that this picture does resemble a part in the novel.

Building a better book may take perfection in my eyes but it also takes teamwork and I realize that my problem was that I thought I could do this alone. I thought that I can get this book out as fast as possible with no issues but I learned quickly that it is better to trust those who trust me.

divorce, my life, Novel, writing

Genre? What Genre?

As I enter the last stages of the edits times infinity, I look at what needs to do be done next and something seems to be escaping me. I keep hearing the same things come up. The questions of “who is my audience” and “what is your genre?” My first reaction to this is that my audience are readers and my genre is fiction. I’ve simplified it in my mind because I would like to think that any adult can pick this up and read it.

But then I had to take time to critically analyze the self publishing and traditional publishing industries and came to the conclusion that there are a lot more questions that I need to ask and answer. Right now, the question is when the fuck and I going to be done with this? But I have to force myself to be patient otherwise any sense of rush will show on the pages. My second question is how do I categorize this book? Those who have read the unedited version have told me that women would be the intended audience. I would also like to think a certain portion of men would read it too…divorced men.

The premise of the novel is not only centered around men and the bad decisions they make but how they deal with it. Divorce, sex, friendships, racism, and family are all there in the novel. I would just assume that that divorced men would have a bit more of an interest in this because of the content. However, I know that the way the book is written, my audience will probably veer toward women. There is a certain “novela” feel that the book has that should be attractive to those who read such things.

However, there are plenty of references to Hip Hop and other music genres that not only define me but define my generation. While, I don’t bombard the reader with musical references too much, they are there. There is much to be said about how music is a part of someone’s life. There is no way I can write a first person narrative and not include some elements of that. Those elements were not there as much during the first two drafts but considering how draft three has just been completed, the musical elements have been added to provide yet another layer to the reader’s experience.

That is why it is so hard for me to come up with a genre. There are so many layers. Is there a sub genre of divorce? I suppose there is if I can type it into Goodreads and it gives me a list. The problem is that I don’t want to stick to those types of stories in the future. I suppose the novel could be a romantic story in some real way. However, I do slap people in the face with the realities of how men can be. Can there be a reality genre in fiction? In any case, I think I should look toward my beta readers to determine what a genre should look like.

But let me also take this a step further, this whole genre thing has been another way research “the competition.” I say that in quotes because it has been suggested that I see what is out there in terms of similar titles and book covers. I consider a book cover to be very important. Some people will at least read the opening chapter just because of the cover.

The one thing that is working in my favor is the title has not been used and fiction books about divorce from the man’s side are not common. Add the fact that the protagonist is Latino makes it just about rare. So hopefully I can carve a little nitch for myself in this area.

I’m so ready for this book to come out.

5K, ACUI, Barnard College, my life, Novel

Two Goals Down. #acui14

I made a list of goals (as I do at the end of every year) that I’ve been working on. I’ve been fortunate enough to complete two of these goals during my trip to Florida. Yeah, the place where I know I would never live, but my father does live near Orlando so trips to this state have to happen. What made it even better for me was that the ACUI Conference I was scheduled to attend basically made my travel plans much easier.

So just like that the first goal was already done. I wanted to visit my dad and step mother because it had been almost 5 years since I’ve been there and that is just totally unacceptable. Sure, I’ve seen them in NYC and even in the Dominican Republic, but I knew early on last year when I heard about this conference location that I was going to make it my business to visit family.

However, the other goal was for me to run a 5k at some point this year. In my head, I wanted to do this before I hit 40 in June. I circled April 9th on the calendar because I knew that the ACUI Fund Run would be that opportunity. The thing is, I know myself. I know that it wouldn’t take much for me to back out which is why I told no one that I was running this race. I signed up for this race last year in St. Louis but I backed out because sleep was my friend.

So, I knew in December I was going to try to do this. I did the best I could, in this cold ass winter that we had, to run and prepare. Of course, what discouraged me is that I would have to get up at like 5:30am on the day of the race so I can be up and ready to register at 6am. Despite the several beers I had the night previous and going to bed around 3am, I managed to get my ass up to run this race. How did I do it? Let me tell you a little story about that.

When you go to a conference, you should be personally challenged. You should be able to meet new people and rekindle old and existing professional relationships. I was on a panel the first day of the conference called Men of Color: Retention in the Profession. It was in that session that a fellow colleague sitting on the panel with me, Hayden Greene said, “You need to be a participant in the environment in which you want to thrive.” Those were very powerful words for me at the time because if there was any doubt on whether I needed to give myself to every part of this conference, it was gone at that moment. The 5k wasn’t just about me it was about being a part of something larger and like most conferences, these activities are there to help you get to your desired position in life.

So at any point if I felt socially inept, I thought about that one quote and when that alarm went off at 5:30am, I got up without hitting the snooze. I dragged myself down there with my Barnard sweatshirt prepared to run my legs off. The amazing thing about all of this was that there were so many people that were up that morning ready to do the struggle along with me through this course. Luckly, when the race began, I was able to latch on to a friend that I met two years ago in Boston and we pushed each other because after the first mile, I was ready to go back to bed.

So less than 40 minutes later (39:27 to be exact, because you know I just had to time myself), I managed to cross the finish line. No one there, except my buddy Jaime, knew how much of an accomplishment this was for me. That 5k represents all the things that I said I would do that I finally did. It made me think about this novel and how of a long road it’s been. It made me think about all the goals I have yet to accomplish. I can and will finish what I set out to do. It may just take me longer than I thought.

my life, Novel, writing

Re-Writing a Dead Novel

My writing style has changed. I realized it a few weeks ago when I was looking at my past writing projects. I was looking at old unfinished books and even older blog posts that will never see the light of day. I realized that there was a certain sense of immaturity with the way I connect the words.

Something must have happened to me during the creation of my current novel. I feel like there was a whole world that I didn’t realized existed. It was an epiphany of sorts when I started writing it that made all the words on the screen pop as soon as I typed them. Now, it makes me look down at any thing I’ve written before that. The thing is that I know I have a particular writing style now that my older texts do not live up to and it’s frustrating for me to read.

With that in mind, I was looking at one of my unfinished projects entitled The Angel of Death. This was something that I started years ago as a short story. I then expanded it and came up with some themes in order to complete this later. For all intents and purposes, this should have been my first book. There is a story there I wanted to tell but I got stuck somewhere. I blamed it on writer’s block and then it just got lost in the shuffle. Looking back at it, perhaps I just wasn’t ready to tell this story yet.

The way I see it is that where was a lot of problems with The Angel of Death that begins with the title. I think it is too cliche and I kinda knew that when I started it. The story itself was just developing too slowly for me. I learned in writing Hanging Upside Down, that its better to just hit people with action and information immediately. The first chapter becomes fundamentally the most important chapter of a novel. The writer needs to grab the reader’s interest enough to want to read more. More importantly, it has to be interesting enough for me to keep writing it. While I think I achieve a decent first chapter with that unfinished novel, every chapter after that was not working for me.

So I made the ultimate decision last night to kill this book and start over. I know I can do a better job with this story by simply rewriting it and that starts with renaming the book entirely. However, I realized that I have an opportunity to show off some of my unedited works and what better way to do that then putting in on Goodreads. I have posted all six chapters of this old project for people to view. It is a way to say Thank You to the people who may actually read this blog.

My goal is to become a Goodreads Author after I publish Hanging Upside Down, so putting the old novel helps me a bit with the profile.

my life, Novel, writing

Back in Book Mode

Let’s not be fooled about the editing process. I think it is tough a grueling job that is hard to do which is why I’m having someone else do it for me. I do struggle with editing my own work and with something so text heavy it only makes sense that I have a third party look it over. This decision has been one of the best of my life.

The editing process started in January and since then it has been a little bit of a waiting game. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t looked at any of the pages I’ve written since that time…until Friday. I told myself that I was not going to look at my work until the edits were done because there was a probability that I will start to make changes again and I just need to stop.There was a time when I called my editor saying that I was thinking of adding something and she was like, “you better do it now then.” I never did because I felt bad because I couldn’t let go. Now, I’ve pretty much have the first half of my book edited and I’m feeling really good about it. The novel is written in two parts so the second half will go under the “knife” very soon.

It feels good to be back in book mode. I can’t describe exactly how it feels to read this novel all over again with a different pair of lenses. When I was in that zone, I had so many things on my mind and the story itself was still close to my heart, so it was difficult to let it go for awhile. Now I read it and I can see where changes need to made almost immediately. However, since this document is already edited, the only changes I am making is to the dialogue.

I’m a big believer that you have to be able to capture the way people speak. When I write, I seem to not use many contractions, which it not the way normal people talk. So my mission has been to change phrases like: I am going to go to the park to I’m gonna go to the park. Sounds simple enough, but sometimes it depends on the person speaking. These are all final touches to something I’ve been working on for such a long time and I want to make sure that I get it right.

The last thing that I want to do is not rush the process. I know that I’ve said several times over that this book will come out in the spring, but I can tell you that its looking like it could as late as the fall if I have my way. Yet, it all depends on what happens when I shop the book around.

In either case, I’m more than happy to be back in book mode. I truly could not get my mind around other idea until I had this one squared away. I look forward to the late night reading and editing again. I get a chance to reflect on the characters I created to make sure that I haven’t left out any parts. More importantly, I can go back and look at the notes that the test readers have provided me to see what I can do to make this novel better.

my life, Novel, writing

Afraid of Everything

I don’t understand it. I feel the closer I get to what I’m striving for the more fear I feel. While I’ve learned push to it aside and keep going, it has made me pause on more than one occasion. This isn’t like any phobia that I know of. I’m not talking about the fear of flying or the fear of getting mugged on the street. What I’m referring to is the fear of success (or maybe that is a phobia).

What if I actually become this writer that people say I have the potential to be? There is a certain amount of craziness to that. It just increases my own expectations of myself. I’m in the game because many times writing has gotten through the roughest portions of my life, so for this to become more than just a hobby can be frightening.

I have just gotten used to the notion that the novel might actually be decent. What’s scaring me is not fact that that book might be bad, it’s the fact that people might actually read it. There are a lot of things going on in the book that makes me wonder what would happen if someone at my college read it and were offended by the overall theme. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an x-rated book where sex is dripping from every page, but there are themes that are discussed that make me cringe a bit for the only fact that my parents will read it.

There is a bluntness about the story. Men do stupid things all the time and I’ve had to dig deep in many chapters of the story. Yet, I cannot help but think some people will have a problem with it. I have been criticized before and I’m very aware of my past mistakes. I just have this fear that I will have to go in front of a firing squad again.

This is not say that I don’t fear failure because I do but, I know how to recover from it. I have failed before and I will fail again. I learn from it. I’m not sure I would be all that upset if no one read the novel because not many have read it thus far anyway. No matter what happens I can still say that I created something. I can at least say that I fulfilled a goal of mine. The problem is that as I’ve gotten older, I have become more aware of that is going in the world. One wrong move and labels fly. We live in an era for public shaming without discussion. I know that I cannot satisfy everyone and I’m well aware there are people in this world who wish me success and some who wish me failure. I think too much and I get it. I’m a perpetual over-thinker and even with that I still make silly mistakes so I cannot foresee everything.

Which also means that my fears extend beyond the pages. I’m in a very good place in my life. I really couldn’t be happier and that is also unsettling. In the past, there were gaps in my life where stress and uneasiness was just a part of my everyday existence. Not having that in my life is a pleasure but it makes me think that something is right around the corner, some unforeseen threat that will crack what is going with me.

I know. I know, it sounds like paranoia, but it’s also adulthood. Which bring me to my last fear. I turn 40 this year and there seems to be a theme with everyone on Facebook and Instagram. Everyone is having a baby. I’ve made this clear years ago that I stopped hoping for this possibility because I just didn’t see it and while things are looking better, I will be an old man if this does indeed happen. Granted, I’m not talking about Dick Clark old or even Charlie Chaplain old when having kids, but is a thought that weighs on me from time to time.

I press on because I have to. As much fear as I may have, I do recognize most of my fears are indeed irrational. I made a pledge to make zero excuses and I will continue to do so but the fear will always make me pause.

my life, Novel, writing

This or That: Self Publish or Not?

I needed to take a small break from the all the amazing guest bloggers to really express that I’ve come to the proverbial fork in the road when it comes to this novel. Last week started off a chain of events that has lead me to make a decision on how this book is going to be published.

I’ve never been too proud to admit that I’m still learning when it comes to this process. I’m still very much a student of the writing game and have barely a clue on any thing more than just self publishing. I figured that this would be the best thing for me because I’m usually the ‘do it yourself’ type of person. Yet, there was always a small pull to look into traditional publishing. Even my girlfriend tried to put a bug in my ear that I should at least look into it.

Perhaps there was a part of me that thought that my work is not good enough to submit. There have been many times during this process where fear almost got the best of me. So I just ignored that pull and kept on my journey to just do it myself. But then I got an email from a relative. It was just a quick link about formatting a manuscript in order submit it to a publishing company. This is when I began to realize that I know even less than what I thought I knew. When I informed my editor about what I learned she quickly told me to send her all the chapters again in this manuscript format.

Maybe it sounds too simple, but this one act of reformatting this draft into a manuscript had changed they way I looked the future of this book. I had to face some facts about all this.

I haven’t set a date for this book to come out. I’ve always said before the summer or maybe the spring of this year. The reason for this was because I’m not sure how long editing will take and how long it may take me to add revisions if I need to. So going the publishing route would set the date for but it may not even be this year. (yikes)
It will cost me some money to self publish. This is something that I always knew going into this process but it would be nice if I didn’t have to.
I have a feeling that designing the book jacket is not going to be easy. I will need a graphic designer which wont be cheap (although, I’m considering some of my comic book buddies to help out with art lol). Clearly this is something I would not have to worry about so much if I go the traditional route.
I have no plan whatsoever on how to market this book other than word of mouth and social media. Publishing companies are all about the marketing of a book.

So where does that leave me? I think that I owe it to myself to try this. I’ve already gotten some leads on some publishing companies but I also know that for the most part I need an agent to submit the manuscript for me. Believe it or not, I do know someone that can help me out. So the act of submitting to a publishing company may become a reality.

I will admit that the reaction from the test readers has put me in a position where confidence is high. But, I’m fully aware that my manuscript could be rejected. As a first time novelist, this is something that you have consider and just take it on chin if it does happen. In any case, I’m feeling that I need to do this so that I can at least say I tried.

If all else fails than self publishing is the route to take.

Blogging, my life, Novel

Woven

The novel has slowly been making its rounds through the test readers and it makes me feel more excited about this particular journey. I can sit here, in front of laptop, all day and spit out blogs but I don’t think the act of writing little e-journals can highlight the total potential of someone’s literary skill. Nor do I think having 37.2k in tweets (which is how often I have been on Twitter since I joined) determines if you are a superstar. Yet, I’m always taken back by the amount of positive feedback I get from people who have read my entire book all the way through.

My editor (who is an SU alum because that’s how we roll) constantly tells me that I need to stop being surprised that people like what they’re reading. There were several conversations that I had with her where I confessed that simply thought this novel wasn’t good enough. Shit, there were time when I actually hated what I was writing. I thought that perhaps my writing was too crude, too sexual, too crass, and too honest. But, she knows me well enough to remind me that fear has a way of distorting the way we view our own work.

Sure, I have talked about fear in length but the subject never gets old to me. I think its because there is a part of me that fears everything. I fear both failure and success but interestingly enough, I’m more prepared for failure. I’m almost 40 years old and I still don’t know how to prepare for success. What’s that supposed to look like? I can have avid dreams about winning the lottery and fictitiously plan out how I’m going to pay bills and live this super fantastic life. But that is just as fiction and the novel I wrote. There is no class in college that prepares you for success.

But then there is the more realistic side of my thoughts. What’s there to prepare for? We are talking about a self published novel and I’m completely realistic about the number of people that may actually buy this book. I will do my social media pushes but I do not anticipate my life changing much. I didn’t start writing because I wanted to become famous. I started it because this is something I just want to do.

That first story I ever wrote in 8th grade still lingers in my head. Writing was the one thing that I could do better than any one else in that class. My fellow classmates read this story that was based on a dream I had about how werewolves attacked the school. I was 8th grade famous for about a week. In High School, I wrote smut stories about some of my female teachers (ok, it wasn’t a proud moment…I was 14) that spanned pages and pages of loose leaf. I threw them away for fear that my mother would find them as she did the stash of Playboys I had in my drawer that I stole from my dad. lol

The point is that writing is something that I have always had time for. I still think about the comic book universe I created all those years ago and how I might, one day, still write about them. All my writing are woven together in some strange way, I just cannot be afraid to unleash it.

my life, Novel, writing

The Urge

Waiting is the hardest thing I can do right now. I have gotten to a point where I’m so used to writing and working on this novel everyday that it feels incredibly awkward not to be writing something. I guess the proper word is antsy.

I feel the need to create. Is it bad that I want to start on the second novel now? I have this urge to just open a new Word Doc and start on the next one. This is despite the fact that I already have a novel I have yet to complete. Yeah, let me just go over that. Hanging Upside Down is the novel I just finished that is being currently edited. I have another novel that I started called The Angel of Death that I have yet to complete. Look at me trying to just start another book!

I know that I write what I feel and this feeling is coming on pretty strong. I want to keep my eyes on the prize but I just have this urge to write. I have been able to quell that urge a little bit by reading. I started reading Song of Solomon. I was very moved by Toni Morrison last month and I felt the need to reread some her books. The problem is that I love the way she uses words so much that I’m getting a fresh new supply of literary motivation.

This is not to say that any of this is a bad thing it’s just interesting how I’ve gotten myself into the habit of continual writing and creating. I don’t want to lose that. The urge just gets stronger when I see the books on my shelf or I pick up my Nook. That is why I had to stop all the self editing to the current novel. I know that I could continually find something to change just for the sake of change.

Although, I do blame myself for this because I got the idea for a new novel while writing the current one. I had to brush that idea aside until I was done but the book spirits in me are calling. I have a plethora of ideas that I want to put on (virtual) paper but I figured that should wait until I published my first book before I start on the next. I don’t think I can do that now. I am too regimented in my own ways to let my creative juices go to waste.

I guess at some point I made a transition from blogger to novelist and didn’t really know it. I was just writing for me because I always had a goal to write a book even when I was a little kid going to Holy Cross School in the Bronx. This is my way of living forever because I can’t let this urge pass.

I will now march my way on to book two.