The second book of a two-part series explores Louis’ ability to cope with lost loves and lost friends.
Before we all die I just want to say…
The dust of graduations have now settled and I can finally look at this blog and admit to myself that it’s been more than a month since I’ve made an entry. Of course, this hasn’t been an accident. While I cannot say that it has been by design, I’ve maintained a certain amount of “radio silence” because there’s just too much happening in the world. There is also too much happening in my life.
Not that this has been a viable excuse but the writer in me has been search for meaning. I have been trying to find it within myself to continue to do what I do. So it has taken me more that a month to reconcile this. Perhaps this is called a writer’s block of sorts but I’m not so sure.
I have been writing but just not to the degree that I want to. What I have been doing is thinking, contemplating, and assessing. The world we know right now is in chaos and I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that will complain about everything because it’s too much. There are no quick fixes and my words are not enough. Instead, I’m refocusing my energies in world building.
Let me explain.
So, my third novel is not flowing out of me the way it should and I refuse to force it out because then it feels less authentic to me. What I’ve been doing is trying to think my way around this problem. I will write dialogue or perhaps start a chapter from a different spot in the story. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. For the times it doesn’t work, I’ve been reading. Granted, my time for doing shit that is just about me is limited these days so I will not pretend that when I say I’ve been reading and writing it means that I have a plethora of time. All these “creative breakthroughs” happen when I get time to be creative, which is not much at the moment.
World building has taken up much of time and not just for the 3rd book. I was struck with an idea that I don’t want to share much of but only to say that I haven’t decided if this will be a YA novel or a comic book. I’m leaning toward the latter which will mean several things if I get there. I want to make sure that, if I do indeed pursuing this, I have all the points to this story fleshed out. I won’t even go into how I have no clue how to write a comic book (so I will have to Google that) and how I will need an artist to design my thoughts and characters.
Again, this is just preliminary shit. Focusing on the 3rd novel is still a priority but I will be honest, the process is becoming a little monotonous. There are times where I want to just leave the story where it is (with that cliff hanger) and there are times where I know exactly what I want to do.
Hopefully I can world build my way out of this.
Before we all die I just want to say…
There always comes a point where I have to self reflect on what I’m doing. My last post was about my professional career and how I’m willing to do I need to do in order to be successful. Yet, I struggle with my creative world… or rather, I feel like I’m struggling.
I’m willing to admit that most of what’s happening is in my head. Perhaps I have higher expectations of what I can actually commit my time to. Why shouldn’t I expect to have a certain amount of success? Yet, I cannot define what that actually means and if I cannot get a definition then what the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing any of this?
I do it for me. But is that enough?
Everyday I follow my calendar. I have meetings upon meetings. I take notes and fulfill tasks based on those meetings and notes. Then I work events and if I’m lucky I get to have a meal at some point. I don’t complain because I love what I do and I follow the script that I set out for myself every day when I’m at work. But what happens when I get home?
Since I live with my mother (until such time as when the house is sold), it turns out that I don’t do nearly as much as I should be doing for me. Sure, I will get home, eat dinner, do chores, and then watch television. My television viewing habits mostly consist of political shows that depict how fucked we are right now. Of course, it’s April now so I can spread out that time watching baseball. So for the most part, my nights are unconstructed space.
Why is this important? Why is this the problem?
Unconstructed space is dangerous for me. As I’ve gotten older, I know that if I plan out my day at work, I will simply get more done. So is there no wonder that I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of nothingness when it comes to writing? I need to start planning out my time when I’m outside of work as much as I do when I’m at work. The reason I didn’t want to do this before is because it seems so tiring. What if I don’t want to do a damn thing? Sometime times I would rather spend my god given, American rite (for now) of doing absolutely nothing when I get home from work.
I can’t afford to do that. Not anymore.
It’s not just about the lack of writing. Sure, I could benefit from writing more blog entries because it fits the need to write everyday. Sure, I could benefit from adding to a third book that I’m supposed to be writing. It also has a lot to do with my volunteer life as a member of ACUI. There are things I need to do for that. I also need to think about ways to be better at marketing myself. So, no, it’s not just entirely about the writing but the majority of it is. Which leads me to the main question, what do I do about this?
90 minutes of writing, 6 days a week.
This is something that I needed to schedule a long time ago. A part of me has let my after work laziness get to me. I made excuses of not living in Harlem any more as a reason for why I stopped writing so much or running as much. The best way for me to get on track with my life is to follow my calendar. This isn’t a declaration that everyone has to do this. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have thought that this was a very good a idea for me 2 years ago.
The point is that every so often I change and evolve; and thus I need to adjust my habits. Now if I ever question my decision on whether this will work for me, I will just look at this particular blog post since I wrote 706 words in less than 30 minutes of my 90 minute time.
Time for me to write something else before my time is up.
Before we all die I just want to say…
I’ve been working a lot. There’s no other way I can put it. I’ve had to scale back on social media because I need to curb the distractions. This does not mean that I’m less fun, but it does mean I’m focused.
Laser focused on my career.
I have some goals that I need to beat up and when that happens, sacrifices need to made. Of course, this is April and this has always been the busiest of all months. I would know because I’ve been in Higher Education for more than 15 years and it has never gotten dull.
At the moment, I barely look at my Facebook. I’ve gotten a little tired of the same shit and if you know me, I don’t do monotony well. I get bored so easy that I annoy myself. So all the same talk about the same shit has left me wondering why I should even distract myself with this. Although, I cannot say the same for Twitter because… well, Twitter is lit. To be honest, since I’ve gotten that little blue check I’ve felt the need to continue tweeting even if it just a few times a day. After all, I do have books to sell. <— I laugh at this because no one is buying them. lol
— Tony Snark (@Latinegro) March 2, 2017
Look, what remains is that I don’t take myself too seriously but I take my goals pretty seriously. I feel like things have opened up in my mind and I finally know what I want to do in my professional career. Writing will always be there and I will not stop and I’m not suggesting I will. I believe I can do both as well as I have been, but I’m also realistic.
The self pub thing is a grind. It is an island with a dormant volcano that may or may not erupt. Doing this alone is hard. Doing this with 4-5 people helping is hard. The end result is something that I will always have to justify. Do I take the satisfaction of writing my own shit in my own way and be told that I’m a great writer but only to see a small amount of financial support? Yes. I am okay with that.
However, I’m not about to be that same way at my day job. My career means a lot because helping student is the prime goal. I think it’s time for me to dive into the deep end of the pool and start challenging myself and my role as a student affairs administrator.