A Dramaless life?

I feel like my life is getting interesting again. Before I get all “happy” about it, I was just pointing this out to a friend. Some opportunities have presented themselves which are not all good and not all bad,but nevertheless they are there. Her response to me was something that I just didn’t expect. “An interesting life means you will have drama.” I just rolled my eyes.

See, one of my goals is to live life with as little drama as possible. I am one to believe that drama can follow people only if they let it. I do know that I do have some stresses in my life that I need to rectify at some point if I truly want to live such a life. Of course, I am not even sure if there is such a thing as a “drama less life”. Think about it for a second, even Jesus had drama in his life.

When I am talking about drama I am speaking in general terms, so yes I am being vague. The question is, do I invite it? Well, duh, I think I can answer that honestly and say yes I do. Not all drama is invited, things just happen that is beyond our control. However, I think it can be minimized (although, I am shaking my head right now because I have no idea how to do that).

I am forced to think about an argument I had the other day about how people do not change. I find that hard to believe. I think that, as humans, we have the ability to adapt. We have the will power to withstand things. However some of us, myself included, do not know how to change. Which is why people do soul searching. As I get older, I think about all the life decisions I had to make at an early age. I had to make a choice between who to be with: Mother or Father, at the age of 16. While this is a choice I do not regret, think about how hard that is. Yet, in certain circles of my family I am still regarded as the same person I was when I was 16.

We expect 18-19 year olds in college to make a choice in what they want to do for the rest of their lives, yet most of them wont really decide until they are about 25-35. Trust me, I know this. People decide to recreate themselves all the time.

My point is that a lot of drama is a result of the unwillingness to change. Now the trick is understanding that many of us just have a fear of change and do not even realize it. We can fight change so much that we create issues with just about everyone we know. We ignore our current issues because we refuse to see the real answer, which is that we have the power to make the right decision. I know I often think about the possibility of making the wrong move. The question of “what if?” come up all the time. It is fear that stops us from changing anything thus allowing us to continue down the same path of bad decisions and bad behaviors.

I am not sure a drama less life is even possible. If you read about the great people in history, you will undoubtedly realize that they had drama too. However, they found the strength to move above all that. What I need to do is be able to roll with the changes happening in my life right now and pray that I make the right choices. This may mean a complete reboot of my life and in the way I do me.

This is a part of my awakening. The fact is that anything is possible but, I cannot effectively deal with the future if I remain the same person I was…

Awakening


I think I had an Awakening last week. Something like an epiphany. I suddenly realized that anything in life is possible. I know this may sound like a surprise coming from me because at times I can be negative, but when it comes down to it, anything can happen.

I have been trying to do something I talked about last week, which is living in the moment. While that is hard to do during the bad moments it is great during the good ones. I had something happen to me that was pretty extraordinary. I was writing my blog when an old friend hit me up. At first I was not sure who she was but when we spoke and I finally recognized her. I was in shock. Here is a person I have not spoken to in over 20 years, basically since my early years in grammar school, and we at talking about old times.

What amazed me was that I never thought I would hear from her again. She was the only girl in school who treated me like the nice kid I was. Then she had to leave do to an accident. Never saw her again. Sounds like one of those stories you here from the movies. But in this case it was true, until last week. Come to find out that she is the same good person I remember.

Why am I making a big deal of this? Well, because at that moment I realized that anything can happen. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. People come and go in our lives and they all serve a purpose. Of course, we need to figure out the purpose. I was validated in speaking to her. See, I always thought I was like this annoying little kid that no one cared for. She proved that was not the case. I am grateful for that.

Apply this lesson for the rest of my life and I may have something to look forward to. Look, I have made plenty of mistakes in the 35 years on this planet, but aren’t we all allowed to fail? Despite all this, I am still a good person. I do not have evil thoughts and I do think that one day good karma may swing my way.

This is the point of living in the moment because anything is possible. Maybe one day I will be so successful that I wont know what to do. Perhaps I will find someone that can make me happy. The point is that we just don’t know. I know that I use to have a fear of the unknown and that is because of the pessimist in me. Not so much now because I have been able to let go of many things. But now, I just feel something has awakened in me.

Is it confidence? I am not sure. Maybe it something that makes me realize that I am not fuck up that I once thought I was. One thing is for certain, once I move out of Syracuse, my life will change. I have no doubt that my angst to start over will pay off and all those who thought they knew me will be very surprised for what I have in store for them…