A Dramaless life?

I feel like my life is getting interesting again. Before I get all “happy” about it, I was just pointing this out to a friend. Some opportunities have presented themselves which are not all good and not all bad,but nevertheless they are there. Her response to me was something that I just didn’t expect. “An interesting life means you will have drama.” I just rolled my eyes.

See, one of my goals is to live life with as little drama as possible. I am one to believe that drama can follow people only if they let it. I do know that I do have some stresses in my life that I need to rectify at some point if I truly want to live such a life. Of course, I am not even sure if there is such a thing as a “drama less life”. Think about it for a second, even Jesus had drama in his life.

When I am talking about drama I am speaking in general terms, so yes I am being vague. The question is, do I invite it? Well, duh, I think I can answer that honestly and say yes I do. Not all drama is invited, things just happen that is beyond our control. However, I think it can be minimized (although, I am shaking my head right now because I have no idea how to do that).

I am forced to think about an argument I had the other day about how people do not change. I find that hard to believe. I think that, as humans, we have the ability to adapt. We have the will power to withstand things. However some of us, myself included, do not know how to change. Which is why people do soul searching. As I get older, I think about all the life decisions I had to make at an early age. I had to make a choice between who to be with: Mother or Father, at the age of 16. While this is a choice I do not regret, think about how hard that is. Yet, in certain circles of my family I am still regarded as the same person I was when I was 16.

We expect 18-19 year olds in college to make a choice in what they want to do for the rest of their lives, yet most of them wont really decide until they are about 25-35. Trust me, I know this. People decide to recreate themselves all the time.

My point is that a lot of drama is a result of the unwillingness to change. Now the trick is understanding that many of us just have a fear of change and do not even realize it. We can fight change so much that we create issues with just about everyone we know. We ignore our current issues because we refuse to see the real answer, which is that we have the power to make the right decision. I know I often think about the possibility of making the wrong move. The question of “what if?” come up all the time. It is fear that stops us from changing anything thus allowing us to continue down the same path of bad decisions and bad behaviors.

I am not sure a drama less life is even possible. If you read about the great people in history, you will undoubtedly realize that they had drama too. However, they found the strength to move above all that. What I need to do is be able to roll with the changes happening in my life right now and pray that I make the right choices. This may mean a complete reboot of my life and in the way I do me.

This is a part of my awakening. The fact is that anything is possible but, I cannot effectively deal with the future if I remain the same person I was…

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Choices…

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about how small choices can effect life in a big way. As shown on my post on Monday about Soul Mates, I have been listening to a lot of Chris Rock lately and he is a very quotable person.

This all started on my drive back from New York City on Saturday. Normally, I drive to music. I have an iPod full of music to make those 4 hours seem like nothing. I was not feeling in the music mood, which is rare because I am always listening to music, as I am now (If I Was Your Woman by Alicia Keys is playing on my iTunes right now). I decided to do something different. I needed to laugh. I am fortunate to have XM radio and I turned it to the RawDog Comedy channel. It was exactly what I need. I was in tears most of the ride back.

It made me think of Chris Rock and how funny I find him. Mostly because I think that he speaks the truth on so many subjects. We laugh because the truth is so ridiculous. As I was searching for the perfect clip about soul mates, I came across one of his quotes. The problem is, I do not know what show this is from:

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

I have seen the show that he mentions this. In the context of what he is saying it is hysterical. It does make me think about how choices can change a life.

For a long time, I thought my dad was going to live a long life bitter life alone, but he was able to have someone be in his life. More often than not, the choices you make in life come back to you. In my case, I am dealing with that now and it has brought a whole new perspective on what I need to do in my life (of course it is a work in progress).

Lately, when I walk around campus I seem to see one or 2 older people who are either sitting on a bench or walking around aimlessly and I think about what choices did they make to land them where they are. I see some of the same faces everyday and they look bitter. It is my belief that if you are old and bitter then you have made a lot of bad decisions in life that has gotten you to this point. Which is why I cannot get mad at bitter old people. Who knows how many times they have tortured themselves over a painful choice they have made. While it is easy to say that we need to accept the things we cannot change, doing it is a whole other story.

I recently heard a story about a woman I used to know. We were colleagues and I considered her a friend at one point but she decided to (in my opinion) be selfish and leave me to do several projects with no guidance on what she had done previous. This became a pattern with other people she knew and even lost her job in the process. When it came time for her to marry and have a child, she sent invites to all those she once wronged, including me. Turns out I was not the only one who did not attend her festivities. She recently spoke to a friend of mine and comment how no one was there for her, but my question is where was she?

Choices, good or bad, will come back to everyone of us. That is something I really did not have a concept of when I was younger and is now something I deal with. My father always told me what comes around, goes around. I have to admit once again he is right.

Choices

I believe that we all have to live by the choices that we make. Not all choices are easy nor do they matter if they are right or not, we have to live with them. Frequently, I hear about how willpower can determine one’s actions or lack there of. This is something I have been thinking about all day and I have come to the conclusion that no matter the outcome of something, it is all a matter of choice.

God gave us free will. This is what separates us from other animals on this planet because we operate on decision making rather than instinct. The ability to accept or decline temptation, in its many forms, comes down to choice. Many people will say that willpower is what drives people to make a choice. I think that is a valid argument, but at the end of the day it is still a matter of making a decision on something.

I know I am being vague and I am doing that on purpose. Temptations are all around us. Food and sex (not necessarily together…but sure that could work too) I feel, are the two thing biggest temptations that we all have. We all choose to eat when we are hungry, and (hopefully) we choose to have sex when we are horny, but it is the choice of what we eat and who we sleep with that makes all the difference.

So, if you feel you have no willpower then that gives you the right to make a choice you know may not be good for you later? Does it make it ok for a life long smoker to say, “I just don’t have the willpower to quit” when this person knows that smoke can lead to death? These are choices that are made to satisfy a need or a craving of some kind. We crave to eat the wrong things. We crave to have sex with the wrong people. Willpower can just be an excuse to make a decision in either direction.

I have a friend that people talk about. This person has a spouse that rules his world. When they went through hardships, she decided to take some time off, which leads to him being able to hang out more. Now, this man never ever hangs out. People have felt bad for him in thinking that he is on lock down. So after months of hanging out….she comes back and now, homeboy does not go out. I don’t feel bad for him. Not anymore. I have come to realize that it does not matter what I think about him and my perception of how bad his situation is. It is all about him making that choice to not hang out with his friends. There is no willpower involved there. Sure, I could have made the argument that he should stand up to her, but that is his choice.

I just get tired of hearing from dear friends and loved ones that they do not have the willpower to do something; that is bullshit, you simply do not want to do whatever it you say you want to do. We all make choices for good or for bad, it is about time we start owning up to them.