What’s Love Got to do…

Well, I figured a great way to start out Women’s History Month. With all the things happening in the world I think I need to talk about Rhianna and Chris Brown. So, we know that he physically assaulted her a few weeks ago. I have read a few articles, some blogs, even spoke to some people about this. I feel that he is wrong for putting his hands on her. Any guy should have the sense to not hit a woman, not matter what buttons she may push.

I am not talking about self defense. I am not saying that if a woman tries to kill or cripple a brother that he needs to stand there and take it. Like anyone else, we have a right to defend ourselves. What I am talking about is losing that self control to the point that any man would need to beat a woman. Of course, if a man finds the wrong wrong sister, well he is in for it.

By now, all of us should have seen the pictures of her face. She was beaten in a very Ike and Tina Turner way. Not sure what was the reason he felt the need to do that to her, but of course, it is what it is.

So, my question is, why did she go back to him? Why does any woman go back to their abusive man? Sure, we can talk about the psychology of the abusive relationship. We can talk about the need for her to want to change him in some way. Sure, she didn’t want to press charges, she probably blames herself thinking that it was her fault. I will even go so far as to say that perhaps she thinks that the media has it all wrong, and she will just live her life (ayyy ayyy ayyy). I feel that is career is over, so maybe Rhianna feels bad that she could be the reason for all this.

Does this mean she deserves what she gets now? Do we feel sorry for her if he busts her lip again? I guess only time will tell.

Real Men?

This past week we have been witness to many things. Superstar Chris Brown beats his girlfriend and All Star Alex Rodriguez admits to taking steroids. Both events have caused serious discussions in certain circles and blogs about the severity of both events. It just makes me think about how we view the role of masculinity in society.

Lets view both acts as what they are, Chris Brown, for whatever reason wanted to asserted his male dominance or a female and A-Rod wanted to assert his dominance over the baseball diamond. Does that make them real men? Does a real man feel that he has to dominate another individual, or sport, or industry?

Men seem to measure how much of a man they are by the size of their penises. I want to state that obvious fact because I know when growing up I would always hear jokes about how big some one’s dick was. I would always ask myself if that was really necessary? The fact is that many males equate how manly they are by the number of women they can sleep with. While that may be fine to them, these may end up being the same men that women end up avoiding in clubs because he is too old to be there. The male ego is a very fragile one and once it is broken it is hard to repair. Those who have issues with self esteem or confidence have a hard time dealing with those issues.

In college, I would here about who real men were. Apparently these are guys that step and stroll and are a part of a Fraternity. They would be able to tell you who was a real man and who wasn’t. While I understood exactly what they meant by the sacrifices they made to become the men representing those organizations, I was sure if that was something that I wanted to aspire to. So again, I am left think what is a real man?

Lets start with best man that we know today: President Barack Obama. No one will question his masculinity. How is he a real man? He is a leader with vision that provides us hope. He is good husband with 2 beautiful daughters. An educated man that can take you out at a debate or break you down with a crossover. Clearly that is not a hard one to follow, but many men cannot compare.

So I will go with something simpler. A single father who raises his only son. Works tirelessly at his job to make sure that he can afford college for his son. He makes mistakes along the way because he doesn’t want raise his son in the same way his father raised him, with violence. His son graduates and the next chapter in his life is spent dealing with cancer that he contracted from working late hours in manholes that contained asbestos. I would say that my father is a real man.

A real man to me is a man that can lead the way when times are difficult. A real man is man that will not let an obstacle get in his way of achieve a goal. A real man makes mistakes and is ready to pay for them when the time comes. A real man also acknowledges these mistakes and learns from them while being able to cope with it. A real man does not need to assert his control on other people because he is confident in himself. A real man knows the difference between gentle and firm.

Once you recognize those traits. You will know who the real men in your life are. They are not perfect in any way, but they will always leave an good impression on you.