Maybe it is just me, but when did it become ok to make jokes about homosexuals? I mean really? Really? Do I really have to go there and tell you that is not cool to do this? My people of color have yet to grasp the gravity of the situation. Is it that people like Tracy Morgan are really surprised that no one laughs at their gay bashing jokes? Perhaps I do not understand what the appeal is.
Maybe there is a feeling that the sanctity of masculinity is under attack. After all, most of us are brought up to believe that the color pink is strictly a feminine color. We are brought up to think that playing with dolls is not a good thing for little boys. We are taught that we need to be a real man, but can anyone really give a solid definition for what a real man is? Consider that many Black and Latinos are raised in single-family homes where the mother is the soul provider. Does mom provide that definition of what being a man is? Or does the absent father who is either in jail or god knows where else provide that example?
I just find it interesting that so many people are really worried about what goes on in the bedroom of other people. It is very disconcerting however, that there is a rise in bullying of homosexuals in schools. We all should know that kids are not born with hatred in their heart; it is something that is passed down and learned. It was not too long ago that Blacks and Latinos were singled out in schools as an object to be ridiculed because of what they looked like. So, does it become ok to now be the ones to pass along hate to a group of people who happen to identify as homosexual? What about the kids who we think that are gay but really aren’t? Maybe there is a rule similar to the one-drop rule where if you seem gay then you must be gay.
Which brings me to my next point, who defines what gay is? Is there a general book that people look up where something is gay because it is proclaimed so? I think there is an insecurity in the collective subconscious of the male psyche. I would argue that the most insecure men are the most homophobic. What is the insecurity for? Are they afraid that they may like the touch of another man and thus the natural reaction to fear is to destroy that which makes them afraid? That explanation makes sense to me. Much like the slave master mentality of being afraid of the Negros because of the size of their…masculinity.
I am completely comfortable in my skin. I know what I am. I can wear bright colors as you see in my profile picture. You will not hear me say that I love purple and finish it with “no homo.” Masculinity is not about sexual preference; it is about a man standing up for what he believes. It is about knowing the difference between right and wrong and having the balls to stand up to your peers. I had a friend tell me that he felt one of my shirts was gay. My response is that if you can define gay…then you must be gay.
It bothers me to see people make fun of Chris Bosh for crying after the Miami Heat lost in the NBA Finals to the Dallas Mavericks. I mean really? How many athletes have we seen weep on the grandest of stage win or lose? Have we forgotten about Adam Morrison crying in 2006 when Gonzaga lost in the NCAA tournament? He was a complete mess and I sincerely do not remember anyone saying that he was homosexual. The “manliest” of men have all cried during times of heartbreak, but you know what? We are taught that emotional release such as crying is not good. Little boys should not cry because it does not look right, so we have to “man up”.
Let me just say that I have been known to cry. I have been angry enough, I have been frustrated enough, and I have been sad enough to do that. The best way to describe all of this is that an emotional release is very liberating. Dropping those walls of being “a real man” lead me to be a “better man” by understanding my pain and accepting my faults. Most men cannot fathom this or comprehend what it means to be in touch with emotions until it is too late, such as a death of a loved one. We are taught to hold in that emotion and release it with violence if necessary.
For those keeping score, gender (much like race), is a social construct. We only act on what we perceive to be right or wrong based on society’s ideals. Or perhaps we look at it as a faith based belief that homosexuality is wrong. If you think that is the case, then let me remind you who wrote the bible: Man. I just think people stopped thinking critically about themselves and their place in the world and started thinking about what society wants. It seems like gay bashing has become the popular thing in this decade in particular…but maybe it is just me.
It was for a program called Values Academy that is an all day program at Syracuse University that has several leadership workshops for Fraternity and Sororities of Color. My workshop was called “Are You a real Fraternity Man?” Together, @panthbro and I, put out some surveys in which we asked male and female students about their perceptions of Fraternity Men of color. Needless to say it was a very interesting workshop with data that you can feel.
So with “great power come great responsibility?” Well, not according to data we collected. The perception of Fraternity men are not that great. Many people feel that these men would rather “pad their numbers”(in terms of women) than performing the community service that their National organizations preach so much about. While we asked men and women, both greek and non greek alike, it was the women who had such deep feelings about men.
Anthony Otero 