How long has it been since I started this? I think I started on this novel in March of last year. I finished the first draft last September and the second draft in December. Major editing begin in January of this year and before we knew it, the third draft was completed by May. Along the way, there were test readers who helped critique the book. Now, I have a final manuscript that I still tweak here and there. But the real countdown has begun the moment I purchased a set of ISBNs on my birthday.
I considered it a birthday gift to myself because the time for lingering is over. I have worked very hard on all of this and I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to get all of this done before the end of the summer. I wrote about the need for me to get ISBNs back in 2011. I knew three years ago that I need to get these and I put it off for various reasons. They are not cheap and technically, I’m buying something that I cannot touch as of yet. Since my financial situation was different three years ago, I put it off.
Of course, it should not be a surprise that the price went up. What was once a $250 investment for 10 ISBNs became $295. Maybe not that much of a difference but it’s still $45 dollars I could’ve saved had I not put it off for so long. But you know what? I just ran with it. So what makes me ultimately laugh is the fact that I think I’m done. I figure that I would have this crucial final piece so when the cover is done I’m all set. Right? No, I still have to buy bar codes for the books. lol (clearly, I just found out they are not the same thing) So, it will be stuff like that that I need to look out for. I’m already aware that I will have to figure out font type and size of pages. Hopefully, that these will be the final hurdles.
This is a learning process and the bar codes will not hold me up. They are $25 each and I will deal with that as it comes. More importantly, I think we may have found someone to design the cover. I’ve seen his work and he may be the right match for what I’m looking for. I just need to have a little more patience because I am so ready to do this. To pass the time I may go over the book one more time but to be honest, I’m ready to get this done, NOW.
So, the countdown has began on June 12. I’m giving myself to September 1st to get this done. I will not be happy if I cannot deliver.
I don’t feel 40. I woke this morning the same as always. There is no noticeable difference. Of course when I look in the mirror I see gray hairs on my chin. Sure, I started to grow those things about five years ago but they are sprouting up at an accelerated rare. Once I shave those bad boys off, 40 is something I don’t even closely resemble.
40 just means surviving 4 decades as I enter my 5th. It means another era where I get to define, or perhaps redefine what I am. I remember thinking as a kid about what it would feel like to even be this age. What would I be like? What would I have accomplished? Now I look at my life and see that I have so much left to do.
It almost feels like a fresh start. Being young and twenty was nice but being young also means being really stupid. There is this aura that being that young meant I knew everything which really means I knew nothing. Being thirty now seems like I was trying so hard to be this productive adult I wanted to be when I was twenty. Yet all the good times and bad times have shaped me to what I am right now.
I can already tell that that I have a sense of wisdom that comes from being 40 and not in the Shaolin Master kind of way. I find it useful that I can draw from life experience when it comes to making a decision. Having a hunch about something when you’re younger is not the same when you have experience. I’m grateful for having being able to learn and grow from my mistakes.
I wont think about any of the negative things that come with being 40 (like prostate exams) I would rather focus on future prospects like 5k runs and book signings. I anticipate this decade being bigger and better as strive for personal greatness. I still have so much to prove to myself. I still have so many goals to set and achieve.
I’m twirling my iced coffee today thinking about what I’m going to write tomorrow when I thought about the fact that I barely post any more and when I do it is about the novel. So I figured I should do something fun. Here are some things about me that I should just rehash about myself before the big 40 tomorrow. Don’t worry this a straight list with no gifs… I’m not Buzzfeed. lol
I talk to myself when no one is around.
I have never broken a bone. *knocks on wooden desk*
First job at 14 was at Pathmark in Inwood
I’ve done online dating before it was scientific.
I still read comic books
When I was 9, I forgot my gym shorts and paraded out the locker room in my Robin Underoos. (long story, it worked though)
Freshman year in college I wrote and made song called “Ant-Man.” (it was the worst rap song in the history of all songs….ever)
I was highlighted in the Syracuse Post Standard as an up and coming young Latino.
I sing and dance while I’m cooking (until my girlfriend walks in and then I stop lol)
One time I got so mad playing Mario Kart with friends that I throw in Oreo cookie against the wall just to see how it would explode on impact (I have issues).
I ran my first 5k this past April.
I was on Wall St during 9/11
My parents divorce went to the NY Supreme Court (I just found this out. lol)
I wrote a novel.
I could have kept going. It was fun and interesting to think about all those things. It makes me think about where I have been and where I can go. Tomorrow will be interesting.
I can see where it has taken people years to finish a book. I’ve heard stories about how it has taken ten plus years to finish a book. I figured out why that is. Building a better book is all about perfection in the eyes of the writer.
As I have combed through pages upon pages of this novel, I have found new things to either tweak or even add if the story called for more detail. This is why drafts get numbered. The current manuscript is the fourth of its kind. It’s fully edited and complete from my stand point (for the moment). But now it’s time for more feedback and cover designs.
First, I think I need to say that I have a publicist. Before you tell me how fancy you think I am, she’s family. Which brings me to my editor, she’s one of my oldest friends. It’s this type of network that has made me just focus on the writing and less on everything else. The role of the publicist is to help me promote the book as well as get the things I need to make this book happen. She is the one getting me new test readers. These two women have invested time into this novel and has made me believe in the book as much as I’ve made them a believer in me.
Their efforts have helped me make this book better and that is important. There have been many potholes in this journey. Many moments of self doubt when I wanted to just quit this whole process. Let me be real, this novel is rated R. It’s an adult oriented book that discusses many issues and sex is a very prevalent theme. This has made me think twice about if what I’m writing is necessary, is this a narrative that I really want to put out there?
I struggle with that question knowing the book’s content so when I got my first negative review, it hit home. Granted, I knew that not everyone is going to like the book but in her feedback, this lady mentions that Black and Latinos need to do better with their stories. I’ve heard something similar to this in the past with other authors. People wondering why sex has to be so prevalent, aren’t we sexualized enough as it is? Perhaps we are but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore the importance of sex and physical interactions in life. Sex is not in the story just to be in the story, it serves a purpose. Which brings me back to my publicist that had originally pointed out that I will need to figure who my audience is.
Yet, there is something that has been really calling me lately in terms of the book cover. First, understand the the title of the novel is Hanging Upside Down and there are several things one can do with that. However that are things that I’m NOT willing to do, which is anything has to do with a noose. There are too many images out there already that have negative connotations for people of color. So instead, I’m thinking about the real possibility of making the cover have of a comic-booky (yes, I know) feel. Reason being is that I think in a parallel universe I’m a comic book writer and I really want to honor the things that made me want to write in the first place.
I’ve also come to notice that the way I write comes from reading so many comic books. There are cliff hangers, flashbacks, and of course, a villain. I realize that this may be the case in many novels as it is but I like think that this is where my style has come from. So with that being said, when I saw the photo at the top of this blog, I already knew what I wanted. The background is this, I stopped collecting comic books when I went to college because I could not afford it. So when this series came out in 2007, it reeled me back into collecting again. I love the presence of a strong woman and I can tell you that this picture does resemble a part in the novel.
Building a better book may take perfection in my eyes but it also takes teamwork and I realize that my problem was that I thought I could do this alone. I thought that I can get this book out as fast as possible with no issues but I learned quickly that it is better to trust those who trust me.
As I enter the last stages of the edits times infinity, I look at what needs to do be done next and something seems to be escaping me. I keep hearing the same things come up. The questions of “who is my audience” and “what is your genre?” My first reaction to this is that my audience are readers and my genre is fiction. I’ve simplified it in my mind because I would like to think that any adult can pick this up and read it.
But then I had to take time to critically analyze the self publishing and traditional publishing industries and came to the conclusion that there are a lot more questions that I need to ask and answer. Right now, the question is when the fuck and I going to be done with this? But I have to force myself to be patient otherwise any sense of rush will show on the pages. My second question is how do I categorize this book? Those who have read the unedited version have told me that women would be the intended audience. I would also like to think a certain portion of men would read it too…divorced men.
The premise of the novel is not only centered around men and the bad decisions they make but how they deal with it. Divorce, sex, friendships, racism, and family are all there in the novel. I would just assume that that divorced men would have a bit more of an interest in this because of the content. However, I know that the way the book is written, my audience will probably veer toward women. There is a certain “novela” feel that the book has that should be attractive to those who read such things.
However, there are plenty of references to Hip Hop and other music genres that not only define me but define my generation. While, I don’t bombard the reader with musical references too much, they are there. There is much to be said about how music is a part of someone’s life. There is no way I can write a first person narrative and not include some elements of that. Those elements were not there as much during the first two drafts but considering how draft three has just been completed, the musical elements have been added to provide yet another layer to the reader’s experience.
That is why it is so hard for me to come up with a genre. There are so many layers. Is there a sub genre of divorce? I suppose there is if I can type it into Goodreads and it gives me a list. The problem is that I don’t want to stick to those types of stories in the future. I suppose the novel could be a romantic story in some real way. However, I do slap people in the face with the realities of how men can be. Can there be a reality genre in fiction? In any case, I think I should look toward my beta readers to determine what a genre should look like.
But let me also take this a step further, this whole genre thing has been another way research “the competition.” I say that in quotes because it has been suggested that I see what is out there in terms of similar titles and book covers. I consider a book cover to be very important. Some people will at least read the opening chapter just because of the cover.
The one thing that is working in my favor is the title has not been used and fiction books about divorce from the man’s side are not common. Add the fact that the protagonist is Latino makes it just about rare. So hopefully I can carve a little nitch for myself in this area.
Yeah, I know. This isn’t pink, but I will get to that.
I recently spent some time in Disney. While I’m not one to fall for the theme of the Magic Kingdom, which is dreams do come true, I did have a great time. The numerous amounts of things to do kept me busy pretty much all day. Rides, shopping, food, parades, and fireworks pretty much defined my days. However, the woman and I were not going to fall for the subliminal messages of it all.
Pink is oppressive became a battle cry of sorts that the woman made sure she said whenever there were too many images on what Disney thought little girls should aspire to be. I started to really think about all the images that have been fed to us. I always try to make a point of recognizing an absence.
Let’s not get into the fact that Walt Disney World is a business and the sole purpose of that business it get as much money as possible from its costumers. If you go to any of their theme parks understanding this, you should have a pretty good time. I need to preface all of this by saying (again) that we had a great time at Disney. We had a game plan and a budget that we followed (not to mention we walked the length of the park about three times which makes for a great workout).
With all that being said, I did have a problem with much of the imagery when it comes to women. Granted, we are not talking about Game of Thrones here but we are taking about a belief that dreams can come true but first don a princess dress and wait for your Prince (Joffery) to arrive. I thought about that when it came time for me to buy something for my god-daughter. Do I really want her to be a princess that wears pink? No, I would rather she be a warrior, a Wonder Woman. Actually, I would rather she be Michonne, but more importantly, I would want her to be able to make that choice without the subliminals.
It was my woman who really pointed out a set of dolls that were all Disney princess and the one that looked the saddest was Pocahontas. It was almost as I if she was saying to the world that she didn’t belong in such a place with her lack of crown and her brown skin. Which now brings me to my next point and biggest gripe.
Downtown Disney is an amazing area that has a plethora of places to eat and shop. Admission is free so if its a pretty nice place to get your Disney on without having to pay $100 a ticket. So within this sea of capitalism is a place that sort of put a light in my eyes, The Lego Store. Legos are one of those things that take me back to my youth. While I was not a talented builder, they were a staple of my childhood. So, as an adult, I’ve had to fight the urge to buy The Sith Interceptor or the Millennium Falcon because while it would look really cool, where the hell would I put it, much less have time to build it?
Anyway, so we go into this grand store and there are Legos everywhere. Box sets of just about everything from Avengers to Lord of the Rings on the shelves. There are massive Lego statues of Buzz Lightyear with Woody and The Hulk. Of course, the place is swarming with kids. Just when I was getting the point that I was thinking how much I would bring my non-existent children to this place, I see this kiosk where you can build your own little Lego person. The nerd in me is thinking this is greatest thing ever (next to building your own droid). There is only one problem, all the Lego people are white.
Each little cubby hole in this kiosk is filled with parts: heads (with different facial expressions), toros, legs or dresses, hats or helmets, weapons, etc. So if you want to build a firefighter, police officer, or a combination of the two you have the tools. There were gender specific parts so you can match them up and switch things around but yet I am pulling way because I know I cannot build my “replica”. In my mind, it wont be me. Of course the little kids around me don’t care. The black kid next to me is having fun and so are the Latino kids on the other side of the kiosk and I suppose in many ways people will say that it’s not big deal.
This is our Lego replicas. Something is off…
Well, that’s wrong. It is a HUGE deal. First, I don’t want to hear the argument that Lego “skins” are generic and represent everyone because they don’t. If they did then Nick Fury from the Avengers would not be brown. Is it that hard to add brown faces to the kiosk? Disney gets visitors from around the world, is it that difficult to be diverse? Of course not but there is a sense that I got much like the “pink is oppressive” feeling my girlfriend had. I really thought about buying a Star Wars box with Mace Windu so I can have the brown parts I want. The thing is, too many companies are trying to sell a homogenized product which is much more disturbing than just being color blind. You almost get this assimilation is futile feeling these days because despite everything that happens there is only one color that matters and that is green.
Money is the only thing that matters and it’s the only thing that separates us once you get past the oppression of racism because beyond that is an invisible wall of classism with a strong undercurrent of patriarchy…and THAT is what Disney maybe be truly about.
I made a list of goals (as I do at the end of every year) that I’ve been working on. I’ve been fortunate enough to complete two of these goals during my trip to Florida. Yeah, the place where I know I would never live, but my father does live near Orlando so trips to this state have to happen. What made it even better for me was that the ACUI Conference I was scheduled to attend basically made my travel plans much easier.
So just like that the first goal was already done. I wanted to visit my dad and step mother because it had been almost 5 years since I’ve been there and that is just totally unacceptable. Sure, I’ve seen them in NYC and even in the Dominican Republic, but I knew early on last year when I heard about this conference location that I was going to make it my business to visit family.
However, the other goal was for me to run a 5k at some point this year. In my head, I wanted to do this before I hit 40 in June. I circled April 9th on the calendar because I knew that the ACUI Fund Run would be that opportunity. The thing is, I know myself. I know that it wouldn’t take much for me to back out which is why I told no one that I was running this race. I signed up for this race last year in St. Louis but I backed out because sleep was my friend.
So, I knew in December I was going to try to do this. I did the best I could, in this cold ass winter that we had, to run and prepare. Of course, what discouraged me is that I would have to get up at like 5:30am on the day of the race so I can be up and ready to register at 6am. Despite the several beers I had the night previous and going to bed around 3am, I managed to get my ass up to run this race. How did I do it? Let me tell you a little story about that.
When you go to a conference, you should be personally challenged. You should be able to meet new people and rekindle old and existing professional relationships. I was on a panel the first day of the conference called Men of Color: Retention in the Profession. It was in that session that a fellow colleague sitting on the panel with me, Hayden Greene said, “You need to be a participant in the environment in which you want to thrive.” Those were very powerful words for me at the time because if there was any doubt on whether I needed to give myself to every part of this conference, it was gone at that moment. The 5k wasn’t just about me it was about being a part of something larger and like most conferences, these activities are there to help you get to your desired position in life.
So at any point if I felt socially inept, I thought about that one quote and when that alarm went off at 5:30am, I got up without hitting the snooze. I dragged myself down there with my Barnard sweatshirt prepared to run my legs off. The amazing thing about all of this was that there were so many people that were up that morning ready to do the struggle along with me through this course. Luckly, when the race began, I was able to latch on to a friend that I met two years ago in Boston and we pushed each other because after the first mile, I was ready to go back to bed.
So less than 40 minutes later (39:27 to be exact, because you know I just had to time myself), I managed to cross the finish line. No one there, except my buddy Jaime, knew how much of an accomplishment this was for me. That 5k represents all the things that I said I would do that I finally did. It made me think about this novel and how of a long road it’s been. It made me think about all the goals I have yet to accomplish. I can and will finish what I set out to do. It may just take me longer than I thought.
My writing style has changed. I realized it a few weeks ago when I was looking at my past writing projects. I was looking at old unfinished books and even older blog posts that will never see the light of day. I realized that there was a certain sense of immaturity with the way I connect the words.
Something must have happened to me during the creation of my current novel. I feel like there was a whole world that I didn’t realized existed. It was an epiphany of sorts when I started writing it that made all the words on the screen pop as soon as I typed them. Now, it makes me look down at any thing I’ve written before that. The thing is that I know I have a particular writing style now that my older texts do not live up to and it’s frustrating for me to read.
With that in mind, I was looking at one of my unfinished projects entitled The Angel of Death. This was something that I started years ago as a short story. I then expanded it and came up with some themes in order to complete this later. For all intents and purposes, this should have been my first book. There is a story there I wanted to tell but I got stuck somewhere. I blamed it on writer’s block and then it just got lost in the shuffle. Looking back at it, perhaps I just wasn’t ready to tell this story yet.
The way I see it is that where was a lot of problems with The Angel of Death that begins with the title. I think it is too cliche and I kinda knew that when I started it. The story itself was just developing too slowly for me. I learned in writing Hanging Upside Down, that its better to just hit people with action and information immediately. The first chapter becomes fundamentally the most important chapter of a novel. The writer needs to grab the reader’s interest enough to want to read more. More importantly, it has to be interesting enough for me to keep writing it. While I think I achieve a decent first chapter with that unfinished novel, every chapter after that was not working for me.
So I made the ultimate decision last night to kill this book and start over. I know I can do a better job with this story by simply rewriting it and that starts with renaming the book entirely. However, I realized that I have an opportunity to show off some of my unedited works and what better way to do that then putting in on Goodreads. I have posted all six chapters of this old project for people to view. It is a way to say Thank You to the people who may actually read this blog.
My goal is to become a Goodreads Author after I publish Hanging Upside Down, so putting the old novel helps me a bit with the profile.
When I thought about writing this, I wasn’t sure what platform I should use. I haven’t mentioned my exploits as the president of LANSU (Latino Alumni Network of Syracuse University) as much on here because I try to keep work and volunteer stuff mutually exclusive. But nevertheless, some things tend to bleed over.
Once I came back to New York City, I had my heart set on being a more involved alum of SU that focused on Latin@ students. In my past, as an employee of Syracuse University, I tried my best to support any of the Latin@ students that came across my path. While that sounds like I only helped on portion of the population, I made sure that I supported all students as best I could no matter their pigment or lack there of. The point is that I know the issues and the struggles of the current student. It really isn’t so different from 20 years ago (Geez…has it been that long?).
I have been doing this for a year now and things are really coming together. I will admit I wasn’t sure how this would work out, but I have been able to find time to give back. The Latin@ Alumni are so important, not just at Syracuse, but to any school really. In many ways we are new to the game since many Latin@ students come from first generation parents. My job has been to try to get older alums in the same room as younger alums to create a connection that will help everyone involved. I think that for the most part it has been working but there is tons of work left to be done.
My main concern is the LANSU scholarship. This is a huge undertaking that will require time patience, and of course money. There are a number of alums that have told me that they did not have a particularly great experience in college. I think this is where many Alumni offices struggle with is being able to gain support while promoting this homogenous experience that portrays fun times and good spirits. I take all of that into account because in the era I was in school we were still doing sit ins at the Chancellor’s Office every time there was an announcement that tuition was going up another 3%
Now we live in a time where the tuition is about 54k and rising and student issues have not changed all the much so being able to help them in way that were not available for me or my fellow alumni is the goal.
In the mean time, I’m enjoying the many workshops we have been providing for alums to help them be successful because we all can’t do it alone. While I know that many of us had negative experiences in school we can transform those to positive experiences out of school.
Let’s not be fooled about the editing process. I think it is tough a grueling job that is hard to do which is why I’m having someone else do it for me. I do struggle with editing my own work and with something so text heavy it only makes sense that I have a third party look it over. This decision has been one of the best of my life.
The editing process started in January and since then it has been a little bit of a waiting game. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t looked at any of the pages I’ve written since that time…until Friday. I told myself that I was not going to look at my work until the edits were done because there was a probability that I will start to make changes again and I just need to stop.There was a time when I called my editor saying that I was thinking of adding something and she was like, “you better do it now then.” I never did because I felt bad because I couldn’t let go. Now, I’ve pretty much have the first half of my book edited and I’m feeling really good about it. The novel is written in two parts so the second half will go under the “knife” very soon.
It feels good to be back in book mode. I can’t describe exactly how it feels to read this novel all over again with a different pair of lenses. When I was in that zone, I had so many things on my mind and the story itself was still close to my heart, so it was difficult to let it go for awhile. Now I read it and I can see where changes need to made almost immediately. However, since this document is already edited, the only changes I am making is to the dialogue.
I’m a big believer that you have to be able to capture the way people speak. When I write, I seem to not use many contractions, which it not the way normal people talk. So my mission has been to change phrases like: I am going to go to the park to I’m gonna go to the park. Sounds simple enough, but sometimes it depends on the person speaking. These are all final touches to something I’ve been working on for such a long time and I want to make sure that I get it right.
The last thing that I want to do is not rush the process. I know that I’ve said several times over that this book will come out in the spring, but I can tell you that its looking like it could as late as the fall if I have my way. Yet, it all depends on what happens when I shop the book around.
In either case, I’m more than happy to be back in book mode. I truly could not get my mind around other idea until I had this one squared away. I look forward to the late night reading and editing again. I get a chance to reflect on the characters I created to make sure that I haven’t left out any parts. More importantly, I can go back and look at the notes that the test readers have provided me to see what I can do to make this novel better.
How long has it been since I started this? I think I started on this novel in March of last year. I finished the first draft last September and the second draft in December. Major editing begin in January of this year and before we knew it, the third draft was completed by May. Along the way, there were test readers who helped critique the book. Now, I have a final manuscript that I still tweak here and there. But the real countdown has begun the moment I purchased a set of ISBNs on my birthday.
Of course, it should not be a surprise that the price went up. What was once a $250 investment for 10 ISBNs became $295. Maybe not that much of a difference but it’s still $45 dollars I could’ve saved had I not put it off for so long. But you know what? I just ran with it. So what makes me ultimately laugh is the fact that I think I’m done. I figure that I would have this crucial final piece so when the cover is done I’m all set. Right? No, I still have to buy bar codes for the books. lol (clearly, I just found out they are not the same thing) So, it will be stuff like that that I need to look out for. I’m already aware that I will have to figure out font type and size of pages. Hopefully, that these will be the final hurdles.
With all that being said, I did have a problem with much of the imagery when it comes to women. Granted, we are not talking about Game of Thrones here but we are taking about a belief that
Anthony Otero 