writing – Page 4 – Anthony Otero

Happy Book Birthday (to me).

I can go into this whole thing about what the book is about and how I spent hours upon hours of writing. I can tell stories about how I went through three drafts and had to re-write the ending. I can talk about isbns, self publishing, and the creation of the cover. The thing is, I just don’t want to. I feel that all these things are just to get people excited about a book that came out a year ago.

Instead, I will talk about what it means to be an author. I was having a discussion the other day with a friend a mine and she was telling me that she felt that blogging has become flooded. Everyone wants to blog and if that is the case, does that mean everyone is a writer? I’m not sure I can answer that. I don’t have an MFA. I don’t run writing workshops.

What I do know is that being a writer is something that has defined who I am. I’ve always done it. I’ve always written stories, I just never followed through. Hanging Upside Down is the first real literary work that I’ve followed through on. This does not include research papers, essays, old and new blogs, poems, or short stories that I’ve codified in a nice little folder. The act of following through for me is what changed my status from a writer to an author. It is that act of follow through that has gotten me to finish the second book. I never wanted to be an author of just ONE book.

I’ve enjoyed my rookie year as author. I’ve learned a lot about the industry, about how book sales and royalties work, and I’ve learned how to handle the various amounts of bullshit that comes across my way. I’ve come to respect those who have come before me and those who come out with books almost every year. I find myself enjoying other people’s work a lot more because I can see the little nuances in every chapter while questioning if I would have written some passages differently.

I’ve learned to soak in the successes and deal with the failures and to be honest, there enough on both sides to cancel things out. My measure of success is based on the goals I’ve set for myself. I have never, nor will I ever, base my success on money or fame. Consistency is the only way I can continue to make strides. If I’m constant in what I’m doing the rewards will be far more than I can imagine.

There are some rewards to this. I’ve never said no to anyone who needs advice about writing a book. I feel it is my duty as an author to help writers with their goals. I have a particular interest in writers of color so much so that I have really thought about doing some drastic things. The problem is that I have no time to do anything more than just be a guide.

Lastly, I feel that I need to address a perception that I think people have of authors from my limited point of view in this space. I think there is the perception that because I have a book out that I’m automatically a success in the field. I get the feeling that many people who have not read or bought the book think, I will get to it sometime, he is fine. I say this as a writer of color and not just some self published writer, you cannot simply bypass a product simply because you assume our work is doing well. At the same time, you cannot assume something is not good if we are not mainstream.

Being an author means I’ve joined a community of folks who followed through on their writing goals. I look forward to sharing this journey each step of the way. I still can’t believe it has been a year but pretty soon I will be saying, I can’t believe I wrote a second book.

my life, writing

Fall Free Write One

I need to pick this up. It’s hard to consider lack of post entries slacking when the majority of the time, I’m writing a second book. Yet, I feel that I’m a bit of slump now that the book has gone to edits. Almost like I don’t know what to right or say because parts of my mind is still left on those chapters I gave to someone else to look at.

So I free write so that I can get the engine started again. I free write so I can get my thoughts back together, so I can become familiar with this space again. While, you the reader (if you’re indeed still reading) see a black background with grey lettering, I see a white page being slowly filled with black lettering all because I need to get back into motion.

The thing is that I feel like I’m being too technical with my blogs. It almost started to feel like work which is not a good thing because I have enough work to as it is. I want to get back to those days when the words poured out of me, when I wrote because I wanted to say things that I felt. Now, things feel cold and technical. I’ve left all the passion on the page and not on the blog. I feel like have to explain what I mean and how the world works (because black lives matter, and no one is illegal, and stop mansplaining to women). I remember a time when I wasn’t worried about book sales and writing workshops. I remember a time when I could write more than fifty effing blogs post a year but those times seem to have past.

Those where the times when I just talked for the sake of talking and not the sake of doing. I would talk all the shit in the world about how I wanted to publish a book and never took two steps to do anything about it. Those were the times when I was in great pain with love and live. When work was a chore and sex was a dry desert. I don’t want to go back to those days long gone so I have to keep moving forward.

Moving forward means working hard and playing hard. Moving forward means saying good bye to friends that were once brothers. Moving forward is posting book quotes and booking information so I can speak about a book that no one has heard of… yet.

I free write because I want to be free. I want to move out of this box that I’ve been put in. I want to ~~escape~~, ~~break out~~, no… transcend whatever this thing I’m currently in. Is it a box of expectations? Is a box of false promises? I think it’s a box that writers of color automatically find themselves in. I think it’s a box that self published authors put themselves in. I want to get out of that and connect with the world through the words that I place on the page.

I free write because I refuse to go away.

Novel, writing

The Book of Isabel – Draft One

Last night I completed the first draft of my second book. I’ve been very intentional this year about getting this done. I wanted to finish this book before the summer was over and I’m happy to have completed the final touches a few days after Labor Day.

I was thinking about formally announcing the title at an earlier time but I wanted to wait until I had something to present. Also, I’m thinking that I’ve probably mentioned this title at least once or twice over the last year, so to some people this not a revelation.

Anyway, the real work now begins with editing. I want to take my time and work with several people on this. I’m determined not to make the same mistakes I did with Hanging Upside Down. I anticipate a few more test readers and some proofers to finalize the book edits.

The other thing I’ve done differently is working on the book cover (which I wont release for another month) much earlier than I did with my first book. I know the type of feeling I want to give off when people see the cover and I’m sure that I was able to succeed at that goal as well. I’m working with an artist on some final touches with it.

I say all this because I feel bad that I’ve not been able to blog more. There was time when I would blog about things that I claim to be doing but I’ve moved on passed that. I want to focus on this book so that I can finally talk about something I’ve done and not something I’m doing (does that make sense?).

So over the next few months I will be really getting into this book and formulating a synopsis. The thing about self publishing is that the author has to think beyond the text. I have to think about the business side. While there was a time when I was nervous during the first time I did this, I am now looking forward to rocking this out. I know whom to contact and what the process is to get this book off the ground.

I’m excited.

poetry, writing

A Fine Line

…at the end of the day I just want to write something.
…at the end of the day I just want to create something.

the question really is, does it matter if anyone reads?
there is a fine line between recognition and comprehension
there is a fine line between love and hate
there is a line between genius and madness

how do I codify the drivel people love?
how does anyone move passed it?

at the end of the day I just want to create something
like an uncommon codex
but does it matter if people read?

the best manuscripts collect dust somewhere
the best minds un-apologetically discuss it
in programs and workshops
but reading is a rainbowed art form that people pretend to like

writing is a pot of lucky charms
that people delve into
in order to get gold marshmallows
that fade a way into the arms of the Amazonian drones

meanwhile, dewey decimals are covered in dust kicked up by
twerking appropriations,
140 characters messages,
64GB must have devices,
pictures of words posted on social media,
and 200-word click bait articles.

at the end of the day I just want to write something
but does it matter if people read?

Novel, writing

Book Two – Legitimacy & Beyond

The last time I counted, I am passed 70k in words for my current novel. The significance in this is that I’m way ahead of schedule on where I thought I would be. I promised that I would finish draft one by the end of this summer and it may jut be that I will finish it sometime really soon.

By my estimates of what I’ve already written and what I have left, leads me to believe that I have about 15 to 20k words left in this story and that is being generous. So I’m three quarters done with the book. Of course, we go into a different phase once actual editing begins, but its safe to say that I can make some short term projections based on where I am right. I foresee the book being released summer of next year. But things can change.

The other thing that is freaking me out is how easy the transitions from book 2 to book 3 will be. I can literally start book three while the second one is being edited. At this moment, I’m not sure I will do that, but I can. At this time, I’m in a pretty good groove. I’ve refined my writing habits to the point where I may not want to stop writing even when I’m done with draft one. While I could write more blogs, I may just continue on to the next book because the drive and inspiration may still be there when the time comes. It will take months to edit and when I get bogged down with that, I have another outlet.

Right now, all this stuff feels like yammering but the point I’m trying to make is that I didn’t realize how fast I’ve been writing all this time. It’s almost like Interstellar where time moves slower in some places and faster in others. There are times where I feel like I’m taking too long of a break and before I know it, I’m at like 70k in words.

The reality is that the number of words do matter to me because I don’t want any of my books to feel too long or too short. I know that stories will be as long as they have to but as a self published author, I feel that there is also a struggle for legitimacy. That struggle is strictly based on where I see myself in 10 years. I can parade Hanging Upside Down all day, but if I just stop there what does that make me?

In 10 years, I want someone to look at my author profile and see 4 – 5 books listed. That is what makes me legitimate in my mind. I need to put in the work and that work never ends. So if my current book does not do well and becomes the book that time forgot, I will have a list of other books that people, more importantly my progeny, can see and realize that I am more than the sum of books.

Right now, what I am is an author who is 2/3 done with his second book.

Novel, writing

Story Endings = Easier Beginnings. #amwriting

Today may be my day off but I’m actually working on this book. I feel that I need an extra edge by giving myself time specifically to write. At this point, I’m only writing between times in my life where I can sit down and concentrate and believe it or not, it isn’t very often.

Someone asked me the other day if it’s easier to write a book since I’ve already done it. While I don’t remember my exact answer, with the benefit of time to think about it, I can say that it’s definitely not easier (at least, not yet). My motivation for book two is not the same as Hanging Upside Down. With my first book, I had a feeling that I needed to get the story out of me so there were nights that whole chapters were being poured out into those pages. With book two, its different because I feel more strategic. I know that I want to get this book done by the end of the year so that edits can start. Then if edits start by a particular time then I can pick a release date. I never had to really worry about these things with the first book because I was learning as I was going.

In any case, my projected day has always been 2016. I don’t know when because without the first draft being done, everything is pretty much up in the air. The one thing for sure is that I’ve kept pushing myself to get this done. A week off will go a long way to making sure that I meet my goals. Sure, it is vacation from my full time job, but in many ways I still have to work. I still need to put in the time to make this work for me.

Today I decided to do something different. I’m writing the ending of book two because I need to lay out my end point. I need to remind myself that they’re plot lines that need to be wrapped up and I also need to set myself up for book three. Just like the last time I wrote a book, I knew how it was going to end. This time around, I just decided to write it out.

The other thing that makes book two a little tougher for me is the way I’m writing it. I want the reader to have a particular experience with this book and requires me to write this story in a way that I’m not used to. In addition to that, I’ve not been writing the book linearly as you may have noticed with my writing of the ending now.

I can’t really explain why I’m writing this way. I can only say that “easier” is relative. But since every story has an ending, this should help with my beginning.

my life, Novel, writing

Competing with Myself

I’m not sure what it is but I’ve been feeling different lately. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve finally become comfortable with my life. Maybe I can finally see the framework of all the hard work I’ve done. Perhaps it’s a sign that I’m just getting older and all the bullshit that I wasn’t used to in my thirties I’ve, now, finally gotten accustomed to. No matter what it is, I feel that I have gotten into a positive pattern in my life that is more that just a mood.

There was a time in my life where I used to talk about why are things happening to me. I would complain about it actually. I would make these wilds accusations about how life sucks because my luck was bad. Then I realized that my bad luck has to do with lack of preparation. I also realized that I was competing with people that I know. This is not something that I openly admitted and it wasn’t something born from jealousy. It was a bit of a barometer I had in the back of my mind. Sure, bad things happen but lack of confidence and lack of true life skills combine to kick anyone’s ass if they are not prepared for it.

In my younger days I felt like I was on the defensive too much. I let things happen instead of making them happen. That was one of many lessons I learned from my divorce. Generally most men will talk about their divorce as if shit just happened without realizing that a bad marriage is like dead plant…you let it die. That was me, while I made somethings happen in my life, I was more content on watching everything else.

At some point I just got tired of that. I got tired of talking and complaining instead of just doing. I realized that by making that adjustment from letting things happen to making things happen that the bad luck I was complaining about started to change. I found myself being more prepared to deal with life. With every misfortune I parried, came many openings of opportunity that involved risk.

Now, I find myself in a Superman 3 moment where I am battling myself. The version of me that is more responsible for his actions vs the callous and less responsible me I was just a few years ago. There are things I ‘m doing to correct past mistakes and to right some wrongs. I can’t fix everything but I can try to do things better.

I’m also competing with myself creatively and professionally. I was good at my job in Syracuse so it was an adjustment to start fresh at Barnard. I’m trying to be as good as I was and, in many ways, I am better because I’m doing things I’ve never done before. But then I think about book two and how I’m going to be able to surpass myself. Hanging Upside Down is an ambitious venture for me that I’m still working on from a marketing stand point. The thing about Book two will be how different it is from my first novel. I’m trying to out do myself and it’s a bit of a challenge.

With time I’ve grown to see my duality and be comfortable with it. The only way I can be a successful as I want to be is to be better than I was. No other competition matters.

Novel, writing

Paperback Dreams

I would like to think that when one becomes a writer, there are certain goals that is held in higher regard than others. Obviously the first goals are to start and finish a book but what comes after that? I suppose getting a copy on sale would be the next logical step so in this age of digital literacy having my novel being sold on Amazon or on E-book is not that hard.

However, being that I self published Hanging Upside Down and it is indeed my first time, not everything has come easy. I’ve done most of the work myself when it comes to the selling and distribution of this book. There were bound to be missteps along the way but with every mistake came an understanding of the process which ultimately led to a greater success.

Since the book launched in October, I’ve had a series of successes like book signings, book readings, interviews, and great reviews. Through out all this, I felt that there was something missing. I didn’t feel that I was quite where I wanted to be yet.

It’s hard to explain but since the book launch anyone that wants to purchase the paperback version of my novel only has a few choices. There is Amazon, La Casa Azul Bookstore (if you live in NYC), or emailing me directly for a signed copy. The one thing that I wanted from the beginning was for Hanging Upside Down to be sold at Barnes & Noble. That is the dream.

I know that Barnes & Noble represents many things depending on who you are. During the 90’s people can blame them for putting many of the small novelty books stores out of business. Its not hard to see how a movie like You Got Mail gets it’s basic story premiss from this. I’ve come to know this store as I’ve grown more mature. It’s a place to go to and spend hours perusing their shelves or maybe perhaps have some coffee and read a magazine. In my world, this was the place to have your book sold.

As I said, with this being my first publication mistakes were made. In the rush of trying to get this book out on time, I misread some of directions when it came to publishing options. I missed one little check box and my entire dream of having Barnes and Noble sell my novel was put on hold. Of course, I had to settle for selling the novel on their e-reader called the Nook. At the very least, I could say that I was on the B&N Website.

A few weeks ago, I noticed my error after talking to a friend who just put out her cookbook. I noticed that she was already on the B&N website and I immediately knew I did something wrong. So this time I went back and corrected a mistake I made with some distribution items and guess what? A few days ago the paperback is now available on the B&N website!

But what does that mean exactly? The novel is not exactly in the stores, however, if someone were to ask for it at the desk, they can now order it and have it in the store in a few days. What makes this HUGE is that any bookstore can order my novel now. So this makes my job easier when people want to know how to purchase a copy.

I mean, let’s face it, I may not be burning up the sales charts but I am opening up more options. At the end of the day, the novel will be out there which paves the way for book two.

my life, Novel, poetry, writing

Fear of the Mic

Busy is four letter word. Its almost vulgar when I use it because it describes so many things that are going on in one word. Saying “I’m busy” can sound rude but it will always explain why I don’t call or write. Yet, after awhile I hate using this phrase because I think that eventually it becomes a cop out. However, I have been able to do a few things here and there that has made me think about my role as writer/author.

It shouldn’t be too much of a secret that I do not really consider myself a poet. I believe that history will show that I’m more of a fiction novelist. Poems were something that I wrote to get through some tough times in my life and it turns out I wrote more than a hundred of them. I go back in forth, in my head, about want to do about this. Do I publish them or just keep them where they are (which is buried in various blog sites)?

I personally don’t believe they are very good. Well, maybe a small number of poems are decent, but I am certainly no Willie Perdomo. Yet, the way I feel about this did not stop me from reciting one of my poems during a open mic night a few weeks ago (I prefer the word recite instead perform because performance poetry is above my pay grade, but I digress). I can blame it on the energy of the other true poets doing their thing that night but the real reason is that, in my heart, I need to learn to love the mic.

Sure, I can speak publicly. I’ve done it enough times to be used to it. I’ve done enough trainings with hundreds of students in a room, I’ve been a keynote speaker twice, I’ve moderated many panel discussions, and yet the intimidation of reading something I’ve written is real. Even when I did the book signing/reading at La Cas Azul Bookstore of Hanging Upside Down last year I felt so anxious. What if I fumble my words? What if I sound like a complete idiot?

This is when I know the fear has gotten a hold of me. With my poetry it is two fold considering that I don’t consider myself a poet. But, I did go out there that night and recited Blacktino. The feedback was positive and while I messed up just a little, I think I can do this again. The real problem is that its way too easy to decline an invitation or to simply claim that I’m too busy to go to open mic nights. Even if being too busy is true (and most times it is) I know that I have to get behind that mic.

It does feel good to share my creation, particular in poetic form. If you read the right poem with the right inflections, the room becomes yours. Maybe the real fear isn’t just the mic itself nor the the audience. Perhaps the real fear is the ability to let myself go on the stage. Is the fear there because I don’t know how to let go or is it because of the possibility that if I do learn to let myself go I may love it way too much.

So, is this what Rakim was talking about about when he says, to me M.C. means move the crowd? That’s a question you should ask yourself, Megatron. 🙂

Novel, writing

The Filler

I’m stuck with a dilemma again. I wouldn’t call it writer’s block but more of writer’s indecision. This is when I’m not entirely certain where I want to go with the book I’m currently working on. I find myself creating numerous story arcs that make it hard to fill gaps between them.

The beginning is already written. I started out book two just as well as I wanted to. I also know how I’m going to end the book. Because this is a combination a prequel and sequel to Hanging Upside Down, I know exactly how I’m going to bridge the gap between stories while advancing an original plot line.

The problem becomes the middle of the book, the filler, if you will. There are so many stories to tell in this book that it’s a bit overwhelming in the way I want to tell it. While my first novel was a straight line from beginning to end, book two is more circular. I also have a definite antagonist. It’s a character that I really want people to loathe and I’m starting to realize the difficulty in writing a good villain. Sure, there are several people that could be considered villains in Hanging Upside Down, but I’m putting all my effort into creating just one.

Because of my indecisiveness, I took a new approach to this. I find myself writing the stories I want to tell in a short story format with all characters involved in the main plot. I find it particularly helpful because it allows me to get all the filler down on “paper” without getting bogged down with little details that connects it all. This will also allow me to have the story take me where I need it to. I don’t always know exactly where a story will take me until I’m writing it. This is why the beginning and ending are so easy for me because in my mind, I’m already there.

I also want to do a few things differently. I can’t sit here and say that I know the formula on writing books, but I would like to think that if it were an easy thing to do, everyone would be doing it. I don’t want to write the same way twice so I’m improving on a little things to create a better product. This will allow me to feel much more comfortable with my writing style to a point that perhaps I can find a groove and come out with books often. While, I think that works for many authors who spit out books every year, I’m not sure I’ve found my niche yet.

The challenge will be to make it all flow. I’m a person who believes that a reader values the flow of a book. That flow is the difference between lost interest and a page turner. Using the term “filler” may not sound all that appealing. It’s like watching filler episodes of The Walking Dead for example. Sure those episodes are good for character development but sometimes it can be a stretch to see how they fit in the overall story arc. No one wants to read something and think “this was just put in there to take up space.” That’s the last thing I want to do because the more pages, the more it will cost in printing.

My goal is to get this book to about 300+ pages of flowing material. Right now, I got about 50 or so workable pages. I have a lot of work ahead of me.