I need to pick this up. It’s hard to consider lack of post entries slacking when the majority of the time, I’m writing a second book. Yet, I feel that I’m a bit of slump now that the book has gone to edits. Almost like I don’t know what to right or say because parts of my mind is still left on those chapters I gave to someone else to look at.
So I free write so that I can get the engine started again. I free write so I can get my thoughts back together, so I can become familiar with this space again. While, you the reader (if you’re indeed still reading) see a black background with grey lettering, I see a white page being slowly filled with black lettering all because I need to get back into motion.
The thing is that I feel like I’m being too technical with my blogs. It almost started to feel like work which is not a good thing because I have enough work to as it is. I want to get back to those days when the words poured out of me, when I wrote because I wanted to say things that I felt. Now, things feel cold and technical. I’ve left all the passion on the page and not on the blog. I feel like have to explain what I mean and how the world works (because black lives matter, and no one is illegal, and stop mansplaining to women). I remember a time when I wasn’t worried about book sales and writing workshops. I remember a time when I could write more than fifty effing blogs post a year but those times seem to have past.
Those where the times when I just talked for the sake of talking and not the sake of doing. I would talk all the shit in the world about how I wanted to publish a book and never took two steps to do anything about it. Those were the times when I was in great pain with love and live. When work was a chore and sex was a dry desert. I don’t want to go back to those days long gone so I have to keep moving forward.
Moving forward means working hard and playing hard. Moving forward means saying good bye to friends that were once brothers. Moving forward is posting book quotes and booking information so I can speak about a book that no one has heard of… yet.
I free write because I want to be free. I want to move out of this box that I’ve been put in. I want to
escape, break out, no… transcend whatever this thing I’m currently in. Is it a box of expectations? Is a box of false promises? I think it’s a box that writers of color automatically find themselves in. I think it’s a box that self published authors put themselves in. I want to get out of that and connect with the world through the words that I place on the page.
I free write because I refuse to go away.