writing – Page 5 – Anthony Otero

Sigh… Self Promotion Though?

I need to put all my chips on the table. I feel very weird about self promotion. It takes a certain type of person to be able to promote themselves without fear. We all have seen people who promote themselves, or their work, or some sort of fundraising. It makes me think way too much about how that person must really have the drive to put themselves out there. Yes, this is a consumer based society but perhaps I’m too cynical and believe that many people don’t care about what other people are selling.

Granted, this is my view of the world. I think it is awesome that someone can do a kick starter and ask for money on a project. I would be so afraid to do that! There is an underlying thought in my head that tells me that many people are not willing to help you unless you are already established. I know I try my best to give money to people in support of their dreams but sometimes that is hard to.

But there lies the problem with me, I think too much about it. If I post a link on Facebook, Google +, and/or Twitter a hundred times I would automatically think that I have flooded my environment. I personally believe people can be very annoyed with constant reminders about buying something. Of course we live in a world where everyone is trying to sell us something and this isn’t a bad thing because people need to hustle and survive. But can you imagine me selling books from the trunk of my car?

Actually, I can imagine that. The one problem with self publishing is that I become my own distributor. While I have full control of my product, it can be a little nerve-wracking and that is why confidence is definitely the key. I smile when I think about the song “Get Down” by Nas where he talks about southern hip hop artists sold music out the trunk of they car, that shit amaze me. To me, it’s all about the confidence that I don’t always have. I have to think about what approach might be better for me. Do I blast everyone on social media or do I enable Facebook ads to get a wider reach?

Word of mouth is a powerful thing and I think that I’ve been relying on that too much as well. Think about the fact that my family, for the most part, is just finding out that I wrote a book. For some reason, I try to keep things like this close to the chest because bragging is not something that I do.

Maybe that is it. It’s completely possible that I may view self promotion as bragging. One of the biggest problem I have with performance reviews at work is having to do a self assessment. According my supervisors in the past and present is that I never give myself enough credit. This form is sorta designed for me to brag about accomplishments which is clearly hard for me to do. While, I have gotten better at the form it’s still a work in progress. I just need to have the same confidence when it come to self promotion.

I need to not care and just try to fit in… “oh by the way, I have a book coming out in the fall” in just about every conversation I have outside of work. Although, there is still a part of me that should be just satisfied that I wrote a book and if people read it that’s great if they don’t, well that’s fine too. I dunno. I think you call all expect a little bit of everything from me.

Anthony Otero is writer/blogger from New York City with a BA in English from Syracuse University. His first novel, Hanging Upside Down, is slated for release on October 1st. (See what I did there?)

my life, Novel, writing

Countdown

How long has it been since I started this? I think I started on this novel in March of last year. I finished the first draft last September and the second draft in December. Major editing begin in January of this year and before we knew it, the third draft was completed by May. Along the way, there were test readers who helped critique the book. Now, I have a final manuscript that I still tweak here and there. But the real countdown has begun the moment I purchased a set of ISBNs on my birthday.

I considered it a birthday gift to myself because the time for lingering is over. I have worked very hard on all of this and I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to get all of this done before the end of the summer. I wrote about the need for me to get ISBNs back in 2011. I knew three years ago that I need to get these and I put it off for various reasons. They are not cheap and technically, I’m buying something that I cannot touch as of yet. Since my financial situation was different three years ago, I put it off.

Of course, it should not be a surprise that the price went up. What was once a $250 investment for 10 ISBNs became $295. Maybe not that much of a difference but it’s still $45 dollars I could’ve saved had I not put it off for so long. But you know what? I just ran with it. So what makes me ultimately laugh is the fact that I think I’m done. I figure that I would have this crucial final piece so when the cover is done I’m all set. Right? No, I still have to buy bar codes for the books. lol (clearly, I just found out they are not the same thing) So, it will be stuff like that that I need to look out for. I’m already aware that I will have to figure out font type and size of pages. Hopefully, that these will be the final hurdles.

This is a learning process and the bar codes will not hold me up. They are $25 each and I will deal with that as it comes. More importantly, I think we may have found someone to design the cover. I’ve seen his work and he may be the right match for what I’m looking for. I just need to have a little more patience because I am so ready to do this. To pass the time I may go over the book one more time but to be honest, I’m ready to get this done, NOW.

So, the countdown has began on June 12. I’m giving myself to September 1st to get this done. I will not be happy if I cannot deliver.

my life, Novel, writing

Back in Book Mode

Let’s not be fooled about the editing process. I think it is tough a grueling job that is hard to do which is why I’m having someone else do it for me. I do struggle with editing my own work and with something so text heavy it only makes sense that I have a third party look it over. This decision has been one of the best of my life.

The editing process started in January and since then it has been a little bit of a waiting game. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t looked at any of the pages I’ve written since that time…until Friday. I told myself that I was not going to look at my work until the edits were done because there was a probability that I will start to make changes again and I just need to stop.There was a time when I called my editor saying that I was thinking of adding something and she was like, “you better do it now then.” I never did because I felt bad because I couldn’t let go. Now, I’ve pretty much have the first half of my book edited and I’m feeling really good about it. The novel is written in two parts so the second half will go under the “knife” very soon.

It feels good to be back in book mode. I can’t describe exactly how it feels to read this novel all over again with a different pair of lenses. When I was in that zone, I had so many things on my mind and the story itself was still close to my heart, so it was difficult to let it go for awhile. Now I read it and I can see where changes need to made almost immediately. However, since this document is already edited, the only changes I am making is to the dialogue.

I’m a big believer that you have to be able to capture the way people speak. When I write, I seem to not use many contractions, which it not the way normal people talk. So my mission has been to change phrases like: I am going to go to the park to I’m gonna go to the park. Sounds simple enough, but sometimes it depends on the person speaking. These are all final touches to something I’ve been working on for such a long time and I want to make sure that I get it right.

The last thing that I want to do is not rush the process. I know that I’ve said several times over that this book will come out in the spring, but I can tell you that its looking like it could as late as the fall if I have my way. Yet, it all depends on what happens when I shop the book around.

In either case, I’m more than happy to be back in book mode. I truly could not get my mind around other idea until I had this one squared away. I look forward to the late night reading and editing again. I get a chance to reflect on the characters I created to make sure that I haven’t left out any parts. More importantly, I can go back and look at the notes that the test readers have provided me to see what I can do to make this novel better.

my life, Novel, writing

Afraid of Everything

I don’t understand it. I feel the closer I get to what I’m striving for the more fear I feel. While I’ve learned push to it aside and keep going, it has made me pause on more than one occasion. This isn’t like any phobia that I know of. I’m not talking about the fear of flying or the fear of getting mugged on the street. What I’m referring to is the fear of success (or maybe that is a phobia).

What if I actually become this writer that people say I have the potential to be? There is a certain amount of craziness to that. It just increases my own expectations of myself. I’m in the game because many times writing has gotten through the roughest portions of my life, so for this to become more than just a hobby can be frightening.

I have just gotten used to the notion that the novel might actually be decent. What’s scaring me is not fact that that book might be bad, it’s the fact that people might actually read it. There are a lot of things going on in the book that makes me wonder what would happen if someone at my college read it and were offended by the overall theme. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an x-rated book where sex is dripping from every page, but there are themes that are discussed that make me cringe a bit for the only fact that my parents will read it.

There is a bluntness about the story. Men do stupid things all the time and I’ve had to dig deep in many chapters of the story. Yet, I cannot help but think some people will have a problem with it. I have been criticized before and I’m very aware of my past mistakes. I just have this fear that I will have to go in front of a firing squad again.

This is not say that I don’t fear failure because I do but, I know how to recover from it. I have failed before and I will fail again. I learn from it. I’m not sure I would be all that upset if no one read the novel because not many have read it thus far anyway. No matter what happens I can still say that I created something. I can at least say that I fulfilled a goal of mine. The problem is that as I’ve gotten older, I have become more aware of that is going in the world. One wrong move and labels fly. We live in an era for public shaming without discussion. I know that I cannot satisfy everyone and I’m well aware there are people in this world who wish me success and some who wish me failure. I think too much and I get it. I’m a perpetual over-thinker and even with that I still make silly mistakes so I cannot foresee everything.

Which also means that my fears extend beyond the pages. I’m in a very good place in my life. I really couldn’t be happier and that is also unsettling. In the past, there were gaps in my life where stress and uneasiness was just a part of my everyday existence. Not having that in my life is a pleasure but it makes me think that something is right around the corner, some unforeseen threat that will crack what is going with me.

I know. I know, it sounds like paranoia, but it’s also adulthood. Which bring me to my last fear. I turn 40 this year and there seems to be a theme with everyone on Facebook and Instagram. Everyone is having a baby. I’ve made this clear years ago that I stopped hoping for this possibility because I just didn’t see it and while things are looking better, I will be an old man if this does indeed happen. Granted, I’m not talking about Dick Clark old or even Charlie Chaplain old when having kids, but is a thought that weighs on me from time to time.

I press on because I have to. As much fear as I may have, I do recognize most of my fears are indeed irrational. I made a pledge to make zero excuses and I will continue to do so but the fear will always make me pause.

Black History Month, Black Superheroes, comic books

The (lack of) Black Experience in Comic Books

This journey that I have taken as a writer sometimes makes me think about my past. In my high school days I created an entire universe filled with characters. My friend and I created so many super powered heros and villains that the list stretches for pages. Neither of us could draw very well so the focus was very much on the characters themselves. I was very proud to come up with back stories and histories along with story arcs. The name of my favorite hero was Supernova aka Philip Maldonado.

I bring this up because, as I look back at it, there was a need for me to see myself in the super hero genre. Growing up all the comic books I read were of white men saving the neighborhood or the world. If I was lucky enough I would get to see a person of color being drawn or even in costume. In any case, I never thought I was bothered by this. I just collected comic books for the sake of reading about my favorite super heros like Firestorm, Spider-Man, The X-Men, and the Justice League to name a few. Yet with hindsight being 20/20, I realize now that I created an outlet for myself with the understanding that if it was up to me, whatever universe I create would be filled with heros and villains of all colors, genders, and creed.

This brings me to the Big Two (Marvel and DC) and how there is a serious lack of black experience in their characters. This points to the lack of diversity in both companies. I’m quite sure there is a thought that all heros are cut from the same cloth and are some how homogeneous. So someone like Mr. Terrific could act like someone resembling Tony Stark but there is no sense of the baggage the comes from being an African American. It is not ok for Batman to assign the Luke Fox (The new Batwing) to Africa simply because he’s black (the first Batwing was African) without much push back from that character (and laugh about it when it is brought up).

The point is many of these Black/Latino characters are one dimensional because of the lack of diversity from the Big Two. While it can be a good thing for Marvel to have a few books featuring black characters as the lead (The Mighty Avengers, Fearless Defenders), the characters themselves become bland because there is no real depth to them. That lack of depth shows in sales which ultimately leads to the cancellation of books like Mr. Terrific, Static Shock, and Blue Beetle. The only book that has been the exception to all this has been Miles Morales (the Ultimate Spider-Man) and that is because he is getting the complete backing of Marvel to be the hero for that comic line.

1298402248 When it comes down to it, the Big Two have no idea what do with theses characters besides using them as a market tool. I tend to use DC in these examples because they seem to fail the most in just about everything except animation, which brings me to my other point. Cartoons like Justice League and Young Justice has done very well with a broad audience and for the most part, that has to do with the late Dwayne McDuffie. It was his development of John Stewart and Hawkgirl that really made the show what it was and by extension Young Justice’s diversity is linked to Milestone Comics, which he was one for the founders of, but I will circle back to that.

There is no way for us to expect any less from the Big Two or any other comic book company that follows the exact same formula. Sure you can create a Black super hero but then what? Do you de-power them or never use them to their full potential? I love how Cyborg has the potential to like Brainiac but will never get there because that would make him a little too powerful. Or we can talk about how DC has a virtual pantheon of characters from their “deal” with Milestone that they are willing to use for a cartoon to draw us in but never use them in the books. That is why it becomes imperative to join a new movement of independent titles created by people of color.

Generally when I think about black comic books, my thoughts revert to Milestone and how those individuals lived the dream of doing it themselves. Their success is a reflection that there is an audience for this but we need to be prepared to support each other. That is why for this month I have invited some independent comic book creators to appear on this blog and talk about their work. It is time show everyone that there are alternatives to the mainstream comics books out there. We deserve better.

Blogging, my life, Novel

Woven

The novel has slowly been making its rounds through the test readers and it makes me feel more excited about this particular journey. I can sit here, in front of laptop, all day and spit out blogs but I don’t think the act of writing little e-journals can highlight the total potential of someone’s literary skill. Nor do I think having 37.2k in tweets (which is how often I have been on Twitter since I joined) determines if you are a superstar. Yet, I’m always taken back by the amount of positive feedback I get from people who have read my entire book all the way through.

My editor (who is an SU alum because that’s how we roll) constantly tells me that I need to stop being surprised that people like what they’re reading. There were several conversations that I had with her where I confessed that simply thought this novel wasn’t good enough. Shit, there were time when I actually hated what I was writing. I thought that perhaps my writing was too crude, too sexual, too crass, and too honest. But, she knows me well enough to remind me that fear has a way of distorting the way we view our own work.

Sure, I have talked about fear in length but the subject never gets old to me. I think its because there is a part of me that fears everything. I fear both failure and success but interestingly enough, I’m more prepared for failure. I’m almost 40 years old and I still don’t know how to prepare for success. What’s that supposed to look like? I can have avid dreams about winning the lottery and fictitiously plan out how I’m going to pay bills and live this super fantastic life. But that is just as fiction and the novel I wrote. There is no class in college that prepares you for success.

But then there is the more realistic side of my thoughts. What’s there to prepare for? We are talking about a self published novel and I’m completely realistic about the number of people that may actually buy this book. I will do my social media pushes but I do not anticipate my life changing much. I didn’t start writing because I wanted to become famous. I started it because this is something I just want to do.

That first story I ever wrote in 8th grade still lingers in my head. Writing was the one thing that I could do better than any one else in that class. My fellow classmates read this story that was based on a dream I had about how werewolves attacked the school. I was 8th grade famous for about a week. In High School, I wrote smut stories about some of my female teachers (ok, it wasn’t a proud moment…I was 14) that spanned pages and pages of loose leaf. I threw them away for fear that my mother would find them as she did the stash of Playboys I had in my drawer that I stole from my dad. lol

The point is that writing is something that I have always had time for. I still think about the comic book universe I created all those years ago and how I might, one day, still write about them. All my writing are woven together in some strange way, I just cannot be afraid to unleash it.

my life, Novel, writing

The Urge

Waiting is the hardest thing I can do right now. I have gotten to a point where I’m so used to writing and working on this novel everyday that it feels incredibly awkward not to be writing something. I guess the proper word is antsy.

I feel the need to create. Is it bad that I want to start on the second novel now? I have this urge to just open a new Word Doc and start on the next one. This is despite the fact that I already have a novel I have yet to complete. Yeah, let me just go over that. Hanging Upside Down is the novel I just finished that is being currently edited. I have another novel that I started called The Angel of Death that I have yet to complete. Look at me trying to just start another book!

I know that I write what I feel and this feeling is coming on pretty strong. I want to keep my eyes on the prize but I just have this urge to write. I have been able to quell that urge a little bit by reading. I started reading Song of Solomon. I was very moved by Toni Morrison last month and I felt the need to reread some her books. The problem is that I love the way she uses words so much that I’m getting a fresh new supply of literary motivation.

This is not to say that any of this is a bad thing it’s just interesting how I’ve gotten myself into the habit of continual writing and creating. I don’t want to lose that. The urge just gets stronger when I see the books on my shelf or I pick up my Nook. That is why I had to stop all the self editing to the current novel. I know that I could continually find something to change just for the sake of change.

Although, I do blame myself for this because I got the idea for a new novel while writing the current one. I had to brush that idea aside until I was done but the book spirits in me are calling. I have a plethora of ideas that I want to put on (virtual) paper but I figured that should wait until I published my first book before I start on the next. I don’t think I can do that now. I am too regimented in my own ways to let my creative juices go to waste.

I guess at some point I made a transition from blogger to novelist and didn’t really know it. I was just writing for me because I always had a goal to write a book even when I was a little kid going to Holy Cross School in the Bronx. This is my way of living forever because I can’t let this urge pass.

I will now march my way on to book two.

Novel, writing

Next Steps

Back in the early days, when I would toy with the idea of writing anything, I always cringed at the idea of writing a first draft. That simple word, draft, gave me the impression that writing anything was double the work. I had a serious thought once that made me so mad to think about the fact that I have give in a draft to a professor. I just knew that anything I wrote for school I could get it right the first time. Sigh, to be young and dumb.

With that being said, I’m glad to finally say that Draft 2 of the book has been completed. I actually completed it this past weekend. The hardest part about this process is that I know that I could read this book again and still have more changes. But there comes a time when you just have to take a break from it. So Draft 2 is readable and it was this version of the novel that I sent to the test readers a few days ago.

There are differences between the first raw draft and the more polished second draft. The second draft is longer. Since I knew where I wanted to go with the story, I began foreshadowing events earlier in the book. Also, I re-wrote the last fifty pages in the second draft that completely overhauled the story. One could suggest that there are alternative endings but I would like to think that the second draft is just better crafted.

Which now leaves me with the third draft. This is what I hope will end up being the final copy. I got me an editor and we will work together to put some final touches on this thing. I have already made a change for the third draft. I change some of the character’s names. There were two of them in particular that I felt needed to have a different name because I know people who have those names. To be real, when I first started writing this novel, I was using any name that came to mind. I didn’t want to get bogged down thinking about perfect names.

Preliminary results from the test readers are positive thus far. I have to admit that I was a bit nervous because I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have about nine people who have volunteered to read this story. I gave them some instructions on what to look for. The most important thing I wanted them to know was that if they know me, they need to push it out of their minds. The book is adult in nature with some situations that might raise some eyebrows. This way I don’t hear people say…”yo, I cannot believe that you said this word like 5 times in the book.” lol

The other issue that I thought about yesterday is the design of the book jacket. I have a thought in my head that I’m beginning realize will not translate easily paper to computer screen. I will have to sketch some ideas. This kinda makes me laugh considering that at one point in my life I thought I might be an artist since I used to love drawing. Now it all comes full circle. However, I’m not graphic designer which means I have to find one before all this is done.

Further down the road is getting an ISBN. That will run me about $200 – $250 for like 10. That alone makes me think about creating a budget. I will also have to pay my editor and think about advertising costs. In any case, I’m in a good position to get all this done before the summer.

my life, New Year, writing

Tipping the Hat to 2013

Usually I do some sort of year in review post. I think about it now and it may just be a little too self serving. After all, I need to really ask myself what I really did this year. Instead, I thought about being short on this post about how grateful I am for having people support me in all my efforts.

I know that the beginning of the year was bumpy for me and it made me question whether I should even be a writer anymore. I had to take a long hard look at myself to figure out if I indeed was this person that I said I was. Through this personal turmoil, I had friends help me see that I get through the tough times and lo and behold, I started the novel in March.

Since that point, everything has been a lesson for me and I appreciate the encouragement of the people who follow me. My good friends have encouraged and challenged me to get as far as I have. I have yet to figure out ways to thank them.

My family is just realizing how deep this writing game is to me. It almost make me nervous because this book is R rated. Not that we are not all adults here but its not like I have a potty mouth in person. I will have to remind them that they can’t think about me when they read the words and situations. lol

As for everyone else, thank you. I thought the site switch from blogger to word press would have been more of hassle but it turns out that it has worked out well in my favor. I’m glad that this site does get read despite the fact that I haven’t written nearly as much as I should. I look forward to updating everyone on the process of writing and self publishing.

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2014 provides us all with much success.

2014, Blogging, goals, my life

2014 Goals

In many ways, I feel like this year has gone by so fast. For the most part, it’s probably because I’m really enjoying my life and time flies when you’re having fun. I looked at the goals I set for myself this past year and I didn’t do all that bad. Some, of course, I didn’t even come close to accomplish and others I nailed.

So the disclaimer in all this is that I do not do New Year’s Resolutions. I set goals so that I can feel a little bit more accomplished by the end of the next year. I only completed 60% of my goals from last year but I suppose that is better then zero. I will try to do better for 2014. I will set ten personal goals and move from there.

The absolute number one goal for next year is get this novel published. I can’t stress that enough. I have put a lot of work into this book and I’m looking forward to this process being over. There are so many things that will go into this (like designing the cover, getting an ISBN, and getting an editor) and I’m ready for it. The one thing that I cannot let interfere with this process is fear. Trust me, I have a lot of it but I’m pushing through it.

Despite all my novel writing, the change in websites, and the multiple Huffington Post entries, I still think I do not blog enough. I have so many unfinished blogs that it is not even funny. Lately, I have gotten either easily distracted or have been too damn busy. My former life in Central NY was not like this. I just need to blog more.

Writing is one thing but reading more is also another goal of mine. For some reason I fell off with this and I need to get back on my reading habit. I really felt it after seeing Zadie Smith talk at Barnard College a few months back and than it was solidified after seeing Junot Diaz speak with Toni Morrison. Now that I have an upgraded Nook, I will be taking reading more seriously. I think I will try to read about 14 books next year.

I ‘m also getting old. I turn 40 in June and I have no idea what I’m doing. I would like to do something awesome for my birthday but I just can’t fathom what that would be. Perhaps a huge celebration? Who knows? What I do know is that I need to continue to exercise. I fell off that wagon too. I have always said that a 5k is in my future and I think in my 40th year, I should just do it.

This past fall, I started going to church again. Much of that had to do with trying to be the god father to my niece, Maya. I found myself getting up early on Sunday and going to mass and it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Of course, once Maya got baptized, I stopped going so I think it would be a good idea to start going again. Maybe not every Sunday but maybe twice a month.

The reason for wanting to go back is that I did feel at peace when I was in church. This was more about my own faith with God rather than the church itself. It has also made me think about volunteering and donating more to the neighborhood or just in general. Of course donating is always a little hard but as I continue my debt reduction things will get easier. I’m just happy that I paid off my car this month.

I have been in NYC for almost a year in a half now and I’ve returned to my old ways as a New Yorker, which means that I don’t visit other things unless food is involved. I feel like I need to explore NYC more. I was in the Williamsburg section Brooklyn a few weeks ago and it surprised me how nice certain parts of BK can be (yes, that is the Bronx in me talking). I also went to the Linkedin office a few weeks ago and they are in the Empire State Building which made me realize that that was the first time I’ve ever been in there. Yeah. I have to do better. lol

Finally, I need to visit my dad. I have not been to Florida in years and I need to go back. It just so happens that I will be heading to a conference in Orlando in April. Plans are not finalized but I look forward to the confernce that will turn into a family vacation. Disney is calling my girlfriend’s name.

I hope you all have some goals to set. Once you set goals then you are ready to achieve them. The picture above is from the article Life: Why Should You Set Goals for 2014? Read it. Happy Goal-Setting!