my life – Page 8 – Anthony Otero

The Hustle is Real.

In a way I was joking when I mentioned to someone that I was going to start selling my novel, Hanging Upside Down, out of the trunk of my car. I mean with how far technology has allegedly taken us, is there really a reason to have a stash of books with me all the time (sidenote: yes, I carry one copy at all times)? Then I think about the time I was on my way to work and I saw this guy selling his self-published book on the train. That is the definition of hustle, but could that really be me?

A few weeks ago, after my book signing at La Casa Azul, I found myself giggling because here I was with a box of books putting them in to the trunk of my mother’s car. I needed to store them somewhere temporarily since I was not about to carry that heavy ass box to dinner and then back home via taxi. But I knew they were there and as time began to pass and the need to sell more books increased, I knew I had to dip into the stash in the trunk of my mom’s car.

Make no mistake, being a salesman was never my strong suit. In a few past jobs and money making ventures, I had to try to sell something like a consumer good or a phone card (yep…back in the day-before cellphones, I tried to sell phone cards to people…) and it never worked because I didn’t believe in the product. They tell you that you need to do two things, believe in what you sell and always be closing.

The other issue I has back then was the fact that my self esteem was shot. I didn’t believe in myself because I didn’t love myself so imagine me trying to sell you anything. So I went through most of my young twenties not wanting to go into sales. Of course, as I got older I began to realize that we all have something to sell… ourselves. To be quite honest, we sell ourselves when we apply for jobs and go on interviews as such so, at some point, we need to be able to sell something.

So here I am with a product that may just be a culmination of a life’s goal and I’m still learning how to sell myself.

The hustle is real. I find myself doing a book giveaway, posting quotes on social media, having other people post pictures of my book, writing this blog, and doing book readings. However, I never had that “selling the book out of my trunk” feeling until last week. I announced that I would send people a signed copy of the novel if they were willing to send me money via paypal. I’ve come to not judge people at all when it comes to buying books and reading. I know they’re many people who just don’t read for leisure. So, imagine my surprise when I had more than a few takers of this offer.

The hustle is definitely real and while it’s not out of the trunk of my car, it is definitely out of the box in my apartment.

my life, Novel, writing

100 Copies

I look over the last few weeks and I can see how much I’ve hustled. When I started this process I wasn’t sure what I wanted that magic number to be. I never set a goal of the number of units I wanted to sell. I just wanted to publish a book. Now all I do is find myself looking at numbers and reading guides on “how to sell your novel.”

So now that my travel schedule has calmed down, I can focus on what got me here. While I need to write more, I also need to read more, and ultimately I need to support more.

I have sold 100 copies of Hanging Upside Down and I want to think that’s awesome but something tells me that I can do better. I’ve learned so much about self publishing and I admit that I’ve made a shit load of mistakes. When I’m done with the second book, I will do many of these things differently. Yet, I think that there are things I still have up my sleeve and other strategies I have yet to try.

I view this number in two ways and it really depends on the mood I’m in. On the positive side, I’ve sold 100 books! I mean there were times I thought that I would never go over 40. I know, it’s a great accomplishment to publish a book (even if typos continue to be found — don’t go there) but it’s even better when people actually read it. On the negative side, 100 copies is like nothing in the grand scheme. There are a lot of people within my circle and most of those (between friends and family) make up that number. What I’m really trying to do is step outside that circle into a larger readership.

Regardless of my mood, I’m still my own biggest critic. If anyone is going to criticize anything about the book it will not be something I have not already told myself.

So I will use this number as motivation to get more done. I have opened up most channels available to me in order to sell a book. Amazon, iBooks, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play are all channels where I have taken the time to set up accounts which has led to the book being available. I just need to get people there.

This first book is like an experiment. I see what works and what doesn’t work. The next book will be everything that this novel isn’t when it comes to mishaps. But for now, I just want to try to get to the next 100.

Did I mention I’m doing a Book Giveaway?

my life, Novel

Today is THAT day. #hangingupsidedown

How long have I been talking about this? I feel like it has been years since I first started writing this book. Now here I am on this day to say that it’s finally out. I wrote a book and no matter what happens from this point on, no one can take this away from me.

Selecting the date was probably the hardest thing to figure out during this process. Sure, there was the writing part but that was more of me getting this story out. Editing was an adventure all in itself but the reality is all these things needed to be done by this day.

Today my book is out, officially. I couldn’t have done this on my own and I still have a lot left to do. Yes, the book is out on Amazon and on Kindle but there are other formats and venues in which I’m trying to have this book available in. Nook, iBooks, and Google Play are all on my list. Since this is my first time doing this, it’s hard to know what to expect when dealing with each provider. Ultimately, I would also like to be at Barnes & Noble but they have some requirements that I need to adhere to.

So the question that I have for myself is… now what? There seems to be endless amounts of self promotion that I have ahead of me. Each format has it’s own marketing option so when I get back from my trip to Denver tomorrow I will map on some strategies. I think I have done a great job within my circles of influence, but it is now time to step out of that. Word of mouth is only going to take me so far.

With that said, I have another book signing in NYC on 10/8 at La Casa Azul Bookstore in Spanish Harlem. I have been encouraged to do a reading from the book so we will see how that goes. The funny thing is that I have been practicing this. The hard part was selecting which pages to read that have the least amount of curses and sexual references. lol

In any case, I will have my orange sharpie (which I seem to carry with me everywhere now) to sign books for what seems to be mostly family and friends. I’m hoping to get a wide range of folks to show up. I think it will be a good time.

Thanks again for the support and keep reading.

my life, Novel, Syracuse University, writing

30 for 30: Books & Autographs

All of this is hard to explain. To see the table that has a card with my name next to a small stack of books would have been hard for me to fathom a year ago. Yet, to see people drop by that very table to get my signature and a copy of my work is hard to put into words. I’ve barely gotten used to the idea that I wrote a novel but seeing more than one person hold it in their hands is just awesome.

I wont lie. I have intentionally made it difficult for people to get advanced copies of the book. The fact of the matter is that as a self published author, I have to do much of the work from marketing to setting the price to creating actual invoices. I wanted to create a buzz within my circle of friends and family that would expand into other people feeling excitement about this. So I emailed people in phases with explicit instructions to not share the book link with anyone and the only favor I asked was to post a picture of the book on social media.

The results worked better than I ever thought they would. Those who did not receive any emails wondered how to get the book and when they asked me where they can purchase it, I would then send them a link with the same instructions as the previous person. Of course, if you follow me on any of my social media platforms you will know that I promote pretty regularly but not heavily. I don’t want to drown my audience with this novel either, which is why it’s better when other people do it.

Which brings me to my book signing in Syracuse this past Saturday. I ordered thirty books for this, which is the standard from I was told. I was fully prepared to come back to NYC with an extra 10-15 books that I could essentially sell out of the trunk of my car. But before I really knew it, people were buying the books that were on display that the SU Bookstore the day before the signing. But still, it was a game day and despite it being a reunion weekend for Black and Latino Alums (Coming Back Together), I thought I would still have extra books left.

Well, I have always been told that I sell myself short because all my books were sold out and I was shocked. It was definitely a highlight when I told people who asked if the book was still available and I had to break to them. Just like I can say that I’m happy to admit that I’m working on a deal with the SU Bookstore to have more copies available. Although, after while, I do feel generally bad that not everyone was able to get the book when they wanted it.

All of you have been so supportive of me and I cannot express how grateful I am. The book hits Amazon and Ebooks on October 1st. I’m happy this journey has taken me here.

my life

Mixed Emotions

There are so many things going in the world and in my life right now that I have SO many mixed emotions that its getting to the point that I just don’t know how to feel on any given day. I know that I’m a versatile person that allows me to adapt to any situation in my life but lately things have been overwhelming. There is a multitude of feelings I can have a given day: anger, fear, joy, sorrow, excitement, and sentimentality. It is an interesting and frustrating mix because how do I deal with it all.

Anger. I’ve been angry everyday since the Michael Brown incident in Ferguson. I’m angry because police killings/brutality has become the norm. Watching the protests turn into riots with tear gas and bullets flying is ridiculous. We are watching history and seeing the way people react to all this is beyond interesting. I suppose I’m tired of showing people that we are not delusional. We don’t make up racial issues. The anger is there because I know all of this will not end well.

Excitement. I announced yesterday on social media that I have book signings in Syracuse on 9/20 and NYC on 10/8. I am traveling down a road that I have never experienced and it is exciting. When I started the novel last year events like these were not on my mind. I just wanted to contribute the literary world. The support that people have given me is tremendous and I’m not used to this. It is truly humbling.

Fear. I HAVE A BOOK SIGNING. This scares the shit out of me. I’m a chronic over-thinker so I think about too many things that are close to irrational. What if no one shows up? What if too many people show up? Do I have to read an excerpt from the book? What chapter? What if I’m late? <— This right here is my life. I’m so used to being behind the scenes at events that being the main event is abnormal. Yes, I have been a key note speaker before but it never gets easy for me. lol

Sorrow. There are many things that I just don’t share with people so I will keep this to a minimum. I have two family members with cancer and it weighs on me. It weighs on me more than I admit to people. I stay strong because as one of the youngest members of my families (paternal and maternal) I feel the need to be responsible so I can to make sure that family stays together.

Joy. I love my job. I cannot say it any clearer. I have found a place that values me as a person and values students. Granted I am about to make 2 years at Barnard College and maybe I’m still on a high but having the ability to be creative and to be myself is something that allows me to thrive.

Sentimentality. A few weeks ago the woman in my life has left to pursue her MBA at the Tepper Business School at Carnegie Mellon. It is incredibly awesome to be with a woman who is smarter than me. Our relationship is strong and we will continue to be together while sharing our success separately until she returns. Yet, I miss her and it becomes hard to focus because of it.

All this makes it hard for just to do what I need to everyday but, thankfully, I know how to take my emotions and transfer them into words.

Blogging, my life, Novel, writing

Dare

Writing a novel has been such a process of high’s and lows that, in a way, I would have to be a little nuts to want to do this again. Yet, that desire to continue on to another process and write until I can’t anymore has become something close to borderline obsession. Trust me when I say that I know what obsession is all about. The title and cover picture of this blog alone is based on my love for the Transformers Generation One.

Transformers: The Movie came out in 1986 and it still resonates with me because at its core there is a theme about never giving up. Sure, everything else about it is awesome from the fighting scenes to the voice actors and the amazing soundtrack. Which brings me to the title, Dare by Stan Bush. This is one of my favorite songs of the entire film. It works sequentially well with the action but the lyrics are just as powerful. Here is the chorus:

Dare, dare to believe you can survive
You hold the future in your hand
Dare, dare to keep all of your dreams alive
It’s time to take a stand
And you can win, if you dare

Understand that I was 12 years old when this movie came out. While everyone else loves The Touch (and they should because it is iconic), I loved Dare because it spoke to me and as a matter of fact, it still speaks to me as a 40 year old. I understood then as I do now that I had to take matters into my own hands if I wanted to do something in my life and as simple that may sound, we all know doing it is extremely difficult.

I talk about fear a lot on this blog because fear can ~~stop~~ delay me from doing something. There was a time when fear stopped me from doing many things but I have learned to deal with this issue, however, it has made me think twice about myself and my novel. Not to be cliche-ish but it was time to take a stand. I knew that they only way to be successful is to take risks.

I mentioned obsession and proof of this can been seen on my Google+ account. I have been watching this movie on and off for the last two weeks. It was a huge deal in ’86 because no other animated film bases on a television series was this graphic and violent. I loved it because believe it or not it helped me deal with the concept of death and how to move past it. Why was that important? My grandmother died prior to me seeing this film.

I do remember no one wanting to take me to see this movie so I had go the Whitestone Multiplex in Bronx alone and witness this awesomeness. In many ways, I remained obsessed with the movie by waiting for it to come out on VHS and then years later, DVD. I remember buying the soundtrack on CD after I graduated college. I listen to it too much even to this day. I will mention that you may not want to watch the movie with me because I know all the words and will say them verbatim. I even reference it the novel.

Yes, I am obsessed but you know what? I dared to be this way. I dared to survive all my issues. The deaths, the divorces, the move, the disappointments, the rejections and I dared to write this novel. I’m sure in a few weeks I will stop watching Transformers and move to something like Star Wars, but I still dare to be great.

fear, my life, Novel, writing

Why Do I Always Expect the Worst?

Old habits die-hard. This is something that I have always done since my High School days, hope for the best but expect the worst. I have carried that mantra with me for decades because for the most part it has helped me deal with heart aches and breaks. While I try to view the world less cynically as I get older, I fall back to this.

Last month I mentioned that I have a publicist that is helping me get test readers. Well, that process is done and we are waiting for the feedback. Questions have been developed so that I can get a general feel about how the book was received. I had already gotten one bad review about the story’s content so I try not to take things too personal. Besides, this person liked the way I write but not the content so it wasn’t a total loss. That is also when I realized that the book is not for everyone considering that I have gotten mostly positive reviews.

So when I got my first email the other day with answered questions from a test reader, I was already thinking the worst. I can already imagine someone saying how much this novel sucks. I can imagine in getting one out of five stars on my Goodreads page. With much fear I open it and realize that it is another positive review. Then I feel silly for not having the confidence in my ability.

So why do I do this to myself? One would think that since I’m older and more mature I should be ready to handle things like this. Yet, for some reason I cringe when I think about someone rating my book. That is why I’m spending the extra time to comb through the book several times searching for errors and inconsistencies.

Where is this fear coming from? I know that it’s not real but in my mind I’m still that little kid that thinks something is living in my closet ready to pounce as soon as my parents turn off the hallway light. I know it’s not real. My mind is making all of this up. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real (yes, I looked that up).

Truth be told I think that the fear comes from the possibility being judged by the intellectuals that I know that could rip the book apart. The fear comes the family reading and thinking that I’m a bit of a nut or freak. So when it comes down to it, I am ready to be a pariah of sorts which is completely stupid and irrational. But I will be prepared for the worst while I hope for the best because past experience has taught me how to survive.

I know that my fear is very much like my book, it is fiction. However, like the fiction I write, there is some truth somewhere in the background.

fear, my life, Novel, writing

The Point of No Return

I can’t go back. I’ve pushed myself and this process to a point of no return. Despite any fear of failure that I have, I’m past the point of resignation and it’s too overwhelming to think about.

Every day is a combined feeling of angst and fear. The angst comes the fact that much of this process is a waiting game. I just want this whole thing to be over already. I want to be able to just talk about the book itself and not the process of publishing one. As an admitted over thinker, waiting just gives me room to analyze shit that hasn’t even happened yet. I can think for hours about the number of books I need to sell at a certain price to recuperate my expenses. I can painstakingly think about people rating my book publicly which means I need to prepare for the worst.

Then the fear sets in. The thoughts of not being good enough run through my skull because who in the world would like what I just wrote? I’m sure there are people out there that will hate all 412 pages of this book. The language and the adult situations I present in the book give me a little bit of a pause and I don’t even know why. Did I become a prude at this point in my life or am I afraid that people will see a side of me they never knew existed?

The point is that this book has become very personal to me. I’ve put in a lot of hours crafting a story that I think is worth telling. There is a lot of depth behind the words that I write and my fear is that any of the points that I’m making will get lost in the shuffle of the raunchiness and language that I use.

I’ve read this book six times now. Each time I think about whether I should change something here or there because I’m afraid some family member may not like a word here or an action there. I’ve successfully fought off every temptation to change the book based on how other people may feel. I thank God for those test readers. They survived the book and have given me some hope that this book might just be decent.

But this waiting game is real. I want the book and it’s appearance to be a particular way. I do not want a generic cover. I want something that reflects me and my work. Unfortunately that desire will cost me time and money.

So this is where I am. A point of no return. I can’t go back and say that this book is not going to happen. Shit, I can’t even say that I can go back to being the person I was before I even started writing it. I’m in the middle of my leap of faith. I hope I land on the other side.

Blogging, my life, Novel, writing

Titles are Everything

I’m at a point in my life where titles are important. In my mind, there is a difference between being called a blogger and being called an author. There is a certain amount of literary prestige that comes with the latter title. That might because writing books is one of the oldest professions in the history of man and it continues to be something special.

I’ve been fending off the notion that I’m an author until the novel comes out because I never wanted to be considered something that I haven’t earned yet. However, with each hurdle that have past in the process of self publishing, I realize that the title author is something that I’ve already achieved. I gained this title the moment I registered the finished novel with the an ISBN. This golden number can now open the doors of self publishing. It has allowed me to upload the manuscript on createspace and work on the interior of the book.

This means that I’m no longer concerned with wording as much as I may be concerned about the size of the font. I already know the paperback size which is just a part of the larger realization that all of this is actually happening. I have doubted myself for months thinking about how much I have talked about this novel with very little results to show because I couldn’t give anyone a specific date that the book was coming out. Sure, I did have hope that this book would’ve been out by now but the process has taken much longer than I’ve anticipated.

WIthout a cover, it’s hard to predict a date but that did not stop me from applying to the Goodreads Author program. This is a site that I joined a few years ago as an avid reader. When the book club I was in existed, the books were tracked by Goodreads. I have a record of just about every book I have read and that helps me realize the range of books I’ve digested. At some point last year, I realized that some of my fellow bloggers are in the author program and I promised myself that when I get the chance, I will be a part of this.

The reason why I wanted this so bad is because the program would allow me to combine all my writing projects. I would be able to add my blog and have the novel displayed all on the same page. There may be in option for any future articles from the Huffington Post. More importantly, it gives me place where I can finally say, officially, that I have a book coming out with a projected date of October 1st (this could change to an earlier date).

It’s hard to explain how much doing this means to me. We’re not just talking a page that highlights the book. We are talking about me being in the same author program with folks like Junot Diaz and Toni Morrison (who are LEGENDS). This has also forced me to come up with a synopsis of the book which I really didn’t have before. So when I forget how to answer that question of…”what’s the book about?” I can look up what I wrote. lol

For the first time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not going to say that I’ve arrived but I will say that I’m in the general area. Thanks again for all the support.

goals, maturity, men, money, my life

Getting it Together

Being an adult is hard. I’m thinking about this as someone types the exact same thing to me. It’s a general feeling that I’ve had for the past week. This probably has everything to do with the fact that I am now 40. I have all these preconceived notions of what 40 should be and I can say for sure that I am not there.

I have been evaluating my life to figure out exactly where I am. As a person who has lied to himself on several occasions during my 30’s, self evaluation has become critical to my ever growing development as a person and as a man. It’s not easy to really admit one’s faults but I’ve come to realize that is a young person’s game. At my current age I should have my shit together and its sad to say that I don’t.

I guess you can say that I’ve been “Faking the Funk” when it come to certain portions of my life. I think life can be divided into sections like work, love, family, and financial (to name a few). For the most part, the majority of my life is good and I can’t complain about much. I’m so fortunate to have people that care about me. I’m grateful for my friends, family, and a wonderful job. Yet the financial part of my life is in shambles.

This has nothing to do with whether or not I get paid enough. This has everything to do with a problem I have of ignoring my issues. I can’t even explain why I do it. I will only guess that there is a fear of numbers. I feel like I owe money to the world and it can be a little intimidating. Which is why, at 40, I’m starting to feel that I need to get my shit together. I need to stop pretending that these bills will magically go away because they wont. In short, I need to start acting like a grown up.

blog Maybe I had a little bit of Peter Pan syndrome where I would just fly around shit and just enjoy the things I wanted to do while ignoring the fact that the real world exists. I cannot do that anymore and for many men, that is the crux of the problem. We ignore shit thinking that perhaps things will go away. For many guys, it’s a doctor they avoid and for me it’s my finances (dentists are a close second…smh – don’t worry I have an appointment tomorrow). But, I realize I cannot do this anymore. Forty year olds are supposed to have all this figured out right?

Even if they don’t, I need to get my shit together. I sat down last week in a panic mode trying to figure out how to improve this part of my life because I know I can get out of this mess I created for myself. In order to do this, I need to improve all aspects of my life as well. I created some reminders that go off everyday on my phone such as, creating and checking my daily to-do lists, create an additional budget plan for debt management, going to bed early, and being on time. These are just small things that will lead to larger goal management since, clearly, what I was doing before was not working so I have to try new things. It is very easy for me to NOT do something and it gets easier to be complacent as I get older. So it is all about being intentional to do things outside of my comfort zone.

The sad part about this is that I know that I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I can be defensive and dismissive when people who care try to tell me about my bullshit, but in the end they are absolutely correct. I do need to get my shit together and it has to happen now. I have to start thinking about life as an older man and that requires the type of planning I wasn’t willing to do when I was in my thirties.