Jaded Summer?

I feel like I am going through changes. I am not really sure what is happening to me. Maybe because the summer is coming and the last few summers have been very difficult to deal with. While I am very excited about this summer, I am very leery of what is to come. I so realize that is my fear talking. I know I have stated before that I have lost much of my fear, I am also human. Things still effect me very much.

I feel this has been a year of revelations. I have found out so many shocking things about so many people in my life that has left me speechless at times. Some things have been good, like finding out about a person having a child or someone getting married. Others have been so bad that is has shaken my faith in people. It sucks because I really feel that I have thrived on being very social and I feel that I need to pull back.

What I have really noticed that is just very striking to me is that my sarcasm has risen to a whole other level. Do not get me wrong, my sarcasm is epic as it is. I can dole it out like nothing, however, I feel that I have really been laying it on thick. I need to figure out why. Am I annoyed at life? That is quite possible. I know how hard I am trying to improve my situation with little to no results. More importantly, I have been very sarcastic when it comes to other people and love.

I wrote on twitter today: Why do people ask for advice on relationships? My track record is not great.” I guess I give some pretty good advice. I am not shy with my opinions either. Men are dumb and they have no excuse to be. Which should give the indication that mostly women ask me about relationship advice. I guess the guys I know think are good in their situations. In the case of new or budding love, I feel myself being jaded in these situations. I have drawn back and thought to myself that I do not want to be that bitter old man that people point out in grocery stores.

Could I be envious? That is a possibility. I am really not trying to be. However, I am noticing that I am being more harsh in my reality checks with people. Usually when someone asks me for some sort of advice on love and life, I have tried to sugar coat it. That has not been the case lately. I have been very upfront with how I feel about any given situation, regardless if I am not comfortable telling them the truth. Surprisingly enough, the response has been positive although I get told that I am also being mean.

With all that being said. I really am hopeful that this summer will be a good one for me. There is no reason why it wouldn’t be. I have plans to put certain things in order and it is my hope that things go through well. Perhaps I will start a list of things I want to get accomplished and cross them off as they get done.

Hopeful or not, I am taking great precautions this summer. I think I will have to have my guard up big time. The last 2 summers have been pretty bad in my opinion and I just simply need to beware.

Summer of Pain?

Maybe it is in the water or maybe it is all the rain we seem to be getting in the North East. I just seems that everyone is going through something. Of course, I don’t really mean everyone. But, most of the people I know are dealing with pain in someway. Particularly this summer. Most of which has to do with a break up or friendship, marriage, or any relationship in general. My question is, What is going on? Where is the summer love?

If no else has noticed it, then that is ok. It doesn’t mean that these things are still not happening. I have come to realize that people front all the time. They put up this barrier that is pretty convincing. So, the happy co-worker that you have come to know, may not be very happy at all. What sucks is that most people feel they need to put up a false image of what their life is. I should know because I was one of them. Personally, I put up that good front because I just didn’t want people in my business. I hate having to explain why I look a certain way. But, generally there are people who front because they care too much about what people think.

Regardless of all that, there seems to be many people in my life that are hurting for one reason or another and that is sad. I get the same responses all the time. “Men are dumb” or “Women are stupid”. I think it is time to face the facts people: We are all pretty much stupid. We all go through periods in our lives in which we make dumb ass choices.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is, why is all this happening in the summer? I thought summer time was a time to have fun and enjoy our lives? Just like that, as I am typing this, it hits me: Summer is the time of new beginnings. For some people, it the ending of school and the bargaining of a new job (if they are lucky). For others, it is just time to shake off the baggage and burdens that other people have. It sucks really, but in general…people suck.

To those people who are hurting: Just take things day by day. The pain will subside. Do not act like the pain is not there, it will only make it worse. Look for the little things in life that may make you smile. Connect with family (unless they are the ones pissing you off), usually family is the one thing that may ease the pain. The more importantly, forgive yourself for whatever part you feel you played in this. Once you can do that…then you can forgive the person who hurt you…and that might be the greatest release of it all.

Summer is not over yet. There is still enough time to enjoy life before winter gets here…

Handball..I miss you!

On a hot summer day in New York City. The wall stands tall. In a park that is all fenced in. Concrete with yellow lines that connect to the wall. A blue rubber ball, the size of a baseball. The sound of it ricocheting of the wall and slap of a palm. The shuffling of feet on concrete. The sky so blue. I miss you handball.

On any given weekend, I would leave my house and walk down White Plains Road. I would get to Kips Bay Boys & Girls Club and make a right, which leads me to Stevenson Track. Normally you will see the New York Emperor’s Stickball League playing on Stickball Blvd. While entertaining, my focus was on the handball courts.

Often I would meet my cousin to play in single or in doubles. I was never a fan of paddle ball. I liked handball and how physical it was. No Paddle, No Gloves, just palm on ball. The ball would sting the hand, but I would always have the urge to hit that thing harder. I had to be accurate because I hate losing. By the end of the day, I had a very swollen hand. So swollen, that I could not put my ring on for the rest of the day

I miss it. The competition. The social activity of meeting other players who may be better or even worse. Not sure when I will play next. I may have to set a day for some time in the very never future.