Hanging Upside Down – Page 5

Today is THAT day. #hangingupsidedown

How long have I been talking about this? I feel like it has been years since I first started writing this book. Now here I am on this day to say that it’s finally out. I wrote a book and no matter what happens from this point on, no one can take this away from me.

Selecting the date was probably the hardest thing to figure out during this process. Sure, there was the writing part but that was more of me getting this story out. Editing was an adventure all in itself but the reality is all these things needed to be done by this day.

Today my book is out, officially. I couldn’t have done this on my own and I still have a lot left to do. Yes, the book is out on Amazon and on Kindle but there are other formats and venues in which I’m trying to have this book available in. Nook, iBooks, and Google Play are all on my list. Since this is my first time doing this, it’s hard to know what to expect when dealing with each provider. Ultimately, I would also like to be at Barnes & Noble but they have some requirements that I need to adhere to.

So the question that I have for myself is… now what? There seems to be endless amounts of self promotion that I have ahead of me. Each format has it’s own marketing option so when I get back from my trip to Denver tomorrow I will map on some strategies. I think I have done a great job within my circles of influence, but it is now time to step out of that. Word of mouth is only going to take me so far.

With that said, I have another book signing in NYC on 10/8 at La Casa Azul Bookstore in Spanish Harlem. I have been encouraged to do a reading from the book so we will see how that goes. The funny thing is that I have been practicing this. The hard part was selecting which pages to read that have the least amount of curses and sexual references. lol

In any case, I will have my orange sharpie (which I seem to carry with me everywhere now) to sign books for what seems to be mostly family and friends. I’m hoping to get a wide range of folks to show up. I think it will be a good time.

Thanks again for the support and keep reading.

my life, Novel, Syracuse University, writing

30 for 30: Books & Autographs

All of this is hard to explain. To see the table that has a card with my name next to a small stack of books would have been hard for me to fathom a year ago. Yet, to see people drop by that very table to get my signature and a copy of my work is hard to put into words. I’ve barely gotten used to the idea that I wrote a novel but seeing more than one person hold it in their hands is just awesome.

I wont lie. I have intentionally made it difficult for people to get advanced copies of the book. The fact of the matter is that as a self published author, I have to do much of the work from marketing to setting the price to creating actual invoices. I wanted to create a buzz within my circle of friends and family that would expand into other people feeling excitement about this. So I emailed people in phases with explicit instructions to not share the book link with anyone and the only favor I asked was to post a picture of the book on social media.

The results worked better than I ever thought they would. Those who did not receive any emails wondered how to get the book and when they asked me where they can purchase it, I would then send them a link with the same instructions as the previous person. Of course, if you follow me on any of my social media platforms you will know that I promote pretty regularly but not heavily. I don’t want to drown my audience with this novel either, which is why it’s better when other people do it.

Which brings me to my book signing in Syracuse this past Saturday. I ordered thirty books for this, which is the standard from I was told. I was fully prepared to come back to NYC with an extra 10-15 books that I could essentially sell out of the trunk of my car. But before I really knew it, people were buying the books that were on display that the SU Bookstore the day before the signing. But still, it was a game day and despite it being a reunion weekend for Black and Latino Alums (Coming Back Together), I thought I would still have extra books left.

Well, I have always been told that I sell myself short because all my books were sold out and I was shocked. It was definitely a highlight when I told people who asked if the book was still available and I had to break to them. Just like I can say that I’m happy to admit that I’m working on a deal with the SU Bookstore to have more copies available. Although, after while, I do feel generally bad that not everyone was able to get the book when they wanted it.

All of you have been so supportive of me and I cannot express how grateful I am. The book hits Amazon and Ebooks on October 1st. I’m happy this journey has taken me here.

Novel, writing

The Numbers Behind My Novel

I consider this upcoming week to the eve of my first book signing. It is quite a big deal in my world and to be quite honest, I don’t know what to expect. What I mean is that I don’t know how to act or what to write. You have to understand that I barely know what to say when I sign a birthday card. Anyway, this whole thing has made me think about the novel what is going on right now.

Here are some number that I find interesting:

There are 5 people who have the novel before I do. That sound’s crazy right? Well, it started like this, I wanted close friends, family, along with people who have helped me make this a reality to have an advanced copy. So when the book was finally ready to go, I sent certain people an email on how to purchase this advanced copy. So I also have to order copies for myself but I suppose I chose standard shipping because certain people have gotten it as early as Tuesday!

Only 8 days before my first ever book signing in Syracuse and 27 days until my NYC signing. I feel like a rookie. Do I bring my own pen? Should it be a sharpie? I have no idea what the standard is. One would think I would know this since I have worked enough book signings in my day. But the real question is, do I draw like a little symbol? I dunno. I suppose I should practice.

Since we are on this number, 8 is the amount of times I’ve read this book. Even though I have an editor, much of this was a team effort. I also wanted to makes sure that each read made sense and applied the appropriate changes I felt I need to do. With all the eyes looking at this, there are 2 major typos that I just discovered. They wont be in the ebook versions or any of the later versions if I can help it. You get a cookie if you find them. #rollseyes

Anyway, 36 is the number of chapters in the book which spans 412 pages. The solicitation will say 420 but that is counting the dedication and the acknowledgments. I always find it interesting that I wrote so much. This story started out as a short story that kept going and going.

Ultimately the only number that really matters is 1. This is the first book of what I hope to be many. I have been loosely working on the sequel to this book as well as a brand new idea that has come to me. I’ve been getting tons of support and I just hope that you all enjoy it!

my life

Mixed Emotions

There are so many things going in the world and in my life right now that I have SO many mixed emotions that its getting to the point that I just don’t know how to feel on any given day. I know that I’m a versatile person that allows me to adapt to any situation in my life but lately things have been overwhelming. There is a multitude of feelings I can have a given day: anger, fear, joy, sorrow, excitement, and sentimentality. It is an interesting and frustrating mix because how do I deal with it all.

Anger. I’ve been angry everyday since the Michael Brown incident in Ferguson. I’m angry because police killings/brutality has become the norm. Watching the protests turn into riots with tear gas and bullets flying is ridiculous. We are watching history and seeing the way people react to all this is beyond interesting. I suppose I’m tired of showing people that we are not delusional. We don’t make up racial issues. The anger is there because I know all of this will not end well.

Excitement. I announced yesterday on social media that I have book signings in Syracuse on 9/20 and NYC on 10/8. I am traveling down a road that I have never experienced and it is exciting. When I started the novel last year events like these were not on my mind. I just wanted to contribute the literary world. The support that people have given me is tremendous and I’m not used to this. It is truly humbling.

Fear. I HAVE A BOOK SIGNING. This scares the shit out of me. I’m a chronic over-thinker so I think about too many things that are close to irrational. What if no one shows up? What if too many people show up? Do I have to read an excerpt from the book? What chapter? What if I’m late? <— This right here is my life. I’m so used to being behind the scenes at events that being the main event is abnormal. Yes, I have been a key note speaker before but it never gets easy for me. lol

Sorrow. There are many things that I just don’t share with people so I will keep this to a minimum. I have two family members with cancer and it weighs on me. It weighs on me more than I admit to people. I stay strong because as one of the youngest members of my families (paternal and maternal) I feel the need to be responsible so I can to make sure that family stays together.

Joy. I love my job. I cannot say it any clearer. I have found a place that values me as a person and values students. Granted I am about to make 2 years at Barnard College and maybe I’m still on a high but having the ability to be creative and to be myself is something that allows me to thrive.

Sentimentality. A few weeks ago the woman in my life has left to pursue her MBA at the Tepper Business School at Carnegie Mellon. It is incredibly awesome to be with a woman who is smarter than me. Our relationship is strong and we will continue to be together while sharing our success separately until she returns. Yet, I miss her and it becomes hard to focus because of it.

All this makes it hard for just to do what I need to everyday but, thankfully, I know how to take my emotions and transfer them into words.

fear, my life, Novel, writing

Why Do I Always Expect the Worst?

Old habits die-hard. This is something that I have always done since my High School days, hope for the best but expect the worst. I have carried that mantra with me for decades because for the most part it has helped me deal with heart aches and breaks. While I try to view the world less cynically as I get older, I fall back to this.

Last month I mentioned that I have a publicist that is helping me get test readers. Well, that process is done and we are waiting for the feedback. Questions have been developed so that I can get a general feel about how the book was received. I had already gotten one bad review about the story’s content so I try not to take things too personal. Besides, this person liked the way I write but not the content so it wasn’t a total loss. That is also when I realized that the book is not for everyone considering that I have gotten mostly positive reviews.

So when I got my first email the other day with answered questions from a test reader, I was already thinking the worst. I can already imagine someone saying how much this novel sucks. I can imagine in getting one out of five stars on my Goodreads page. With much fear I open it and realize that it is another positive review. Then I feel silly for not having the confidence in my ability.

So why do I do this to myself? One would think that since I’m older and more mature I should be ready to handle things like this. Yet, for some reason I cringe when I think about someone rating my book. That is why I’m spending the extra time to comb through the book several times searching for errors and inconsistencies.

Where is this fear coming from? I know that it’s not real but in my mind I’m still that little kid that thinks something is living in my closet ready to pounce as soon as my parents turn off the hallway light. I know it’s not real. My mind is making all of this up. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real (yes, I looked that up).

Truth be told I think that the fear comes from the possibility being judged by the intellectuals that I know that could rip the book apart. The fear comes the family reading and thinking that I’m a bit of a nut or freak. So when it comes down to it, I am ready to be a pariah of sorts which is completely stupid and irrational. But I will be prepared for the worst while I hope for the best because past experience has taught me how to survive.

I know that my fear is very much like my book, it is fiction. However, like the fiction I write, there is some truth somewhere in the background.

fear, my life, Novel, writing

The Point of No Return

I can’t go back. I’ve pushed myself and this process to a point of no return. Despite any fear of failure that I have, I’m past the point of resignation and it’s too overwhelming to think about.

Every day is a combined feeling of angst and fear. The angst comes the fact that much of this process is a waiting game. I just want this whole thing to be over already. I want to be able to just talk about the book itself and not the process of publishing one. As an admitted over thinker, waiting just gives me room to analyze shit that hasn’t even happened yet. I can think for hours about the number of books I need to sell at a certain price to recuperate my expenses. I can painstakingly think about people rating my book publicly which means I need to prepare for the worst.

Then the fear sets in. The thoughts of not being good enough run through my skull because who in the world would like what I just wrote? I’m sure there are people out there that will hate all 412 pages of this book. The language and the adult situations I present in the book give me a little bit of a pause and I don’t even know why. Did I become a prude at this point in my life or am I afraid that people will see a side of me they never knew existed?

The point is that this book has become very personal to me. I’ve put in a lot of hours crafting a story that I think is worth telling. There is a lot of depth behind the words that I write and my fear is that any of the points that I’m making will get lost in the shuffle of the raunchiness and language that I use.

I’ve read this book six times now. Each time I think about whether I should change something here or there because I’m afraid some family member may not like a word here or an action there. I’ve successfully fought off every temptation to change the book based on how other people may feel. I thank God for those test readers. They survived the book and have given me some hope that this book might just be decent.

But this waiting game is real. I want the book and it’s appearance to be a particular way. I do not want a generic cover. I want something that reflects me and my work. Unfortunately that desire will cost me time and money.

So this is where I am. A point of no return. I can’t go back and say that this book is not going to happen. Shit, I can’t even say that I can go back to being the person I was before I even started writing it. I’m in the middle of my leap of faith. I hope I land on the other side.

Novel, writing

Sigh… Self Promotion Though?

I need to put all my chips on the table. I feel very weird about self promotion. It takes a certain type of person to be able to promote themselves without fear. We all have seen people who promote themselves, or their work, or some sort of fundraising. It makes me think way too much about how that person must really have the drive to put themselves out there. Yes, this is a consumer based society but perhaps I’m too cynical and believe that many people don’t care about what other people are selling.

Granted, this is my view of the world. I think it is awesome that someone can do a kick starter and ask for money on a project. I would be so afraid to do that! There is an underlying thought in my head that tells me that many people are not willing to help you unless you are already established. I know I try my best to give money to people in support of their dreams but sometimes that is hard to.

But there lies the problem with me, I think too much about it. If I post a link on Facebook, Google +, and/or Twitter a hundred times I would automatically think that I have flooded my environment. I personally believe people can be very annoyed with constant reminders about buying something. Of course we live in a world where everyone is trying to sell us something and this isn’t a bad thing because people need to hustle and survive. But can you imagine me selling books from the trunk of my car?

Actually, I can imagine that. The one problem with self publishing is that I become my own distributor. While I have full control of my product, it can be a little nerve-wracking and that is why confidence is definitely the key. I smile when I think about the song “Get Down” by Nas where he talks about southern hip hop artists sold music out the trunk of they car, that shit amaze me. To me, it’s all about the confidence that I don’t always have. I have to think about what approach might be better for me. Do I blast everyone on social media or do I enable Facebook ads to get a wider reach?

Word of mouth is a powerful thing and I think that I’ve been relying on that too much as well. Think about the fact that my family, for the most part, is just finding out that I wrote a book. For some reason, I try to keep things like this close to the chest because bragging is not something that I do.

Maybe that is it. It’s completely possible that I may view self promotion as bragging. One of the biggest problem I have with performance reviews at work is having to do a self assessment. According my supervisors in the past and present is that I never give myself enough credit. This form is sorta designed for me to brag about accomplishments which is clearly hard for me to do. While, I have gotten better at the form it’s still a work in progress. I just need to have the same confidence when it come to self promotion.

I need to not care and just try to fit in… “oh by the way, I have a book coming out in the fall” in just about every conversation I have outside of work. Although, there is still a part of me that should be just satisfied that I wrote a book and if people read it that’s great if they don’t, well that’s fine too. I dunno. I think you call all expect a little bit of everything from me.

Anthony Otero is writer/blogger from New York City with a BA in English from Syracuse University. His first novel, Hanging Upside Down, is slated for release on October 1st. (See what I did there?)

Blogging, my life, Novel, writing

Titles are Everything

I’m at a point in my life where titles are important. In my mind, there is a difference between being called a blogger and being called an author. There is a certain amount of literary prestige that comes with the latter title. That might because writing books is one of the oldest professions in the history of man and it continues to be something special.

I’ve been fending off the notion that I’m an author until the novel comes out because I never wanted to be considered something that I haven’t earned yet. However, with each hurdle that have past in the process of self publishing, I realize that the title author is something that I’ve already achieved. I gained this title the moment I registered the finished novel with the an ISBN. This golden number can now open the doors of self publishing. It has allowed me to upload the manuscript on createspace and work on the interior of the book.

This means that I’m no longer concerned with wording as much as I may be concerned about the size of the font. I already know the paperback size which is just a part of the larger realization that all of this is actually happening. I have doubted myself for months thinking about how much I have talked about this novel with very little results to show because I couldn’t give anyone a specific date that the book was coming out. Sure, I did have hope that this book would’ve been out by now but the process has taken much longer than I’ve anticipated.

WIthout a cover, it’s hard to predict a date but that did not stop me from applying to the Goodreads Author program. This is a site that I joined a few years ago as an avid reader. When the book club I was in existed, the books were tracked by Goodreads. I have a record of just about every book I have read and that helps me realize the range of books I’ve digested. At some point last year, I realized that some of my fellow bloggers are in the author program and I promised myself that when I get the chance, I will be a part of this.

The reason why I wanted this so bad is because the program would allow me to combine all my writing projects. I would be able to add my blog and have the novel displayed all on the same page. There may be in option for any future articles from the Huffington Post. More importantly, it gives me place where I can finally say, officially, that I have a book coming out with a projected date of October 1st (this could change to an earlier date).

It’s hard to explain how much doing this means to me. We’re not just talking a page that highlights the book. We are talking about me being in the same author program with folks like Junot Diaz and Toni Morrison (who are LEGENDS). This has also forced me to come up with a synopsis of the book which I really didn’t have before. So when I forget how to answer that question of…”what’s the book about?” I can look up what I wrote. lol

For the first time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not going to say that I’ve arrived but I will say that I’m in the general area. Thanks again for all the support.

my life, Novel, writing

Countdown

How long has it been since I started this? I think I started on this novel in March of last year. I finished the first draft last September and the second draft in December. Major editing begin in January of this year and before we knew it, the third draft was completed by May. Along the way, there were test readers who helped critique the book. Now, I have a final manuscript that I still tweak here and there. But the real countdown has begun the moment I purchased a set of ISBNs on my birthday.

I considered it a birthday gift to myself because the time for lingering is over. I have worked very hard on all of this and I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to get all of this done before the end of the summer. I wrote about the need for me to get ISBNs back in 2011. I knew three years ago that I need to get these and I put it off for various reasons. They are not cheap and technically, I’m buying something that I cannot touch as of yet. Since my financial situation was different three years ago, I put it off.

Of course, it should not be a surprise that the price went up. What was once a $250 investment for 10 ISBNs became $295. Maybe not that much of a difference but it’s still $45 dollars I could’ve saved had I not put it off for so long. But you know what? I just ran with it. So what makes me ultimately laugh is the fact that I think I’m done. I figure that I would have this crucial final piece so when the cover is done I’m all set. Right? No, I still have to buy bar codes for the books. lol (clearly, I just found out they are not the same thing) So, it will be stuff like that that I need to look out for. I’m already aware that I will have to figure out font type and size of pages. Hopefully, that these will be the final hurdles.

This is a learning process and the bar codes will not hold me up. They are $25 each and I will deal with that as it comes. More importantly, I think we may have found someone to design the cover. I’ve seen his work and he may be the right match for what I’m looking for. I just need to have a little more patience because I am so ready to do this. To pass the time I may go over the book one more time but to be honest, I’m ready to get this done, NOW.

So, the countdown has began on June 12. I’m giving myself to September 1st to get this done. I will not be happy if I cannot deliver.

comic books, my life, Novel, writing

Building a Better Book

I can see where it has taken people years to finish a book. I’ve heard stories about how it has taken ten plus years to finish a book. I figured out why that is. Building a better book is all about perfection in the eyes of the writer.

As I have combed through pages upon pages of this novel, I have found new things to either tweak or even add if the story called for more detail. This is why drafts get numbered. The current manuscript is the fourth of its kind. It’s fully edited and complete from my stand point (for the moment). But now it’s time for more feedback and cover designs.

First, I think I need to say that I have a publicist. Before you tell me how fancy you think I am, she’s family. Which brings me to my editor, she’s one of my oldest friends. It’s this type of network that has made me just focus on the writing and less on everything else. The role of the publicist is to help me promote the book as well as get the things I need to make this book happen. She is the one getting me new test readers. These two women have invested time into this novel and has made me believe in the book as much as I’ve made them a believer in me.

Their efforts have helped me make this book better and that is important. There have been many potholes in this journey. Many moments of self doubt when I wanted to just quit this whole process. Let me be real, this novel is rated R. It’s an adult oriented book that discusses many issues and sex is a very prevalent theme. This has made me think twice about if what I’m writing is necessary, is this a narrative that I really want to put out there?

I struggle with that question knowing the book’s content so when I got my first negative review, it hit home. Granted, I knew that not everyone is going to like the book but in her feedback, this lady mentions that Black and Latinos need to do better with their stories. I’ve heard something similar to this in the past with other authors. People wondering why sex has to be so prevalent, aren’t we sexualized enough as it is? Perhaps we are but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore the importance of sex and physical interactions in life. Sex is not in the story just to be in the story, it serves a purpose. Which brings me back to my publicist that had originally pointed out that I will need to figure who my audience is.

Yet, there is something that has been really calling me lately in terms of the book cover. First, understand the the title of the novel is Hanging Upside Down and there are several things one can do with that. However that are things that I’m NOT willing to do, which is anything has to do with a noose. There are too many images out there already that have negative connotations for people of color. So instead, I’m thinking about the real possibility of making the cover have of a comic-booky (yes, I know) feel. Reason being is that I think in a parallel universe I’m a comic book writer and I really want to honor the things that made me want to write in the first place.

I’ve also come to notice that the way I write comes from reading so many comic books. There are cliff hangers, flashbacks, and of course, a villain. I realize that this may be the case in many novels as it is but I like think that this is where my style has come from. So with that being said, when I saw the photo at the top of this blog, I already knew what I wanted. The background is this, I stopped collecting comic books when I went to college because I could not afford it. So when this series came out in 2007, it reeled me back into collecting again. I love the presence of a strong woman and I can tell you that this picture does resemble a part in the novel.

Building a better book may take perfection in my eyes but it also takes teamwork and I realize that my problem was that I thought I could do this alone. I thought that I can get this book out as fast as possible with no issues but I learned quickly that it is better to trust those who trust me.