Latinegr@s Project: Dr. José Celso Barbosa

Today’s Project highlight was actually a suggestion from one of my followers that I have met on Twitter. She had suggested that I look up the name: Dr. José Barbosa. What made me happy about today’s highlight is that this is the true nature of the project. I do invite more communal involvement because I am not sure we will get to everyone we want to this month.

Dr. José Barbosa (1857-1921) was a citizen of Bayamón, Puerto Rico who moved to the United States in search for a better education. Notably he graduated with a medical degree from the University of Michigan and was the valedictorian of the class of 1880. Taking the knowledge that he learned, he moved back to Bayamón and opened his own practice.

Dr. Barbosa was the first native born Puerto Rican to have a medical degree from the United States and that was not an easy thing to deal with. The Spanish government did not recognize his medical degree because it was not acquired through a university in Europe. It took the intervention of the American Consul for Barbosa to be recognized as a legitimate physician.

Barbosa’s work in the medical field became well known across the island. He became a proponent of employee based health benefits, which at the time was not really hard of. This was a very early start to health insurance in Puerto Rico

After the Spanish American war, Dr. Barbosa formed the Puerto Rican Republican Party. This was a political party the was for idea that Puerto Rico should become the next state of America. In 1900 he was appointed to The Executive Cabinet of the United States by President William McKinley. Finally in 1907, he created the first bilingual publication on the island called El Tiempo.

Dr. José Barbosa died on September 21, 1921. Since then Puerto Rico has declared July 27 an official holiday. His residence has been converted into a Museum as well. One thing that I did notice in my research of Dr. Barbosa is the fact that many Republicans are proud to consider him a conservative, which he indeed was. Many also refer to him as the father of the Pro Statehood movement that still exists today.

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Latinegr@s Project: A Fluid Identity

I am pleased with the responses that we are getting for the Latinegr@s project. I think that it is a good start to something I know I have wanted to do personally. However, I feel that we are the tip of the iceberg here. The posts that we are receiving are amazing indeed but even I begin to struggle a bit on what or whom to highlight.

It is not the lack of trying or the lack of influential people, it is the simple fact that there is so much information and it is very hard to know where to begin. I would hope that the images are long lasting that we never forget those who are considered to be invisible. Many Afro-Latinos are indeed invisible in today’s world and that is part of the reason why this project has life. Our identities as Latinos are a fluid one. We can fall into many different racial and ethnic categories and yet still identify as Latino or Hispanic.

As children, in the United States, we are indoctrinated with the belief that there is a black and white binary. While we never fully understand it until we are adults, there is an underlying sense that it is better to have a lighter skin tone. American history often demonstrates the superiority of one racial group over another within the white and black context. What is not taught in school, but is often learned, is the inequality within people of color. African Americans face this issue when dealing with different shades of black and the distinction of bi-racial and multi-racial categories. Many African American scholars point to the creation of such categories as “not wanting to be white”. However, this kind of problem goes unsaid within the Latino culture.

Latinos face a very real crisis of identity in the United States of America. The Black and White Binary paradigm in this country places everyone based on skin color into those two categories. Because this paradigm is indoctrinated into all of us, we are forced to describe people of all racial groups within the terms of black and white. This widespread thinking almost puts Latinos on the outside of that binary. This unnatural marginalization of people of color outside of the paradigm forces many to choose what part of the binary they fall into. More often than not the, choice is made for them.

Latinos can be described as a “hybrid category” within the black and white binary, specifically because white and black simply do not apply. Much like my family, Latinos represent every shade of skin color possible. Having another category would assume that were a third race and thus a paradigm shift. However, a large segment of Latinos would rather consider themselves to be white and completely deny their African heritage.

The idea of Latinos thinking of themselves to be anything less than white would mean they are closer to the oppression their ancestors felt. Simply put the darker the Latino the closer to Africa they are. The question is why is the black side of the binary so hard for Latinos to deal with? The answer lies with the Spanish colonization of the Caribbean and Latin America. The hierarchy of the dominant culture was quickly established that placed white Europeans at the top with African slaves at the very bottom and in the middle was the indigenous people. The ruling class was made up of white Europeans from Spain.

The media plays a huge role in Latino identity. The Latino Identity is typically defined as a light skinned, dark haired individual that is often made to look exotic. Afro-Latinos are rarely seen in areas of television media with the exception of sports. Despite what the media may consider to be Latino, the darker skinned people still remain fairly invisible. Print media, more importantly, magazines have the same issues.

I know I just got real educational right now, but there is a reason why I do have the slave trade map at the top. More often then not we tend to forget our history or just simply avoid it all together. That is why this project is so important to me. We should never think that we are all not connected because according to history we are.

Latinegr@s Project: Roberto Clemente


Let’s take everything you think you know about baseball right now and throw it out the window. When anyone of us think about the color barrier in baseball, we think about the late great Jack Robinson. The man that stepped through the door in Major League Baseball. He is honored in every stadium in America by having his number retired by all 29 teams. Of course he made it possible for a man like Roberto Clemente to step into the scene in 1955.

Roberto Clemente is well known for the great plays he has made on the field as well as the 3000 plus hits he has accrued over his hall of fame career. However, he is also know as a humanitarian. He spent most of his off season time doing charitable work across the Caribbean.

Ironically he died doing the very thing he loved to do. I am personally inspired by this man based on his work ethic and the love of his people. He used his fame and money to help the less fortunate. He played with passion and proved that he was indeed worthy of everyone’s respect. He was one of the most feared hitters of this time.

To this very day, he is the one person that is not talked about very much outside of Pittsburgh or Puerto Rico. I am waiting for the day that he truly becomes recognized for his efforts on and off the baseball diamond.

Here is his story…

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I Will Not Break

I will not break
I will stand firm
on my 2 feet
I will find a way
to blow away every obstacle
the tears in my eyes
are not from defeat
are not from the loss
these tears are for
the building of my courage
my eyes gleaming with
water in anticipation
of my next move
I will not break
I will stand firm
my emotions will not rule me
I will not let this fool me
I am a man
with real tears
I cry to mourn my past fears
I am ready for the future
but is the future ready for me?
I do not agree
with your assessment you see
there is no more “we”
there is just me
so I will not break
I will stand firm
I will stand strong
prove all of you wrong
and when the tears fade
I will remain whole
beacuse I
will not
BREAK

Grassroots Project: LatiNegr@s

February is upon us and most people are taking the time to celebrate Black History Month. This month is so important to explore the contributions that black people have made in this country and perhaps across the world. In taking time to really look at this month, we normally focus on African Americans as they should. However, I would like to see that we expand the realm of this exploration to encompass Afro Latinos.

I have said so many times before that most Latinos don’t consider themselves black in anyway shape or form. They seem to refuse to believe the evidence that is out there that indeed a part of our history can be traced to Africa. So the connection is there. Then there is the one drop rules that has existed during the times of slavery that if anyone had one drop of black blood in there system…then they were black.

So, in the spirit of exploration, I have been working on a project with fellow bloggers, La Bianca and Prof. Susurro on something that we are passionate about. It is called LatiNegr@s. This is a collaborative effort that allows a bit of community blogging from anyone interested in adding to this effort of our exploration. We are encouraging people to submit blogs, pictures, videos, poems…really anything in this effort to really celebrate Black History Month in the way it should always be celebrated: together.

The link below is to the submission page in which all of this will be post on via Tumblr. I will post this link on the side bar and have it there for the entire month. It is my hope that you will try to contribute to the cause. The fact of the matter is that Afro Latinos are not well recognized in their place in society. I am personally working on a few surprises that I hope come together for this project.

Consider this to be a call of action that is being made not only on this blog, but on twitter and on facebook. The submission page is: http://lati-negros.tumblr.com/submit

Chaos

A room filled with clutter
I can see a mess
that needs to be picked up
and straighten out
to put order to chaos
leveling out the imperfect
and through it all I fight
the notion that I am
meant to be with someone
so instead of cleaning
I blend into the clutter
pretend that I do not stutter
in thought and words
I begin to wonder
can she see me through the disarray
am I recognizable in the confusion
that is reality?
My actions are nothing but a jumble
in this rummage I stumble
realizing that I need to clear the anarchy
but what can be done
but clean up the mess
clear out the room
then perhaps I can finally
see the floor
the path that leads out the door
before it closes
before I am trapped…again
in this room of unending chaos
where confusion leads
to laziness and self hatred
when all things that can be said
go unsaid
but instead
I am left with a room
cluttered with
pieces of the past
that plays like a puzzle
that cannot be swept
under a rug with a broom
I need to get out of this room!
I just have no clue
on where to start or what to do
but I will fix this
because I know what it is I miss
and that is you.

No Fear

“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else.” – Ursula Kroeber Le Guin

Here is the thing I am trying to convey: People can change. I am not sure sure why this is so hard for people to believe. Indeed, we are creatures of habit and it is easier for people to not change at all than to make the effort to do something different. However, if a person truly wants to change and have the motivation to do so, they can.

Sure, our behaviors make us who we are. Change does not happen over night but it is indeed possible. If chain smokers can quit smoking then that should be an indication that people can change. Of course addiction is a disease, but it is still a change in habits and in many ways a change in thinking. Very similar to how so many people ask me how I have lost the weight and maintain that loss. I have changed the way I do things. I have changed the way I eat and the way I live my life.

More importantly, people need to make mistakes in life. Clearly this is not an ideal way to learn anything, but life is everyday learning. We get tested everyday and we do not always pass those tests. Trust me, I know first hand. I am a failure at so many things in life at one point or another, but if I don’t fail, I cannot succeed.

Real change comes when you have nothing else to lose. I have seen many things in my life and one this is for sure, pride is the downfall of so many people. Pride is usually the last thing a person loses before they reach that rock bottom. Once we reach that place, we cannot sink any lower. Some people have issues dealing with such a place or concept. Some people never get out of it either. However, if you have ever been at the lowest point in your life then you will know that the experience is life altering.

When I am talk about life altering, think about losing everything. What happens when we have nothing lose? There is no more fear. Very few things from that point on can hurt us as we build our life back up. We become free to do whatever we really want to do in life.

For me there was the acknowledgment of a few things. I realized that I will be single for a long time. Call it a personal choice or maybe a protest to God (whom, I am starting to think that God is woman, but that is another post…*smile*), but in either case I need some serious me time. I acknowledge that kids may not be in the cards for me. I know, I keep saying this and some people actually get upset, but it is what it is and I will let fate decide that one. Finally, there is the chance with all the things that are happening in my life that I may just die alone. Yes, that is a somber and morbid thought, but the funny thing is, I have no fear of that. Maybe because in my heart, I know it is not true.

But, as much as those negative things are a possibility, so are the positive ones. I may just get married again. I may just have have 3-5 kids. Maybe I will become this famous poet/author. I do not know, but that is all possible. I have reached the level of acceptance and have let go. My point is that right now I am living a life without fear.

I told someone yesterday that I am caring less and less every day. What I meant was that all the things that I used to stress are fading away. Why should I stress something that may ultimately not matter? At this point, I am living my life according to what I feel is right for me.

What is your Karma?

“You see, there is only one constant, one universal, it is the only real truth: causality. Action. Reaction. Cause and effect.” – The Merovingian (The Matrix Reloaded)

I have written about karma before and I really do not want to keep repeating the same things. The problem is that I have been thinking about karma lately but only in a third person point of view. Clearly this is something that I believe in and stand by. I think that karma is a force within the universe that just happens. There are both good and bad karma. Most people focus on the bad. “What comes around goes around” is something that my dad used to say all the time when I was kid. Of course when he said he didn’t mean it in a good way either.

What I find interesting is how people determine what their karma is. As if karma will effect anyone of us in the exact same way as the deed we did. The best way to describe this is if person A were to screw person B over a promotion and person B will think that person A will just get screwed over by someone else in the long run over another promotion. Perhaps that is the case and perhaps not. Some times a person’s karma could be worse than imagined. I am not one to believe that karma will effect us in the same way that we effected others. However, there are unique cases in which it does. We all get what is coming to us.

This is also the same thing when it comes to good karma. I know that I am not the best person in the world, but I do care about people in general. I have been told I care a little too much thus, my flaw is that I have too much faith in people. Perhaps that is true. I have been raised to believe that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. However, people make mistakes and they screw other people over. It happens. The question because can the person handle the karmic recourse?

There is the issue of cause and effect. Everything we do will cause something to happen to someone else. It does not matter if that effect is big or small. It is almost a ripple effect of sorts. We can talk all day about how we need to be good people in order to get in heaven or at least a version of it. In some belief systems, karma is said to dictate how you evolve in the social order in the next life. So, if you are a total asshole in this life, in the next you could be reborn as a slug. Harsh sentiment, but some in beliefs, that is how it works. It makes me think about how some people of a certain faith believe that they can act in anyway they like as long as they go to church on Sunday, they will be absolved of all sin. Maybe that is the case, but karma is a bitch.

Better yet, we would have to beleive that the choices that we make in our lives will effect us throught the course of it. One would have to be willing to make mistakes in order to learn from them. It is said that people cannot change. I do not believe that. I think they can. I have see it. I have done it. Most people are not willing to change due to pride or their own self worth. Usually, it is karma that really plays a role into everything. People will get what is coming to them which is why we have this notion that good things will come to those who wait.

So what is do you believe your karma is? Did you screw someone over and in the back of your mind you are patiently waiting for payback from someone else? Does this allow you to trust people less because somewhere in the recesses of your heart you believe you are not worth the time or the energy? This is where I was last year. After everything is said and done, my karma proved to be a bitter pill to swallow. The worse part is that I know that I am good person. But, good people also make mistakes that they continually pay for. As time has gone on, I have learned to deal with my own shit and have grown in confidence ever since.

Karma is not just something that comes around. It is a learning mechanism that the universe gives to us. It is how we learn from our mistakes and not a matter of cosmic revenge. It is why we do not stick are hands in the fire because we know that we will get burned, but that does not mean we don’t use fire to warm us. Same thing goes with love and life. I cannot be afraid of getting hurt because I hurt people. At the same time, if I am going to get burned for being too nice, then so be it. Karma will come for everyone.

If you havent notice my litte subtle hints…karma and fate are ultimately linked.

Year One


“I’ve been travelin’ on this road too long, Just trying to find my way back home. The old me is dead and gone dead and gone” Dead & Gone – T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake

As I sit here in NYC again, I almost find it hard to believe that it has been exactly one year since I started this blog. Last year at this time, I knew that my life was about to under go a drastic change. The writing on the wall was pretty clear in terms of my marriage and I just needed an outlet. I needed something to get my mind off of all the things that were around me. So I started to write.

I wrote every day for 101 days. I spoke about anything that came to mind as if I never had a chance to have my voice be heard before. My original plan was to give a voice to Afro Latinos. I wanted to write a blog from that point of view. Perhaps give people what they have been missing.

As I spat out blog post after blog post, it became harder and harder to find a topic. Once that started happening, writing became less fun for me. I felt almost superficial in what I was saying. I looked at my blog and felt like a hypocrite. “Inside My Head” sort of became a joke to me because I wasn’t really writing about what I was feeling. I contemplated just quitting the blog all together.

Once May rolled around, I decided to just let it all out. I wanted to really face everything head on and take my readers with me on this journey. I was a little fearful that people may not read as much because I was getting personal and I was writing less. However, I noticed that my writing was getting better and in the same regard I was actually feeling a release of energy with every blog entry.

The blog began to really help me mentally. But those changes were really not going to be complete if I really did not start running. I can say that I must have thought of a great deal of blogs when I was on the treadmill. It is rare that someone has a change to change mentally and physically at the same time…and I seem to still be losing weight.

There were times in which I really felt that I was arguing with myself. Several blogs about fate and destiny have lead me to a different conclusion about my life than when I first started. The rest…well it just seemed to be about love or a variation of it. I wanted have this blog to pave the way for me to gain self redemption. I have made many mistakes in my life that I have paid dearly for and at times continue to pay for. My journey, through this blog, has and continues to help me look in the mirror.

Which bring me to what seems to be my new passion on the blog, my poetry. Please do not ask me where this came from because I do not even know. There are times when I have an idea and I need to write it down. Most times it comes out as a finished poem that I simply retype on to the blog. In the late summer, I felt a real need to find a different and more creative way to let what I was feeling out…without just saying it. The poem about Rocky was supposed to be poem that I just wrote and nothing more. But, as time passed, I just felt the need to just write more. When you are an emotional writer like I am, it is almost like a drug to get write every raw emotion down.

I have scanned my poetry. Someone indeed gave me a journal for Christmas and I am using that journal for strictly poems. I know that I have written most my poems out of stress and sadness. However, I do have some love poetry that I am not entirely sure I want to post. I will have to think about that.

So, for your viewing pleasure (and mine too), I am listing what I believe to be my top 10 blog of this past year. Maybe you will get a chance to read some if you have not done so already:

I am looking forward to Year 2 of this blog. I still think I have plenty to say and I just hope that you will all continue to walk along side me in my journey.

“I turn my head to the east, I dont see nobody by my side, I turn my head to the west still nobody in sight. So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride. The old me is dead and gone,the new me will be alright”

Saying Goodbye


“How do you find the words to say, To say goodbye When your heart don’t have the heart to say, To say goodbye…” – Alicia Keys “Goodbye”

Time to get a little personal here. Although I think I have done that already, I have always been very vague about many of the details that surround my personal life. However tomorrow I have to do something that will prove to be very tough indeed.

Most of you know how much I love my dog, Rocky. He has been in my life for such a long time. He will be 10 years old this summer and he has literally been a rock in my life. Ever since he was a puppy, he has brightened my day. Rocky is very bright and has some serious personality. I am not sure any other animal, human or not, has made me laugh as much as this dog.

I have to say goodbye to him. As part of an agreement that I have with my ex wife, she will take him. Rocky is very much her dog. He was given to her as a gift in 2000 and while I have been there for him, Rocky does belong to her. Tomorrow will be the last day I see him for sometime. While I am saddened by the fact I will not see him for awhile, Rocky will be ok.

Usually it is better to not have a long goodbye. I know that will see him again so I will promise myself not to make this harder than it needs to be. The funny thing is, he will just look at me with his eyes and want to play. He will probably bark and then I will have to bark back at him. You know that a dog has touched you when you have a pet name for him. I call him “papa”.

I am not sure if I will ever get another dog. I have had several in my life since I was a kid, but Rocky has had the most spirit. He is a dog that does not like to have his ass smelled by other dogs but will definitely smell theirs. He is a small dog with a big dog attitude in which case I have seen me stare down a Rottweiler. He loves human contact. If you walk in a room and you do not pet him…he will let you know. Let’s not forget that he is only dog I have ever written a poem about.

Saying Goodbye is always hard. I am not very good at it because I have had trouble letting go. However, in this particular instance I have no choice. I am ok with this because she loves him as much as I do, so it is not like he is going somewhere that is unsafe for him. The best thing, however, is that I have tons of good memories and pictures.

Rocky has touched my heart in so many ways. He has seen me and my best and my worst. This dog has proven to me that I can be a very gentle and loving man. When I was at my darkest points, he was there for me.

This is not a goodbye forever….just a goodbye now. Goodbye papa, I will miss you… 😦