This is the blog entry I have been dreading to write. I have been thinking about what to say and I have planned out theses words for weeks. There is a very big reason why this blog has slipped over the this month and this is because my emotions and general feelings have been all over the place. This blog as been my constant since January. I have done a lot of writing to distract me from the problems that have been so glaringly obvious to me.
I am sitting here in Mount Vernon, at my aunts house, and I cannot believe how hard it is for me to write this. After almost 8 years of marriage, my wife and I splitting up. We made this mutual decision in March. This has been a hard road for us. I knew that this was something that was going to happen in December. Our marriage has been rocky for about 3 years.
There is no manual for a successful marriage. It is hard to gage all the things one needs to do in order to keep a lifetime commitment going. I will say that I blame myself for so many things. No one gets married just to get divorced. I would like to think I have done my best to make her as happy as I can, but ultimately I did not.
We will remain friends. Her and I, on many levels, get along great. Right now, we still reside in the same house, although not in the same room. Her and I will figure out all the little things we need to get us through this tough time.
This will come as a major surprise to many people who thought that her and I were the perfect couple. I think that we did a great job in getting along in public. I will say that I don’t want people to think that I do not still love her because that is not the case. The issue of love is not the case here. I do love her. But, I think that we have both done so many things to each other that at some point we were done.
This will change how I write my blogs for the time being. I maybe a little darker than normal. What I will not do, is say anything bad about her. There is no reason for it. But, I think that writing has been so helpful to me when I need to get my feelings out. I think that my blog has slipped because this is what I wanted to write about and this has blocked out every other thought that I have had.
Category: Blogging
After 101 consecutive posts, I took some time off from blogging. At first, I had no choice in the matter. My Internet was down for a large part of Saturday that lead into Sunday. While I could have blogged from my phone, but I decided not to. I took some time away from writing to refocus on what was me and where I want all this to go.
I want to focus on quality and quantity. I think that I have done my best to get post out no matter where I am. I have always made my personal deadline (sometimes barely) and I have tried to talk about a variety of topics. The only thing that has bothered me is that I feel that perhaps I am losing the quality of my writing but just post so much. However, once I started down the path of posting every day, I did not want to stop because I wanted to prove to myself that I can commit to something and stick to it. After over 100 posts consecutively, I think I have done that.
So what does this mean? Well, I will not be posting everyday anymore. Which means I will take weekends off as I see fit. I will concentrate all my efforts on Monday through Friday. I will only post on the weekends if something is burning me up, which is completely possible. I am giving myself personal freedom to do more creative things with myself.
There are many personal things that I am going through right now that I do not wish to share at this moment. However, I will do that in the near future and when I do that will change how the Blog will be. Which, is ok, actually. So, I am still very excited about my writing and I am planning so many things.
I will try different formats. I notice that fellow bloggers my have themes to certain days like “Wordless Wednesday” or “Random Thoughts Thursday“. I am trying to be as dynamic with this blog myself. However, they have more followers than I do, so much of the themes can work with participation.
One things that really worked for me last week was planning out posts. I had come up with 3 subjects last weekend and spread them out over 3 days. This has made me re-think about blogging on this site. I have always been a day to day blogger. I write for the moment. In the case of last week, I had 3 things I could write about and planned them accordingly. This made it feel as if I could really be more than just a blogger.
Which brings me to my goal. I have a goal to write a book. I know that in order to do that, one needs tremendous about of discipline. What I plan in a book is far reaching and collaborative. I think that I can make a difference in the lives of underrepresented groups.
I feel that I need a reintroduction into what it is I am trying to accomplish here. My is Anthony. I am grew up in the Bronx. I live in Syracuse. I am Latino. I am Black. That does not mean I am am African American and Hispanic. That means I am a Latino Negro or Afro Latino. When I get counted during the Census, my race will be black and my ethnicity will be Hispanic.
Yes Hispanic or I should say His Panic? You see I am an educated person of color. I am an educated Latino male that speaks his mind and points out the injustices in the world. I know the power of the pen. I know the power of a subtle smile to those who hate me. I know to tolerate those who wish to see me back on the other side of the boarder.
I write every day for me. I write everyday because before this year, I was used to being silent. I was used to not speaking when it mattered most. I am willing to call out racism with America and Latin America.
I want to reintroduce myself to those who may read this blog for the first time. Those who may have clicked on this site based on Twitter comments. So please, welcome! Sit back relax read some posts and buckle in. It will be a bumpy ride…
Well, I think that is just simply put. I have to be better. I think that since I have started this blog I have met some pretty incredible people. I just need to be better in reading other people’s blogs. I feel like I have kind of disappeared in the aspect.
I am not going to make any excuses and say that my job is working me. Sure, I work a lot, but I find time to write, so I need to find time to read. When you blog, you being to realize that creating a blog is more that just the thoughts you put on the screen. It is more of a collective experience in which people share their lives.
We all choose to write so that everyone can read. Comments are always welcome and are at times very needed to continue the share experience. For me, I haven’t really been doing my part in this and I need to do better.
Damn, I almost forgot to post a blog today. Mets home opener and then some drama with students kept me from writing. The other thing that I am so into and have been for awhile is the Nintendo Wii.
One of the things that I love about this game is that you can download games on to this console. Like old games or games that are downloaded as a part of “wii ware”. The games that I am addicted to are the online multi player games. Now, I am not trying to do the shoot up games because I am not that good at them. I am talking about games like, Mariokart Wii, Dr. Mario, and Tetris. These games I can get down with.
I don’t play all of them in the same time period, however, Dr. Mario tends to be the most addicting out of all of them. The game played by itself is just ok. When you play against people across the world, then it turns into a whole new game featuring cursing (by me) and hollering (by me).
Well tonight I was so engrossed, I almost for got to blog today…so I am done. Now back to my game…
In response to my blog about how much I need music, one of my good friends told me about an iPhone app that can record and identify music. For those who my have an iPhone or iTouch it is called Shazam! (which is a name I already like because of the superhero, Captain Marvel). While, I have not tested it out yet, it makes me wonder if the iPhone really does have an app for everything? Coincidentally, I spent most of my Saturday night downloading free apps to my iPhone and a lot of these really work well.
I have needs. We all do. I can look up apps on iTunes and see what is out there. I am mostly interested in free ones. But let me ask….Is there an app for….
- Porn! I mean you could be home alone one night and your computer’s either too slow or maybe you don’t have one! Is there an app where Porn can be watched the way it should be? and can you fast forward?
- Rolling a blunt! Anyone of us could have a bad day at work and you just need to relieve the stress…or perhaps have cataracts (…and own an iPhone?). In either case, rolling a fatty might be an issue. Not enough weed…the paper is not rolling right, whatever the issue. Is there an app for first time blunt rollers?
- Strip Clubs Finder! In a new town? Visiting parents or friends? At a conference? You are just bored out of your fucking mind and you need some sort of adult entertainment and have no clue where the nearest (or hottest) strip club is. Is there an app to help you find one?
- Blog Topics! Stuck on a topic? Don’t know what to write so you resort to Facebook lists and other silly questionnaires? Perhaps writers block has set in. Is there an app for random topics to write about?
- Dominican Detector! Are you Latino? Are you African American? Having a bad hair day sucks when you cannot find someone to do your hair or getting a tight hair cut? Is there an app that lets you pinpoint a Dominican that can do a fade, or a relaxer?
Well Apple boasts there is an app for just about anything….
I was reading a E. Payne’s blog about Twittering. I have been going back and forth about weather or not I should indeed be “tweeting”. I never realized how many people are actually talking about this thing. About a week or so ago I wrote about blog about my need to get more readership. In the end, I mentioned Twitter. Then I saw this, which was on E’s Blog:
After seeing this, I thought to myself. There is no way I am going to tweet. I am not a loser or anything like that. Then I realized that E is on Twitter and he is not a loser. So may be there is something to to this. I had to think about this further. What seemed to be the very next day after I saw this, I was watching the Today Show…
Wow…so needless to say I became very interested and saw the rest of the segment…
After watching this, I was still not entirely convinced. I am really not trying to follow any celebrities because, quite frankly, I don’t give a shit about them. I just want to do me. Sure, I guess I can see which of my friends are on there but that is what I have Facebook for. Really, why would I want to use Twitter just to put up a status message?
That is when a Yahoo! buddy of mine, who also has a blog, told me that she promotes her blog through Twitter. She was able to explain to me how she networks her blog through Twitter, with updates and conversations that she has had with her followers.
Readership! That was my thought. So I jumped on it. If I can use this to my out then so be it! Come check me out: http://twitter.com/Latinegro
So, yes, I have “twatted…”
I guess I am not doing a good job in promoting my blog as I should be. While I am not necessarily writing for the world at large it does make me wonder who is out there. In terms of the blog world, I guess I would consider myself low maintenance. I don’t update this site much outside of blogging every day. Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but I want to focus of this site to be strictly on my words.
I consider this site much like the hair cuts I get every 2-3 weeks. I make it short. I get a touch up. Trim the sides and make sure the edges are smooth. After all that, I am good for a few weeks. I can go about my business and not really care how people view me or what I am doing. Very much like this site.
However, I have come to realize that readership is everything. While my topics seem to vary from day to day, these are still my experience that I share with the world at large. I will still say Latinos are black. I will still talk about how I see the world. The fine line I see is that this blogging shit is not a popularity contest. I think people may view it that way and the art of writing in general gets lost.
I have done several things to promote this blog (although now that I think about it, I could do better) such as, word of mouth, commenting on other blogs, facbooking (status updates and network blog sites), myspace updates, etc. So, I am not sure I am satisfied with what I have. Not that I will change the content of even the way this site looks, but I feel I need to make a change in some way.
Now, I have said before that I do indeed write for me. I truly do not write for anyone else, however, writing needs to be read. Just like musician may write music for the love of music…someone has to listen to it. So, I think I need to do a better job in promoting. I haven’t been receiving a lot of comments in general and it makes me think that I need to step it up a little.
So, with that being said. I think it might be time to join the world of Twitter.
I think I am addicted to writing. It took me a few minutes to figure out how to write a new post on my phone. So u know there love there. I am currently on my may to New York City and all I can think about is how in the world am I going to do this? I will say that as a follow up to my last post, I did not get enough sleep.
It is great to have a few days to rest and think. This will the first time I will me going to the Big East tournament and I am quite excited about it. I should be able to get there in enough time to see the Syracuse game tonight. I plan to see some friends, but I am very excited to see me nephew, Justin. I am sure he will keep me up one of these nights trying to beat me at some game on the Wii.
This is really my last breather before the semester really gets busy. April is my killer month with so many shows and concerts that a day off will be hard to come by. Not that I am complaining. I love my job and all it entails. The students keep me very young.
As I look out the window, I begin to see the NYC skyline. Every time I see this it just makes me sad. I truly believe that the skyline has been ruined forever. I still remember that day when I was on Wall Street on 9/11. It was because of that day that I made the final decisions to leave. Funny thing is, I come myself coming back more often lately to visit. Who knows, maybe I may move back.
I was going to take a night off from writing, but something told me to keep going. I am on vacation this week, so I will get to sit and not only reflect on the rest of the semester but about the rest of the year. When I created this blog a few months ago, I decided to do some archiving of all the posts from my previous blogs. While, I still have some old posts that I still need to add, it has not escaped my notice that I did not write anything as at all in 2008.
While I am not one harp on the past. I am using this fact to keep writing. In my past blogs, I would write periodically. I would write for a few days and then I would skip weeks on end. See, I do not want to do that anymore. I feel that if i start taking breaks then I will let this blog eventually slip, and I will not do that. This blog feels so different then all the past ones I have written. I have never enjoyed writing more. Maybe it is the community of bloggers that I continue to run into. I cannot say for sure.
This next week will be challenging. I will be traveling to New York City for a few days and I am not sure how I will be able to blog everyday. But, that is the thrill of the challenge. So, until then, I will continue to blog everyday…
Anthony Otero 