Choices…

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about how small choices can effect life in a big way. As shown on my post on Monday about Soul Mates, I have been listening to a lot of Chris Rock lately and he is a very quotable person.

This all started on my drive back from New York City on Saturday. Normally, I drive to music. I have an iPod full of music to make those 4 hours seem like nothing. I was not feeling in the music mood, which is rare because I am always listening to music, as I am now (If I Was Your Woman by Alicia Keys is playing on my iTunes right now). I decided to do something different. I needed to laugh. I am fortunate to have XM radio and I turned it to the RawDog Comedy channel. It was exactly what I need. I was in tears most of the ride back.

It made me think of Chris Rock and how funny I find him. Mostly because I think that he speaks the truth on so many subjects. We laugh because the truth is so ridiculous. As I was searching for the perfect clip about soul mates, I came across one of his quotes. The problem is, I do not know what show this is from:

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

I have seen the show that he mentions this. In the context of what he is saying it is hysterical. It does make me think about how choices can change a life.

For a long time, I thought my dad was going to live a long life bitter life alone, but he was able to have someone be in his life. More often than not, the choices you make in life come back to you. In my case, I am dealing with that now and it has brought a whole new perspective on what I need to do in my life (of course it is a work in progress).

Lately, when I walk around campus I seem to see one or 2 older people who are either sitting on a bench or walking around aimlessly and I think about what choices did they make to land them where they are. I see some of the same faces everyday and they look bitter. It is my belief that if you are old and bitter then you have made a lot of bad decisions in life that has gotten you to this point. Which is why I cannot get mad at bitter old people. Who knows how many times they have tortured themselves over a painful choice they have made. While it is easy to say that we need to accept the things we cannot change, doing it is a whole other story.

I recently heard a story about a woman I used to know. We were colleagues and I considered her a friend at one point but she decided to (in my opinion) be selfish and leave me to do several projects with no guidance on what she had done previous. This became a pattern with other people she knew and even lost her job in the process. When it came time for her to marry and have a child, she sent invites to all those she once wronged, including me. Turns out I was not the only one who did not attend her festivities. She recently spoke to a friend of mine and comment how no one was there for her, but my question is where was she?

Choices, good or bad, will come back to everyone of us. That is something I really did not have a concept of when I was younger and is now something I deal with. My father always told me what comes around, goes around. I have to admit once again he is right.

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Soul Mates?

I know this was a little long, but I love Chris Rock!

Let me start off by saying that I cannot believe it is June. It is not that I feel this year is going fast, because I don’t think it is. I guess I am looking at it as being 11 days closer to 35.

Anyway, I have spent this past weekend thinking about many things. I mentioned in my last post about how I had met up with and old friend who had already been in my shoes, the one of the things she said was that “Everything is Temporary”. I found this to be a profound remark. It made me think how true this was in my life. Is everything temporary?

I think that people tend to come and go in my life. I also believe that everyone serves a purpose that I may not always understand. I chose to focus on those who may have most impact in my life and they are the ones I talk to the most. While I do not think friendship is temporary, I think that connections can be. I may not see a good friend of mine for years. Our connection could be broken but our friendship is not.

Which brings me to relationships and love. Is love forever? Can you truly love someone forever? I don’t know. I think you can try. But, often times love goes both ways. Sure one person can love another for a long time, but what happens when that love is not returned? I would assume that is when things become temporary.

I ask all this because I am thinking about theory on Soul Mates. I am not sure they exist. I think about everything I have gone through in my life. The women that I have been in love with and the failures that have come from it. It makes me think about what the purpose of all this is? Are we supposed to go through life searching for the perfect someone? Or do we end up with who we end up with and hope for the best?

I do not quote myself often, but I blogged on Valentines Day. I wrote about love being the perfect emotion and while I would love for you to read it (because I think it is incredibly relevant right now), I have pulled out a small excerpt:

True love is like the pot at the end of rainbow for many of us. But is true love the embodiment of a soul mate? Maybe it is love of a parent and child, or perhaps the love that two very good friends share. I wont say that I know the answer. But, I do know that are people in this world who are very happy with their current situations. Those situations could be alone with plenty of love of friends, or love of children. I am not downplaying the loving relationship between 2 people, but I believe that Valentine’s Day has a way of effecting people who are not in a relationship or are in a relationship that has not filled its potential.

I think that many of us are fooled into believing that love is this thing we see on TV. That love is a perfect emotion that endures anything. So, people have expectations of others that may not be attainable. Not to say that love can’t survive anything, I for one believe it can, but we know that humans are imperfect. So if love is the perfect emotion, and we are not perfect, then that is going to lead to issues for many people. If anyone has ever been in love then you will know that is the one emotion that will make you do dumb things.

That sums it up for me, we are not perfect. Yet, we expect the perfect things from people and even from ourselves. Unfortunately, this is where we get in trouble. I was told that I let my emotions control me. While that might be the case, I feel that my capacity to care and love can be great. I know many men who would rather show no emotion. In those cases, women often try to “fix” it by getting them to express their feelings of love. In any case, I do let me emotions rule over me because I think that matters of the heart should no be contained by logic.

I also completely understand that the very fact that I may not really believe in Soul Mates could render me single for quite awhile. However, I do think there is only a finite number of times you can find love. Let’s face it, people suck. The older you get the more baggage you attain…and even if you do not have any baggage, the next person you try to date will most certainly will.

For now, I will stick with the Chris Rock definition of Soul Mates until someone can prove to me otherwise.