my life – Page 17 – Anthony Otero

I was Bullied too…

I’m not sure that I have mentioned it in the past, but perhaps I alluded to the fact that my childhood was not always the best of times. Sure, I can get into the issues that I had with my family in the past, but at the end of the day, they are family. I also do not want to give anyone the impression that I didn’t have great times either. However, there seems to be this issue that has caught the nation’s attention, even though it has always existed to me, and that is Bullying.

What makes this such a hot button topic now is that kids are now killing themselves rather than facing the social implications that comes with being bullied. Its not a secret that kids can be cruel and in my case they found any reason to pick on me. I was the shortest kid in the class, my teeth needed to be straightened, then I got braces, and then I got glasses. I was always under the impression that I was just ugly and the worst part of that is that I came to accept this.

Of course with hindsight being 20/20, I do know that the reason that kids ended up teasing me was because I was different. Maybe, there was some little girls who liked me but the hardest part of all of that was as a kid, I just never know. Being picked on in grade school was a normal occurrence so I could never be too sure if any little girl would like a little boy who was the object of bullies. While, I was not the only one who was picked on, I took no joy in seeing it happen to others.

I remember a few things specifically. I remember feeling so helpless at school that telling my parents only made it worse. My dad was the type of person to come to the school to look for the dudes who were beating me up. He would tell the nuns at my school to make it stop or he will. While, that is noble of my dad, the physically bullying stopped but the mental bullying did not. The feeling of helplessness was also apparent when I started being mean to a dear friend of mine in the neighborhood. He was smaller than me because he was younger and I remember making him cry because it was me who ended up being the bully. I felt horrible after that.

The one thing that sticks with me is being bullied by an older girl. Apparently, when I was in the fourth grade I offend this girl (my sarcasm was in its infancy) who then told her 6th grade friend to beat me up. Now, this was no ordinary girl. She was like a tower and ugly too (she still is). She picked on me for weeks. What really confused me was that I was always told never to hit a girl. So I took it and I cried. However one day, I grew tired and hit back. I was horrified I even did that. She pounded me. I am not sure when it stopped, but I remember a boyfriend of one of my older cousins, who was in the 8th grade, broke it up.

As I grew older in grammar school, I wasn’t so much picked on anymore. I was, however, lethal with my words to the point where I still feel bad for “snapping” on certain kids. It was a way for survival. You talk about me, I will talk about your mother. I will talk about how dirty you look and how you smell. The more people I can get to laugh the better it was. It wasn’t a good thing. Of course, when I began High School it restarted all over again. The funny thing is, I chose an all boys school because I couldn’t deal with the humiliation with girls anymore.

I was called Urkel. You have no idea how much I hated that. I stopped watching Family Matters because of it. None of these kids knew what I was dealing with at home. The fighting of my parents, the fact that I couldn’t deal with the constant bullying really put me on edge. I remember tearing in class with anger and frustration when it seemed that every boy aimed their spitball at me…and that was just my freshman year. By Sophomore year, I wrote a note one of the teachers who I had a crush on (Ms. Smith) that I wanted to kill myself…

If it wasn’t for her seeking me out in my next class…who knows what could have happened. I went to counseling because I wasn’t trying to a rat. I also had genuine issues with my parents divorce that were unresolved. From that point I took a stand and I drew the line on what I would tolerate. I learned that most bullies were pussies. Each one of them I confronted did nothing. Sure, I was in a Catholic High School, but no one was going to risk expulsion by fighting. I remember one kid in my senior year who ruined my shirt because he flicked ink on it. At that point, my dad made his parents pay for it. They gladly did and he was pissed at me (of course). He kept talking shit until one day I stared at him and said…”you know what, let’s go…let’s do this RIGHT NOW. I got nothing to lose! And if you beat me…know that it will not be easy”. He back down..in front of his friends.

No, I do not have fond memories of school. It was a constant battle and I feel my education suffered in college. My college experience is a whole new story in itself. I just feel that I need the world to know that the confident person that is writing this blog was not like that as a kid. I was at a breaking point and I got through it. Bullying is not something to take lightly, it stays with you for the rest of your life.

If you are reading this and you are being bullied. Things get better…it always does. Be yourself because no one can take that from you.

my life

Movin’ Out (Anthony’s Song)

One of my favorite Billy Joel songs…

“And it seems such a waste of time If that’s what it’s all about Mama, If that’s movin’ up then I’m movin’ out. Mmm, I’m movin’ out…”

I have been holding this in since January. There is one thing that needed to happen this year that will change the course of my life. For far too long I have spoken about leaving Syracuse but in the back of mind, I was always wondering what I was going to do with the house. Even if I left by way of job or school, I would have to worry about paying for the mortgage. The house was the only anchor I have in this city that would prevent me from following my path. I have now removed that anchor from my path.

I wrote about risks and how I needed to take a huge risk to get a huge reward. Well the house was the risk. I knew back in December that my financial situation was bleak. Before the christmas break I made an assessment of my life and where I wanted to be a year from that point. All answered pointed to me not being in the house. At the time, I didn’t know what I was going to do because I was beginning to feel the weight, of what seemed like, the world on my back.

No one really talks about how hard it is to survive a divorce a year after the fact. People just assume that once everything is said and done, your life goes back to normal. The problem is win or lose, no matter what side you are on or how happy you are, you will always have to pick up the pieces. More often than not, those pieces are financial in nature. Creditors do not care about divorce, they want their money and if you go into debt together, they will hunt one or both of you down.

So with that being said, I decided that I had to go on the offensive. I was tired of earning money just to pay off people for things I do not own anymore from a relationship I am no longer in. Without getting too much into my own personal financial detail, I think that had the laws not changed for bankruptcy, I would have been eligible. But since I was not, I had to make the decision to stop paying my mortgage and go for a short sale of the property.

Even with my roommates paying me, I was not in a great place. I was barely making it and I was tired of living on scraps. By doing this very risky thing, I started having more money to live and pay off other bills that I was having issues with. Yes, my credit was being effected, but not by much because my credit was already shot. So, the only thing left was to find a buyer…which I already had one in mind.

A took a page from my dad’s playbook. When I came back to NYC in 1998, I discovered that I didn’t have much time before I had to start looking for my own apt. My dad had sold the house to a buddy of his who had a family. He knew that this guy would be able to carry the mortgage and fix up the place to how he saw fit. I knew that this is what I needed to do. I made a deal with a very close friend of mine whom I knew would be interested. His wife and 2 kids would use this house in better ways than I ever could. Since I have been in this place for about 9 years, I wanted to at least make sure that the next person who owns this place would treat it with respect.

Over the last 5 months, we worked on a deal. A contract was drawn up in which both parties had agreed to. We agreed on having one lawyer look at it to make sure all arrangement we binding and legal. As of a week ago, I made my final payment on the mortgage before they take it over. I am all caught up and free to leave. I still cant believe I did it.

I found a nice place to live in close to the University. It is not the best spot, but it will due because I am not looking to be too comfortable. I know that being comfortable leads to complacency and I have had a little bit too much of that. The best part about this entire thing is that this sets me up for my exit. I know that I have been planning this for so long, but I think that what I was missing in all my talk was that I was not being strategic enough.

I truly meant what I said earlier in the year. I’m done talking, I’m about doing. Now I need to plan my next move.

No More Excuses.

grades, Masters Degree, my life

3.5

About a month ago, I wrote a blog about my troubles with my undergraduate life. I named it 2.1 because that was the GPA I graduated college with. Nothing to be proud of. I got lucky to even graduate and in many ways I felt like I wasted my undergrad years. Fast forward to present day and I have a new number to smile at: 3.5

I have been very much on the fence with graduate school, there is no question about that. It is not because I do not want to do it because I do. It has a lot to do with where I do it. I’ve made it no secret of my desires to leave Syracuse to go back home, but I figured while I’m still here I might as well continue my education. Like most things in my life, I figured that I will just take that leap of faith and figure out later how I’m going to land.

This semester was no different. I took the History of Urban Education as a last minute decision. You may recall that I decided that this year was all about “no more excuses,” so this was one of those things I had to stop procrastinating about. This was class number 4 and at this point, I had two A- and a B- ( Economics…blah). For those counting…that left me with about a 3.3 and change. Up to this point, I had never gotten an A in a 3 credit class. Sure, an A- is great but it is frustrating when you are shooting for the highest marks. Not to mention that the only As that I have ever gotten was in one credit classes…so it means next to nothing.

So, I took this class not knowing how hard it would be. It turns out that when you take classes that you are actually interested in, they are not that hard, its just a matter of how much work you are willing to put in. I think about all the long nights. Coming home from work at 9pm then reading until about 2am. I am not sure about anyone else, but doing that week in and week out tends to make you read slower because of fatigue. But, I continued down this path because I wanted to get my first A ever. The two A- before it were just about heartbreaking enough.

I did all my work and what was required of me. I met with the professor a few times about the topic of my 20 page paper. Just when I thought I found the topic I wanted…I changed it at the last minute. It was just not flowing. It got so bad that I had to ask for an extension at the last minute. I realize now that the title of my paper is a tad redundant: Latinos in Urban Education: The Struggle for Inclusion in Public Education. Some people had asked if they can read it, but I was holding off until I got the verdict on the class.

I wish I was lying when I say that it felt like blood, sweat, and tears went into this paper. But when I think about the struggles in my life, this was the one thing that I can control. I know that if I can get this work done, I can be more than what I was in my undergraduate stint. I need to prove to myself that I am indeed an A student.

I did it. Today I checked my status online. I got an A. One of the few things that I did not screw up. One of the few things I can say I did right…and I did it for me. I cannot tell you how many times I felt worthless, but today…I feel that I can do anything. I have a 3.5 as a grad student…3.7 in my area of concentration.

All my frustrations have been worth it. I am an A student. Turns out that I always was.

haters, my life

Haters!

This may be my new license plate

I guess I didn’ t think it was possible for me to have haters. Why would someone hate on me? I don’t make much money, I have way too much on my plate, I am way too much debt, and I barely write on this blog as much as I want. Yet, I have some people that insist on drinking some haterorade and I makes me wonder why…

Perhaps it is because I’m good at what I do. I am able to juggle my job, my classes, and my volunteering well. I’m an advisor to a numerous amount of student organizations and I am trying to have my hands into many things that are student centered. I wont list every group, but I added two more this year because I come highly recommended from other administrators and alumni. The effort and heart I put into this has lead me to being awarded The University Advisor of the Year. An honor I am so very humbled by.

Perhaps it is the fact that my writing has gotten better. The honor of becoming a writer for the Huffington Post has not worn off for me. I feel that I am out there to the point that people who don’t ordinarily know me have now heard of me. My passion is out there for everyone to see and I have risen past my own expectations. I feel more accomplished in what I do in the world of writing, even though I have barely scratched the surface.

Perhaps it is because I have a beautiful girlfriend. I am with a woman that understands and accepts me for who I am. Long distance has made things interesting, but I am committed. She has shown me how to enjoy life for what it is and I appreciate her for that. I’m at the point that I truly feel that I can accomplish my dreams with her in my corner. Not to mention the fact that despite it all, I have no issues with showing how I feel to everyone.

Perhaps it is because I am HAPPY. For the first time in a long time, I am happy with my life. Sure, I am struggling and dealing with things I rather not deal with, but I am so very content with my life. I have come to the realization that I spent many months in some sort of depression. I am not talking about something serious, but definitely in a mental and emotional rut that had effected everything that I did in life.

Let’s be real here, being happy is the one thing that a few people do not want me to be. I have been through the fire and have come out unscathed. I will always be the bigger person and I will always look for opportunities to make myself better. I do not care for negativity in my life and I will always ask for the respect that I deserve. I will always rise above pettiness.

So if you are a hater, there is always the unfollow or ignore button. Perhaps you can just unfriend me on Facebook (as some of you already have), in either case, I will always maintain my professional character and willingness to better myself. Saludos.

my life

A Mile

People think I lead an easy life. They think that because I am positive most times about the here and now as well as the future, that I am living this care free life. People think because I do not call or visit them that I do not care anymore. I get tired of these assumptions because life is hard like it is supposed to be. I don’t ask for credit or reward, I just ask for understanding.

I make tough decisions everyday about my personal life. In order to survive and live life with rewards, one needs to take risks. One would also need to make sacrifices, which is a word that I know all too well. As I get older, I now understand that sometimes things need to be sacrificed in order for progress to happen.

People love to judge and assume as if I care about their judgements and superficial concerns. I have yet met anyone who can walk a mile in my shoes. I am not discounting that other people have it worse than I do because I know for a fact that I have a certain amount of privilege. Yet, I find myself being the bigger person in most situations because I do not have the time to be petty nor do I care to rationalize what other people may think. I simply have too much on my plate.

I wouldn’t expect most people to understand because all they see is my persona. They see the calm, cool, and collected person that never panics. However, I think about everything. I see the world as a chess board. Each move I make has to set up the next one because losing is not an option. I don’t have the luxury to make bad decisions, in fact, I don’t have the luxury to make good decisions…all my decisions have to be GREAT. That means they have to be high risk.

I worry about many things. I am great at my job and I love to help people, but I find it so hard to ask others for help. Perhaps I feel that I can either get out of my own messes. Perhaps I feel that I don’t deserve the charity of others. I know my dad would just simply say that I am stubborn and perhaps I am. In either case, I push on because bad decisions of the past have to be rectified.

Yet, no matter how many good things I do, I cannot escape my own fear. I consider myself to be a great problem solver and this is one thing I can’t seem to solve…my fear. Not just the fear of not making my goals, or not doing the things that I say I would do, it is the fear of failure. It is kind of funny when you really think about — I have failed so many times in the past, one would think I should be quite used to it. However, I’m never used to it. Sure, I move on quicker, but I never get used to failing because I am not a failure at life.

I know that failure breeds success. An inventor never invents ANYTHING on the first try. That person fails and tries again…over and over until success is reached. This is my life in a nutshell. I am trying to get things right despite the glances I may get and the comments I receive. I would never expect them to know my milage because they do not know what is like to walk in my shoes.

ACUI, my life, Strengths

I grow Stronger. #acui12

Believe it or not, I have been trying to write for weeks. I’ve had several thoughts in my head but couldn’t seem to narrow it down to something concise. I have often told myself that if I can go back finish the blogs I have in draft, I would probably have a month’s full of entries.

That notion pretty much describes me because I feel that I have a bunch of unfinished business that needs to be conducted. While the writing as not come to me much lately in the ways that I want, my long hours at work and doing homework have but a strain on the time I have to write.

As the school year comes to a close, I can see how my life this year is beginning to pan out. My goals, the ones that I have yet to reveal, are near completion. It is an exciting time for me because I am down to one 20 page paper and a summer of endless possibilities.

I am also in the process of identifying and solidifying my strengths. This is new concept for me because usually when you are in any workplace, we tend to focus on weaknesses. If you have been following me on Twitter you may (or may not) recall this hash tag I was using for about a week: #acui12. This was away for me to share my experience with others at the ACUI Conference in Boston. It was also a way for me to network.

For those who do not know, ACUI stands for Association of College Unions International. Every year, professionals within this field get together to share ideas on how to make our careers and our profession better. This was my first time going to this conference and I am happy to say that I learned a lot.

I made it one of my goals to go to this national conference because I felt the need to see who else was out there. The need to network, for me, is not just about the job search, it is about building relationships and discovering my path. Networking also give me a sense that I am part of something larger within my industry. I can really relate to people in my field who go through exactly what I do through. Not to mention the one thing we have in common – working with students.

One of the things that I has able to discover were some strengths that I really didn’t think about before I arrived. When you are a professional, it is almost standard to take leardership “test” like Myers Briggs to gauge how we can work together. During this conference, we were encouraged to do StrengthsQuest, which is designed to highlight our top five strengths. Why is this different from others? Well, the thought behind it that we work better when he use our strengths rather than focusing on areas of weakness that we want to improve.

My top five strengths are Strategic, Adaptability, Connectedness, Futuristic, and Lerner. Without getting to deep into it. I will summarize all of these in a few sentences. I am a strategic thinker that can get by any obstacle that comes way. I live in the moment that allows me to be adaptable and not get flustered when something new pops up. I believe we are all connected in someway whether by history or experience. I am always looking to the future and what goals I can achieve now to my life better later. I love to learn and be kept abreast of new information.

For those who know me, none of this is new, but this speaks volumes to me. My hope is to cultivate the things I know are my strengths so I can move on to complete yet another goal. I just get stronger in 2012.

grades, Masters Degree, my life, Syracuse University

2.1

Think about that number for a bit. We are often defined by numbers. We rely on them when it comes to assessment. We assess products, sports, stocks, and grade point averages. Society uses these numbers to gather a value on something. Many mathematicians will tell you that numbers do not lie, especially when it comes to things like science. But, can numbers really put a value on knowledge?

Ever taken an IQ test? I haven’t, but I know that they are designed to place a value on how smart someone is. So assuming that you are either naturally gifted or perhaps went to the right school, you can be deemed really smart or as dumb as a doornail. Over the years, there has been evidence to suggests that standardized testing is racially and culturally biased. After all, not all school districts are created the same. Urban school do not have the resources as private or suburban schools. So how do we really place a value on who is smart?

I don’t think it should come as a surprise that most high school do not prepare students for the rigors of college life. No one is really prepared for the freedom of moving away and living relatively alone on/off campus. For most students, learning is on a whim and sometimes success in the class room can happen through mistakes. Maturity plays a huge roll on how a person deals with distraction. Yet, some students are able to fight through things to get great grades. Unfortunately, others struggle with just life in general and may find it hard to survive the grind of college academics.

We should just assume the getting into college is a stretch within itself. A institution, like Syracuse University, has to see something within the students they accept, which would reasonably mean that schools do not just except stupid kids. So why do students do poorly versus others? I would like to take into consideration my own issues.

I graduated from Saint Raymond’s High School for Boys. I do not think that I was different from any other potential college kid. There was a thought about myself, however, that I wasn’t that smart. My guidance counselor did not think I would get into Syracuse University, I clearly showed him otherwise. However, when I did get in, I often wondered how I was going to do. I really didn’t try all that hard in high school, it was as if I really didn’t care. I was picked on, my parents were getting a divorce, and I felt generally ugly since I was one of the few boys who wasn’t dating for most of my 4 years there. Yet, the one thing I always remember hearing in grammar school as well as High School….Anthony never applies himself.

College kicked my ass. I had many distractions and i just didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was a student leader that cared more about the cause than about myself and by the end of my first semester of sophomore year, I was at a crossroad. My grades were horrible and I almost found myself kicked out. If it wasn’t for barely passing my religion class…I would not be a alum of SU. This wake up call lead me to pick a major that I wanted and do so much better in my classes. I still graduated in 4.5 years but I had this feeling that getting into grad school would be a long shot.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a student of mine. He was not in a great mood. He felt his grades defined him and my heart went out to him. I told him that despite whatever he graduates with…he can still be whatever he wants to be. Last week, I had a similar discussion with a student on the opposite end of the spectrum who has a grade point average that I have never seen in undergrad and it made me think about my grade point average currently. The good thing about SU is that you can check your current grade point average on line. I look at my grad school grades and I smile at the 3.3 that I fought hard for. I figured that if I get an A in this current class, I will be at a 3.5

Something told me to look at my undergraduate GPA. I had to cover my mouth because I hadn’t realized how low it is… 2.1

I almost fight tears thinking about this. I could have done so much better. I just could not get over my own shit. I was so immature that I could not see what I was doing to myself. Sure, I could blame girls, my parents, my work-study job, or the lack of guidance. I really have no one to blame but myself. I hated most of my classes because they just did not interest me. I did well in cultural courses and alright in my English courses. Sigh…I had to ask myself, why is it so different now?

Now…I care more for myself and I love my classes. I am invested into my own education and I love to learn new things. I am far from stupid but that number is a mark that I count against myself. Yet, it isn’t a value I place on my intellect. I consider that 2.1 GPA (which was earned 20 years ago) to be a measurement of my maturity.

free write, my life

April Free Write

I think the best thing for me to do right now is a free write. I have been so busy this semester that I haven’t really had time to sit back and think about what is really happening around me. The fact that its already April is crazy to me. Yet, I feel that I don’t have enough time to do everything that I want to do. I did take some risks that are beginning to pay off and hopefully by May, I can actually say what it is.

I am also torn by the fact that I still want to leave Syracuse and yet the pull of continuing my education remains. The class I’m taking currently is indeed amazing and it’s taking me to a place where I really want to learn more. When the dust settles on this semester, I will look at my options and really consider perusing my Master’s degree and holding off NYC. It is a difficult decision because I wanted to do this elsewhere but I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

I’ve also thrown myself into my work by doing new things and being more available to students. It goes far beyond me caring and doing what is right. It is the fact that I am determined to be better. I have come to realize over these past few weeks that perhaps I was depressed over the last few years. I am not sure that is something that I could see at the time. I was going through many things and I don’t think I handled many things well. It has taken me awhile to get adjust to not only living alone, but to getting to the task of care of myself. I have faced many fears and continue to do so.

Then there is the fact that I have become so attached to my writing that it takes an emotional toll on me. Not that I consider this to be a bad thing but it is something that has really connected me to the larger world. I love the fact that I have a forum like the Huffington Post. It has given me a new outlook on my ability. However, I would be lying if I said that my post being declined didn’t bother me. I am my own worse critic as it is, but I never consider being turned down before. I put a lot of effort into the posts I have already written. I almost consider it a failure.

I also think about my girlfriend. I do not talk about her much on here because I feel that approaching that subject in a public forum is something she may not be totally ready for. But, I will say that I have been able to enjoy life a little more now that I have someone to share things with. My past has taught me many things and I will say that I have done myself a disservice by not taking time to just enjoy the little things. I think appreciating a woman is one of those things.

As I look at what is left of April, I am a little distraught that I have not written (or finished) any poems yet. I have reached a different point in my life that will definitely effect the way I do poetry. I think all the things that I written over the past year or two was just me being a certain phase of my life. I have shed that and I am currently heading into another phase.

I will end by saying this. My emotions are strictly focused on what is going on in this racist world we live in. I have been angry and sad all at the same time. I am just glad that I have someone to love to balance it all out.

The Future is bright my friends.

ACUI, Boston, conference, goals, my life, Syracuse University

Boston Bound

It is not often that I get excited for business trips but for this venture out of Syracuse, I am totally pumped for. I am going to the ACUI National Conference in Boston. For those who do not know, this is a conference for student union professionals to get together to share ideas and best practices. What makes this exciting is that I get to network with people who do like minded work.

This goes with my motto this year of Investing in Myself. It has been a long time since I haven’t been to a conference since 2008 when I took 3 Latino students to the second annual AAHHE Conference in Miami. I did some networking there but not a lot because my life was different then. Regardless, I’m still happy to be able to be in a different environment learning new things.

Networking is very important because it all comes down to who you know in the job market. When you can put a face to a business card or a resume then chances are that person will get at least a longer glance at your job application.

It reminds me of something that happened to me 2 years ago when I was looking to hire a Graduate Assistant. The hiring process is pretty complicated for these graduate students that need to apply to get into the Higher Education program and then try to get an assistantship through a series of interviews. Before the big day there was a reception that allows departments to mingle with potential GAs. I went to the reception to see what the pool looked like because this was the first time I was in charge of this hiring process for my office. As soon as I walked in and got settled, she found me. With a plate a food in my hand, this woman comes up to me and introduced herself with a good handshake and tells me that she is looking forward to our interview. We had a great conversation that left a great impression and I remembered her the next day which lead to me eventually hiring her.

My point is, we never know who we can effect with our presence. The plan is to go to Boston for the educational sessions and mingle those people who can help me be a better professional. The other plan is to get a good feel for other schools as the potential for me to leave SU is always there. I need to make my own contacts and connections. I was commenting to my girlfriend that I have been here for 10+ years and barely know anyone outside of this place, so that needs to change right away.

I am also totally aware that I will be in Boston during St. Patrick’s Day, a fact that has not truly hit me yet either. I have never been the one to celebrate it so that means I am up for some good times. That is also why I went ahead and bought the shirt pictured above. Furthermore, I have some family in Boston that I would love to see. This will be my chance to connect and see the city.

If you follow me in my other mediums then expect to see a lot of pictures from my Instagram app. If you know of any places I should go see…please let me know!

Cornel West, my life, Students, Syracuse University, The Huffington Post

Don’t Confuse Your Life Task With Your Day Job

“We must learn to lift as we climb.” – Angela Davis

It’s not very often that I am caught off guard about something. I tend to regulate my emotions to the best of my ability and yet, despite that you can still see my heart on my sleeve. When I took the offer to write for the Huffington Post, I will admit, that I wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting into. I knew that my potential audience would be bigger and my name would get out there more, but I didn’t know what to expect in terms of feedback.

It was my girlfriend who told me that I needed to be very mindful about potential comments that I may receive, after all, I do not get very many on this blog and I have become quite used to that. But, she was referring to people who would not agree with my view on life. What she was trying to do was prepare me for potential negativity with the things I write.

There was a lot of thought put into what I was going to write about in the Huff Post. I wanted to make sure that I was going to be ok with the angle I decided to take, which of course is all based on my time working at Syracuse University. I really wanted to get into my observations and my feelings with working at SU as well as getting to know the students. I wanted to be able to reflect on my experiences as a former student and current staff while giving the reader a glimpse of what I see and do.

I have taken pride and often times I have been humbled by the show of support by fellow alumni and staff when I debuted a couple of weeks ago. There was nothing better to me than to be recognized for my ability to write. I also wanted to use my gift to highlight those who work in the trenches with me. So this is not only meant as a tool to talk about students but the wonderful staff as well. That is what I based the second blog post on. I started looking at things differently after that blog was published.

I have made it a point not to be overly critical of my own work. I go into this whole writing thing knowing that I can always improve because typos are the bane of my existence. I can take people arguing with me when I post something controversial. I know that not everyone wants to hear what I have to say when it comes to Racism and I am ok with that. But, in this particular case, I am writing about my students, the ones that I have a love/hate relationship with because in many ways (and i hate to admit it) they are the closest thing I will have to younger siblings.

So imagine my surprise when the comments are negative. By no means am I that sensitive, but I was completely caught off guard by the type of responses. I find it funny that I can talk about something that I feel we need, which is more Latinos in Higher Education, and to insinuate that everything that I am saying is borderline racist is laughable. Of course, I made the choice of engaging one person when I just should have let it go as many of my other friends told me. But, what got me was the fact that there were people liking these responses. It made me question a few things.

Cornel West came to Syracuse University this week too. He spoke about the new youth movement and how America’s youth are poised for action. He said that at any moment we will be witness to a time period where people will begin to mobilize for justice, much like the Occupy Movement. He talked about leadership and being able to tell the truth and take the truth, but the one thing that I found to be most profound (and there were many) was when he gave advice to students who are looking to make in the word, “Have the courage to be yourself. Don’t confuse your life task with your day job.” That in itself made me realize that I am doing exactly what I want to do no matter what anyone thinks.

However, it was all brought together by my students. I had 3 students this week ask me for personal advice; things that they cannot ask anyone else. I had one student break my heart when he told me that he felt defeated. He knows what he wants to do but has no idea how to get there. He is convinced that his poor grades will make him a laughing stock. This kid told me that no one knows his story and the hell he has been through in life and all he wants to do is just help other students. What do I tell him? Do I tell him that he is a fuck up? Do I say “pull up your bootstraps, hard work will get you what you want!”

Yes, he needs to put in the work…but how do I help him find his motivation? By doing my job, that just happens to be my life task.