my life – Page 2 – Anthony Otero

my life, Resist Trump, The Huffington Post, writing

Staying on Track

Before we all die I just want to say…

I like to give background information on some of things that I’m doing. It puts me a space where I can share my thoughts while keeping myself on task. I’m taking my renewed interest in posting for The Huffington Post seriously. I truly believe we all have a role to play in all this. My article last week came from a place of deep contemplation.

I wanted to make sure that my return to that platform was, at the very least, interesting. I know that there tons of people blogging and writing about the exact same things that I want to so I have to put in more work on my posts then I commonly do for this blog. There is always the chance that anything written on the HuffPo can become viral and I want to make sure that my best writing is on display.

When I finally hit submit on my last post I realized that 2016 went by and I didn’t write anything for the Huffington Post. Before this I had a feeling it had been awhile I just didn’t think it was THAT long. Perhaps I silenced myself thinking that my voice was as important anymore or maybe I just simply got lazy. Whatever it was I was smoking in 2016 (in terms of this excuse), I was delusional.

I’m now at a point where I will write how I feel about 45. My goal is not to try to convince his supports (because I don’t give a shit about them), it’s more about pointing out shit that is so amazingly clear to me but perhaps not so much clear to others. This will be my continuing contribution to the resistance.

my life, writing

Now is the time to Write

Before we all die I just want to say…

It’s a snow day! Time to write!

I’m slowly getting back into the groove for this next book. I finally finished Chapter One and it was tough. I still want to tell an interesting story. I want to end this novel in a very satisfying way. In order to do that, I will have to take my time and really concentrate on what it is I want to get out of all this.

I have also made a decision to take another stab at applying to the VONA writing workshops. I believe in professional development. In my time working in Student Affairs I’ve come to recognize that, though attending conferences, my value as increased from the input of others. If I want to continue doing this writing thing, then I should attempt to do professional development. So applying to this is something I feel I should do. Of course, I should also investigate other workshops.

Since we are talking about writing, I’m also in the process of updating my Huffington Post page. I need to get back in that realm. I just looked and my last article was in 2015. That is unacceptable to me, so it is time to update everything and start writing.

What does all this mean? I think that there are different forms of resistance. While I cannot march all the time, I can write and express my opinions. I think that we’ve had 8 years to be comfortable and now the world is changing. Despite how bad these times can be, it is opportune time to be an artist of any kind.

So, right now I’m gearing up to a lot of writing and I hope it all works out.

Blogging, my life

8 Blog Years

Before we all die I just want to say…

I almost failed to mention that this blog turned 8 last week. Normally I try not to forget about this “milestone” because it does mean a lot, but this week has been so crazy. What is striking to me is that I started this blog the year Obama started his first term.

Eight Years ago was such a different time. There was hope in the air and there a general feeling that we could get past the Bush years. I never once attributed the creation of this blog to the fact that Obama was the president but I’m sure that him being POTUS was part of an underlying feeling. One of my posts from 8 years ago is entitled Tired of Excuses because at that time I was telling students of color that I advised that there was simply no more excuses for them to not achieve.

I read that post and after realizing how dumb I sounded at the very end of it, I noticed that 8 years ago I was telling students something I should’ve been telling myself. At that time, I had yet reveal to myself that my marriage was failing. I had not yet realized that I could be so much more. The whole way I look at world has changed over the last 8 years because I decided to stop talking about what I want to do and did it.

I also think about all the people who have passed on in my life, friends that I lost, relationships destroyed, and bridges burned and before I can even think about going down a dark road of self doubt and despair, I think about the hope in my life. I think about the my current life, my love, my family, my friends, and the books I’ve written and I can’t help but be grateful that I did accomplish a lot in the last 8 years.

The world is different now.

This current climate does present a lot of material for writing but it will be darker. It will grittier and angrier. This was once a space where I can really get into my feelings of love and life and it has slowly morphed into a place where I express my rage at the world. I’m not sure what the next 8 years will bring, shit I’m not even sure we will be here next year (I don’t even kid you when I say that). What I do know is that I will not stop.

There was a time I thought about quitting this whole thing, but I cannot do that now. There is too much at stake.

my life, President Trump

…I just want to say

Before we all die I just want to say…

There are so many things happening all at the same time that I hope you’ve had a chance to pop your head up and say, “wait, this is really happening.” I wont be one of those bloggers that will go into a large list of reason why we are all severely fucked, but I will not deny that life is about to get that much harder.

I’ve spend weeks since Election Day trying to figure out how I’m gonna write as many blog posts as I want to and still be some what positive (or at the very least interesting). The problem I run into is that (not so) deep down, I’m angry. Of course being angry is nothing new because there’s always been a certain level of rage that has been inside of me. I just think that I’m not emotionally prepared for these next 4-8 years.

I can argue that these next few years will be pivotal for me. I could conceivable get married again. I could conceivably have a child. Those two sentences alone just fuck me up because how long does whatever personal happiness last in a world like this?

Look, I was child toward the end of the Cold War. I used to be frightened about the possibility that a nuclear missile would rip though the New York City skyline and kill us all. As a child, I never understood the nature of that threat. I just understood that adults were assholes and that they could destroy all of us because they can. My mother used to tell me that no one was stupid enough to blow the world…

As an adult, I now understand the nature of this threat. I understand how someone could start WW3 by simply thinking their dick is bigger than everyone else. This scares the hell out of me. I don’t have the irrational fear that I once did but I have the educated fear which in many ways is much worse. I do think that there are people in power who are stupid enough to pull that button or at the very least dumb enough to provoke.

So, before we all die, I just want to say that in the course of American history there have always been several events that happen within a century that change us forever and most of them end up being bad. We may have reached that point.

I miss the Obamas already.

goals, my life, writing

2017 Goals

As much as I would love to stab 2016 in the eye, I should be happy to say goodbye to such a horrid year. I actually went to a Thesaurus to look up synonyms for horrible so I don’t have to say the word so much in describing 2016.

Anyway…

I’ve barely had time to go over goals for 2017 but I’m satisfied with what I came up with. You may know that I don’t do resolutions so I create goals instead. I set 10 goals that are totally achievable and while some objectives are harder than others, these are promises that I make to myself and thus I have to hold myself accountable.

As per usual, I looked back at the past year to see how well I did. I noticed that I’ve achieved less than half of the goals that I set last year. The more important goals surrounding The Book of Isabel were achieved but I fell short on my overall targeted intentions in 2016. This a first for me so that might explain why I have been so somber over the last few months. I need to do better and hopefully these 10 goals will set me straight.

While I don’t put these goals in numerical order, finishing book three is at the top of this list. I feel like I slacked in overall writing this year and the only way to bounce back is to hit the keyboard hard next year. Chapter One is almost done and from there it should be smooth sailing until I’m done with the first draft. The only problem is that I don’t know how long this book will be.

This makes me think about the my failings in blogging this year. Not one Huffington Post article and I failed in posting 50 posts on this site. I usually put out something on the Huff but I just haven’t been feeling the whole part of blogging for another platform and not getting paid for it. In any case, I need to blog more on my page. Sure, I revamped my webpage but I lacked the commitment to give my readers more material. I would like to change that.

Since I’m talking about my failings in writing, I really need to get on my short story game. I’m my worst critic and with all the stories I wrote, I’ve released three of them on Wattpad. I was not ready. I still think my writings and my stories are amateurish at best. I need to believe in myself more. If I can do that, I can feel more comfortable in marketing myself more. Both things need to happen.

Although, the one thing I absolutely did in 2016 was read. In fact, I read more books in 2016 since college (when I was assigned reading). I loved most of the books and that only means I want to continue to read more. More importantly, I want to get back into comic books. I feel like I took 2016 off but I want to get back in the saddle. Thankfully I have Comixology for that.

This one is a long shot but… I think I want to get into Podcasting. I love listening to Black Girl Nerds, Black Comics Chat, Fan Bros, and Nerds of Prey. I think I can offer something to the conversation when it comes to Latinxs and comics. I will look into this one. It might be time for this.

Of course, no list is complete without mentioning that I need to move. Yes, this is like the 3rd move in three years but hopefully, this will be my last one. I need a new apartment that is hopefully close to work that will also allow me to get back to my running routine. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been establishing routines and running was definitely something that was broken when I moved to Mount Vernon (I know, I never wrote about it). However, my current residence has allowed me to reduce a bit of my debt and that is something that will always be a goal.

That’s it. This is my last post of 2016. I can tell this year to go fuck itself for taking 90% of my childhood.

Happy New Year everyone. Be safe out there.

my life

Happy New Year?

2016, What the F–k.

This has probably been one of the worst years in the new Millennium. Sure we can talk about celebrity deaths because there have been quite a few of them. But yet I feel like we’ve been on a collective journey through this shit storm.

Maybe, it was the election that makes me feel this way. Perhaps it was the fact that I wrote last year that I was not looking forward to 2016 due to the fact the Black Lives still Don’t Matter. The news in general has not been good overall.

Kinda reminds me of Rouge One.

It was a dope movie. An impossible mission to stop an impossible creation. So many deaths.

While so many of us have survived this year the question is, what will 2017 have in store for us? Even better, do I still wish everyone a Happy New Year?

I know, personally, that I have no idea what is going to happen to any of us. I want to be the hopeful person that thinks the next 4 to 8 years will be amazing, but I can’t. I can only think about how we are in serious trouble.

I will still write. I will still share my opinions. I will still support my peoples. I just wonder, what it will all be for? Yeah, it sounds like all doom and gloom but we’ve seen the rise in populism before. In fact, great stories are created with great villain with crazy ideals. This is a ride I’m not ready for but will take anyway.

So.. Happy New Year?

(p.s. all these scenes were cut from the movie due to reshoots. Ironic somehow.)

my life, Novel, writing

The Mirror Box

Next year will be a pretty big year for me. I plan to devote quite a bit of time writing the third book. I’ve been working on Chapter One for a few weeks now and it’s coming along slower than expected but I believe that the promise of a new year will bring better tidings.

I’ve always planned for this book to come out sometime in 2018 and from the looks of it, I may just make all my intended deadlines. If I finish in the way I want to then I’m probably looking at winter 2018.

This will be the last book in this series.

I feel I need to say this. The self publishing game is a tough one and I think the time is fast approaching in which I have my writing of this to another level. The thing about all this is that no matter what I’ve done, I will feel inadequate as a writer. There will always be questions in my head about how much of an author I truly am. It’s not lost on me that many authors I follow and aspire to be all have publishing deals and truth be told, I never tried to get one.

So the future plan for me is to finish The Mirror Box (which is a title change from The Glass House). I will explore the final path of Louis that started in 2014 with Hanging Upside Down and then continued in The Book Of Isabel. When I’m done with all those obligations, I will dust off an old unfinished story and make it into a manuscript. Then we will see what happens.

I’m sure that it will fail spectacularly because it will be my first attempt to try something totally out of my comfort zone.

2016, my life, writing

…in their shoes?

One of the things I end up doing when I start getting back into novel writing is to write dialogue. Just random conversations to get back into the flow. Sometimes, I will mimic actual conversations and other times, I will go on long tangents just to see where it goes. If I find it very interesting and useful, it may end up in a story that I’m writing. So in that essence, I decided to really write a conversation about a person who believes the exact opposite of what the other believes.

Most times this ends up being an experiment that I play out in my head and then transfer it to the keyboard later. Once I do that, I’ll add more words to give it more depth. I consider this to be an exercise of being in the other person’s shoes. The problem really becomes the issue of trying to debate facts. I mean, how does one do that?

Here’s a scene with two guys talking. I can always add the details later but for the sake of argument it’s probably better to ask yourself where you imagine them. A bar? A strip club? In a car, driving? Later in my writing process, I tend to add other details like… he said or he continues. Also, I’ll add things they’re doing while the dialogue is happening to make the exchange seem authentic because we’re never still when we talk to people.

Anyway here we go:

FADE IN

A: I believe the Earth is round.

B: Oh fuck no, I don’t believe that shit at all.

A: How can you say that? That’s a fact.

B: Really? How is that a fact?

A: Uh, Science.

B. Oh, so you go to school to learn a bunch of shit these Liberals tell you? Have you seen the Earth for yourself? I know you ain’t never been up there personally and don’t tell me you saw pictures because any photo can be doctored.

A. Liberals didn’t create science though. They do teach science in schools so you have to give it some merit. But, back up, you actually think the Earth is flat? What about space and the moon? We did send astronauts up there.

B. See, that’s some bullshit. The moon landing was all faked. I read it somewhere. They never landed and they totally had a camera with some funny lighting effects that gave people watching it on TV the impression that they was there… and you want to know why I know the Earth is flat?

A. This should be amazing.

B. Because if the Earth was really round, airplane pilots would be trained to not fly off into “space”.

A: (puzzled) What? Are you serious? Are you air quoting space?

B. Yup, I don’t believe in “space” either.

A: What the fuck? How do you not believe in space? What do you think is up there? Heaven?

B: That’s right, I do. All I’m saying that if there were billions of fucking stars up there then it wouldn’t be so dark at night. I read all about it and it make sense. I believe what I can see.

A. Wow. I guess gravity means nothing either.

B. I never said nothing about gravity. Let’s stick to “space” and your belief in “science”.

A: Yes, why don’t we stick to science? I happily believe in a little something we call facts.

B. That’s all bullshit though. All this science shit is a conspiracy to get us to believe that God doesn’t exist and I’ll tell you this: I hope you got your shit together because Jesus is coming real soon.

A: …and that’s a fact.

B. Hell yeah it is.

A: …and you know this, how?

B. I read it in the Bible.

FADE OUT

Honestly, I can do this all day. This gave me some pause because I realized that I could come up with an argument on facts. Yes, religion came into it and you kinda had to expect it to go in that direction.

The point is that no matter how dumb I think the other person is, they believe what they believe. We are in a matrix moment where people believe so passionately about their own personal truth they they would die on a very steep hill for it.

So, yes, this is life right now where facts and opinions hold the same weight.

Faith is, of course different, but you can also be religious and scientific too.

Also. There really are people who believe the Earth is flat.

Remember this is all fluff anyway.

my life, Super Heroes

This is Life Right Now?

I can’t fully explain how the next 8 years will play out (yes, I said eight). I can barely get a full grasp how it will feel when January 20th rolls around. The only thing that I can compare all of this to are things I’ve seen in fictional universes.

Maybe its because things don’t feel quite right. Maybe things feel out of place or a tad bit disjointed because this can’t be right life right now, can it? Donald Trump is going to be president. I was kinda hoping we would get some sort of time traveler trying to stop this shit. Unless you consider the alternative that they actually did because Hilary won… but what does that even mean? (answer: ssǝןpɹɐbǝɹ pǝʞɔnɟ ǝɹɐ ǝʍ)

So, yes, this is real life and I can only compare it to a few things.

G.I. Joe: Worlds Without End (1985)

On November 4th and 5th of 1985 these two episodes aired that depicted a few members of G.I. Joe traveling into an alternate universe (via transmutation device). They soon discovered that Cobra won and took over The United States (and the world). What followed was the discovery that everything had changed. The currency was different. The White House was made of gold. The Lincoln Memorial is now Cobra Commander Memorial (although he’s not dead).

This was a nightmare world where democracy died, where a lunatic and his cronies have taken over everything. Jobs don’t exist because it was replaced by slavery. I’ve always wondered how possible would it be for something like this to happen. How could a egotistical person like Cobra Commander win? How does that start? Hm.

Justice League: The Savage Time (2002)

This story aired on November 9th of 2002 and its a time travel tale that involves WWII and Nazi Germany. The premise is more of, “what if the Nazis won?” So how did this happen? Well, Vandal Savage managed to change the time stream. Green Lantern protected most of the Justice League from the temporal force that was unleashed (because they were in space doing what they do). When the JL returned to Earth they discovered that a tyrant had taken over everything.

Since most of the story revolved around going back in time to fix shit, the brief present was nothing short of an Orwellian depiction of how a government can be run by a tyrant. The only bright spot was Batman still existed but in “the resistance leader” sense. This is where I begin to think about how Nazis can run a modern day country. It doesn’t seem so far fetched now.

Star Wars (All of them)

There are many things that fascinate me about Star Wars that go beyond Jedi, the religious undertones, the father/son dynamic, and the spaceships. At the end of the day, the majority of the story is about the rise of evil and xenophobia. Chancellor Palpatine, despite being a Senator, was considered an outsider of sorts when it came to the political realm of the Republic Senate. He was voted in because the people wanted change and he thus plunged the galaxy into war that lead to him ruling it with an iron fist. Aliens, in particular, were forced to the edge of a galaxy that was ultimately run by old white men.

I think the most fascinating thing is that Palpatine was a liar and the Jedi knew it. He played everyone with lies and when he was attacked he was able to play up a non existent weakness. At the end of the day, he turned a Republic into a an Empire. At one point I couldn’t even imagine what life would be like as a citizen of this galaxy until I read a great book called Bloodline by Claudia Gray which explains the birth of the First Order from the ashes of the Empire.

All it takes is a populist candidate with a group of politicians who want to turn government on it’s head.

But you know what? This is all fiction right? This shit could never happen on a smaller scale. This could never happen to us. Right.

my life

Fluff.

Fluff. I feel that pure fluffy shit has been coming out of my fingers as I try to write blog posts. The world is going by so fast and sometimes I feel like I’m on the sidewalk waiting for a light to tell me when I can cross. The problem is, there is no light. There is no crosswalk, just passing cars filled with propaganda, think pieces, real shit, and cupcakes for racists. It’s almost sensory overload.

There are people who say everything I want to say much better than I would. So my life right now is about re-tweeting and liking posts on social media, which is cool, but I feel like I should do more. When I do come up with something it’s often times… fluff.

All this to say that this has been a horrible year. I know that most people will tell me that I get a pass because my aunt died which is fair to a certain extent. I just started to re-energize by completing the first chapter of my next book, but I still feel that something is off with me and my writing habits when it comes to this blog in particular.

Perhaps I need to refocus on other things but the problem with that is that even if I start something new like writing only about comic books, I will eventually get mad enough to talk about the current state of affairs. Then again, I don’t even know what that would look like outside of fluff.

Maybe it’s because the world in an enigma now. What’s up is now down. Racists have a real platform. Fake news is now real news or is real news now fake news? How does a creative person create fiction in a world where nothing seems real? This is what I struggle with because it is all fluff. Do I really want to write about shit that doesn’t matter to anyone but more specifically, me?

My next two blog posts will prove my point. I will still post them but they are crap. Just shit that I came up with because I just have nothing better to write about. But, think about this, Prince died and Trump is about to be the new POTUS. Shit doesn’t makes sense. It’s all fluff from this point out.