Anthony Otero

El Hombre (Negro) Araña – The Afro Latino Spiderman

Interesting news in the world of Superheros. Marvel Comics has announced that there is a new Spider-man. I would say the black Spiderman but we have already seen that. This a whole new multicultural Spider-man. This is Miles Morales, half African American and half Latino. Before people can get all excited or upset about this, please realize this is a part of Marvel’s “Ultimate” line of comics. This is not the actual Spider-man that we have come to know over the years, this is an alternative reality of sorts.

The Ultimate line is more of the real life version of Marvel. Imagine what would happen if Superheros did exist. It is a brilliant way to sell books and stories. It is so successful that when you look at movies like Captain America and Iron Man, you can see how they have adopted themes (i.e. The Black Nick Fury). So, it is not too much of a surprise to me that something like this would happen. This “real life version” of Marvel has always been a refreshing look at superheros. However, they are still behind the curve with moves like these.

John Stewart

DC Comics has made similar moves in the past to stir readership and promote Multiculturalism. The difference is that this isn’t in a ‘alternate’ universe. John Stewart is almost as popular a Green Lantern as Hal Jordan. His first appearance was in 1972 and yes it was temporary but in 1984 he played a more prominent role. He never left the DC consciousness since playing major roles in the Justice League animated series in 2001. I will also mention how DC changed a semi-popular Firestorm to a black character in 2004 that sparked some animosity amongst older fans. I am personally a fan of Firestorm since childhood and I was ok with this change. They also made a change to the Blue Beetle in 2006 making him Latino.

The room for change in comic books is there. Many people have argued why change a white character into another character of color? The basis is perhaps if these companies made original characters that were African American or Latino then perhaps readership would be sparked in that way. While I think that sounds simple, I do not see the average white person buying the adventures of “El Guapo”. However, a coalition of African American writers, including the late Dwayne Mcduffie, had made great strides with his creation of Milestone Comics in the early 90’s that featured predominately Black Superheros such as a well known teenaged hero called “Static Shock.” DC has purchased this company and had integrated them within the continuity.

The New Spiderman!

Marvel’s move is indeed courageous. I think that having a Mixed Race (which is what this is being deemed as) or Afro Latino Superhero is great for youth and new readership. It gives a sense of being able to put yourself in the shoes of hero if you can see yourself represented. Of course there is a small uproar some of it positive and some not so positive. What I am concerned with is the idea that the writer (Brain Michael Bendis) is not ruling out the fact that Miles Morales may be gay. While, I am not against the concept of gay superheros I think in this case, it is too much. Making him homosexual as well is like wrapping up all the under represented people into one costume. Marvel may shrink the readership from those who originally identified themselves as being in the shoes of the new Spider-man.

The other problem I have is more of a consistent stereo type of Latino males being gay. I think that goes beyond Marvel Comics, but it is still something that I see consistent in images and roles being played on television. I think about Oscar in The Office, he is the only Latino in the show and of course he is a homosexual. I think it is becoming a pattern in which the once Macho Latino Male was portrayed as the hot latin lover is now becoming the emasculated gay guy in mainstream television.

Northstar:
Marvel’s 1st
Gay Superhero

Before anyone can bark at me and say that there are no homosexual superheros, I will say that there are several in both DC and Marvel Comics. The list is quite extensive actually and in my opinion I think it is quite impressive. I wont get into detail about it but if you want more information you can check this out. I am very impressed on how far comic books have come form the days of my youth. Many of these things seem to be unheard of just 20 years ago. As a matter of fact, there was indeed a gay marriage in a popular comic book.

In any case, it should be interesting to see how this all plays out. The Ultimate Spiderman #1 comes out in September and quite frankly, I cannot wait. It shows that there is some recognition that we are moving into a more global society. I love this quote from Marvel’s editor in chief, Axel Alonso:

What you have is a Spider-Man for the 21st century who’s reflective of our culture and diversity. We think that readers will fall in love with Miles Morales the same way they fell in love with Peter Parker.

I hope the world is ready for the New Spiderman because he is coming. The envelope is being pushed it just am matter of how far it can go.

job search, my life, resume, social media, social networking

Social (Media) Skills

I had this amazing thought last week. I have been working hard on applying for jobs and getting interviews that I have been trying to add skill that I have to my resume. What hit me like a ton of bricks last week was the fact that I should add Social Media to my list of skills. While this may be a relative no brainer for some, this is a new thought to me because I have been doing this like it is second nature.

I figured out that I manage 3 twitter accounts, 4 Facebook pages, 3 Blogs, and a Google+ account. I also started doing stuff with Instagram and there are talks about a possible 4th blog. I am not sure I would count Linkedin too, but some would. I laugh when people in my family look at me like I am crazy because I “put my sh*t out there,” but let’s be real about all of this: people are making money doing these things that some consider to be just fun.

If I may indulge a little bit. This how the social media life started for me back in 1998, when I was doing a crappy blog about my life in New York City. Then at some point I got a Yahoo Profile that I still have and only use for Fantasy Sports. During that time, I mostly played word games and met people through chat. From there life moved on to Migente, where it seemed liked all Latinos were going instead of Black Planet (which I never felt the need to join). These sites seemed cool and I got tired of them quickly because people are dumb.

Then Myspace came along and that changed the game. By this time, I wasn’t doing much of anything social media wise. I think moved my blog a couple of times from Blogger to Xanga and then to Myspace. At first, I liked it. It was a cool way to feature your life and have a blog with it. At one point before the move to Xanga, I purchased the domain name of AnthonyOtero.com in which I had randomness of my life and then the blog highlighted. It was ok, but Myspace was much better. Then Facebook came along and that changed the game…again.

I began to like Facebook more than Myspace even though people were trying to face that it was for kids (like Myspace was really meant for adults). But, what hooked me was when I started connecting to people I have not seen or heard from in years….including family members. Deleting myspace was easy after that. Clearly, I became more serious about blogging and even wrote about Social Media a few times.

Then Twitter came out and Social Media became a way to market yourself as a product. This has become a great way to get a message out that and to network with people. I know that I have been able to get my blog more traffic due to twitter alone. Once you know how to get an audience or at least get the right people to follow you then sites like Twitter become more engaging.

Of course, companies and places of business take notice. Which is why I have always made sure that my job has always been up on its social media game. We have a Twitter account and 2 Facebook pages (which is apart my original count). The internet is a free enterprise, if harnessed correctly, you can do you about anything you want. Imagine if you are a company and you want to get people to buy a product or at least try a product then you will need people who know how to navigate all the traffic. I think about the Old Spice Guy. He has an hilarious twitter account where he posts links from youtube to show his commericals. That is pure genius.

That is my point. People get paid for that. I think it is time for me to cash in on obvious experience. I will have to update my online resume. 🙂

book club, my life

Books, Books, and Nooks

My appetite for reading books seems to be ever increasing. I don’t recall being this excited about books when I was in school when they were required reading. My argument is that if I had a choice in books being read, I would have read every book on the list. The fact of the matter is that not every book is going to be a great book. Some are harder to read than others. Just because a book is consider an American Classic doesn’t mean it is a good read.

I find comfort in being able to escape into a good book. The fact of having a Nook makes my reading experience worthwhile. Sure, It is not the same as buying the actual book and having it on display for no one to see in a library no one looks at, but I like the concept of reading an entire book in a small space. It has also shown me the importance of the e-book format. I think it is very important that moving forward, all books should be available in this format.

I think about how expensive text books are for college students. Imagine having them on an e-reader where students can read at their discretion. That would also avoid the whole book bag problem. I hated to carry books from class to class, it was a problem. The best part of having something like the nook is that it reads PDFs. So if I had to read something for work I can load it as a PDF and I would be straight. However, I tend to just use my e-reader for personal reading only.

I also tend to read books that now only come in the e-reader format. It saves paper for those who are environmentally friendly. One thing that I really try not to do when I did buy real books was bend the cover or break the spine. I paid for it and I did not want it to look horrible. Now, I do not have to worry about that.

Some people have asked me what books am I reading and what would I recommend. First and foremost, I recommend that people join the site Goodreads. This is where I have cataloged most of my read books. I can track what I read and what I want to read. I think that if you are into books then that is the place to start. I have read six books this year and I am currently on my seventh. My goal is to read 15 and I am behind on that mark. Goodreads allows me to track and know that type of information.

Out of the 6 books I have read I would recommend The Hunger Games, The Shack, Fish Out of Agua, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Fountainhead. I picked these books to share with you because they have all had an effect on me in some way. For example, I read the Hunger Games in less than 24 hours and The Fountainhead was an epic journey. The one book that really spoke to me was Fish Out of Aqua by Michele Carlo. I enjoyed that book so much that I am working on bringing her to speak at Syracuse University for Latino Heritage Month.

What has me bugging out is putting something that I wrote into the e-reader. It becomes a great place to store all my written information in case I need to show someone a poem or a short story that I have written. It makes what I am trying to do a little more tangible. This is a piece of technology is something that I am glad I got my hands on.

my book, my life

ISBNs and Things

Been doing some research over the last few weeks in regards to doing some actual publishing. I want to publish something soon and in order to do that I need to look at all my options. So my first thought was to go to createspace and start with the a basic design of my first book. I decided a while ago to put all my poetry into one volume and go from there. The only thing left to do wast to start the process.

So, I did some playing around and I realized I need to do some template work since I have to decided what sized book I want to publish. That was something that seemed pretty easy, of course I would have to reformat whatever I pick, but I think that is something that just comes with the territory. Of course, I would have to figure out a cover. This is a point in which I feel I need to take a picture of whatever I feel really displays the essence of my book and the poems within. In terms of the title, I have already thought one up.

It took me awhile to get to a title. I had been thinking about it for months actually, but last week it just hit me. I have decided to call it My Twisted Life Through Lines of Poetry. It just hit me when I thought about all the poems that I have written over the last few years. When I give some thought to the things I have written, I try to imagine the frame of mind I was in when I wrote them. I came up with the scattered works on a canvas. Since I am very much a Gemini, my work seems to be random but yet with a specific purpose. I feel the title embodies me. I just need to work on getting a picture that will speak to me as well.

Creating the actual book seems to take as just as much creativity as writing the text within. So, I have come to fully expect that this process may take awhile. I do not want to rush getting this done, but at the same time…I want to get this done. Which brings me to the part about a very interesting thing about something called an ISBN.

Every book has an identifier that seems to very much be a bar code on the back cover. This is a code that identifies this book as whatever it is. I can choose one or have one chosen for me, but there is a catch. See, I can get a free ISBN and publish by week’s end, the only problem is that it is not a universal identifier. It would only be recognized by Amazon and sold in that manner, thus I would have issues if I wanted it sold by a chain like Barnes & Noble. However, if I wanted a universal ISBN that is recognized by all (including libraries), I would have to pay a fee of $99. That does not seem too bad, however I am currently trying to work through my budget and that is something that I simply have not planned for. I have often made the joke that when you are broke…everything seems to cost a thousand dollars…lol

So, I asked a friend who is currently selling his book on the Barnes & Noble website. Andre Cole is the author of The Unholy Servants and a very good friend of mine. We both attended Syracuse University and survived. I knew that he had self published and quite frankly this seems to be the way to go. I knew that he would have some answers about the ISBN thing for me. Not that I did not believe what I was being told, but I need to talk to someone who went through this process. He basically told me that he bought a bunch of these! I am assuming I got this correct when he told me that every format will need its own ISBN. Hmmm….this is proving to be an investment (nothing wrong with that of course).

It made me think a little more clearer on a another project that I started. I would really want whatever it is that I write to be in as many formats as possible. What would be the point of any book if you cannot provide the reader with a format they may find convenient. So now, I know what it is I need to do in order to get my work published. I cannot help but feel very proud that a good friend of mine has published. No, he is not the first person I know, but Andre is the closest, which gives me the motivation to work harder on this.

It is not easy to find the time and the energy to sit down and write. I have plenty of ideas in my head and I wanted to use the collected poetry as a starting point so that the second time around I know what I need to do. My countdown to get things done as begun in my head. I will need to focus on this and this is something that I know I can do because I have already written the material. With that being said, I do plan on writing new material so that all the poems published are not all from my blogs.

Please take time to click the link to The Unholy Servants. The e-book is only available at the moment but we are eagerly awaiting the hard and soft cover editions. I have not read this book yet, but I plan to add it to my book club reading list. This way I am helping him out as much as he is going to help me out in this process.

Hip-Hop

Hip Hop (as I know it) is Dead.

Sometime last week I mentioned on Twitter that Hip Hop is dead. I have said this before and will probably say it again. It just so happens that days before I tweeted this, I was over a friend’s house and a bunch of us were talking and listening to Music Choice from Time Warner Cable. The channel was set on Hip Hop and R&B and I was not impressed for the entire night, which lead me to my statement that Hip Hop is dead.

Of course, people felt the need to argue with me and tell me that Hip Hop was indeed alive and I had to find it. Perhaps, but my point is that Hip Hop as I know it is dead and gone. I found it hard to articulate why I felt a certain way. I can only look back at the past and point out that (and this is my opinion) the greatest 2-3 year span of Hip Hop music was between 1991 – 1993. I actually expanded this to include 1991 because I think there were things that happened that year that kicked off the following two years. That era is important when you think about the apex of the genre. This is not to knock the 80’s at all, but take in to account some the albums that came out those years and the amount of music that was so good.

I was thinking about all this before I saw the documentary “Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest”. After seeing it, I realized I was right in my assessment. Hip Hop is a whole different animal than what I remember it. This documentary was amazing and it took me to a place I haven’t been too in a very long time. This was when I loved rap music so much. A Tribe Called Quest was that the center of it all with their albums that were just ridiculous. But, it was more that just the music, it was feeling, an intangible thing that no words could describe. It is like one of those stories that end up with the phrase “you just had to be there.”

I didn’t know at the time that I was in witnessing one of the greatest eras of Hip Hop at the time. Sure, I grew up with it. My brother had a Boom Box and we would listen to cassettes, but this particular time was me in college buying my own CD’s and cassettes. I would make play-lists for people and record them. At one point I made my own rhymes and even a small song (it was horrible). I loved it and respected the industry for what it was. At one point during the documentary, Quest Love, from The Roots, says “The second Tuesday of October ’93, I consider that the last great day in classic Hip Hop. Two very important albums came out that day: Enter the 36 Chambers by Wu-Tang and Midnight Marauders by A Tribe Called Quest” This is the very basis of my argument.

Let’s talk about how many artists and albums came out during this period and think about the quality. Look at the industry now and you should see that anyone can be a rap artist now.

1991

A Tribe Called Quest – Low End Theory
NWA – N****z For Life
Cypress Hill – Cypress Hill
Naughty by Nature – Naughty by Nature
Public Enemy – Apocalypse ’91: The Enemy Strikes Black
Black Sheep – A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Leaders of the New School – A Future Without a Past
Main Source – Breaking Atoms
Nice & Smooth – Ain’t a Damn Thing Change
De La Soul – De La Soul is Dead

1992

Dr Dre – The Chronic
Redman – Whut? Thee Album
The Pharcyde – Bizarre Ride II Tha Pharcyde
Pete Rock & CL Smooth – Mecca and the Soul Brother
EPMD – Business Never Personal
Ice Cube – The Predator
Das Efx – Dead Serious
Diamond D – Stunts, Blunts, & Hip Hop
Gangstarr – Daily Operation
Eric B & Rakim – Don’t Sweat the Technique

1993

A Tribe Called Quest – Midnight Marauders
Wu Tang Clan – Enter the 36 Chambers
Snoop Doggy Dogg – DoggyStyle
Souls of Mischief – ’93 til Infinity
Black Moon – Enta Da Stage
Queen Latifah – Black Reign
Run DMC – Down With the King
Lords of the Underground – Here Come the Lords
Onyx – Bacdafucup
The Alkaholics – 21 & Over

I picked 10 albums from each of these years that have solidified the era I am referring to. Before people starting digging through their collection on albums that came out in 1994, I just want to mention a few things. Nas dropped one of greatest albums in 1994, that is a given. However, he was in a single by Main Source in 1991 (Live at the Barbeque) and he had a single in 1992 (Halftime). The Notorious B.I.G, arguably the greatest rapper of all time, had a single in 1993 (Party & Bullshit) on the Who’s The Man soundtrack. Jay Z was in a group called Original Flavor that had a single in 1993 (Can I get Open). Common debuted in 1992 with his first album: Can I Borrow a Dollar?

This is the Hip Hop that I am missing. Can you name 10 albums that came out last year that was really good? I can name 2-3. Sure, we now have the Kanyes and the Drakes but we lack what this genre used to be. Now, it is all about the commercialism and the fame, which is fine because people need to eat. But, the artistry of Hip Hop has been reduced to fake rivalries, auto tunes, twitter beefs, and dance songs with one verse.

Maybe I have been spoiled with being born at at time when Hip Hop was beginning. Perhaps I am spoiled with being alive to understand that I have lived through the golden age. Hip Hop as I once knew it is dead. I wish I could say different but even Nas made a song about. I just have a question that was raised by Public Enemy, Who Stole the Soul?

my life

28 days later…

Something funny happened during my 28 day vacation from this blog. I think I found something that I haven’t had in a long time. As a matter of fact, I do no think it is something that I have ever mentioned on this blog in the 2 years that I have been writing. While, I am not entirely sure that I have been searching for this and I hardly think I have even mentioned that is was what I was looking for… I think I found a way to be happy.

Before the realization of this sets it, there has always been a certain understanding that I have had with the universe and that was that my life would continually be difficult. I have felt on numerous occasions that my luck has run out, that I reached the threshold of things to pray for. But then, things just seemed to click. It was as if I woke up one day and the world around me was moving just a little bit slower and I was still going at the same speed.

This is not to say that I am not plagued with the same everyday issues that I had just 28 days ago, I am just more in tuned with myself. I see things differently when it come to the goals I have placed for myself. There is no more “ifs” in my world there is only “when”. For far too long I have been living in a world where I talk about if things will happen. They either will or will not. I will either make things happen or I don’t. It is really that simple.

I have also taken the time to smell the roses. Stressing about things is not going to make my life better. Thankfully, I have never been one to panic in any given situation, but I have been known to over analyze. During this 28 day stretch, I have not over analyzed a thing. I have let things come to me. I have also trimmed the things and the people who have been a distraction to my goals. Unfortunately, I have also been very quiet with family and friends which has led to false impressions on my intentions and for that I sincerely apologize. I believe everyone needs a break from their lives and from themselves.

I have kept to myself for the same reason that I stopped writing on this blog, I wanted to stop talking about things…and actually do the things I said I would do. I do love the people in my life who have been there for me. I am not snubbing them or disregarding them in any fashion. I just needed to time to get my head straight. I need time to see the me for the individual that I am. How can I expect anyone to love me if I am not willing to see myself for who I am? How can I expect a bunch of strangers hire me if I cannot show them how dynamic I can be? How can I expect to gain and retain the respect of people I work with if I cannot consistently be creative and innovative?

28 days later… I realize that living in the moment is more important than living for the moment.

My silence is now broken.

my life

A Vague Silence

I found myself in a position in which I have not written much. Well, that is not true. I have written, just not on here. It seems that I have taken an unofficial break from public writing. I have been dealing with a few things that I cannot yet speak about. This isn’t a life or death situation, but something that I just need to do.

So at this point I will just be my normal vague self. What I can say is that I have come to realize that perhaps I have been taking my life and myself too seriously. One thing I have noticed in my multiple trips to New York City is that I have not had genuine fun in quite sometime. I use the word genuine because I think we can have fun in just about anything we do. But the “genuine” I am referring to is about letting go and just being.

I have been feeling a change within me. I do not know if it is more of sense of self or just a newfound confidence. However, I do feel that things are starting to go my way and it is different feeling for me. Something that is foreign that I am not quite used to. So, I tread cautiously with some of things I do. This is not due to fear, but more of a looking before I cross the street type of caution.

Maybe it is the feeling that I am getting older and that I have a right to expect certain things from life. In any case, I have chosen to hold back certain things from people and from this blog. This is not due to fear, but more that I need to see how life plays out. I also feel like I am surveyor. I am looking at the world around me in such a different lens. Perhaps this is what is like to be another year older but my experiences in my profession as well as my life in general has given me a sense of confidence.

This type of confidence seems to be shaping my purpose more and more. I have become more spiritual as the days pass as I forge a relationship with God. I am not particularly religious and I doubt I ever will be. But as I see the universe and how it is shaping up events in my favor, I am starting to think that perhaps I need to really start giving more to the world than I am currently.

Again, I am being vague and that is my sole purpose right now. It is sort of like when a poem is written and it is up to the reader to decipher it. I find myself at another precipice that will help me figure out what I need to do. This time I feel more confident in my future. I feel that I have put so much work in that the outcome can only be positive.

My silence is only temporary.

Game of Thrones, my life, RPG

Game of Thrones

It turns out that movies are not the only thing that produces the inner nerd inside of me. The Game of Thrones is an amazing series on HBO that has driven my imagination crazy in ways that, lately, only Superhero movies have been able to do. The show is based on a set of books written by George R.R. Martin, the first called A Song in Fire and Ice that came out in 1996. While, I have yet to read the book (I am slated to in August), I am hearing that HBO’s adaptation is very faithful to the book.

I am not going to give up much information on the series or book because it is that amazing. What I will say is that a show like this make me miss movies like Lord of the Rings. If you connect the dots you will know that Sean Bean (photographed above) played Boromir in the Fellowship of the Ring. I consider the The Lord of the Ring Trilogy to be one of the greatest trilogies every made. Sean Bean played a small, but pivotal role. To see him as the protagonist in Game of Thrones already had me hooked.

What has me amazed is the character development and the many twists and turns that consistently leave me guessing on what will happen next. Considering that I do not watch much television outside of sports, it is very refreshing to see something that can stimulate my mind. When that happens, then the nerd inside me comes out. I used to role play like nerds do now except without the Magic Cards. We would grab some dice and create characters with such games like Dungeons and Dragons and go at it for hours. This became much of an addiction in my early 20’s after college. I would play just about every weekend until the time came when I realized that I liked women more (true story).

I laugh when I think about my early 20’s, before I formulated who I am now, all my characters were people of color. They just had to be. While my friends would create the “traditional” characters, I wanted to make sure that my alter ego was dark skinned. I had trouble believing that there wasn’t a knight or a ranger out there who did not look like me. My only choice was dark elves and there is no surprise that they are evil beings. So, in my own way, I always made sure that I remained true to myself whenever possible.

It is actually amazing that this game is something that I used (and still would) play during a time when video games were becoming so prevalent. The Game of Thrones reminds me of a world that only I can imagine and have created several times over. The best part is that this type of story telling does not fall within the conventional. You can almost come to expect the unexpected with this series and I am loving every minute of it.

So, my suggestion is that if you do not have HBO that you wait for this show to come on Netflix or you can pick up the book and read it. I mentioned that I am slated to read the book in August because I am in a book club and my pick come up in August, so naturally I picked this…

homosexuals, masculinity

Maybe it is just me, but aren’t gay jokes wrong?

Maybe it is just me, but when did it become ok to make jokes about homosexuals? I mean really? Really? Do I really have to go there and tell you that is not cool to do this? My people of color have yet to grasp the gravity of the situation. Is it that people like Tracy Morgan are really surprised that no one laughs at their gay bashing jokes? Perhaps I do not understand what the appeal is.

Maybe there is a feeling that the sanctity of masculinity is under attack. After all, most of us are brought up to believe that the color pink is strictly a feminine color. We are brought up to think that playing with dolls is not a good thing for little boys. We are taught that we need to be a real man, but can anyone really give a solid definition for what a real man is? Consider that many Black and Latinos are raised in single-family homes where the mother is the soul provider. Does mom provide that definition of what being a man is? Or does the absent father who is either in jail or god knows where else provide that example?

I just find it interesting that so many people are really worried about what goes on in the bedroom of other people. It is very disconcerting however, that there is a rise in bullying of homosexuals in schools. We all should know that kids are not born with hatred in their heart; it is something that is passed down and learned. It was not too long ago that Blacks and Latinos were singled out in schools as an object to be ridiculed because of what they looked like. So, does it become ok to now be the ones to pass along hate to a group of people who happen to identify as homosexual? What about the kids who we think that are gay but really aren’t? Maybe there is a rule similar to the one-drop rule where if you seem gay then you must be gay.

Which brings me to my next point, who defines what gay is? Is there a general book that people look up where something is gay because it is proclaimed so? I think there is an insecurity in the collective subconscious of the male psyche. I would argue that the most insecure men are the most homophobic. What is the insecurity for? Are they afraid that they may like the touch of another man and thus the natural reaction to fear is to destroy that which makes them afraid? That explanation makes sense to me. Much like the slave master mentality of being afraid of the Negros because of the size of their…masculinity.

I am completely comfortable in my skin. I know what I am. I can wear bright colors as you see in my profile picture. You will not hear me say that I love purple and finish it with “no homo.” Masculinity is not about sexual preference; it is about a man standing up for what he believes. It is about knowing the difference between right and wrong and having the balls to stand up to your peers. I had a friend tell me that he felt one of my shirts was gay. My response is that if you can define gay…then you must be gay.

It bothers me to see people make fun of Chris Bosh for crying after the Miami Heat lost in the NBA Finals to the Dallas Mavericks. I mean really? How many athletes have we seen weep on the grandest of stage win or lose? Have we forgotten about Adam Morrison crying in 2006 when Gonzaga lost in the NCAA tournament? He was a complete mess and I sincerely do not remember anyone saying that he was homosexual. The “manliest” of men have all cried during times of heartbreak, but you know what? We are taught that emotional release such as crying is not good. Little boys should not cry because it does not look right, so we have to “man up”.

Let me just say that I have been known to cry. I have been angry enough, I have been frustrated enough, and I have been sad enough to do that. The best way to describe all of this is that an emotional release is very liberating. Dropping those walls of being “a real man” lead me to be a “better man” by understanding my pain and accepting my faults. Most men cannot fathom this or comprehend what it means to be in touch with emotions until it is too late, such as a death of a loved one. We are taught to hold in that emotion and release it with violence if necessary.

For those keeping score, gender (much like race), is a social construct. We only act on what we perceive to be right or wrong based on society’s ideals. Or perhaps we look at it as a faith based belief that homosexuality is wrong. If you think that is the case, then let me remind you who wrote the bible: Man. I just think people stopped thinking critically about themselves and their place in the world and started thinking about what society wants. It seems like gay bashing has become the popular thing in this decade in particular…but maybe it is just me.

my life

37

I have had the last few days off. Actually, I fancied myself a five-day weekend since I have way too many vacation days that I need to take before July 1. I spent much of this time just thinking about my birthday coming up on Sunday. I haven’t really thought about my age much until recently. I am of the belief that age is just a number and you are only as young as you feel. Considering that I feel like I have never really grown up in many ways, I am feeling pretty young.

However, I was out the other night having a good time and it came to that part of the night where I have to eat food as a way to soak up the alcohol and I had a conversation with the pizza guy. I have no idea how this started but I do remember him saying that I look older than 37. I had to look at him and I wanted to tell him that he needed to take his ass way the fuck over there. I know that I do not look my age. I must admit that I didn’t shave and I haven’t had my normal hair cut, but these things together would ever make me look my age. But what it did do was make me start thinking about it.

The thing about 37 is that it is one of those in between numbers. Sure, It was cool to be 35 because that is a cool number. It just about solidifies the fact that I am an adult but yet young enough to still hang around the late 20’s crowd. When you are 36, you are one year removed from 35 and still in good shape. Now 37 means that I am in the middle, I am certainly not as close to 35 but yet 3 years removed from 40. I will say that 40 looms overhead for all of us. Let’s be real, 40 means rectal exams. That is like the first thing my doctor tells me is when I hit that age, we are talking prostate exams and I am not sure I am ready to get a tube up my ass (but I have 3 years to prepare).

At the same time, I feel that 37 means that I have to be more careful with the age range of women that I may want to date. Chasing 24 year olds may not be the best thing. It has nothing to do with keeping up, but it has everything to do with where their level is. I feel like I have been learning the hard way that there are people who are not on my level. I am not saying this to be mean or stuck up. I have had many people tell me that certain women that I may have been involved with my not be on my level. Clearly, I have many things on my mind and everyday problems that not many young women will comprehend because they are not there.

Then there are the women who are older. I am not sure I should be chasing 50 year old women either…at least no yet. I think that I can talk about certain people not being on my level, but I have to say that older women know the deal. I am not sure I am their level as well. So my age range should be no more than 10 years younger or older. I think anything beyond that may cause serious issues with general interests and maturity at both ends.

I also think about my goals and my on going struggle to complete them. I am not getting any younger and while I do feel that I am doing my part to carve out my place in this world, I feel like maybe I am not doing enough. I think I have been successful with students and my job because of my youth and energy. Of course, my energy remains, but now what? Perhaps I am over thinking, but I do think I may be on to something here. I think that this year marks a turning point in my life where I really have to consider age as a fact for just about everything. However, the best part is that I do not feel 37.

Regardless, I will just enjoy the days that come and take each day as they come. This will be an interesting year.