The Assuming Eyes…

“When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.” – Anonymous

I wondered how long I can go without having to reverting back to my thoughts. I am proud to say that i dedicated a full month to the Latinegr@s Project. Poetry is another thing. Over the last month I created a separate blog for Poetry. Not to say that I will not feature poetry here because I will. I am just featuring my thoughts in a different way via poetry and music.

There has been something on my mind for about  two weeks or so. Yesterday, I just came to the fore front. I am not really sure if it was the endless coverage of Tiger Woods or if it the occurrences in the world around me. I guess I am both amused and troubled about the hypocrisy around me.

If you divert your eyes to the top of this page, you will see my mantra. “I am a firm believer that you are never too old to change. I am not perfect and I do not expect perfection for the people I know. However I do expect people to be real.” I came up with that some time last January and I still hold true to that. I am a person that can go back and forth on issues such as fate but, I am human and we do tend to evolve.

I do not agree with the judgment of others in any fashion. So whether they judge me or they judge others, it makes no difference. Not one us have the divinity to make judgments because we are not perfect in any way. I guess what really makes me smile is that fact people who have their thoughts or opinions on situations are themselves, hypocrites.

I am one to believe that people can change once they hit rock bottom. The ability to change is all based on losing everything. We all have lessons that need to be taught to us. When someones says that people cannot change, I take offense to it personally because I have indeed changed. I have also witnessed change in others. So, it is not like I am pulling this ideology out of my ass. Of course, with that said, there are those who do not change and that is more a personal choice that some genetic excuse that people can muster.

As most of you already know, I believe in forgiveness. Not in the divine sense, but in the sense of moving on with your life. This statement alone has caused some to say that I am a hypocrite. There is one person in my life I refuse to associate myself with since my college days. It is not that I do not forgive him because ultimately the past is the past, but it is more that he does not see why he needs to be forgiven. There the thought that his theft of what was mine (he still has it) is something he doesn’t acknowledge as wrong. My lack of association with him is not just a decision that was made by me but all of his former friends.

So when bringing up the question if people can change, I still think they can but, they have to want to change. I think forgiveness plays that role in allowing yourself to forgive and be forgiven. However, repeating the same behavior over and over again leads to people never trusting you again.

The most amusing thing to me how some people can judge others and live a similar type of life. I know that people in general are assholes. We are human and we do whatever we want. Evidently, we cannot escape the ever assuming eye of others. If people want to take the mantle of being judgmental then they need to turn those assuming eyes on themselves.

Assumptions

The last time I wrote a blog (sorry for the delay but the students came back last week), I talked about how a friend of mine said I overthink. Well, it turns out that my number 2 problem is that I make assumptions. It makes me smile because he is absolutely correct. I do make way too many assumptions about all the things that I overthink about. Of course, my dad would say to me, “You know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME.”

I think that my assumptions are a bi-product of me overthinking. When I overthink, I tend to imagine the worst possible outcome. The reason for this is because I just don’t think that life is all peaches and cream. I do not believe that everything has a happy ending because the world does not work that way. I have learned that not everyone has the best intention and not everyone can be trusted, so why should I assume that any situation I am in would come out good?

Now, with that being said. I do believe that in the end, everything will work itself out and not in the fate type of way. I do not believe in fate because things don’t just happen, especially in relationships. Everyone has a choice in what happens to them. It is because of that, that I assume the worst because (again) not everyone has good intentions.

Then there is the fact that I can be so emotional that I think things are essentially about me when they really aren’t. Assumptions can be particularly bad when it comes to this age of social media. It is very easy to think that a status message on Facebook, AIM, or Myspace can be about us. We project this because quite possibly we hope that we are being thought about even if it is not in a nice way. Not to mention the numerous amount of “tweets” that go around these days. It is very easy to get caught up in the hype.

The best assumptions are the ones that are completely baseless. I think about my family on this one. I will tell you all right now that my family is jacked up…on both sides. You have people not talking to each other because this person said that. There is animosity on so many levels that I am willing to bet all of it is based on assumptions. Miscommunication and overthinking breeds assumptions. We all assume that when a loved one doesn’t call it is because they are not thinking about us, not realizing that this may be the furthest from the truth. In fact, I have had many discussions with family members about why I don’t call them…meanwhile the phone works both ways.

Someone asked me why do I always assume the worst. The answer is very simple. When the worst happens, I am prepared for it. So, if the best case scenario were to occur it is a welcome surprise. Probably not the best way to think about things, but I make sure that I do not fool myself when the shit hits the fan. This type of thinking does me very well at work (of course). I am never caught off guard when it comes to a situation because I am generally prepared to handle many bad situations. Why not apply the same principle when it comes to love and life?

I know that I am talking mostly about bad assumptions and worst case scenarios, but do I really think about the best possible outcome in a given situation? Yes, I do. It tends to be a quick thought of what could be, but I never prepare for anything good to happen because I tend to roll with the good times. Besides, assuming the best of times can be just as bad as assuming the worst times. Alas, my issue.

So now what? Well, I was sitting in my bed the other night, just looking at the ceiling. The TV was on and at that time it seems to just look at me. During that moment, when it was just me and my thoughts (and my dog), I made a promise to myself that one day I will be happy again. With that said, I reflect back to my overhthinking and my assumptions and I ponder the advice of that good friend: “You just have to roll with things and go with the flow”