Now What?

I consider this separation/divorce process to be very much a learning experience to me. So, it has been a very new thing for me to just put my business out there for all to read. I did tell family first. I also asked Josie if it was ok to write my last blog. Even though her and I are going through this, I still have a sense of responsibility. So I wouldn’t just put her on blast either. We had some really good times and I want to honor that.

A part of me wanted to make a FAQ list that I have encountered since I had decided to tell people individually and then publicly. There was no question that was invalid or out of the ordinary. Most are like simply: What are you going to do now? Truth be told I am talking things day by day. Some days are harder than others. Quite frankly, I have forced myself to think about all the things have went wrong. I want to say that I very much feel responsible for this.

So now what? Well, I want to focus on my career. I think that I had a very good year and I would like to keep that going. I want to get into my master’s program and I am waiting for 2 letters of recommendation (I need 3). I am a little annoyed, but I will give those two people a couple of more weeks before I search for two other people who might be willing to right me a personal reference. I am going to focus on myself.

People have asked me if I have a girlfriend. I do not have one and I do not plan to. I need to re-evaluate everything in my life. This is a life altering event and once I am able to come to terms with everything, then my next step is to fall in love…with myself. This is important to me because I am not sure if I even like myself right now. Now, I don’t want my guilt and sorrow to be mistaken for self pity. I thank everyone so much for the well wishes. Keeping my head up to me, is very much about recognizing mistakes and facing them. Once that process is done then I can move forward.

There has been no greater wisdom (for me right now) than to speak to someone who has been going through similar things. I had a cup of coffee (my first cup in a week) with a very good friend of mine that I have not seen quite a while. She offered some of the best advice to me. In addition to telling me that all things happen for a reason, she told me that I should now reflect on what I need to do for myself to make my life better. I trust her knowledge because she has been in my shoes.

I will say that I have had a good week. For the most part, I have been with family. I was able to have some of my father’s cooking which is plus for me. I went to the movies with my brother, sister and law and my nephew. Played handball with my cousin Rick. I was able to hang out with a good friend of mine as well. My vacation has been full. So I cannot complain.

One thought on “Now What?

  1. – never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.

    Have faith and the “now what?” will take care of itself. You both will be fine.

    Like

Let me know what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s