my life – Page 3 – Anthony Otero

Like We Haven’t Been Telling You

Ctrl-Alt-Right is the new emoji
with an orange face and bad hair
and red a cap saying,
A new America

A place of conflicted interests
and corporate Pinterest
accounts that mark Eurocentric
as newly oppressed

So they took back something
they never lost,
and we blame them
and they blame us

The conserves drink their tea
party like its 1899
and the neolibs cry into
Kale chips talking about…

I never thought this would
be a country of the less free
because my 401k is fat
and it will never really effect me

They call it the New America
I call it the old America renewed
because you can paint shit
red or blue and it will still be shit.

You can stuff it in a ballot box filled with hope
and it will still be shit.

and some of you are surprised
like we haven’t been telling you
all about this shit since Travyon died

LIKE we haven’t been telling you
all about this shit since Katrina

LIKE WE haven’t been telling you
all about this shit since Diallo died

LIKE WE HAVEN’T been telling you
all about this shit since the L.A. Riots

LIKE WE HAVEN’T BEEN TELLING you
all about this shit since the Central Park 5

LIKE WE HAVEN’T BEEN TELLING YOU
all about this… shit I’ve lost count.

(I needed to get this out)

cancer, elections, my life, President Trump

This is not a Think Piece

map

This is not a think piece.

I’m not going to hit you with stats about this election nor the implications of a GOP controlled government and how that will effect Black and Latinx lives. I’m not going to talk about how insane 2016 has been. This is more of an emotional thing for me because so much has happened that I haven’t really written anything substantial.

First – My aunt Theresa died last week.

I’m still coming to grips with that loss. There’s a missing piece in my life and in my family that has really caused a shift that I’m trying to deal with. Here was a woman in my life that I’ve gotten close to over the last 8 years. I spent time with her and if she need anything I was there. I dedicated my last book to her because I knew that it was only a matter of time before she succumbed to cancer.

Stage three advanced pancreatic cancer. I have seen her wither away for the last three years and feel a certain way about it. I feel a certain way about how this effects my family. I will leave that there because anything else skirts the line of privacy that I’m not ready to breach. What I will say is that as much as I loved her, she was a Trump supporter. I laugh because I know she would’ve been happy with what the hell happened yesterday.

Second – Donald Trump is the President-Elect.

Wow. I never thought things could change so quickly. I feel like we were duped. All the polls were wrong. We were all wrong in thinking this was all a joke and this would never happen. We were all wrong to think that we could elect a woman president. Now, there is a feeling of sadness that is compounded with the loss of my aunt.

I am so tired of feeling sad and 2016 has been that year where too many people had died for little to no reason. 2016 has been a the year that Prince died for Christ sake.

There will be plenty of blame to go around but I will not partake in this because this is not a think piece.

I will not get into blaming the subtlety of white supremacy that allowed people to lie to pollsters about who they were voting for because this is not a think piece.

I will not go into the blatant misogyny that has allowed Trump to become president even when he has a rape trial coming up. This is not a think piece. This is an emotional piece. It is okay to cry. It is ok to kick something.

The only thing I want to do right now is get though the next few weeks. I want to get through my aunt’s memorial and I want to finally start writing again because the world is changing and I do not want to lose myself.

my life, Novel, writing

One Sentence

All it takes is one sentence for me to harness my creative energies; it is one sentence that separates an okay novel from a must read book. But, some times I barely get the chance to let it those sentences flow in the way I want. This is why I scramble hard to write anything down when the urge hits me.

Inspiration can comes at odd times and I really believe that other people are put on this planet to block said inspirations. It becomes my job to find away to put my thoughts on the page in spite of all the outside road blocks and my personal insecurities.

Today’s inspiration hit me the moment I grabbed my coffee any Starbucks. The realization that I had a great idea brewing was quickly subsided by the fact that I was so far away from forming it on paper and while any other person reading this will say, ” you should’ve just pulled out your phone,” it’s really not that simple.

I always need to marinate such ideas in my brain when it comes to writing. While I knew it’s was a long walk back to my notepad in my office, I was willing to take that risk by losing myself in thought. Sure I can write it down on my phone but that requires two hands which were full with coffee and breakfast so I was stuck rushing and thinking about how I just had a great idea to start book three.

But of course, I got interrupted twice on the way to my destination by co workers. Because it is such a busy time at work, things need to be handled. It was at that moment that I started to feel these ideas leaving my skull. I had to rush conversations before I forgot everything.

Lucky for me, I manage to reach a pad in time just write one sentence that will trigger my idea at a later time. All it takes is one sentence to start me on my way.

my life, Novel, writing

Pieces

I’m at the point where I’m just writing pieces of the next book. I haven’t gotten into the groove yet. Most of the time, when I get a chance to think about the final part of this “trilogy”, I find myself brainstorming what it is that I want to do. Which leads me a scattered cross section of what the story may look like.

This makes me think about the evolution of my life. The coming together of various parts of my life like a jigsaw puzzle. For better or worse, I feel that I struggle with all parts of my life. The writing part will give off the appearance of success. What defines that? If simply writing a book is a marker for success then I am very successful but if the industry only looks at the numbers then does that make me a failure? I guess I would have to view things from a glass that is either half empty or half full.

My personal life always seem to be in pieces and that is not to say that is a bad thing but some how I feel that I’m always trying to fit a square peg into a star like hole. Some parts might fit if I angle it a certain way, but it hardly fits unless I take out a knife and start carving and customizing.

It terms of work, well, that is tricky subject. I love my job but there comes a time in a person’s life when tough choices have to be made.

This all reminds me of a few stories that I wrote years ago. I called it Pieces of a Puzzle. It’s multi part story that is very trashy. All about sex and deceit; how people can have such pleasure behind people’s back without realizing how connected we all are. This is probably the best way that I can describe it. I have let very few people read it because, again, there is a trashiness and about it that I just can’t bring myself to let the whole world see.

Of course, when I say the whole world, I really mean the few people who actually read my work. <— That is so petty. haha.

I may have mentioned a while back the I was going to name the new book, The Glass House. I may change that to Glass Houses. I just like the thought of this title because in some way well live fragile existences where one thing can shatter the perceptions of our own world.

I guess that is what this is all about. The books, the reason why I write, is about the fragility of it all. Why else do we do what we do? We try to maintain our strength in a losing battle with fate. We try to mix and match pieces of ourselves so we can have this fleeting thing called happiness.

What happens when all the stories makes sense and all the various pieces finally match? Is there a zen? Do we achieve happiness forever? Or do we open another puzzle box with 5000 pieces and try again?

I don’t know.

my life, Novel, writing

Hellova Book Reading

Last week’s reading of The Book of Isabel went well. It’s always good to connect with old friends, family, and meet new people. I find myself being more comfortable with my role as an author. I think I can really get used to appearances.

I find myself thinking about what kind of person I am when I do these readings. There was a time in my life when I did not like speaking in public. I can remember when I was in the 1st grade having to sing “It’s a Small World After All” in front of the whole school and freezing in front of everyone in gymnasium. That was the first time I has stage fright. Now, I feel that I have the capacity to talk to large crowds if I had to thanks to my various job training.

Not that this was a large crowd. This was more like a small listening session filled with people who support me. I’m so grateful for them and all the love they shown me. I knew going into this that not too many people would show because this is the summer time and any event you during this time can get a low turn out due to vacations and such. There a few people who did tell that they couldn’t when I announced the date so I knew that the crowd would be a cozy size. I still found myself surprised by those who did come.

What I do find funny is my own reactions to events like this. I no longer get nervous by the events themselves but I get extremely anxious because I don’t want to be late. It’s actually quite insane. I’m not sure if it’s because of my event experience that has taught me that events need to start on time and thus being late isn’t an option or maybe I’m turning into some kind of control freak. If it is the latter then I will make sure that whenever I do enter into a contract that I ask for only red starburst in my hospitality rider. lol

Anyway, Hellphone in Brooklyn was a nice place. I enjoyed the venue. Books were sold and signed and a good time was had. Sorry to those who missed it. Perhaps I will do another.

You can still order The Book of Isabel at anytime here on my site. Thank you to Raquel Penzo for hosting and interviewing me on stage. Thank you all for coming out and do not forget to rate the book!

my life

Women Owe You Nothing

Hey man. Let’s chat for a bit. I need to get this off my chest because it has been bothering me for a bit.

I feel like I need to have this conversation with you, dude. So let’s pretend we’re sitting down at a bar of your choice and we’re drinking whatever swill you like. I will even do you the favor of setting the mood for you. This “bar” has been pretty much dead since the NBA Finals ended so it’s just me, you, the bartender, and a couple of semi drunk people who just ordered another pitcher of beer. Baseball is on TV and Drake is playing through the speakers.

I’m here to break the bad news to you. I feel that it may be better if it came from me since you think I participate in that man code you hold yourself to. It’s hard to just blurt it out because, to be honest, you’re pretty sensitive and I don’t want to shatter your ego. The thing is… I noticed how you spoke to that woman on the street you barely know and I feel that I need to tell you that this shit isn’t cool.

Women owe you nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, dog. Her body was tight and that sun dress she had on gave you visions you’ll be stroking to later, but she doesn’t owe you her time. She doesn’t owe you her number and she certainly doesn’t owe you a smile. I mean, why should she smile? You noticed her anyway without her satisfying this smiling fetish you apparently have. Of course, you called her an ugly bitch anyway for not complying as if you own the streets. Which, by the way, calling her ugly makes no sense because you’re no prize yourself, my dude.

I know, the sarcasm isn’t necessary. Let me get you a beer and while we wait just answer this question for me: Has this ever worked?

I mean, have you ever gotten a number from cat calling? I know you hate that phrase because you just want to approach a woman in the only way you know how but I just want to know, has it ever worked? Despite that it’s also harassment, I’m curious to know if that type of game ever resulted in a date? Are you looking for a date? Do you even like women?

Oh… you’re looking for ass. I get it now. It’s not about the woman then, it’s about her body. Because you think you own it. No, I’m not putting words into your mouth, I’m just making the (right) assumption that you think, by giving women any attention, she’s required to at least acknowledge your presence.

Women owe you nothing.

Yeah, I know. I’m one of those bleeding heart liberals that think women should have equal rights (gasp). Imagine if they got paid the same or if they (God forbid) got paid more that us. What’s that? You wouldn’t date a woman that makes more money than you? Well that’s not a surprise. But listen buddy, let me wrap this up so you can go back to pretending that you don’t have insecurities about all this.

I want to tell you not to be that dude that tells women to smile on the street or yells out some crazy shit or follows them in hopes that she might say something. The truth is that you already are. You can fight me on Facebook and say that I’m pandering to women when in reality you’re just mad I’m not sticking up for “men’s rights”. I’m doing this for me because I can’t stand this shit anymore.

Enjoy your beer. Oh, and Heterosexual Pride is not a thing. Peace.

my life

Book Reading/Signing 7/14

OteroBookLaunch2016

As I continue to do this I’ve become fully aware of the type of author I am. While I may be the snarky guy on social media that makes people laugh with quips and sarcasm, I am not the type of dude to beg people to buy my book. This is why I have a hard to time marketing my books and my works for fear that I may be spamming people.

I was so knee deep in edits for The Book of Isabel that I really did not have time to think about something like a book launch event. Of course there were discussions with a couple of people whether or not I was actually going to do anything. I was heavily leaning toward no because I have insecurities.

It’s easy to forget the difficulty of self publishing when you’re writing. There are two hats that must be worn and while I hear a familiar voice in the background saying, “I thought you knew how to multitask,” I makes me wonder if I can really multitask. I mean, I think I do, well at least I thought I did but here is the thing about starting to market a new book: you start back at zero. No matter how many copies of Hanging Upside Down I’ve sold, I still go back to the beginning with the second book. Which means I have to figure out what works and what doesn’t with this particular novel.

All this to say that I really had no plans on a book launch, or reading, or singing, or whatever you want to call it because the business end is not as much fun for me as I would like it to be. But, I would be a fool to not grab an opportunity when it’s placed in front of me. So when Raquel Penzo said she had a spot for a this event and she would host… shit dog, I took it.

So here we are, July 14th in Brooklyn. I will order some books. I will read from a chapter or two. I will take some questions and it should be good times. The life of an author has a lot of ups and downs. I just have surf the emotions.

my life, Novel, writing

Today is THAT day! #bookfofisabel

This is the day I have been looking forward to the moment I was done writing the first draft. I can now share with all of you the second book.

First, let’s talk about the some of the challenges. Editing and proofing is never, ever, easy and it took me nine months to complete this phase. I estimated that today, June 14th, would best time for this book to come out and I wasn’t wrong. In fact, I was still correcting errors on Friday.

Continue reading “Today is THAT day! #bookfofisabel” →

my life, Novel, writing

Here’s the Proof

Very few things in this process get me as excited as seeing my work in print. I got my proofs of The Book of Isabel yesterday and they look so good. Sure, I have tiny reservations here and there about the cover finish but overall I cannot complain too much.

It feels rewarding to see something like this come to life. I wrote this book about a year ago and when I was done the process of making a book began. I love the cover art. I feel like it looks even better in print than it does digitally. Continue reading “Here’s the Proof” →

my life, Novel, writing

Inside 30 Days

Life is crazy. Life is crazy busy. My life is crazy busy.

I feel like I just woke up from the haze of spring semester at Barnard College. So many things happening. So many events and so much work. Let’s also not forget that my woman just graduated from The Tepper Business School at Carnegie Mellon University. Life is has been such a blur and yet, somehow, I have found the time to get this book done.

I mean, I wrote this book last year but I’m talking about the other things that need to happen with this novel. The editing and the managing. I’m waiting on a final proof and this book comes out in less than 30 days. Continue reading “Inside 30 Days” →