To All Trains sign

Hey man. Let’s chat for a bit. I need to get this off my chest because it has been bothering me for a bit.

I feel like I need to have this conversation with you, dude. So let’s pretend we’re sitting down at a bar of your choice and we’re drinking whatever swill you like. I will even do you the favor of setting the mood for you. This “bar” has been pretty much dead since the NBA Finals ended so it’s just me, you, the bartender, and a couple of semi drunk people who just ordered another pitcher of beer. Baseball is on TV and Drake is playing through the speakers.

I’m here to break the bad news to you. I feel that it may be better if it came from me since you think I participate in that man code you hold yourself to. It’s hard to just blurt it out because, to be honest, you’re pretty sensitive and I don’t want to shatter your ego. The thing is… I noticed how you spoke to that woman on the street you barely know and I feel that I need to tell you that this shit isn’t cool.

Women owe you nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, dog. Her body was tight and that sun dress she had on gave you visions you’ll be stroking to later, but she doesn’t owe you her time. She doesn’t owe you her number and she certainly doesn’t owe you a smile. I mean, why should she smile? You noticed her anyway without her satisfying this smiling fetish you apparently have. Of course, you called her an ugly bitch anyway for not complying as if you own the streets. Which, by the way, calling her ugly makes no sense because you’re no prize yourself, my dude.

I know, the sarcasm isn’t necessary. Let me get you a beer and while we wait just answer this question for me: Has this ever worked?

I mean, have you ever gotten a number from cat calling? I know you hate that phrase because you just want to approach a woman in the only way you know how but I just want to know, has it ever worked? Despite that it’s also harassment, I’m curious to know if that type of game ever resulted in a date? Are you looking for a date? Do you even like women?

Oh… you’re looking for ass. I get it now. It’s not about the woman then, it’s about her body. Because you think you own it. No, I’m not putting words into your mouth, I’m just making the (right) assumption that you think, by giving women any attention, she’s required to at least acknowledge your presence.

Women owe you nothing.

Yeah, I know. I’m one of those bleeding heart liberals that think women should have equal rights (gasp). Imagine if they got paid the same or if they (God forbid) got paid more that us. What’s that? You wouldn’t date a woman that makes more money than you? Well that’s not a surprise. But listen buddy, let me wrap this up so you can go back to pretending that you don’t have insecurities about all this.

I want to tell you not to be that dude that tells women to smile on the street or yells out some crazy shit or follows them in hopes that she might say something. The truth is that you already are. You can fight me on Facebook and say that I’m pandering to women when in reality you’re just mad I’m not sticking up for “men’s rights”. I’m doing this for me because I can’t stand this shit anymore.

Enjoy your beer. Oh, and Heterosexual Pride is not a thing. Peace.

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