Damn Dogs…

{Orginally Posted on Blogger}

As I write this, we are in the midst of our first real snow fall. Sure we had “dustings” every now and then, but we now have some serious white stuff. Which brings me to my first story. I want to reiterate how fucking prissy my dogs are. Lets start with, “I Dont want to get my paws wet”, Rocky. On a dry day, this dog with lolligag and frolic in the grass. He will take his sweet ass time and make a “signs” on the grass like you see in the Movies (The Mel Gibson flick if you are really slow). On a wet day, he will go fast. Piss and shit then run back in. On a Snowy day….This dog practically lets it all loose in record time. But what is unique about his snowtime walks is that he tipi toes…I did not know a dog could tipi toe…or tipi paw! Then he looks at me like “help, my paws!!!” That is how he walks in the snow.

The other dog, who is still a puppy, is Rusty. Fine this is his first real snowfall. Took him out. He did not want to move. Looked at me and said (in eaxct words) “I aint going in that shit” Then went limp on me. Now to give a brief desciption of what kind of house I live in, We have a set of two staircases that is connected by a small patio on front with an awning. So he pissed on the patio…so no yellow snow for him. So I got my wife to take some pictures of this. I threw him in the snow…(that is what I did with King Rocky)..he hates it. So of course he just sits there. No shit…Nothing! So we take him back in and take a guess what he did. I wont even say it…fucking dog.

Well, just when you think I can handle the noisy neighbors from upstairs…I get the ones downstairs…and Next door. Now the guy next door is cool. He plays his music a little too loud, but that is ok. He is the MAN, He can really nail his girl friend. All I can say is she came…enough said on that. Now lets talk about the Mecca people down stairs. What the fuck!!!! They must be fucking a camel or something. They are just as bad as the village upstairs. (I still think they are fucking the little guy up there). The other night must have been “Ghandi Night”, because all I heard was just talking from alot of people. You know they cant whisper….1:00 am and they are yapping about rubbing the bhudda. My wife was pissed.

Since we are on the subject of my lovely wife, I want to commend her on getting another Univesity job. She is working for the African American Studies Dept (again). But this time it is a permanent position! Of course she still works at Layne Bryant which is cool. Which bring me to my story. Credit is a hard thing to aquire for me. I have been trying to build my credit for awhile. I have been turned down by the finest of establishments for credit. MasterCard laughs….Visa makes cruel jokes. But I was finally able to get a card!!!! Where you may ask? LAYNE BRYANT!!! My wife felt that I couild get credit where she could not. So I get to buy bras and panties on credit. WhoopDeeDoo! I dont know how I got this damn card, but I think the creditors of this world are probably laughing it up.


{Originally Posted on Blogger}

Yes, it has been a long time. I have been busy since school has started. Things are going well. The apt is secure. I have a new camera and things are great. I can tell you that stupid people still populate the majority of this county. The ghetto seems to be spreading and the damn radio plays the same songs every hour. Well I do have my own office with no windows. That is a good thing, so I don’t see how much snow is on the ground. I have more responsibilities, so I am here all the damn time. Well i can tell you that my new apt is going well too. New couch too. See, i figured i would talk about the good shit first so i can go directly to the bitching when I am done. I have also increased my computer game knowledge. I am in a Literati (Yahoo Scrabble for the lay people) league. So i get my ass kicked for fun. The Yankees lost again!!!! So i am loving that.

Ok, to the bitching…I love my apt. But that shit is lopsided! I feel like i am in Batman(1960’s) with the tilted camera view. I can’t even weigh myself right. I get a different number every we move the scale. So i don’t know if i lost 1 or 50 pounds. The fridge door swings open if u don’t close it all the way. This is some shit. Speaking about shit, My new dog, Rusty, loves his shit. I should stop wasting money on dog food….and what get me is that we don’t give him that much water either and he pisses a fucking river. So of course in a tilted apt the piss runs downhill. I should just paint the floor yellow. Damn dog!!!

I love my wife…I really do. She at one point had two jobs. One here at SU and another at Layne Bryant. She has quit her job at SU because she was working for a real fucking witch. I wont say her name I will just call her “Broom Hilda”. So Broom Hilda was very abusive and would yell at her and do all kinds of stupid shit. So one day she just quit. Told her to ass-ride the broom she flies on! Anyway when she started to work for Lane Bryant, (which was the same time she started worked with Broomy) she found out that she gets 55% off of clothes. Cool Right??? Try $700 worth of clothes! and she got it for less that $350. Cool Right??? Guess who had to carry that shit….and lose all the hangers….and the space….Did i get anything??? Sure i did…some panties.

Car Wars…

{Orginally Posted on Blogger}

Well, I seem to be getting daring at my age. For the second time in 5 years I decided to go to a Midnight showing of STAR WARS EPISODE II. Of course, I was blown away by this movie. It was all that (trust me me it was). The sad thing is that it is now 8:30 am and I am DEAD! I had to be at work today at 8am. The movie was like 2 and 1/2 hours loooooooooooong. Dont get me wrong. I enjoyed it. I am just paying for it. I did not go alone. My loving woman went with me. I should mention that she gets grumpy when she is tired. So if you do the math….that is like 4 hours of sleep. WoW. In college, I could have 4 hours of sleep and be moving like a bat out of hell. Now I am more like an old man in a walker.

So, have you have seen the look on someone’s face when they think they about to get there ass whipped? Well, I had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing it twice the other day. Both within minutes of each other. Jo and I are going to the mall the other day (Her nail was chipped…which means all 10 fingers have to be re-done). We normally park in the underground garage. So she drives down the ramp and the car in front of us is moving kind of slow as if the drivers is unsure where he is going. Then he backs up! So, Jo does not move at first becuase he stopped and then went foward. Then he backs up again! So she is using all the four letters words you and I can imagine (some multi-letter words in spanish too) and she puts the car in reverse. Of course she does not see the other car on the ramp ( because we are in an L shape corridor) and bang. I thought I heard a crunch.

So Josie gets out of the car! I am staring at the asshole who backed up who has parked by this time ( This dick was going for a parking spot). He is looking our direction like “oops did i do that?” So she is yelling at this lady. “Did you not see me back up?” So the lady mumbles somthing (she thought she was about to get whooped!). Jo gets back in the car and we look space. I shoot this guy (who is actually some teenager) a look like I was in OZ. She parks and we look at the car and it is only a scratch and the teenager comes up to us. “I am so sorry” (please don’t kick my ass). When we see it is a scratch we are no longer mad becuase we thought it was going to be a dent. “I am sorry” (please….dont make me your bitch). So told him not to worry about it. She was more angry about the woman not seeing her. Even called her a “stupid bitch” to her face (you just have to love her). This kid looked like he was going to cry. That must have been some look I gave him. I must have gave him that Puerto Rican stare. That hot blooded look “Chingate Cabron!!!!!!”