I am Stumped!

I have to admit I am stumped. I am not sure what to do with my life at this moment in time. I know what want. But, getting there is a something I am not sure about. I already know that my days in Syracuse are numbered as it is, but it is a matter of when.

Going into this semester I feel myself being excited to have the students back. I look forward to the many new challenges my job has to offer. The issue for me is that I think I have learned all I can learn and I need to move on. Now, with that said, I know that I need to prepare myself for any transition in my life, which is what grad school will do for me. Unfortunately, in order for me to truly move up in my field, I need to get a Master’s Degree.

There is something about this that doesn’t sit well with me. I am willing to put in the work. I am willing to learn about education and how we can improve it to benefit the Latino youth. What gets me is the amount of work I have put in up to this point. I love working for the University but I feel lost because of the lack of representation within the staff. This does frustrate me, but, when I look at the students that need my help, I seem to forget about all that.

What do I want to do? Well, I want to write a book. I just do not know how I get to the point of pitching this idea I have to someone who would be willing to give me a chance an publish it. This goes well beyond my aspirations of being a short story writer. I am just not sure if this is something I should do after I get my Masters, or before, or during.

I am also nervous because once I walk down this path, there is no going back. I love what I do now, but I feel the time may come to take chance on my abilities. I know that I eluded being on the “The Precipice of Solitude”, but I am also the brink of something better. I just cannot put my finger on it.
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Struggling to Focus

I should have a problem focusing about what to write about. But, of course I am. Why you may ask? Several different reasons…

I brought work home tonight. My boss decides to tell me in the late afternoon that she needs a report by tomorrow. This report usually takes me several days to complete. So I am trying my hardest to make sure I get this done tonight. Which is the problem with being so damn good at what you do…no one else can do it.

I just watched the Mets fall apart. Good Lord. It takes me more than just a few minutes to cool down when they lose so badly. Let me just go on the record and say that I would rather they get blown out in games. This way I can just not be too into the game. Losing close games makes me want to… I am good. I am over it.

My poor dog. His eyes are not doing well. I think the other cataract popped. He looks bad in my opinion, but god bless that dog, he just rolls with it. What I do not get is that despite his eye issues, he is eating now! Which is something he was not doing before. We continue to give him his drops and he does not seem in pain. He is running around (although bumping into shit).

Then there is the fact that I have a cough that will not go away. I have been living on DayQuil for the last few days. I would take NyQuil…but last time I did that, I had issues waking up and staying up. So, i am trying to feel better.

Anyway…I did mention in my last post that I wrote other poems. I did post one on Myspace and I did archive it on this blog. Just in case any of you wanted to read it…

Light at The End of The Tunnel

The school year is almost over. This is always interesting time because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to get to that light I have to go through a shit load of work. This weekend is called Greek Unity Fest (even though there is unification of anything). Which is includes a concert, step show, and dance party. Which is all good for the students. For me, this is the last student event I have to deal with until August.

But then there is graduation. Which is just a series of long days before the summer starts. Commencement is always a bittersweet time. I get to say good boy to students that I have know for 4 years. Some which I have grown close to. While I am happy they are graduating, there is the feeling of loss at some point because I am not sure when I will see the again. I do consider one person in particular to be a little brother I never had.

Once class ends and the summer begins there is always this feeling like…ok what do I do now? While I do have plans in some parts of the summer. I have no idea what I am doing for my birthday. I have had some ideas, which will require me taking some vacation time. But, right now it is all thoughts. Nothing concrete.

I am turning 35 this year and I feel like I can do more with my life. Work takes up a lot of my time and I find that I do not have as much time for myself as I should. I am trying my best to save money for things I want to do. The thought of getting a second job has entered my mind frequently. The problem for me is that I value my time way to much to be working 2 jobs.

Regardless…I am focused to get past these last few weeks so I can start enjoying my summer….

Stumped..

I am so stumped tonight on what to write. So, I guess I am just going to do this freestyle! I want to thank everyone for the love that I am receiving in regards to this blog. I have thought about importing some old blogs into the archives, just so I can keep in accurate account of all the stuff I have written.

I have just been very distracted today. Today was just a long day at work. I feel that most of my time is spent in meetings. I love how people want to meet about what we are going to do. I can have 3-4 of those a day. Yet, when it comes down to actually doing…I can’t get to it because I am in another meeting.

My co-workers make me laugh though, so that is definitely a good thing. My skills as the class clown are put to good use when I am at work. Making fun of just about everyone just makes my day. Not to mention that it lowers my stress level. I am stressed because I have so many projects to do, so making fun of the world around me is great!

I am also interest in battle blogging someone. It is a little idea I was having to share audience with each other. Each person comes up with a topic that other person has to blog about. It is almost like the guest blogger concept, except for the hosting blogger picks the topic. Just an idea, lets see if I get any takers…

Anyway, I am keeping this one short today, but I want to encourage people to read the blogs I am about to list. These are people I feel have a lot to say and I will eventually have these blog links on the side of this page.

Brookey’s Blogspot
Ruined by a sophisticated education…

Makes Me Wanna Holler – Man, Dad, Husband…
The JoseVilson
Black Cloud Films

Tomorrow is a late night for me, but I will definitely have a topic.