The Move

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I learned a long time ago that moving is a part of life. I’ve also come to the realization that when you reside in a apartment nothing is really permanent. Rents rise and neighborhoods change so the idea of moving like a nomad should not be new. Yet, there is something unsettling about packing up all your stuff and moving to another living situation.

I grew up living in a house in the Bronx and I never really thought about moving anywhere else. But life happens, parents split up and moving from apartment to apartment became normal. I returned to the very same house as a teenager and, again, never thought I would need to move until I was admitted to Syracuse. By the time I graduated, my stuff had been condensed to storage unit standards and being nomadic was a new way of life.

Eventually, I would go back to the BX where I would live in couple of places before I moved into my own apartment. It was my first true sign of adulthood and it was glorious. But that glory was short lived because after 9/11 I had to leave the city. I found a job back in SU and I was out. Once again, I had to move my life into a small apartment a few blocks away from the University.

When I finally bought a house in Syracuse I thought, this is it. This is the last place I will ever move to (I was lying to myself). All my comic books, video games, and things that you never want to move came with me. Not to mention that all my collection of junk tripled during my stay so imagine my joy in having to box all that shit up in a U-haul when I finally decided to come back home to NYC. But still, I spent a great deal of time living in one place that I grew comfortable in knowing that moving may not be a possibility.

However, when I moved to Washington Heights a few years ago, I knew that this wasn’t going to be my last residence. Perhaps it was the residential nomad that I’ve grown accustomed to being. Maybe there’s a sense that I can’t stay in one place too long. Perhaps there’s this nagging feeling in my heart after being through two divorces (my parents and my own) that nothing lasts forever.

After all, this is all just stuff. I cannot take this crap with me. There is no storage unit in the afterlife. This point was driven home to me last week when I was helping my mother sort through my late Aunt Clara’s stuff. It was nothing but bins and boxes. Is this the sum of our physical existence? At the end of it all when I’m gone someone will be looking through my comic book boxes?

Well, currently I find myself in Harlem. A new place of residence that will probably last for about a year and half depending on what happens with my better half. I’m excited about this area because it opens up some experiences. I can visit places I never been to and I recognize the opportunity to really embrace the culture that makes this place awesome.

Moving still sucks but I know that I will be doing it again soon.

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The Redefinition

tumblr_mhy4hhQo5j1rl14rno1_500Many lessons learned. I’ve been in New York City for 7 months now and I can honestly say that reaching one’s goals is not enough. Just like sports teams will say that is not simply enough to make the playoffs, achieving goals mean nothing if you do not follow through.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be back in my hometown. I’m not lying when I tell people that I love being back here. What I never expected was how hard life can be even after setting all the goals and meeting them one by one. Which then makes me think about how my life has changed and how I need to redefine my life and the things I do.

A move like this isn’t just a physical move. I had been used to a certain life and a certain way of being. I was in Syracuse of 11 years. I was married and divorced within that time. I started at the bottom of the latter and moved up. I started a blog and a help start a community. I built relationships. However, this move is also psychological. NYC is different with a way of life that is at a whole different speed. Adjustment to it may seem easy at first but that is only if you do not take into account the rest of your life.

That is why I need to redefine everything. The definition of friendship is the first thing to change, because this is sad to say, no one is ever really who we thought they are. I’m also pretty sure there are people who feel the same about me, perhaps they thought I was someone that I’m really not and that is ok. More and more I begin to realize that I need people in my life that are about something, even if that something is not in line with my own goals. Most of my friendships have been based on an affinity for one thing or another, but not always on success. Which is why, other people who I have been friends with who share an affinity to being successful seem to be more likely to check in on successes and provide more encouragement and thus I end up doing the same for them.

I also have to redefine my finances. This is something that is more of a life’s work. It is simply not that easy for me to put on my shit in line, however, I have been getting better at it with each passing month. The one lesson that I seem to learn over and over again is that money is the root of all evil. Money may make the world go round but, it can destroy relationships. Getting friends involved with money matter is a dangerous road to go down. It will make you redefine what friendship truly is.

There also come a time to redefine affiliations. I have take steps to make sure that all my affiliations are in order. I have left some and cleaned others up

I just need to focus on myself. This phase of redefining my life comes a time in which I’m being reflective on my past and my future. My journey is far from over and I need to figure out what is best for me and the projects I am dead set on.

I am writing a book and I have been tending to it like a plant. Watering it every day until it is fully formed. I will then clip when it is ready and see how it turns out when all the leaves turn green.

Looking back at MY 2012

“Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path” – Morpheus

I always try to take one look back before I proceed into the future. 2012 has finally come to an end and I cannot help but be amazed of how I ended up exactly where I wanted to be. I will say that as much as I wanted this to be a good year, I wasn’t so confident that it would end that way.

The first thing I decided to so was to take more risks. The truth of the matter was that at this time last year, I knew I needed to change my life before I went spiraling down in a flame of debt and foreclosure. What I learned from my woman was that taking risks shouldn’t always be that scary. After a afternoon of learning how to ice skate –without falling once, I realized that I needed to invest in myself and take those risks that may turn my life around.
At the same time I realized that this blog was becoming a venue for me to complain and talk about things I would love to do but never follow up on. I was done with that. I need to stop talking and just do. The result ultimately ended up with me having less blogs than I anticipated but, the major goals I set were completed. Yet, as a writer, I did get more exposure than I ever thought I would with being selected as blogger for the Huffington Post. Yes, I feel like I keep saying this but I still find this to be amazing.  I wrote 4 articles and acquired a great deal of fans on that site.

Although, there were some bumps along the way, my second blog for the Huffington Post received some comments that I was not excited about. Looking back at it, it wasn’t that big of a deal but, I did feel a certain way about it. I craft my words carefully (which is why I was called a Word Ninja) so that people can understand where I’m coming from. Usually, there are people who take my words to mean something entirely different (I’m still getting used to that). There was also the time in which the Huff denied a post from me. That was particularly hard to swallow, but I got over it.

I still believe that this was a banner year for racism. Despite the fact that Barack Obama won a second term, I believe we have seen so many signs of racism in the country that it is almost laughable if it wasn’t so tragic. The death of Travyon Martin really took its toll on me when it happened. I think there is a lot to be said about the gun laws in this country and while I wrote nothing about Aurora and Sandy Hook shootings…I think eyes need to opened when comes to which populations are being effected by certain laws. I think more importantly it is the perception that people have that really shows how “tolerant” we are of other people. This does not mean I have strong words for just white people….my own people can be ridiculous too.

Of course with the things that I say or do, come people who have either a difference of opinion (which is fine) or people who downright cannot deal with me. This year, I have learned to take the good with the bad. Let those fester in there thoughts while I continue to move forward. I can spend a whole blog post on the telling of stories about people and incidents that happen earlier in the year that will be completely hilarious. However, in doing so, that will make them look bad. I am determined to be the better person always. I think I have succeed in that one thing before I left Syracuse.

There were several proud moments for me this year, but nothing did it more than me getting an A in my graduate course in the spring semester. Another reason for the lack of blog posts was the simple fact that I was taking a class. The reason why this was big for me is because I never got an A in any class in my college career. I think I did pretty good on this.

My, departure from Central New York involved risks has I mention above. I was lucky enough to sell my house and get an apartment for a short amount of time. There was also so much risk in just keeping the faith and hoping that my job search would find me something. I’ll be honest, there was one point where I gave up. With my last job application submitted, I told myself that it was either now or never. If I do not get a job in NYC, I would have looked into Grad School in California. I had schools already picked out when Barnard called for the interview.

I will never forget that afternoon when I was told that I was hired. With my return imminent, I thought about all the things I would do when I got back home. But, I had to ultimately say goodbye to good friend. Yes, it was hard to say my goodbyes to colleagues, friends, and students but it was the hardest to say good bye to Rocky. I still love and miss that dog. He has remained in Syracuse with the x-wife. I still think about him everyday. Sad to say that all good things come to an end…SU will always be in my  heart.

However, I did learn that everything is truly connected. In the wake of my decision to move, my mother suffered a heart attack. This required her to have a quintuple by-pass surgery that we all were very nervous about. Of course, Columbia Presbyterian is one of the best places she could have very gone to, there is was always that horrifyingly small chance that something may go wrong. The good thing is she fully recovered which made my return even more glorious.

The rest of the year was filled with apartment hunting while being broke, Obama was re-elected, Sandy damn near destroyed lower Manhattan, my Macbook broke, and I am near obesity.

I think this was a good year. Very successful. Next year will be better. I will share a toast tonight for my friends, family, and to all of you who continue to follow me. Happy New Year! 

Syracuse’s Last Laugh

The best thing about being an event planner is this acute perception of the larger world. The reason is because one has to plan for anything and everything. If something goes wrong, there must be a Plan B. So, needless to say that when it came time to move from Syracuse to New York City, I had to make sure that I had a plan in place to make sure that I can survive until pay day…even if that pay day is on Halloween.

If you recall, I made my announcement on August 8th and I left Syracuse on September 16th. I had about 4-5 weeks to plan my return. I needed to make sure my move was carefully planned with the packing of all my stuff and the throwing away of the things I didn’t want. I also had ensure where I was going to stay and make sure, as well as have enough money to survive. All these things were done and I thought of everything, at least, that is what I thought.

I knew a while ago that once I leave SU that I was going to have to take money out of my 403b. I needed to be able to replace an lost income so I can do things like eat. I would hate to have to borrow the money or have to rely on anyone. Besides, the plan was full proof. I would not have to miss a payment on any of bills and I would be straight.

The Plan was simple. Fill out some paperwork right before my last day and just wait for the check. Now, I understood that there were going to be some small hang ups. First, I could not do direct deposit because I changed my bank along time ago and when I opened a new checking account a few years back, I never ordered checks. So, instead of ordering a new check book with a Syracuse address, I just decided to have them send the money to my old house and then have my buddy mail it to me. Of course, the question is…why do I not simply change my address? (I am glad you asked).

The process of changing your address and it getting verified takes three weeks, which was more than I was willing to wait, yet hindsight being 20/20, I suppose I should have. But, I still went with my gut because this was very good plan to me. I had already planned the move so getting paycheck after I get to NYC was going to just complete my master plan and make me feel comfortable until I starting getting my regular checks.

Well a funny thing happened in Syracuse. You see, I never got my check from TIAA Cref. I found it hard to believe that this could be there fault. I followed their process to the letter. But, every time I called my buddy, the check was never in the mail. So what was I to do but call the company that wrote the check in the first place? As expected, they tell me that the they sent out the check, but what I didn’t expect was for them to tell me that it was returned by… THE SYRACUSE POST OFFICE.

The lady had the envelope in front of her when she read it to me. It stated that my former address was an “undeliverable address.” I was flabbergasted. The lady was almost beginning to wonder if my address was real and I had to assure that it was. I told her a funny joke about this whole thing was that I did get mail from TIAA Cref that same week because I had my buddy send me some of mail down and what I got was some retirement benefits information. That alone tells me that if I can get those damn booklets, then I should be getting this check.

Her suggestion was to call the Syracuse Post Office that handles my mail. Of course, I called the main branch in the area which is located on Teal Ave. I have been there several times when it had to do with buying the house and making sure they knew I was the owner of the property. I spoke to (what I believe is) the Post Master and I explained the situation. He tells me that the US Postal Service would never just send any piece of mail back (really? tell me more). The person who is ultimately responsible for doing this is the individual mail carrier.

So he puts me on hold after I give him my address so he can check what is going on. After some time, he comes back and informs me that my address is valid (I was shocked). I told him that I need this check and that I am getting another one mailed out. I was reassured that there should be no problem. I call TIAA Cref back to say that the address is all good. So I have to do the one thing that I really did not want to do and that was wait and survive. But, of course, the best laid plans never take idiots into account.

That was 2 weeks ago. They sent the check back… again. While I want to be so angry at this whole situation, I can’t help but think that the city of Syracuse wanted to make sure that they got their last laugh on me. Do not get me wrong, I love my alma mater, but the city itself has just wore out its welcome with me. Just the idea that it can take them more than 15 years to try to expand that mall was enough for me.

So Syracuse can have that laugh, I have already made arrangements with direct deposit and the money that I am waiting for will be put to better use.

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

As I write this, I look down and see an empty floor. For the last few years I have had Rocky by my side. He has been the one living thing that has witnessed just about everything that has happened to me in the 21st Century. Now, Rocky is the last real sacrifice I have made before I leave Syracuse. He will stay here with the ex-wife to live out the rest of his days.

I cannot help but feel sad about this even though I know that I am doing the right thing. He will be much happier in Syracuse where there is more grass and trees. The chances are extremely high that he will be more spoiled than ever and I am ok with that. It was just heart breaking to say good bye to him. It is going to be weird to wake up every morning and not have to walk him. I am grateful that my days here are numbered because him not greeting me everyday when I open the door to my bedroom will be difficult.

Rocky is a reminder of where I have been. He was a puppy sleeping on my chest when I was going through my unemployment period in 2000. I remember the walks from Soundview to Castle Hill, in which, we crossed through the mall on White Plains Road in the Bronx. I also remember hugging him hard after I came home from 9/11.

He had such great resilience to survive that first drive to Syracuse. Rocky hates the snow but loved to dig his face in it. I remember how he loved the other dog, Rusty, and how sad he was when he died. Rocky has seen me at my worst during the divorce and he is seen me at my best when I sold the house. He could tell my moods and always found away to make me feel better. I repaid him by nursing him back to health when he was sick.

I have watched him grow old and lose his eye sight. Rocky is like an old man now with his old man ways. You have to carry him downstairs because he is afraid to fall. I almost do not remember life without having to cater to him. Yet, I would not have it any other way because I truly love that dog.

Saying goodbye was something I had to prepare for. He was originally supposed to come back home with me. But, things happen and situations change. Rocky will be in a better place and will still be loved. I will miss him more than than he will know. This is truly my last sacrifice. I feel know that I am coming back with nothing but the clothes on my back (and the comic books, dvds, PS3, and TV in the Car)…

New York State of Mind

I don’t think it has really hit me yet. I know that I’m leaving but it just doesn’t feel like I am leaving yet. I guess because my end date for my job at Syracuse University is more that 3 weeks away and it just seems so far away. The funny thing is I want to pack but I really can’t yet. Instead I end up doing a mental tally of everything that I need to do to before hand.

My living situation has ben solved. I wont get into it much for the sake of a story I don’tt want to tell that involves family. Let’s just say that I am glad that I am able to take just one train to work everyday. In NYC, that is important. I could really careless about long commutes to and from work. I have done it before and wish not to do that again. In any case, it is a very beneficial move for both me and my dog. Rocky is very important to me and his return to New York is as just as significant.

The benefits of selling the house means that I do not have much stuff to move. This is why I am really beginning to think that all this was meant to be because the transition from the house, to this apartment, to NYC is becoming a very smooth process. While, the act of moving is something I really don’t care for, all of this will be worth it. I have decided to not take my bed or much of my furniture. I will return to New York with somewhat of a clean slate mentality. Sure, I will have my clothes, books, and electronics, but the things that might have some unpleasant memories will remain in Syracuse.

As I receive information from my new employer, I realize that I must change my mind set. Syracuse is such a laid back city in which you can become complacent because everything is so easy going. That will not be the case in New York City. Everything will be faster and more up tempo. There will always be something to do and I will have to re-acclimate myself to this life.

I do have an advantage that I may not have had before. I now have the advantage of experience. Coming back home with a career that has been well crafted gives me such confidence that I can achieve more of my goals. More importantly, I have the support of friends and family. I do not have to worry about fitting into the area or the city itself. I’m excited to really get to know my home in ways I didn’t in the past.

I am putting myself in a New York state of mind. I will have to think about the train rides and the newspapers. I will finally have the coverage of the sports teams that I seemed to have missed so much. I am thinking about the unlimited places to eat no matter the time of day and endless amount of options when it comes to shopping. These are just some of the things I’ve come to miss about my home. I feel like I’ve done myself such a disservice by not blogging about any of this in my earlier years. I get to do write in a city with endless inspiration.

I also breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my mother is doing well. Her heart attack was minor and there was no damage to her heart. It gives me the belief that perhaps my time has truly arrived to begin a newer life which is really a continuation of my old life but in a different volume. Perhaps this will end a serious chapter of me or end a book in this journey.

Maybe it is time to really think about changing the game some much that I will need to start a new blog when I get to NYC and simply call it, “Volume. 2”

Free-Write: Broke Edition.

I am doing a little experiement. It is 11:20pm as I write this and I am going to write for about 20 minutes because I need to just write about whatever. I need to just tap on the keyboard to see what I actually come up with. I think when I am done I will just edit for typos and find a picture that would most likely go with this post. This is something I normally do when I write is find a picture on Google and post it on the top of the post or if I am feeling really creative, I will post several pictures throughout the blog to give it a certain feel.

My stomach is not feeling so great right now because my dumb ass decided to drink just a little bit of soda with my meal. The person who took my take out order just had an extra drink and offered it too me. I barely took 3 sips before my tummy disagreed with it. So the moral of this tiny story is that I need to stick to water. That is the only thing I should be drinking anyway. Although, I am so very much into coffee. I only have one serving of coffee per day, but otherwise it is all about the water.

I know my eating habits haven’t been the greatest, but what I have noticed is that when I work so much, I tend to not cook as much as I should. I am also still not used to cooking for just me. I find that I enjoy cooking for me and someone else. Maybe it has to do with portions or maybe it has to do with the fact that I rather not be alone when I cook a meal. However, as the school year continues (because today was the first day of classes) I should be able to have enough time for me.

I am enjoying this free-write because I am just going with whatever comes to mind which is pretty funny because of the name of this blog. I have also thought about changing my description on the top left. I am no longer struggling with a divorce that is long gone. I am sure that I have moved on to the next level of my life and I am better person for it. I think my life gotten better and more enjoyable, I just need to get past the small things that hold me back everyday.

October marks my 10 years here in Syracuse. I was hoping to be somewhere else by now, but fate and the universe deems that I am here for a purpose that perhaps I have yet to fill. This also means that 9/11 is turning 10 years old too. If you have been keeping up with me over the years then you will know that 9/11 was a major reason I left New York City. While I may have taken this job at SU anyway, 9/11 sealed the deal for me. I still think about that day and I long to return to the city that never sleeps. I just need to be patient and wait for me opportunity.

I am also thinking about Latino Heritage Month that is coming up very quickly. I know that I did the 30 day blog challenge last year and I am wondering if I am going to do that again. I am not sure that is a good idea to do the same things over and over. However, I see the value of highlighting different things. I will have to really think about this before I commit to something. These types of challenges do take a lot out of me because I do not want to write crappy blogs.

Which brings me to my other struggles. I am tired of being broke. I need money to make money and trying to get this book of the ground will require money that I do not have at the moment. So there will be many things that I need to think of in order to get this done. In the meantime, I highlighted and wrote up a basis for another project I want to do in regards to @beingafrolatino. It turns out that I am always full of ideas but I just need to execute them.

This was an awesome free-write.

Latino Heritage Month

First let me say that my weeks seem to get busier by the day and coming up with blogs have proven to be difficult. I know that I have been basing many topics on love and life because of the many issues that I am facing. However, I do have another passion and that is mi cultura. I started writing this blog because I felt that Afro Latinos are just not represented enough and I wanted to carve my niche. I wont say I haven’t, but I know I do not write much about being Latino.

I remember a few month back, I would talk to people about my blog and I said to one woman that I do not talk much about Latino issues as I should. Her response was classic. She told me that the subject does no matter, since I am Latino…then the blog is about Latino issues. I am always amazed about how people view the world. So, I never gave my subject matter a second thought.

For those who do not know, Latino Heritage Month is really called “Hispanic Heritage Month”. Hispanic Awareness began in 1968 under the Lydon Johnson administration. It was once called Hispanic Heritage Week. Years later, under President Regan, it was expanded to a Month between September 15th and October 15th. The reason for the oddity of the dates is because of the numerous amount of independence days that Latin American countries celebrate within that 30 day time period. It was voted into law in 1988.

I was never crazy about the idea of having an “awareness” month actually being in between 2 months, but I do understand the reasoning. It made me think that how funny it is that Black History Month is during the shortest month of the year and that includes leap year. Now Latinos cant even have a real month we just have to bits of 2 months and call it our own. Sounds like good old fashioned colonialism to me, but I digress..

Speaking of that…I prefer saying Latino Heritage Month because I feel that is what is should be called. I have explained before how Hispanic is not a term I consider myself. Do I look Hispanic? No… I look black. Probably because I am a direct reflection of people who were indigenous to the Latin American Diaspora which does include the Caribbean. While I do get that this is a national month of recognition that that was created by the U.S. Government to celebrate diversity within our country, we have the ability to change the name. It was not so long ago that the term Latino was not even on the Census chart.

There are several blogs & social networks that I have listed on the side that more or less talk about the Latino experience. Depending on where you live or where you go there are tons of things to see and do during this month. The big thing that everyone on twitter is talking about is the LATISM (LATinos in Social Media) Conference. Although I cannot make it, I would really like to wish them the best when it comes to their events.

Syracuse University is doing some good things for this month as well. Here are some events that I know I will be attending or managing here on campus:

9/25 – 8pm Schine 304ABC – Poetry Nught Featuring Willie Perdomo
9/26 – 7pm Goldstein Aud – Fiesta Latina (Food & Dance, with live music)
10/8 – 6:30pm Goldstein Aud – Cafe con Leche with Rosie Perez & Mike Robles
10/10 – 7pm – Goldstein Aud – Phi Iota Alpha 15th Anniversary Baquet

There are just highlights in a great month that we plan on having. I know the city of Syracuse has some event going on as well. The one thing I will highlight is the Third Annual Latino Upstate Summit, which is on 10/23. I plan on being there.

I hope you all get a chance to enjoy a little bit of dance, a little bit of food, and a whole lot of culture.

Proud Latinos in Syracuse? Really??

I look at my collection of blogs I see when I log on and there are a bunch of posts that are in draft mode. It goes to show how busy I have been. So, tonight I had the honor of trying to figure out which “draft”post to complete, but in true Gemini fashion, I realized I am bored with all those subjects for now. Then I realized that there was something that I wanted to write about…

This past weekend was the first time in a very long time that I was able to just chill at a festival and listen to salsa. The city of Syracuse had yet another Latino Americano Festival this summer. Being from New York City, I feel that perhaps it is unfair judge this festival in year’s past. But, I have to admit that the festival in year’s past has been lack luster to say the least.

It would be 2 days of just all day mess. Sure, they served food from the limited amout of Latino owned restaurants, but the entertainment would be lacking. Don’t get me wrong, there would be live entertainment via the stage. The acts were middle level at best. So for the most part we would stand around looking at the vendors who came up from New York City to make the extra money. The number of booths would just not be enough to hold any attention. But, surprisingly enough, the Latinos up here thought that this was dope. I guess you take what you can get from a city that considers us practically invisible.

However, this past Saturday, I was so pleasantly surprised by this festival. For starters, they made a 2 day festival and turned it into one big day. This made the crowd larger than normal. Now, if you have ever been to the 116th street festival then you know that large crowds make for a great time. While the crowd was not that large, to see people dancing to the various Latino music was great too see.

There were a lot of food vendors. Many more than I recall from previous years. Let me tell you, wack or not, I make sure I eat at these festivals. The vendors from NYC were out in full force, even selling La Mega CDs (which was a first). The weather perfect and I could not help but notice the large amount of Afro-Latinos in the crowd, which always makes me smile. Let me also not forget the serious games dominoes that occured.

So what could make this night better? How about a live performance from Frankie Negron? This was the only reason I came to this festival. The rest was cake. I love good salsa music live! The atmosphere was completely electric. People dancing in the streets and everything! Frankie, of course was off the hook. He did his thing. The best part was being able to be backstage and see the show close up. Josie is the Vice President of the Spanish Action League (La Liga) and was able to make sure that a bunch of us got a better view. Thus the picture above.

I will say that this is the first time the city of Syracuse made me really proud to be Latino.I hope they can do it again during Latino Heritage Month…

I am Stumped!

I have to admit I am stumped. I am not sure what to do with my life at this moment in time. I know what want. But, getting there is a something I am not sure about. I already know that my days in Syracuse are numbered as it is, but it is a matter of when.

Going into this semester I feel myself being excited to have the students back. I look forward to the many new challenges my job has to offer. The issue for me is that I think I have learned all I can learn and I need to move on. Now, with that said, I know that I need to prepare myself for any transition in my life, which is what grad school will do for me. Unfortunately, in order for me to truly move up in my field, I need to get a Master’s Degree.

There is something about this that doesn’t sit well with me. I am willing to put in the work. I am willing to learn about education and how we can improve it to benefit the Latino youth. What gets me is the amount of work I have put in up to this point. I love working for the University but I feel lost because of the lack of representation within the staff. This does frustrate me, but, when I look at the students that need my help, I seem to forget about all that.

What do I want to do? Well, I want to write a book. I just do not know how I get to the point of pitching this idea I have to someone who would be willing to give me a chance an publish it. This goes well beyond my aspirations of being a short story writer. I am just not sure if this is something I should do after I get my Masters, or before, or during.

I am also nervous because once I walk down this path, there is no going back. I love what I do now, but I feel the time may come to take chance on my abilities. I know that I eluded being on the “The Precipice of Solitude”, but I am also the brink of something better. I just cannot put my finger on it.