writing – Page 7 – Anthony Otero

This or That: Self Publish or Not?

I needed to take a small break from the all the amazing guest bloggers to really express that I’ve come to the proverbial fork in the road when it comes to this novel. Last week started off a chain of events that has lead me to make a decision on how this book is going to be published.

I’ve never been too proud to admit that I’m still learning when it comes to this process. I’m still very much a student of the writing game and have barely a clue on any thing more than just self publishing. I figured that this would be the best thing for me because I’m usually the ‘do it yourself’ type of person. Yet, there was always a small pull to look into traditional publishing. Even my girlfriend tried to put a bug in my ear that I should at least look into it.

Perhaps there was a part of me that thought that my work is not good enough to submit. There have been many times during this process where fear almost got the best of me. So I just ignored that pull and kept on my journey to just do it myself. But then I got an email from a relative. It was just a quick link about formatting a manuscript in order submit it to a publishing company. This is when I began to realize that I know even less than what I thought I knew. When I informed my editor about what I learned she quickly told me to send her all the chapters again in this manuscript format.

Maybe it sounds too simple, but this one act of reformatting this draft into a manuscript had changed they way I looked the future of this book. I had to face some facts about all this.

I haven’t set a date for this book to come out. I’ve always said before the summer or maybe the spring of this year. The reason for this was because I’m not sure how long editing will take and how long it may take me to add revisions if I need to. So going the publishing route would set the date for but it may not even be this year. (yikes)
It will cost me some money to self publish. This is something that I always knew going into this process but it would be nice if I didn’t have to.
I have a feeling that designing the book jacket is not going to be easy. I will need a graphic designer which wont be cheap (although, I’m considering some of my comic book buddies to help out with art lol). Clearly this is something I would not have to worry about so much if I go the traditional route.
I have no plan whatsoever on how to market this book other than word of mouth and social media. Publishing companies are all about the marketing of a book.

So where does that leave me? I think that I owe it to myself to try this. I’ve already gotten some leads on some publishing companies but I also know that for the most part I need an agent to submit the manuscript for me. Believe it or not, I do know someone that can help me out. So the act of submitting to a publishing company may become a reality.

I will admit that the reaction from the test readers has put me in a position where confidence is high. But, I’m fully aware that my manuscript could be rejected. As a first time novelist, this is something that you have consider and just take it on chin if it does happen. In any case, I’m feeling that I need to do this so that I can at least say I tried.

If all else fails than self publishing is the route to take.

my life, Novel, writing

The Urge

Waiting is the hardest thing I can do right now. I have gotten to a point where I’m so used to writing and working on this novel everyday that it feels incredibly awkward not to be writing something. I guess the proper word is antsy.

I feel the need to create. Is it bad that I want to start on the second novel now? I have this urge to just open a new Word Doc and start on the next one. This is despite the fact that I already have a novel I have yet to complete. Yeah, let me just go over that. Hanging Upside Down is the novel I just finished that is being currently edited. I have another novel that I started called The Angel of Death that I have yet to complete. Look at me trying to just start another book!

I know that I write what I feel and this feeling is coming on pretty strong. I want to keep my eyes on the prize but I just have this urge to write. I have been able to quell that urge a little bit by reading. I started reading Song of Solomon. I was very moved by Toni Morrison last month and I felt the need to reread some her books. The problem is that I love the way she uses words so much that I’m getting a fresh new supply of literary motivation.

This is not to say that any of this is a bad thing it’s just interesting how I’ve gotten myself into the habit of continual writing and creating. I don’t want to lose that. The urge just gets stronger when I see the books on my shelf or I pick up my Nook. That is why I had to stop all the self editing to the current novel. I know that I could continually find something to change just for the sake of change.

Although, I do blame myself for this because I got the idea for a new novel while writing the current one. I had to brush that idea aside until I was done but the book spirits in me are calling. I have a plethora of ideas that I want to put on (virtual) paper but I figured that should wait until I published my first book before I start on the next. I don’t think I can do that now. I am too regimented in my own ways to let my creative juices go to waste.

I guess at some point I made a transition from blogger to novelist and didn’t really know it. I was just writing for me because I always had a goal to write a book even when I was a little kid going to Holy Cross School in the Bronx. This is my way of living forever because I can’t let this urge pass.

I will now march my way on to book two.

Novel, writing

Next Steps

Back in the early days, when I would toy with the idea of writing anything, I always cringed at the idea of writing a first draft. That simple word, draft, gave me the impression that writing anything was double the work. I had a serious thought once that made me so mad to think about the fact that I have give in a draft to a professor. I just knew that anything I wrote for school I could get it right the first time. Sigh, to be young and dumb.

With that being said, I’m glad to finally say that Draft 2 of the book has been completed. I actually completed it this past weekend. The hardest part about this process is that I know that I could read this book again and still have more changes. But there comes a time when you just have to take a break from it. So Draft 2 is readable and it was this version of the novel that I sent to the test readers a few days ago.

There are differences between the first raw draft and the more polished second draft. The second draft is longer. Since I knew where I wanted to go with the story, I began foreshadowing events earlier in the book. Also, I re-wrote the last fifty pages in the second draft that completely overhauled the story. One could suggest that there are alternative endings but I would like to think that the second draft is just better crafted.

Which now leaves me with the third draft. This is what I hope will end up being the final copy. I got me an editor and we will work together to put some final touches on this thing. I have already made a change for the third draft. I change some of the character’s names. There were two of them in particular that I felt needed to have a different name because I know people who have those names. To be real, when I first started writing this novel, I was using any name that came to mind. I didn’t want to get bogged down thinking about perfect names.

Preliminary results from the test readers are positive thus far. I have to admit that I was a bit nervous because I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have about nine people who have volunteered to read this story. I gave them some instructions on what to look for. The most important thing I wanted them to know was that if they know me, they need to push it out of their minds. The book is adult in nature with some situations that might raise some eyebrows. This way I don’t hear people say…”yo, I cannot believe that you said this word like 5 times in the book.” lol

The other issue that I thought about yesterday is the design of the book jacket. I have a thought in my head that I’m beginning realize will not translate easily paper to computer screen. I will have to sketch some ideas. This kinda makes me laugh considering that at one point in my life I thought I might be an artist since I used to love drawing. Now it all comes full circle. However, I’m not graphic designer which means I have to find one before all this is done.

Further down the road is getting an ISBN. That will run me about $200 – $250 for like 10. That alone makes me think about creating a budget. I will also have to pay my editor and think about advertising costs. In any case, I’m in a good position to get all this done before the summer.

my life, New Year, writing

Tipping the Hat to 2013

Usually I do some sort of year in review post. I think about it now and it may just be a little too self serving. After all, I need to really ask myself what I really did this year. Instead, I thought about being short on this post about how grateful I am for having people support me in all my efforts.

I know that the beginning of the year was bumpy for me and it made me question whether I should even be a writer anymore. I had to take a long hard look at myself to figure out if I indeed was this person that I said I was. Through this personal turmoil, I had friends help me see that I get through the tough times and lo and behold, I started the novel in March.

Since that point, everything has been a lesson for me and I appreciate the encouragement of the people who follow me. My good friends have encouraged and challenged me to get as far as I have. I have yet to figure out ways to thank them.

My family is just realizing how deep this writing game is to me. It almost make me nervous because this book is R rated. Not that we are not all adults here but its not like I have a potty mouth in person. I will have to remind them that they can’t think about me when they read the words and situations. lol

As for everyone else, thank you. I thought the site switch from blogger to word press would have been more of hassle but it turns out that it has worked out well in my favor. I’m glad that this site does get read despite the fact that I haven’t written nearly as much as I should. I look forward to updating everyone on the process of writing and self publishing.

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2014 provides us all with much success.

my life, Syracuse University, writing

Every Word is a Revolution

Every word is a revolution. When someone asks me what my take away was from watching Junot Díaz talk with Toni Morrison last week, that last line is the best way to summarize it. There are few times in life when you realize you are in the presence of greatness. I have had this privilege a few times by simply being in the room with great literary minds. Yet, nothing really prepared me for this particular discussion at the New York Library.

I’m not going to go into an expansive breakdown of this discussion because I will not do it justice (which is why I just attached the link below), but rather, it is best for me to be reflective on how this event should reshape the life of writers. What is interesting to me is how unapologetic words from these two authors can be. I feel like I’m someone who says sorry too much so when I read their words and hear them speak, it’s like a tiny revolution. The reality is that I want to write my fiction with no apologies. It should be harsh at times and hard hitting. Yet, there is a serious fear factor in all of this. There is a little person on my shoulder telling me that I am not good enough.

As I sat there and watched these two legends speak, I began to wonder if there were feelings of doubt that snuck into their thought process. I do recognize their humanity but the aura around them glowed with divinity at least in the realm of the written word. Toni Morrison was that author that Professor Mays at Syracuse University championed. I took a class solely on her and it took me way too long to realize how great she really she. Song of Solomon is one of those books everyone needs to read. So seeing and hearing her talk about books I’ve read a long time ago along with her thought process was indeed axis shifting. Yet, that confidence she has makes me believe that whatever fear she may have had was put back into her work. I plan on reading her works again. Now that I’m older I think her words will mean even more to me now then they did then.

The same goes for Junot Díaz. He writes like he talks and it’s truly amazing. He has changed the game for me. I became used to reading narratives where the voice is so very formal and even if the protagonist curses… it’s still formal. But when this man stood up in front of a large audience in Syracuse a few years ago and read one of the dirtiest passages in The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, I knew this man gave zero fucks about what people thought about him and his work. That is an inner peace that he has with his work and the central place that I want to get to.

That is why every word is a Revolution. This goes far beyond just writing something that I consider to be special. It is more about reaching a point where I have a connection to a audience that is beyond the norm.

my life, Novel, overthinking, writing

A Novel Idea

The problem with being me is that I think too much. I over think everything in my life and when things are bad, my over rationalization of things just make this worse. When things are going good I have to find a way to use the extra mental energy. Much of that has come in the form of novel writing.

I have always managed to use writing as a form of escape and expression. My mind is always on, which may explain why I don’t sleep as much as I should. In any case, I’m always thinking about the story and the story after that. This causes me the over think the little details of whatever I happened to be working on, but in the long run I know I can do what I could never do in real life, go back and fix mistakes.

I realize that what I’m working on fits into my own personal feelings about life. Everything we do is connected. We are all connected in some way and I think that has been coming out in the way I’m writing this novel. I really think that all the people we meet play a role in our lives no matter how insignificant it may seem. That is why all my stories take place in the same space.

Maybe it is because I’m such a lover comic books but think about the fact that Bruce Wayne takes up the same space as Clark Kent. Think about how the relationships behind the scenes are just as important. Lois Lane has done several interviews with Bruce and Lex Luthor is his business rival. This has very little to do with the fact that Batman and Superman are “friends”. That very geeky example is how the world around us operates. I can’t tell you how many times someone has checked my LinkedIn profile and commented that they didn’t realize how I knew someone they knew (which is why networking is important…but I digress).

All my books and stories are connect to each other and I over think that so much that I had to put down all my ideas of what my novels would look like when I am done. There are five books with the titles and a brief summation. If I can get this done, I will be so very impressed with myself:

Hanging Upside Down – (currently editing)
Louis is facing life after divorce while trying to be with his true love. His life comes crashing down when he has to deal with life altering experiences.

The Book of Isabel
A master student tries to find his way after a horrible break with the woman he thought was the one. Prequel to Hanging Upside Down.

The Angel of Death – (partially written)
When Marie dreams about people who die in her dreams it turns out the die in real life. She must find out the origin of her dreams before someone close to her dies.

The Book of Rachet (partially written)
A group of short stories of people who have a very different set of morals

Parallels
A young author struggles with writing about his life until he thinks about what life would’ve been like with the different ex-loves of his past.

I have no idea how I got here. I will just say that the more I edit my current title, the more ideas continue to flood my mind in regards to the other four. This what I will be working for the foreseeable future and I love it.

my life, writing

A Million Stories in the Parallel

Sometimes I feel like I have a million stories in my head. I think writing this novel has opened a can of worms I will not be able to close. I find it interesting that in my desire to get through the editing of the first draft, I continue to envision what comes next. I keep thinking about the next story and how I intend to frame that.

I guess my point is that I don’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, it feels good to know the creative part of me is still functional. There is this compulsion to constantly create a world in a literary realm that is just mine. I see this whole experience as me delving into a alternate version of me in a parallel universe where anything can and has happened. Yet, in that context I’m not even sure that I can think of that many variables that would be in a parallel timeline where either I (i.e. the character’s I create) are the constant.

On the other hand, thinking about what is next in the literary sense is almost unbearable because of the constant distraction. My attention span has it’s limits while my imagination is infinite. I do wonder how much longer it will take me to finish the first draft before I can start moving toward publishing mode which will ultimately lead to me start another book. It makes me think about how established authors have done this. Do they finish writing one book, give it to an editor and start writing another?

Then there are the unfinished stories that I may never publish. Not sure what do with those short stories that are filled with more erotica than you may ever see in 50 Shades of Gray. Yet, they sit in my laptop and Google Drive because all I can think about is what if my family reads how filthy my mind is? There used to be a part of me that didn’t give a fuck about that but times change and so do people.

I also feel that my short stories are a constant reminder of my inability to finish them unlike my current project. My mind is more focused on writing books rather than writing short stories but again, I’m not sure that is a good thing. I know that many authors have dabbled in the world of the short story and at times I flirt with it myself. But, those files of short stories keep reminding me that I can write better.

These are not complaints, this is just me thinking out loud in the vacuum of cyber space. A place where I can be heard or ignored and the results would come out to the same. Which is exactly how I feel about the possibility of searching for a publisher of the novel. For the most part when people ask me about the book, the next follow up question is about how I intend on getting this published. I have always said that I intend to self publish and even if I went the other route and get rejected, I’m still getting published via myself.

Yet, I have been thinking about why I have never even considered going the other route, which would require me to get an agent to shop the book around. The reason is not fear of rejection because I’m quite used to that. My rationale has do with control. I want to control every aspect of this novel from the cover art to the distribution. Granted, there are book companies that have much wider distribution than I can ever hope to achieve but I think I may have to Wu-Tang this.

I have learned from Wu-Tang Clan that when it comes to business you have to look out for yourself. Even with knowing that, there have been tons of articles all over the place that say self publishing is the way to go. I just need to get there without distracting myself with thoughts of other books that will follow this current one. I guess I will chalk this all up to problems of a writer.

One last thought. I was watching the movie Sideways the other day. I think it’s a very good and underrated movie. The main character cannot get his book published. He’s worked so hard to complete this literary work of art that “people” say they are not ready for. When this came out, self publishing was not available and I kept thinking to myself, at least I know that wont be me.

my book, my life, New York City, Novel, writing

One Year Later

It’s amazing a difference a year can make. A year ago today, I started working for Barnard College. This was a life event for me that has had an effect on everything I currently do. It’s really too early to start a year in review post but I’ve never lost an opportunity to be reflective about the journey.

Everyone knew that I wanted to come back to New York. There was never a secret in that. I made it well known to my readers as well as the people I worked with. We all knew that it was time for me to move on. It was also widely known, and still is, that I have a love for Syracuse that will not go away anytime soon but I just needed to love myself more. So the break up was painless and my main goal was finally achieved.

Being in the bright lights of this big city has taken a little getting used to again. I’m a native of the Bronx so living in Manhattan was a change because I didn’t know the streets and neighborhoods as well. So I ended paying for that (literally) until I figured out how I was going to park my car without getting anymore tickets. Yet, the best thing about returning home is that I can see the city from a different lens. I think that I can now appreciate the NYC life and the views because I’m more mature and centered in my thinking.

While I am excited to go to Comic Con in a few weeks, I’ve taken the time to enjoy places like MoMa. I find myself taking pictures of just about everything. I don’t post all the pictures on Instagram like I should because I would inundate everyone’s feed with my glorious pictures, lol. My picture taking has given me a chance to stop what I’m doing and really enjoy the things that are around me. Because of this, I have been able to fall in love with this city all over again.

The funny thing is that it isn’t just the love affair with NYC (which reminds me of a poem I wrote a few years back) that has given me a new perspective, it is my relationship with my girlfriend that has allowed me to think inwardly about my past, present, and future. I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of the past while I focus on the here and now AND have a watchful eye of possibilities coming down the road. She has always been a part of journey and I think that I have become a better person because of her.

Which leads me to the book that I’m currently editing. This is just another piece of this journey, in which, I have no idea where it will lead me. If you told me last year that I would have had a first draft of a book done within a year of me moving back home, I would have told you to fly a kite. I realize this literary journey is filled with imagination, excitement, fear, and doubt. In many ways, the story hits home for me and like any other form of literary work, exposes pieces of me to the world. While this is a fictional book, I will just say that all writing is biographical so there is the fear that this book is shit.

With that being said, there was point in which I took a break from my writing this novel. The woman asked me why I stopped because she had notice that it was a long time since she saw me feverishly typing on laptop. I told her that the book was crap. That I hated it and everything that I wrote was nonsense. It was then that she looked at me and told me that I could not let fear and doubt creep into my mind. After all, she has read about 90% of the book so I do believe she would tell me if I was wasting my time.

So a year later, I have reached a point where I never thought I would be. I can say that my decision to leave Central NY was the correct one.

writing

First Draft Complete!

I was up late last night. Its what I seem to do these days. Last night was a little different. I just kept writing and when I looked at the time, I thought to myself that I just need to go to bed. My sleepy walk to the bathroom lead me to think about what I just wrote and as I began to brush my teeth, I was hit with a revelation: I think I just ended my story!

Immediately my sleepiness turned into a excitement. I’m not sure I have ever brushed my teeth with such excitement before. I got back to my laptop and I read the last paragraph and there it was, the ending. I have a hard time describing what that feeling is like, but the very next thing I did was write some more. I needed to iron out some final details before I could just go to bed.

I know there is a lot of editing in my future and I’m looking forward to it because I get to read pages I have not looked at in months. I also think that this is the time for me to really have fun because now I can go back and add things knowing how the story will turn out. I am a big fan of foreshadowing. At the same time there is a small twinge of fear because I absolutely have no idea what is going to come next. I have no idea how many drafts it’s going to take me and once complete who knows what process I will have to go through to self publish.

What I do know is that I have another story brewing in the back of my head that is connected to this one and I would like to get to that soon. I also know that I have an unfinished novel that I start several years ago that I should get back to. It’s funny how now all of a sudden I have all these things that I need to do after the fact, but I am loving it all the same.

I’m just glad I have people that continue to support me. There are people who have already done what I have done and I will be connecting with them to avoid the pit falls of self publishing. But more importantly, this second draft will be something I will pour my heart into so that in the end, I get to tell the story I want in the way I want to. Right now everything is raw that I can pretty much say that the second draft will take me as long as it has to to complete.

Finally I can say two things about this book:

When people asked me what the story was about, I had a hard time articulating the plot. Now, I can for sure tell everyone what the story is about. The book is about a man who is coming to grips with his divorce while trying to come to terms with the true love of his life. Bang. I am not sure I could have said it any better. I may need to copy and paste this shit and put it on twitter. lol

The second thing I can tell you about this book is that I do have a title. I have had it for weeks now but I didn’t want to release it until after I was done with the first draft. The book with be called, Hanging Upside Down. I have enjoyed writing it and trust me that this story has everything. I look forward to completing this process so that you can all read it!

Novel, writing

The Next Level: Being an Author

It took Juno Diaz 10 years to write a book. I think about that as I pour myself into this text and yet I think I’m on the same wave length. This book is at least 7 years in the making. I think about the experiences I’ve been though, the blogs I’ve written, and the poems I’ve crafted. All that stuff has made me the writer I am today.

As I reached the 75k mark, I wondered to myself, at what point will I be done? I have been physically writing this novel since March. It is still very much in raw form with barely any edits. I have survived working a full time job, being sick, and a mean writer’s block. Asking that proverbial, “are we there yet” question is based on the fact that I’m so ready to edit. The problem (and not in a bad way) is that story has so many components and it cannot just end abruptly and I know that.

I went into this not knowing what to expect because I’m that dude who starts something and never finishes it. I am that dude that will tell you I will do something and either never does it or it gets to you later than you wanted. I have worked harder on being a man of my word more than anything else. That is just in the terms of my personal life, as a professional I am quite different. I suppose that is the dual nature of a Gemini.

So understand that I am currently doing the greatest thing that I have ever done for myself. This is something that has made me become slowly excited. This doesn’t mean that I think this book will be the best shit every written, it’s the fact that I’m creating something. I know that I have other steps to follow in this process and no matter how much sleep I lose writing, what is happening now is the fun part.

I know what the next level has to be past this. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I know how the book ends and I roughly know how I am going to get there. But, finally putting an ending on it does not mean that work of this novel is over. I still have to title the book, I still have to edit the text, I still have design the cover AND I still have to publish this damn thing. So, I am very excited about this whole process and yet I know that I will miss the pure creation of writing when I’m done which will ultimately lead me to write another book.

What makes all of this very weird for me is the ability to talk about this to people beyond this space. Sure, I can write about this in the vacuum that is the internet and get zero responses and be ok with it. But, it is when I talk to people, like family, about this that it becomes surreal. How do you broach that subject that you are writing a book without seeming that you are full of yourself? Sure, that is my problem but I am pretty sure I am the only member of my immediate family that will do this. (Note: I will not be surprised if one of my cousin pulls out some journal showing they published something. lol)

Right now, my goal is about 95k. I think I can wrap up all the loose ends in about 20 thousand words. I think that once I edit and clean up some things, I may be closer to 100k. I makes me smile because there are so many things and people that have gotten me here.

I am ready for the next level. I am not talking about fame or fortune. I am finally ready to proclaim myself as a true publish author.