Sometimes I feel like I have a million stories in my head. I think writing this novel has opened a can of worms I will not be able to close. I find it interesting that in my desire to get through the editing of the first draft, I continue to envision what comes next. I keep thinking about the next story and how I intend to frame that.
I guess my point is that I don’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, it feels good to know the creative part of me is still functional. There is this compulsion to constantly create a world in a literary realm that is just mine. I see this whole experience as me delving into a alternate version of me in a parallel universe where anything can and has happened. Yet, in that context I’m not even sure that I can think of that many variables that would be in a parallel timeline where either I (i.e. the character’s I create) are the constant.
On the other hand, thinking about what is next in the literary sense is almost unbearable because of the constant distraction. My attention span has it’s limits while my imagination is infinite. I do wonder how much longer it will take me to finish the first draft before I can start moving toward publishing mode which will ultimately lead to me start another book. It makes me think about how established authors have done this. Do they finish writing one book, give it to an editor and start writing another?
Then there are the unfinished stories that I may never publish. Not sure what do with those short stories that are filled with more erotica than you may ever see in 50 Shades of Gray. Yet, they sit in my laptop and Google Drive because all I can think about is what if my family reads how filthy my mind is? There used to be a part of me that didn’t give a fuck about that but times change and so do people.
I also feel that my short stories are a constant reminder of my inability to finish them unlike my current project. My mind is more focused on writing books rather than writing short stories but again, I’m not sure that is a good thing. I know that many authors have dabbled in the world of the short story and at times I flirt with it myself. But, those files of short stories keep reminding me that I can write better.
These are not complaints, this is just me thinking out loud in the vacuum of cyber space. A place where I can be heard or ignored and the results would come out to the same. Which is exactly how I feel about the possibility of searching for a publisher of the novel. For the most part when people ask me about the book, the next follow up question is about how I intend on getting this published. I have always said that I intend to self publish and even if I went the other route and get rejected, I’m still getting published via myself.
Yet, I have been thinking about why I have never even considered going the other route, which would require me to get an agent to shop the book around. The reason is not fear of rejection because I’m quite used to that. My rationale has do with control. I want to control every aspect of this novel from the cover art to the distribution. Granted, there are book companies that have much wider distribution than I can ever hope to achieve but I think I may have to Wu-Tang this.
I have learned from Wu-Tang Clan that when it comes to business you have to look out for yourself. Even with knowing that, there have been tons of articles all over the place that say self publishing is the way to go. I just need to get there without distracting myself with thoughts of other books that will follow this current one. I guess I will chalk this all up to problems of a writer.
One last thought. I was watching the movie Sideways the other day. I think it’s a very good and underrated movie. The main character cannot get his book published. He’s worked so hard to complete this literary work of art that “people” say they are not ready for. When this came out, self publishing was not available and I kept thinking to myself, at least I know that wont be me.
Anthony Otero 