I consider myself to be positive person. I do anything that I can to maintain a certain level of positive. But there are times when I can’t do it. I think I have an issue with trying to make others happy or rather maybe I do not want to disappoint people. More that just people, but rather people who are important to me. Sometimes I think I do a good job, but then there are times when I feel I cannot win.
I am being very ambiguous and I know that. But, these moods are brief and it is important for me to capture these moods because I am the type of person that gets over things quickly. The point really is that I hate to let people that I care for down. On a larger scale, I don’t care what people think about me in general. But to those that a close me like friends and family, then that is a different story.
I feel that there is some expectation of me to come through in any situation and you know, now that I think about it, I am successful most of the time. So, perhaps, this expectation come from within me, which makes disappointments hard to deal with at time. I will equate it to my competitive drive to always win in any game or sport I play. I absolutely hate to lose. I have always hated it. I feel that I need to win. So perhaps the disappointments are sorta like losing.
Well, as expected, I am already over my this. But, I know it will come up again for me. It always does.