An Engaging Story

 

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This story starts in May of 2017. My girlfriend was set to go to Denver for a conference and I knew that I had a limited window in order to buy a ring. This was during a time where graduation has just happened at Barnard College and I was contemplating my life. I had goals that I wanted to achieve both inside and outside my job and, to be honest, I’m not getting any younger. So the question in my head was, “what am I really doing?”

I ended up texting her sister with one sentence, “You and I need to go shopping”

Her response, “Woohoo that means you’re buying a ring” (she acts like she knows me)

I guess her sister knew, just like I did, that perhaps it was time.  I never thought that perhaps I waited too long or that it would never happen, for me it was about universal timing. Without sounding too existential, I was waiting for that moment when the universe would tell me that it was time to do this. At this time, I was going through several personal and familial issues that made it difficult for me to focus on my life. Alas, the time had come and I knew what I needed to do.

The funny thing about the Diamond District in midtown Manhattan is that the hours are not what you would normally expect. I just wanted to look for rings after work hours as if I was shopping normally.  Turns out, most shops close at 5pm on week days. Sure, I could have gone a on weekend but she wasn’t gone that long and since we’re living together, I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was up to something. Needless to say, the first time I went to look for a ring, all the stores had just closed and I needed to find another time.

I would have to wait 6 months later before I had another chance (thank God for another conference). This time, I was prepared. There were two important things that I knew and I would tell anyone that needs to know: the type of ring and the ring size. Now, full disclosure, over the years she has sent me types of rings that she wanted. I had bookmarked these pages thinking that I may need these in the future. I had to school myself in diamond cuts and grades. When November came around, I had a different plan. Instead of buying a ring that looked like what she wanted, I went to the source. I went to the a ring distributor of one of the rings she picked (right off of 5th Ave). All I had to do was design the diamond. Yeah, it was expensive but I saved up for it so I wasn’t about to cut corners.

Long story short, I told the guy I would pick up the ring on the first week of December because I didn’t need it hanging around in my apt. I know her well enough to know that she would find it through my negligence. I didn’t even want the receipt. I specifically asked that it be emailed to me. In fact, all our correspondence had to be over email. At this point, once I ordered and paid for the ring, I started telling everyone. Of course, I had to do that thing where I had to ask her parents and they both looked at me like… aren’t you part of the family already? I told my parents, family, and friends. Almost everyone knew, except her.

I picked up the ring on the first Monday of December. It was a typical day in NYC and I knew that I had to be casual about all this. I didn’t let on to her that this was going to be a slightly different day because I never ever go to Midtown…especially on the East Side. Yet, here I was for the second time in two months looking at a purely gorgeous ring. But there was a problem. The Box was too big to hide. Actually, the box for box was enormous. I can’t put this in my pants and I can barely hide in my jacket. Plus, I have to ride on a train back up to Barnard with this thing? I had to think of something fast. So, I went to Midtown Comics (lol) where I bought a graphic novel (Bitch Planet – Book Two, which is a must read) and I put the ring in the bag.

After that, I hid the ring in my office for three weeks. Everyday I slowly counted down in my head what I was going to do. The thing is that I knew I was going to Florida to visit my dad. Back in August, with the help of my step mother, I booked a room at their timeshare at the Wyndham Bonnet Creek Resort for the last week in December. The plan was that we would fly in on 12/27 and I had until that Saturday to pop the question. I didn’t want to settle on a day because anything can happen, right?

So we get to the resort and my dad and stepmom meet us there. They show us around and we have a drink. It was beautiful day in Orlando but we were tired from an early flight and we wanted to nap. Before they leave, my step mom is like, “there is champagne in the fridge…” Thankfully, Zulay thought it was all about celebrating the new year. They leave and we knock out on the bed…

…I wake up and she’s next to me with her iPad playing some show. I get up to use the bathroom and something told me to check my bag that had the ring in it. That is when I noticed that she went through it looking for a charger… gulp

The ring is still there but that doesn’t mean she didn’t see it because, as you know, the box for the box that holds the ring is fucking huge. So, I had to ask the question while playing it off, “Hon, did you go through my bag?”

Her response was what I hoped for, a nonchalant reply about how she left her iPad charger at home and found mine. What she didn’t ask was, why was I asking. She sometimes does that so I guess my question seemed innocent enough. It was at that point I decided I had to do it that night. Who knows how long before some other incident happens?

We get ready to go eat and I remember looking at this huge box for the box. Even if I just use the ring holder box it was still be obvious since I am wearing shorts. I mean, do I really want something sticking our from my shorts? So I took the ring out and put in my pocket where I felt it burning a hole in pocket all through dinner. At one point I almost just gave it to her at dinner. But, I played it cool. She is not one that likes all the attention.

The resort consists of several building and a living areas (including the main hotel) surrounding a lake that had ducks and swans. There were signs about gators which was not cool, but sure. The sun was setting and we decided after dinner to walk the parameter of the lake to see if we can get a better view of the sunset. That proved fruitless, but we did end up sitting on a porch swing underneath a gazebo that overlooked the lake.

We had conversation and all the while I am waiting for the right moment. Underneath this gazebo was another porch swing which was occupied. Once they left I was getting ready. Then some kids and their mom roll up. Fuck, they want to take pictures too? It was getting dark and I was losing light. They finally left and I was like… it is now or never.

She wanted to go to some other swings and was about to get up when I was like, “How long have we been together?”

She paused as if she was thinking how strange that question was but she answered the question and got up to go the swings. Then in my infinite wisdom I say to her… “Hold up, I need to tie my shoe.”

Her back is to me so she had no idea I am on my knee. I take out the ring and I kinda wait.

She still has has her back to me.

“Hey!” I say, but not alarmingly loud.

She turns around and sees me. Her eyes widen and she sees me with ring. “What is happening?” She remarks.

“Will you marry me?” I ask.

“Yes. I will”

I put the ring on her hand and we embrace.

 

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Things I Can’t Get Enough Of… 12/4/17

Avengers: Infinity War

Yo. YO! You know how long I’ve been waiting for this trailer to drop? It’s crazy because I remember the grainy cell phone trailer that was leaked from the San Diego Comic Con and all I wanted was to see this shit for real.

Now it’s out and I am obsessed. Just about everyone is in it and I cannot get enough of this.  I am so ready for Black Panther in February and Avengers: Infinity War in May. As a comic book fan, this is everything I wanted and now we’ll see who will survive this. There is a lot going on here but I will say that the outcome of post credit scene in Thor: Ragnarok is very apparent. Damn that Loki!

Star Wars: Battlefront 2

Early this year I read a book from one of my favorite authors, Christie Golden, called Inferno Squad and it was absolutely terrific. This book introduces an elite special forces team of storm troopers lead by Iden Versio.

Star Wars: Battlefront 2 continues the journey of this group but ramps it up a few 1000 levels as we bare witness to the destruction of the Empire from the Battle of Endor to the Battle of Jakku. Further more… it even take us to a journey right until the beginning of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

I’m a huge fan of the first Battlefront so by adding a protagonist (along with the ability to play all 3 eras and Darth Maul) this game is my new obsession that will keep me entertained for quite awhile. The fact that Iden Versio is a woman of color for me adds to the playing value. Janina Gavankar is the actress Iden is modeled after. She also voices the character in both the game and audio book.

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Catalyst Prime

I’ve made it clear on several occasions that the only comic books I’m buying currently is Lion Forge’s Catalyst Prime series. These are a series of books that have been eye opening in story telling and illustrations. Lead by Joseph Illidge, this is a universe that is starting from the ground up with diverse characters that will knock you out of your chair.

There are currently six titles under the Catalyst Prime Universe (with a seventh on it’s way) that feature heavy hitters in the industry. Each book is incredibly well written and displays the kind of pencils you expect to see from the big two.

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My favorite books? Noble is the title that is leading the way with Superb being the book that we should all be reading. In fact, we just had and show on #BlackComicsChat featuring Ray Anthony Height that is one of artists from Superb. Check it out!

Attack on Titan Season 2

Man listen, everything about this show is so crazy that my girlfriend’s look is always priceless every time she walks by the television that blares the grotesque awesomeness of it all. I admit that I’m probably late to share my excitement on this one but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

You can find both seasons on Hulu and to my amazement, they have both sub titled and dubbed versions of season 1. This made me go back and watch all the craziness from the beginning. Season 2 is (for the moment) all sub titled but something like that would never stop me from enjoying this show more that once. My only issue is that season 2 has less episodes and now I have to wait to see what happens next unless…

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…I decide to pick up the comics. I haven’t decide what I will do but I think I have other things to distract me in the mean time. Season 3 will pop up some time in 2018.

Voltron: Legendary Defender

“From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend… the legend of Voltron..”

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For starters, this is not the Voltron of my youth. This version (which is on Netflix) is a fresher and more modern take on the group of paladins that make up Voltron. The reason I am so hooked is because this show does such a great job at character development that combines pure action with comedy and science fiction.

While it does stray away from the original series (which one of my co-hosts, Leo, deems it unwatchable now), it does provide a small sense of nostalgia when it comes to the reimagining of characters we once knew. I personally love how the lions have their only personalities that make them more like a familiar* rather than an avatar.

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My only gripe is about the length of season 4. Look, this show gets really effing good. Season 1 & 2 both have more that 10 episodes. Then, all of a sudden season 3 has 7. I get that Dreamworks knows that they have a slamming product and wants to keep their viewership on it’s toes but damn! There is no reason why this season is 6 episodes long! Ugh!

* a familiar is animal you bond with typically found in role playing games

The Exorcist – Season 2

Let me just share a little context here. The Exorcist (1973) movie scared the shit out of me as child and it scared the shit out of me as an adult (The Exorcist: The Version You’ve Never Seen – 2000). So, the real question you should be asking me is, why in the world would I watch the show that takes place in the same universe as the original motion picture? The reality is, I needed to conquer my fear and believe it or nor, the first season provided a certain amount of closure for me (it was that good, folks).

The reason I can’t get enough of season two? The story of these (battle) priests has me on the edge of my seat. Also, John Cho is a main character in this season and he has a very interesting secret he’s dealing with. It has been an amazing battle between good and evil that is, quite frankly, spellbinding.

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To be honest, this is the kind of storytelling I expected to see from Constantine when the show aired on NBC a few years ago but it clearly fell short of expectations. With that said, I liked Constantine, I just think that putting that show on Friday evening was it’s death knell. I thought the same for season one of The Exorcist but fan support carries the show to continued existence.

Next Week, I will talk about more things I can’t get enough of so until then stay way from Thanos…

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I am a Podcaster now! #BlackComicsChat

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Before we all die I just want to say…

Yo, I have updates on this dusty ass blog and I know it’s been awhile. I kinda gave up on trying to write about current events in this world because I simply don’t have time to talk about all the bullshit. So, I will just say one thing before I move on to what I want to say: Men are Trash.

Now that I’ve said this, let’s get to the main topic. I am now a podcaster!

I’ve joined the team at Black Comics Chat and we officially form like Voltron (I’m the Red Lion). So what does this mean for me? What does this mean for this blog?

Well, I would like to think that I will post more. I want to make a subtle shift to more nerdier content and yet stay relevant. I’m still writing but I’m taking my time with book three. I don’t feel the need to rush something that I’ve created. With that being said, they’re are some big things coming and I am excited about all of it.

I hope to get more involved within comics than just interviewing creators. I would like to make a mark on this industry by pointing out things like the lack of representation of Latinos within comics. I would also like to announce that I am currently writing a script for a comic book. It is mad early and developmental (coded language for “I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing).

If you didn’t know, I was at this year’s New York Comic Con last month in a panel discussion that was all about representation and the lack their of. It was called The Invisible Latinx. You can check the #InvisibleLatinx hashtag on twitter to get a peak at that. All thanks and love go out to LatinxGeeks for putting that together.

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Below is the my first hosting appearance of Black Comics Chat. Enjoy and there is more to come.

Frustrations

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Before we all die I just want to say…

I haven’t been able to put a full blog post together since my last vague statement. It’s been hard to write largely because I feel a little lost. When there is too much to say it feels like it’s all babble and then key points get missed which makes it feel like I have nothing to say.

I would love to tell you that my lack of writing is a protest of some sort, like I’m taking a knee at the computer but you know what? There is a part of me that thinks that much of this shit we saw on television this weekend is just crap and I don’t even watch football. I feel like we are getting played because taking a knee is now viral thing and the message is now lost. Look, I’m all for pissing off 45 but I’m not here for making a mockery of the original message about police brutality and inequality. (I needed to get that out of the way)

Puerto Rico is suffering and it feels like no one really cares. Yea, I know people care but where is the round the clock coverage of the “Hurricane Maria Aftermath”? The media could not wait to break out all the graphics and experts for Harvey and Irma. They had people on the ground getting blown by terrifying winds. Maria walked right in and destroyed Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands and they are just now paying attention to this? Fuck outta here. But I guess colonies don’t get the media attention that might negatively impact tourism.

Where is the governmental response? Please, don’t sit there reading this and expect some last minute miracle because I gotta tell you, Puerto Rico has always been seen as the runt of the litter when it come the U.S. colonies. You can go back to the early 20th Century and comb through tons of articles in the New York Times and read how politicians viewed this island and the natives. Puerto Rico has always been a chip on the board and notch in the belt of American Imperialism. Of course, the island is in debt so perhaps had they paid Wall Street this would be different? Disaster Relief has it’s cost.

Sure, 45 is releasing funds to help with relief but after how many days? Did you know that Puerto Rico cannot receive foreign aid because of the Jones Act? This Merchant Maritime law of 1920 (aka The Jones Act) basically states that cargo from another country cannot be dropped off in Puerto Rico and has to be shipped to the mainland in order to be shipped to the island. This is the dumbest thing ever and you want to know why this happened? Puerto Rico is a territory owned and regulated by the Unites States where it forever remains a colony to exploit.

Yes, a colony as in Colonization…as in the island is free to not be free. Remember that when you see the tiny bit of coverage about Puerto Rico. Just know that at one point in time they tried to sterilize women because they felt we needed population control. All of a sudden we expect help even though there are 3 million American citizens on that island?

Ugh! I get so frustrated every time we have to remind people that Puerto Ricans are American citizens. I, now, feel that I need to take this break to remind all of you that Flint, Michigan still does not have clean drinking water. So even the reminder about the rights of certain American citizens hits deaf ears.

Puerto Ricans will get through this, I know we will.  It will be the hardest thing our people will have to face in recent history. I encourage everyone to give time, money, supplies, or all of the above. I know it’s hard because I feel helpless. Everyone has a charity or an idea and it is a bit overwhelming so you’re going to have to some research and go with the best answer (no… The American Red Cross is not that answer) you can.

The point is we need to do something. Waiting is not an option.

I Made a Promise to be Vague

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Is this thing on?

I have to be vague and still convey what I need to. The difficulty is because I want to just blurt out everything without caring for other people’s feelings. But, that’s the thing isn’t it? I care for people. I care for those who I love and those who love me and I even care for those I kinda hate and those that kinda hate me. Why? Because deep down I know we are all connected intrinsically, cosmically.

When I turned 40 I shouted, “life begins at 40!” I believe that. I think that I’ve reached this magical age of near enlightenment where I can apply all the lessons of the past to try to be a truly good person. I recognize mistakes were made along the way. I know that I’m not perfect, but I try my best to be a better person. Yet, while my life “began at 40”, I’m not sure who’s going to be around to see me at 50.

It’s painful to admit that the older people in my life are getting older and more susceptible to things that may cause them to leave this existence. In the past four years, I’ve lost two aunts so I understand how this works. I understand that the curse of being one of the youngest in the family means you see everyone fade.

Within the wake of all of this comes regret. I could’ve been a better nephew, cousin, or son. Maybe I could’ve worked harder to spend more time. Maybe I could have gone that extra mile to do things the right way. Maybe, I should’ve worked harder to have children at a younger age. All this sounds crazy but when your heart cries your head makes excuses.

Family is important… even if they’re assholes. That doesn’t mean I have to trust them. It doesn’t mean I have to lend them money. What it does mean is that they are a part of me in ways that I may not like or admit. I watch and observe the incredibly stupid behavior of certain people and know that had people spent less time in their feelings and more time actually talking about problems… then I wouldn’t have to be so vague about any of this.

This is not a game anymore. I will not play this social media game where I try to out do the next person in life achievements and then fabricate happiness. Facebook is a farce; a real life version of The Sims. I’m surprised that Zuck hasn’t tried to sell us expansion packs that feature new looks and outfits to cover our shitty little lives, or maybe he has. I can only say that I know who my real friends are. I know who I’m cool with. I’m done pretending that everything is going to be okay because it may not be.

I made a promise. I swore to be vague about something because, “people are fake.” I get that. People hold grudges or say some rude shit one day and then send you a Facebook invite the next day. These same people will talk mad shit but then cry at the funeral. These same people will pretend to be your friend but never visits you in the hospital (I’m not bitter at all).

There’s a lack of understanding that looms over like a cloud where some people only see things from one point of view without considering that perhaps… they might be wrong. One person sees a number and declares it a 9 and no one can tell this person anything. Another person sees that exact same number from a different angle and calls it a 6 and you can’t tell that person any differently. This describes the world we live in. This describes my family.

I made a promise to be vague and I will keep that.

43

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Before we all die I just want to say…

Normally, I would write this long blog post about how another year has passed and how I need to focus on goals and all this other crap. Eff that. When did I become this serious goal monster that needs to keep pushing the envelope? I ask this question to myself because I begin to wonder if I’ve stopped to enjoy life in this incredibly fucked up world.

I’m leaning toward no.

Sure, I live in one of the greatest cities in the world which gives me access to do just about anything I want to do and yet, I shy away from doing what everybody else does. Some of that is because I’m a homebody. There are times I would rather just be home and catch up on shows, or read, or write. Another reason is because I’m not a fucking follower (as I’ve been recently accused of — yes, I’m bitter). Other reasons for not going out is that I don’t want to spend the money. I want to be clear, I do not consider myself cheap but I do question the value of things and if my time and money can be spent somewhere else.

Look, I will be honest, my life is not a grand spectacle and I don’t try to pretend that it is on social media. I work a lot and I am really good at what I do. Outside of work though… I feel everyone (mostly family) wants or needs me for something and like a pendejo (look it up) I tend to not say no. Inherently, this is not a bad thing because I’m a decent human being and there was a point in my life where I didn’t want to be near family. But, now I’m older and more responsible and I feel that family is important… especially if I happen to have kids (pause).

Yet, I can’t help but think that I should be doing more for myself. I’m dying to go to Cuba and to be honest, this is where I begin to evaluate my life and I begin to question everything. Let’s push aside what 45 has done to limit travel and focus on when it was easier to go. The question I ask myself is why didn’t I go to Cuba when I had the chance? What was I waiting for? Here is my answer, I take my current (and now past) responsibilities so seriously when it comes to family that I push my own shit back. So I watched when family and friends (…did my friends go or was it Facebook ‘friends’…? shrug) post pics and think.. that could’ve me but I was fucking around.

So what does 43 mean to me? It means that I may need to pull back and think more about me (and her too). I need to start being more me-centric. I hate the word selfish because it gives the assumption that I don’t care about anyone else. I do want to focus more on myself and not just travel and vacations. I look at the calendar and I realized I have not seen a doctor in years. That fact scares me because I don’t want to be that dude that never sees the doctor considering I’m at that age range where tubes and needles go into places that I’m not prepared for them to go.

I’m comforted that I do have people in my life that do love and care about me and (for as long as we are alive before the world ends) I will have their back just as much as they have mine. Right now, it’s time for me to stop talking about shit and just doing it.

Wonder Woman (Spoiler Review)

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Before we all die I just want to say…

Let’s talk about Wonder Woman!

There are going to be a lot of spoiler free reviews and I will admit to you that this is not one of them.

I consider myself a bit of a comic book movie connoisseur of sorts. I generally tend to watch what new comic book movie come out with a few exceptions. I knew, just like most people, that Wonder Woman would be one of the most anticipated movies in a long time. I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong but I think is this the first woman lead superhero movie since Elektra in 2005, which means there was a need for this type of movie.

So right to it, Wonder Woman is the best movie DC has produced since The Dark Knight. I have this ranked #3 on my Comic Book movie list on IMDB right under Captain America: Winter Soldier.

Why so high? Here a few reasons why: Storyline makes sense, cinematography was incredible, casting was great (with one flaw), the fight scenes were awesome (her lasso though!), there was an emotional connection to the characters, and there is a high re-watchability factor.

The fact that this takes place mainly during WW1 is practically a new concept considering most golden age heroes all debuted during WW2. What makes sense is that the first world war was genuinely considered to be the war to end all wars. It was a horrible war with unspeakable horrors which makes it a perfect stomping ground for the God of War, Ares. (Spoiler time) What I enjoyed was the fact that they combined two of Wonder Woman’s origins in the end to explain who she really is. Hippolyta creating Diana from clay was an old story that (in the movie) we knew was lie since it was stated Zeus died from fighting Ares. I was happy to know that movie stuck to the origin of her being the actual daughter of Zeus which opens so many possibilities and makes her scenes in Batman v Superman even more legit.

I enjoyed the historical format. It’s a similar film to Captain America: The First Avenger with less fanfare and no Tesseract. She wasn’t fighting high tech solders but she was resisting patriarchy at every turn. As a nerd, I loved the depiction of trench warfare that made WW1 so horrible. Wonder Woman was able to bust through all enemy lines until she met Ares.

Let me stop here for a moment to also point out that what makes this movie better than the previous DC movies is the fact that there were light hearted scenes with Diana and Steve Trevor. Those moments provide the audience with a emotional connection that becomes important later in the movie. I think it’s also important that they let Diana be a woman with emotion and reason. She wasn’t just about kicking ass, she was about caring for the world around her.

I mentioned earlier that there was one casting flaw. Keep in mind that there are people of color in the movie (I loved Sameer and The Chief) including black Amazons. While some people wished that Nubia was in the film, I would like to think that there will be in opportunity to see her down the road. Anyway, so Ares (in my opinion) could have been casted better because I feel like he looked too much like Mike Mclintock (Veep) but I did love the fact that the God of War took the form of a politician. I think that is both poignant and ingenious.

This a must see film that I believe drops socially conscious hints through out the entire film. This does not mean I have new hope for The Justice League but at least we know there is now a gold standard with Wonder Woman.

World Building

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Before we all die I just want to say…

The dust of graduations have now settled and I can finally look at this blog and admit to myself that it’s been more than a month since I’ve made an entry.  Of course, this hasn’t been an accident. While I cannot say that it has been by design, I’ve maintained a certain amount of “radio silence” because there’s just too much happening in the world. There is also too much happening in my life.

Not that this has been a viable excuse but the writer in me has been search for meaning. I have been trying to find it within myself to continue to do what I do. So it has taken me more that a month to reconcile this. Perhaps this is called a writer’s block of sorts but I’m not so sure.

I have been writing but just not to the degree that I want to. What I have been doing is thinking, contemplating, and assessing. The world we know right now is in chaos and I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that will complain about everything because it’s too much. There are no quick fixes and my words are not enough. Instead, I’m refocusing my energies in world building.

Let me explain.

So, my third novel is not flowing out of me the way it should and I refuse to force it out because then it feels less authentic to me. What I’ve been doing is trying to think my way around this problem. I will write dialogue or perhaps start a chapter from a different spot in the story. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. For the times it doesn’t work, I’ve been reading. Granted, my time for doing shit that is just about me is limited these days so I will not pretend that when I say I’ve been reading and writing it means that I have a plethora of time. All these “creative breakthroughs” happen when I get time to be creative, which is not much at the moment.

World building has taken up much of time and not just for the 3rd book. I was struck with an idea that I don’t want to share much of but only to say that I haven’t decided if this will be a YA novel or a comic book. I’m leaning toward the latter which will mean several things if I get there. I want to make sure that, if I do indeed pursuing this, I have all the points to this story fleshed out. I won’t even go into how I have no clue how to write a comic book (so I will have to Google that) and how I will need an artist to design my thoughts and characters.

Again, this is just preliminary shit. Focusing on the 3rd novel is still a priority but I will be honest, the process is becoming a little monotonous. There are times where I want to just leave the story where it is (with that cliff hanger) and there are times where I know exactly what I want to do.

Hopefully I can world build my way out of this.

90 Minutes

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Before we all die I just want to say…

There always comes a point where I have to self reflect on what I’m doing. My last post was about my professional career and how I’m willing to do I need to do in order to be successful. Yet, I struggle with my creative world… or rather,  I feel like I’m struggling.

I’m willing to admit that most of what’s happening is in my head. Perhaps I have higher expectations of what I can actually commit my time to. Why shouldn’t I expect to have a certain amount of success? Yet, I cannot define what that actually means and if I cannot get a definition then what the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing any of this?

I do it for me. But is that enough?

Everyday I follow my calendar. I have meetings upon meetings. I take notes and fulfill tasks based on those meetings and notes. Then I work events and if I’m lucky I get to have a meal at some point. I don’t complain because I love what I do and I follow the script that I set out for myself every day when I’m at work. But what happens when I get home?

Since I live with my mother (until such time as when the house is sold), it turns out that I don’t do nearly as much as I should be doing for me. Sure, I will get home, eat dinner, do chores, and then watch television. My television viewing habits mostly consist of political shows that depict how fucked we are right now. Of course, it’s April now so I can spread out that time watching baseball. So for the most part, my nights are unconstructed space.

Why is this important? Why is this the problem?

Unconstructed space is dangerous for me. As I’ve gotten older, I know that if I plan out my day at work, I will simply get more done. So is there no wonder that I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of nothingness when it comes to writing? I need to start planning out my time when I’m outside of work as much as I do when I’m at work. The reason I didn’t want to do this before is because it seems so tiring. What if I don’t want to do a damn thing? Sometime times I would rather spend my god given, American rite (for now) of doing absolutely nothing when I get home from work.

I can’t afford to do that. Not anymore.

It’s not just about the lack of writing. Sure, I could benefit from writing more blog entries because it fits the need to write everyday. Sure, I could benefit from adding to a third book that I’m supposed to be writing. It also has a lot to do with my volunteer life as a member of ACUI. There are things I need to do for that. I also need to think about ways to be better at marketing myself. So, no, it’s not just entirely about the writing but the majority of it is. Which leads me to the main question, what do I do about this?

90 minutes of writing, 6 days a week.

This is something that I needed to schedule a long time ago. A part of me has let my after work laziness get to me. I made excuses of not living in Harlem any more as a reason for why I stopped writing so much or running as much. The best way for me to get on track with my life is to follow my calendar. This isn’t a declaration that everyone has to do this. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have thought that this was a very good a idea for me 2 years ago.

The point is that every so often I change and evolve; and thus I need to adjust my habits. Now if I ever question my decision on whether this will work for me, I will just look at this particular blog post since I wrote 706 words in less than 30 minutes of my 90 minute time.

Time for me to write something else before my time is up.

Focused

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Before we all die I just want to say…

I’ve been working a lot. There’s no other way I can put it. I’ve had to scale back on social media because I need to curb the distractions. This does not mean that I’m less fun, but it does mean I’m focused.

Laser focused on my career.

I have some goals that I need to beat up and when that happens, sacrifices need to made. Of course, this is April and this has always been the busiest of all months. I would know because I’ve been in Higher Education for more than 15 years and it has never gotten dull.

At the moment, I barely look at my Facebook. I’ve gotten a little tired of the same shit and if you know me, I don’t do monotony well. I get bored so easy that I annoy myself. So all the same talk about the same shit has left me wondering why I should even distract myself with this. Although, I cannot say the same for Twitter because… well, Twitter is lit. To be honest, since I’ve gotten that little blue check I’ve felt the need to continue tweeting even if it just a few times a day. After all, I do have books to sell. <— I laugh at this because no one is buying them. lol

Look, what remains is that I don’t take myself too seriously but I take my goals pretty seriously. I feel like things have opened up in my mind and I finally know what I want to do in my professional career. Writing will always be there and I will not stop and I’m not suggesting I will. I believe I can do both as well as I have been, but I’m also realistic.

The self pub thing is a grind. It is an island with a dormant volcano that may or may not erupt. Doing this alone is hard. Doing this with 4-5 people helping is hard. The end result is something that I will always have to justify. Do I take the satisfaction of  writing my own shit in my own way and be told that I’m a great writer but only to see a small amount of financial support? Yes. I am okay with that.

However, I’m not about to be that same way at my day job. My career means a lot because helping student is the prime goal. I think it’s time for me to dive into the deep end of the pool and start challenging myself and my role as a student affairs administrator.