You know, sometimes I need to stop and think about my life. I judge myself harshly because I know that I haven’t always made the best choices which means that sometimes I haven’t always been the best person.
Sometimes, I think about giving up because what’s the point of all this? What am I really doing? I have no real evidence that I’m making a difference in anyone’s life. Which is why I just try to do what I do for me.
Then sometimes, I think that I’m just being silly. Maybe there’s some unconscious feeling of male privilege that makes me think that the world owes me something. I have done good things, I am a mentor to many, a friend to a few, and companion to one.
But, sometimes, it’s just not enough. I continue to doubt myself. Maybe I just don’t know when to be satisfied. Perhaps I really haven’t reached the goals that I’ve been striving for. Maybe I’m still lying to myself.
Sometimes, I’m the happiest person in the world. I truly am fortunate to have a fantastic job, an awesome girlfriend, and family that supports me. I love the work that I do and I love to write and share my thoughts with the world. But, sometimes, I’m really not sure that’s enough.
So then what is it? What is my problem some of the time? I wish I knew. Most of the time I don’t even care because I know that feelings of inadequacies are a normal part of me being me. Most of the time I don’t care what people think but sometimes it makes me think twice about posting something on Facebook or ranting on Twitter.
Sometimes, I think the majority of people can give two shits about what I do, write, or say. Sometimes I think that my little quotes on Instagram about my novel mean absolutely nothing. Yet most of the time I take nothing personally when comes to support or lack of it, sometimes I take it very personal.
It comes down to this, sometimes I get too busy to write and when that happens it slowly drives me insane. These feelings come out sometimes and when that happens I need to express my myself in the only way I can.
Which is why I blog… sometimes.