latinegro

Born Writer?

I am a very emotional person. The very way that I write is based on that. In good spirits, or bad, my attitude and emotions seem to dictate what the subject is. I do sometimes wonder in which mood does my writing come out the best. One thing that I do know for sure is that the more emotions I feel, the easier I get in to that “zone”. Anyone who has been in that zone will know that words just pour out of you, sometimes at a very fast rate. There are times that I can type minutes at a time with out stopping.

I was going to write about something else today, but as I got into it I didn’t feel right. I knew there was something else trying to come out of me. So I saved that subject for later and is stuck on something that I have been thinking about. A few months ago I went rummaging through some stuff in the basement when I came across my old Mead Composition Notebook. This was my journal that I kept in high school. It was an assignment that I had throughout senior year English. I was completely stunned that I found this book. I briefly skimmed through it and just remember all the things that I wrote about. I left it down there to continue what I was doing.

Today I went down there to get my clothes from the dryer when I noticed it on the bin. I thought to myself, “you know, this was like my blog back in the day”. So, I decided to take it upstairs with me for a better look. The book itself is slightly bend from all the wear and tear. Inside is my woefully horrible handwriting. I am glad that I can understand it. Then I noticed something, that made me realize why I stopped writing in High School.

I went to St. Raymond’s High School for Boys, which is in the Bronx. Being a teenage boy in a school full of teenage boys is not an easy thing to deal with. Not when you are dealing with issues of self esteem or when your parents are getting a divorce. Some kids did not like me and I quite frankly did not like them. So, during one of the times that I was feuding with one of these boys, they decided to steal this very journal and insert gum into the pages. I am not even really sure if they read the thing or not, but seeing my journal destroyed left me very angry.

Since then it took me awhile to realize that writing is something that I love. I am assuming there was a subconscious reason why I kept this book because when I see it and read it, I realize that I was born to write. It is the one thing I can do that no one can take away. One of the reasons why I archived my blogs was because I need to keep a personal account of how I have grown in with my writings. This notebook takes me to the beginning.

sex

Lets Talk About Sex

I have been blogging for a long time (although not a frequently as I am now) and the one subject I have not talked about is sex. For those who really know me that may seem a bit odd. But, I feel that sex is one of those subjects that can be very vague and almost all encompassing. Yet, it can be almost too easy to talk about. So, I find myself talking about subject that I feel are a little more difficult to articulate.

This is not a subject that I have avoided because I am afraid to talk about it. It is just the opposite. I can talk about sex all day. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it because I do. Let’s face it, I am a man, it is what we think about the most. The problem I have with blogging about sex is that the subject too broad.

Sex is more than just talking about positions and actions. It can be about sexual preference or orientation. Or, I can joke about it, and say that I do have sexual preference and love to be orientated whenever possible. But see, to me, that is too easy. I have never been the type of guy to talk about sex with my male friends. There are very few males that I have discussed the physical act of sex with. I am just not comfortable with it.

Then are the roommates that I have had that have heard pounding their girlfriend into the wall. Well that is what it sounded like to me. I didn’t feel like getting into that subject. I wasn’t sure there was much to talk about. Do I ask about technique? Or do I ask if the wall needs to be re-plastered?

In any case, I believe that sex permeates everything around us. It is on the Internet, it is on TV, in magazines, it is what we wear, and of course it is what we do…or for some people, what we don’t do. I am always shocked how prudish this country can be when it comes to sex. Yet, just about everything we see and read has some sexual innuendo. However, people will be up in arms when you see a nipple on live TV, but you can see the crack of some one’s ass in a Jay Z video.

Even though we are prudish (we as in America…not me), I do feel that with all the images in the media we have become a bit oversexed. I say this because of the fact that I have read and heard about many women who are just not satisfied with the man they are with because he is going for self. This could or be directly related to women being objectified. I know when I was a kid there weren’t any video hoes.

My point is that talking about sex can be a grand task. There is a lot more to sex than who is doing who.

dog, rocky

Guess Who Got a Hair Cut?

I have to tell you, there are very few things better than a dog in a good mood. When Rocky is shaved, he is like a bat out of hell. He wants to run every where and do everything. When his fur is fully grown in, he is lazy and grumpy. He looks like a mop! So getting him groomed is like getting a brand new dog.

I have no problem with his energy or his guile, the problem I have is that he is blind! Rocky is about 8 years old and with all this dog has been through, I am surprised he is so energetic. He has diabetes and lost his vision. However, it is almost like when he has his buzz cut that he can see again. He has a problem with going down the stairs but with his new look, he is almost a bullet.

I was greeted at the dog today by this blur today and I am happy about that. Since my other dog passed 2 summers ago, I feel he has never been the same. But it is always great to see him like this. As I write this he is killing this bone that we gave him from a Pernil that my wife made.

Josie just said, “You know he is a Puerto Rican Dog”

Brad Pitt, consumer spending, Fight Club, iPhone, Tyler Durden

Posessions

One of my favorite movies of all time is Fight Club. This is a very slick movie that has one main underline theme. This is also the movie that made me like Brad Pitt. Before then, I wasn’t trying to watch any of his films because I felt he was too much of a clean white boy. Well this particular movie definitely changed my mind about him in very much the same way that Blood Diamond made me change my mind about Leonardo Dicaprio.

So, I will get into this movie without spoiling it. First and foremost, this movie is really not about fighting at all. While there are a lot of fight scenes, which are awesome, the underlining theme is consumerism. We, as Americans, feel we need to buy stuff all the time. This economy is entirely based on consumer spending. So if don’t buy anything then companies fall, as we are seeing now. Which leads to a point in movie in which the antagonist, Tyler Durden, talks about how “people buy shit they don’t need”.

I believe this is true. Lets be honest, do I need my iPhone? Probably not. I could have gone with a started flip phone that would not have cost nearly enough, but after all I am a Gadget Freak. So with the cost of these goods comes the fact that we want to upgrade them and carry it with us where ever we go. Lets not even think about losing it. I wont even tell you all the things we have in the Lost & Found at the student center. I will say you can add the value of all of the things you find at it would cost more than the safe they are stored in, but I digress…

I for one cannot stand when I lose or even misplace anything. It drives me insane. I am neurotic with certain things as it is, but if I cannot find something, then I really lose it. Let me paint the picture for you. Last Monday, (B.C. iPhone) I went nuts looking for my phone. I was actually going to be at work on time but I because I could not find this thing, I made myself late. I looked everywhere. Normally when I blog at nights, I am sitting in a very comfortable chair just typing away at my laptop. My phone is always by me. So, I know I had with me Sunday night. I do remember that night hearing a thud. So naturally I thought my phone was under the couch.

Anyways, my Monday morning was spent cursing and tearing this place up. I kept looking under couch expecting to mysteriously appear. It never did out of the 15 times I looked under it. My wife is just sitting on the couch looking at me just waiting for me to return to normal. Finally i said, f**k it and went to work. But, of course, I felt naked without my phone. I thought to myself that this could not be normal. It is just a phone. In my defense, it has all my work email and contacts and stuff like that…but is that the point?

There is one point in Fight Club where Tyler looks over at Jack (the other main character) and says to him, “The things you own, end up owing you.” Needless less to say my phone was in the chair i was sitting in (yes…in the chair…i scratch up my hands getting it through a small gap in the fabric).

I leave you with this quote from Fight Club:

“We’re consumers. We’re by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty — these things don’t concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy’s name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.”

African Americans, Africans, Afro Latino, Fania, music, salsa, slaveship

Latinos Are Black!

I have had something on my mind for the last few days and it feels like it falls in line with somethings that I have written about over the last several weeks. I know that I have talked about Black Latinos and how we fit into the world and one of the things that really bothers me is the ignorance of other Latinos to the fact that we are indeed Black. Not exactly of another way to put it. But it is true we are. Not just Afro-Latinos, all Latinos.

Where was this sparked off? Well, I was told by one of my students that in a meeting, of an Student Organization that I advise, one of our members made comment about why should we help an African American Organization since we are not Black. I wasn’t there. So I would only assume that she would not have made that comment if I had been there. But, then again, maybe she would have. This girl is a typical looking Latina. Long strait black hair and, is of course light skinned. I don’t consider that light, but she would fail the Brown Bag Test.

So here, again, is my issue…why the denial? The last time that I spoke about this issues, I used history as an example. This time I will use Musica Latina. Salsa & Merengue both heavily use drums to supplement any song. Some of the best song are have heavy drum beats. I would suggest that you listen to Hector Lavoe’s “Aguanile“. The introduction to this song alone is African based. The beat is very African and I could imagine any African Dance Troupe getting down to this song. I believe this song, as well as Hector Lavoe, was ahead of the times.

Again, as I mentioned before, my father has a substantial music collection when it comes to Salsa. Every time I go and visit him in Florida, I make sure that I swipe some music. On my last visit, I copied the CD collection that I am still rocking, Salsa: Fania All Stars. What impressed me the most about this album is the informative interludes which talk about the history of Salsa. On interlude entitled Slave Ship this is what the narrator says:

“The first roots of Salsa were African; across the ocean on slave ships filled with misery and human degradation, the hard driving tribal sound of African music had somehow survived. But shortly after it reached here, in the Caribbean, it started to evolve into something different. It was still African in flavor but the music had become unique.”

I was floored when I heard this. Not because I didn’t know, only because it was said on a this CD. Many old school Latinos don’t want to admit they have some African blood. I would assume they thought that they were either strictly indigenous or Spanish. However, the music is a dead giveaway.

Music is a link to our past, all you have to do is listen.

love, Valentine's Day, Yoda

Love, The Perfect Emotion

There is something about love that cannot be explained. It is just one of those emotions that can be beautiful when things are good and horrible when they aren’t. There are so many levels to love that so many people find difficult to grasp. But, I think most times people are trying to find true love. Weather true love is attainable or not, the journey to find it can certainly be interesting to say the least.

True love is like the pot at the end of rainbow for many of us. But is true love the embodiment of a soul mate? Maybe it is love of a parent and child, or perhaps the love that two very good friends share. I wont say that I know the answer. But, I do know that are people in this world who are very happy with their current situations. Those situations could be alone with plenty of love of friends, or love of children. I am not downplaying the loving relationship between 2 people, but I believe that Valentine’s Day has a way of effecting people who are not in a relationship or are in a relationship that has not filled its potential.

I think that many of us are fooled into believing that love is this thing we see on TV. That love is a perfect emotion that endures anything. So, people have expectations of others that may not be attainable. Not to say that love can’t survive anything, I for one believe it can, but we know that humans are imperfect. So if love is the perfect emotion, and we are not perfect, then that going to lead to issues for many people. If anyone has ever been in love then you will know that is the one emotion that will make you do dumb things.

I will use a analogy with being too geeky about it. If any one has seen Star Wars, then you know what the premise is (and if you haven’t then skip to the last paragraph…or just go see the damn movies already). All six episodes are about the rise, fall, and redemption of Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader). Without going into too much detail, the reason he becomes evil is because he loves his woman so much that he is willing to go the dark side to save her. Which is like the ultimate sacrifice if you think about it. What makes all this interesting to me, is that in Episode 1, Yoda tells him why it is bad for a Jedi to love anyone:

Love leads to Fear, Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Destruction!

Damn, is it that deep? If you have been in a relationship that has ended badly, then you are probably feeling Yoda right about now. The reason I bring is up is because I think that this is a clear example of how powerful love can be. Wars have been fought because of love.

Valentine’s Day is just one day. If you find yourself doing something special only on days like these with the person that you say you love, then it is time evaluate. Love is something is not just on February 14th, it is everyday. While we are not perfect, we should always tell the people in our lives that we love them because we are not promised tomorrow.

I hope you all had a great day.

gadgets, iPhone, my dad, my life

Gadget Freak

I have mentioned that my father was a gadget freak. He is the type of person that just needs to have new things all the time. So for example, he has a desktop computer with a printer/scanner/fax. Not sure who he is faxing though. Then he has this machine that can convert vinyl records into MP3s. I wont mention the fact that he does not have an i-pod…yet.

His love for gadgets is something has been transferred to me. I look around my house and I can see the laptop I am writing this blog, the wireless printer that it is connected to, the Wii that my wife plays so much, the iPhone that I just today purchased…

I never thought that I would get an iPhone much less another ipod. The love for electronics and gadgets is clearly deep rooted! I mean it is not just for luxury purposes. I think about the type of stove I have or the washer and dryer. So the need for just new shit can be consuming. Clearly I am making fun of myself here, but i wonder what it is about shiny new gadgets that we have to get.

disco, Hip-Hop, karaoke, Motown, music, my life, salsa

Blame It On The Boogie…

I struggled with a topic to discuss tonight. Depending on the day, it does take me a while to unwind from work. So, today being one of those days, I thought to myself maybe I should play some music to focus because I have come to the realization that this is what music does to me. I cannot explain it, but I can to school work or write a novel, all to music. Right now I am listening to some house music as I am writing this. Daft Punk to be specific.

Some of the students make fun of me because when they come into my office it is almost like a party. I normally have my itunes on shuffle so that I can listen to pretty much anything I have at any point during the day. I laugh because I had a meeting with a colleague today and we are having a serious conversation and in the background you can hear, “Brooklyn, We Go Hard”

It reminds of my days when I lived on South Campus when my roommate, Pop, would wake me up with music. That man would not let me sleep past 9am. So sometimes he would walk in to my room dancing to some new beats he got from one of his friends. I never considered myself much of a dancer. I mean I can do a mean chair dance. I have always been one of those people that would just bob my head to the music in a club. Unless, you put on some Salsa or Merengue, then it is on. Then I can cut it up!

Then there is the whole karaoke craze. I am not crazy about humiliating myself in public. However, I have been persuaded to sing a song or two. But, of course to me the Karaoke places that I have been to don’t really have the selection that I would like. Because I will admit, that if they have certain Michael Jackson songs…then may just have me jamming. I am talking about black Micheal. I am down to sing P.Y.T., or Off The Wall, or Billy Jean, I may even hit you up with Blame it on the Boogie or better yet, Dancing Machine! (I have a whole routine, I just need 4 brothers…)

I love music. If it has a good beat then I am all over it. So much so, that I have started a music collection that I am pretty sure that is so broad and I will never complete. I feel that my music collection is journey of my life. My parents would always playing music when cleaning, cooking, and driving. So, the music I heard as a kid is always something I have been interested in and will always look for. The tricky thing is that I am dealing with so many genres.

My father, to this day, is a gadget person, so back in the day, he had vinyl, 8 track, tapes, and even like old school reel to reel. I, of course, was not allowed to touch any of his things because I would destroy anything I touched. I do remember the number of records he had of Salsa. So many albums form Fania Recording Artists. So, he would make these tapes with El Gran Combo, Celia Cruz, Hector Lavoe, and I could go on. I am still looking for all those songs now!

My mother, while she was into Salsa. She loved Motown. So one minute I could be listening to Marvin Gaye and the next Diana Ross. I can never really prove this, but I think my parents went clubbing in the 70’s. Someone was playing Disco, because that is just another genre I cannot get enough of. Not to mention that I was an 80’s kid and was around to hear the birth of hip hop. My brother had a boom box! He loved him some Kurtis Blow, LL Cool J, and Run DMC.

He amazes me because he still follows hip-hop. I call him the oldest Jay-Z fan alive. His response? The Rock is in the building! (He was a Guy Fan too…so I sing “Groove Me” just to get under his skin)

Name a hot song and I might just have it. If I don’t have, I will get it…

Alex Rodriguez, Chris Brown, masculinity, my dad, my life, President Obama

Real Men?

This past week we have been witness to many things. Superstar Chris Brown beats his girlfriend and All Star Alex Rodriguez admits to taking steroids. Both events have caused serious discussions in certain circles and blogs about the severity of both events. It just makes me think about how we view the role of masculinity in society.

Lets view both acts as what they are, Chris Brown, for whatever reason wanted to asserted his male dominance or a female and A-Rod wanted to assert his dominance over the baseball diamond. Does that make them real men? Does a real man feel that he has to dominate another individual, or sport, or industry?

Men seem to measure how much of a man they are by the size of their penises. I want to state that obvious fact because I know when growing up I would always hear jokes about how big some one’s dick was. I would always ask myself if that was really necessary? The fact is that many males equate how manly they are by the number of women they can sleep with. While that may be fine to them, these may end up being the same men that women end up avoiding in clubs because he is too old to be there. The male ego is a very fragile one and once it is broken it is hard to repair. Those who have issues with self esteem or confidence have a hard time dealing with those issues.

In college, I would here about who real men were. Apparently these are guys that step and stroll and are a part of a Fraternity. They would be able to tell you who was a real man and who wasn’t. While I understood exactly what they meant by the sacrifices they made to become the men representing those organizations, I was sure if that was something that I wanted to aspire to. So again, I am left think what is a real man?

Lets start with best man that we know today: President Barack Obama. No one will question his masculinity. How is he a real man? He is a leader with vision that provides us hope. He is good husband with 2 beautiful daughters. An educated man that can take you out at a debate or break you down with a crossover. Clearly that is not a hard one to follow, but many men cannot compare.

So I will go with something simpler. A single father who raises his only son. Works tirelessly at his job to make sure that he can afford college for his son. He makes mistakes along the way because he doesn’t want raise his son in the same way his father raised him, with violence. His son graduates and the next chapter in his life is spent dealing with cancer that he contracted from working late hours in manholes that contained asbestos. I would say that my father is a real man.

A real man to me is a man that can lead the way when times are difficult. A real man is man that will not let an obstacle get in his way of achieve a goal. A real man makes mistakes and is ready to pay for them when the time comes. A real man also acknowledges these mistakes and learns from them while being able to cope with it. A real man does not need to assert his control on other people because he is confident in himself. A real man knows the difference between gentle and firm.

Once you recognize those traits. You will know who the real men in your life are. They are not perfect in any way, but they will always leave an good impression on you.

bible, death, Jesus, religion

Death & Religion

As I get older it seems that death is all around me. The other day my co-worker’s father passed. The week before that my Graduate Assistant’s grandfather passed. Then there was of course my wife’s aunt who passed in the beginning of the year. Over the 2-3 years I have known or heard of at least a dozen people who have died. This will include, my uncle, grandmother, 2 SU alums, an SU student, and my dear dog. Perhaps listing a dog may be weird to some, but when you love a pet so much then you will know it is just like losing a member of the family.It has made me think about my own mortality in ways I never thought I would.

I don’t consider myself a particular religious person. Sure, I did have 12 years of catholic school, but I just didn’t care of some of the things that are said by the Catholic Church. I will further this statement by saying that while I believe in Jesus, I not sure his teaching have been passed down correctly. Let me take a moment to explain this thought.

During the time of the Crusades, the armies of the Church would kill anyone who did not believe in the teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ. When coming across different civilizations that did not even believe in Jesus they would brand those people as savage and hethonistic. Fast forward to the time of Christopher Columbus and you will witness the same thing. Those prompting the near eradication of indigenous people in North, Central, and South Americas. Take that one step further to the slave trade. Africans were converted to Christianity when they got off the boat.

Where am I going with this? The gospel has had many revisions and has thus been used to persecute the weak. Back in old times people can use a passage as just cause to burn a witch. Other passages can be used to show that people of color are savages. We all know know how the church views homosexuality. So when we look at the scriptures now, are we really getting the word of God or we getting the word of God through eyes of the dominant culture? I am not saying I have the answer to this.

How does this make me think about death? Well if you read the bible, then you know that there is a lot of death in it. I consider myself a god fearing man so to me death and judgement go hand and hand. I have often joked about how there is a suite reserved for me in hell, but do I really believe that?

Well this is what I believe for sure. Both my grandmothers are watching over me. I can write stories about how religious mi abuelita (from my mother side) was. I would have brutal nightmare as kid. Very vivid and very often about evil spirits coming to get me and bringing me to the feet of Satan. Once she died, I have not had one dream like that since. I was 12 when she died. I think that we all have a place in life and in death. I feel blessed that some how I have been able to survive my near death experiences (9/11 and my car accidents).