Category: my life

my life, Novel, Video Blog, writing

Reading Out Loud

In need of Shave

Last night I decided to be more engaging with the world. I created a video about the ahem finer points of reading your work out loud. This was all based on a tweet that I made a few days ago about how reading your work like you’re performing an audio book helps with evaluating the flow of your story.

I’m all about the flow of a book or a story. I think it’s one of the most important things that makes a book interesting. If a book is easy to read, regardless of vocabulary, the reader enjoys it more and absorbs the message better. I’m a firm believer that anyone should be able to pick up a book and read it from cover to cover. That is why one of the questions I ask my test reader is, “Does the book flow?”

I will also admit (again) that I have gotten in audio books. I find myself imagining what it would be like to have someone read and perform Hanging Upside Down in this medium. I’m sure I can do, but there are some really great voice actor that can do it much better than I could. That, of course, makes me think about the general flow of my writing even more. That’s why tone and dialogue become so important.

I’ve gone through five audio books in about 6 weeks. While three of those are Star Wars books, the other two were Dracula by Bram Stoker and Kindred by Octavia Butler. Both of these classics got me really to love how words sound and thus lead me to read my current project, The Book of Isabel, out loud.

This explains the video I created last night. I will admit that I’m a bit goofy and it’s awkward to hear myself but fuck it. I need to start having fun with the work that I do. Enjoy the video and leave some feedback.

 

Blogging, my life

7 Years of Blogging

R62a7train-1

On that rare occasion that I post two blogs in one day, you know that I must a have a good reason. I’ve been doing this for seven years. That’s crazy to me considering there are times where I wanted to stop blogging. But, I keep this going because writing has become my life.

I’m drugged up because I had two wisdom teeth pulled. I planned on going to work today but then I woke with pain and I’m like nah, I need to rest. So if this post seems somewhat different from usual ramblings then blame the good stuff I’m on. Let me just give into the drugs now and tell you all that I love you (this is how you know I’m either drunk or high).

Here I am in Year Seven and I’m working on my second book. I’m working on submitting short stories to places that accept them. I’m contemplating workshops to attend. These things are a far cry from what I was before all this started. I would’ve never guessed I would be two books deep at this point in my life.

In the back of mind is book three. I know it is crazy but at some point this year I will have to start writing that. I know what its about and I have written a little piece of it a few months ago.

What else can I say? I hope that you’ve read or will read Hanging Upside Down. I no longer ask people if they read it. The best thing I can do is move on and encourage people to support The Book of Isabel. All I can say about this book is that my style is evolving and I have extremely enjoyed the challenge of putting this particular story on paper.

I’m happy about the process. Not many people will read it and I know that. But that does not mean that I will stop and that is why I’ve been doing this for so long.

goals, my life, writing

2016 Goals

2015-16

I’ve finally had time to mull over all the goals I want to set for this coming year. I don’t like resolutions because they lead to a false sense of ambition. That is why so many people flood to the gym in January only to give up by March. My goals are achievable and some are harder than the others but they are promises I make to myself.

As usual, I looked at the past year and noticed that I’ve achieved 60% of the goals I’ve set last year, which always seems to be the case.  This is not something that I set out to do. Life has a way of making us veer off course, but in any case, here we go…

I feel like I’ve been really slacking in my blog writing. I know that anyone would tell me that writing a second book as well as a bunch of short stories is understandable but the past few days has shown me that I simply need to blog more. Not just here, but on the Huffington Post and The Commons. It gives me a little more focus on what it is I do. Even after all these years, I still feel like I’m building more of an audience which I hope will lead me to getting a press pass at the NY Comic Con.

I also need to be mindful that I have indeed set a tentative date for the release of The Book of Isabel. I really need to make sure that I make that date. It may sound simple enough but there’s so much coordination in getting this book out that I want to make sure I don’t repeat the mistakes I made with Hanging Upside Down. While doing that, I want to take the plunge into the short story world and actually try to get some of my work published. I’m not exactly sure all the details but I did open up a Wattpad account so I can begin exploring that process.

All this writing makes me want to continue to work my craft. I don’t take any of this lightly and I feel that I can get better at it. This is why I will continue to make an effort to read more. I’ve read more in 2015 than I have in quite a long time. I’ve also gotten into audio books which helps me catch up on books I should’ve read a long time ago. Of course more reading leads to more writing and I also feel I need to do a better job at really getting into writing workshops. I would be a fool to think that I cannot improve.

The other thing that I’ve done more is travel. Seeing the world is essential to any writer. Seeing more of America is crucial to any American writer and while I do plan on traveling in 2016, the goal is to visit more sporting stadiums or arenas. I will keep it real, I would much rather to the baseball stadium thing but, I will include football and basketball just in case I travel to a place off season. There is something about seeing how other city’s celebrate their sport that I find interesting.

Switching gears, I’m quite sure that I’ve made it quite clear that I’ve changed my dietary habits. I’ve been a pescatarian for about 6 months now and I don’t plan on changing that but it does lead me to think about my health in general. I’m not getting any younger and I know that I need to start taking better care of myself. I’m already scheduled for oral surgery in January and I know I need to see my doctor for the routine check ups. For some reason I feel that I need to put my medical well being into the forefront.

Every year I put debt reduction to the list an every year it remains there. I suppose this is a long term goal that will remain on this list for the foreseeable future. Which brings me to the last item on my list. As my girlfriend prepares to graduate from business school there is a distinct possibility that I will be moving out of Harlem. Not sure where to yet, but I have some ideas.

I think 2016 will be another big year. I hope you set some pretty big goals and I thank you for indulging me to share mine with you.

Friendship, my life, relationships

Navigating People

2414002070_18fd84ea3d_o

This is the last week of this year and I find myself wrapping up somethings before the year closes. While, I haven’t laid out my goals for 2016 as of yet, I’m still very much thinking about them. I currently have more time to write some blogs and I wanted to free write.

It’s been an interesting year indeed. I could get into all of the societal and political trash that has occurred but this one is about me. This year has been a year where I had to really figure out my place when it come to people.

I feel like I navigate people everyday. I navigate my family, my friends, and co-workers. I also navigate my twitter peoples, blerds, fellow writers, and trolls. Through this, I makes me wonder what I actually do each day. How did I get where I am now with all this human navigation?

I feel that this year has put into perspective that most friendships are not as archetypal as we think. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, friendships can be fleeting. No matter how much navigation can be done, all relationships are more or less the same. People love each other and they trust each other until they don’t.

Life goes on and new relationships are made and voids are filled. We spend so much time thinking about how we ever had those voids in the first place. The navigation of nouns (persons, places, and things) continues like it never ended as it was a ripple in water only disturbed by a stone of a broken connection.

I think back to a passage from my own book (which I try not to quote myself due to this being a bit self serving):

Everyone in our lives is there for a reason, regardless of the length of time. No matter if they love us or hate us, no matter if they break our hearts or simply hold open the door. I really believe things happen for a reason. I can’t say I believe in fate, but rather I believe that we all play a role in each other’s lives. It’s up to us to decide what that role is.

Fleeting relationships is what life is about. If you have old friends cherish them.

my life, Star Wars

My Force Awakened.

star-wars-force-awakens-banner-full

By now, you’ve either seen it or heard about it. Maybe you’ve even read someone’s review of it. I feel that I need to say a few things. I won’t spoil it for you if you happen to be one of the few people who hasn’t seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens but I will tell you about how I feel about this movie and it’s importance of Finn.

There are tons of things that happen in this movie. I will not spoil anything major but there is one minor spoiler about Finn I will mention towards the end. So, if you haven’t seen it and want to know nothing about anything, then come back when you’ve viewed the flick.

First, I loved this movie on the first viewing. I plan on seeing it again tonight and highly doubt my attitude about it will change. One thing is for sure, this is not your father’s Star Wars. This is also not the Millennial Star Wars either. What we are witnessing a true re-branding of a franchise — a passing of the torch in many respects.

The three heroes are Finn, Rey, and Poe Dameron. They represent the diversity of this cast that is far cry from either trilogy. While black women are still virtually invisible, we finally see an Asian cast member (Ken Leung as Admiral Statura). BB8 represents the improved technology in the galaxy as well as in film making. But more importantly, J J Abrams represents a step forward in direction.

Let’s talk about the obvious, this movie is leaps and bounds better than anything we’ve seen before in terms of cinematography. The angles and shots are completely new. I just imagine myself watching all 7 episodes (which technically I did because I saw all 6 over the weekend) and noticing the stark contrast of visuals. Not to mention that the storm troopers have better aim (they actually hit someone).

The villains were OK. I really wished I got to see more of Captain Phasma. I really wanted to see her lay waste to anyone actually. Kylo Ren is not bad but came across as a Sith child that needs more training and discipline. However, he does some pretty unique things with the force that I love. I’m not sold on Supreme Leader Snoke. I will just hope that the next film lends more to their character development because, after all, this episode was designed to introduce us to the heroes.

tumblr_nz7m3wo9861v1ohqio1_500

As far as our heroes…

Rey is a bad ass. I love her character and her inquisitiveness. She is very talented and knows way around mechanics. Poe Dameran is the best pilot in the galaxy, period. Then there is Finn (minor spoiler time) who is storm trooper who fights against his programming to become something else. The problem that I’ve heard people say is that since he was assigned to the sanitation unit before his first mission he is nothing more than a glorified janitor and that we’ve all been fooled to believe he was going our black Star Wars hero.

Let me address this. There is nothing wrong with being a janitor. There is nothing wrong with working in sanitation. They are honest blue collar jobs that people take pride in and often times get paid decently well. Many of us grew up in a household where our parents had a blue collar jobs. Do we look at them any less because of it?

Finn’s role is important. He is a storm trooper fighting against his programming. Why does that resonate with me? I think that we as people of color fight against programming every day with standards of beauty telling us we are not attractive, or white supremacy telling us we are less then what we are, or patriarchy telling us men are better than women. We fight our programming everyday and yes, most times are first instinct is to run. Finn may not be a Jedi but he is still human.

The Force Awakens is a welcome addition to the Star Wars lore. It may not be better than the Empire Strikes Back but it certain better than the rest.

my life, writing

Fight For Your Dreams

file_610406_creed-trailer

“Who are you?” That was what I was asked a few days ago by a former student that is still getting used to the person I’ve become. I’m an author and a vegetarian which is vastly different from where I was about 4 years ago. But to answer the question, I am a person who has fought for my dream.

So who was I before that? Was I some person wandering around not knowing what I wanted? Actually, I was that person who didn’t listen to that little voice on the inside. I took life for granted thinking I should just be grateful for what I have and not take risks. I wasn’t willing to change my life because I was afraid I might fail.

I was afraid that I might lose.

Well the thing is, I stand here now saying that I’ve taken risks and that I have won some and I’ve also lost some. Life is about fight and I feel that I’m in that fight everyday. I battle against the toughest opponent I will every face and that is myself. I have expectations and dreams that have become a real part of the goals that I set for myself. Every year I have risen the bar higher, sometimes I make it and sometimes I don’t.

I saw Creed this weekend and it really took me back to a time when I believed that anything is possible if you work hard for it. I may talk a good game about goals and how I’ve accomplished a lot of what I wanted, but the reality is that I find myself feeling a little disappointed about not doing enough. Am I not writing enough? Am I not marketing enough? What am I fighting?

I’m fighting this idea that my first plunge into the literary world is not as successful as I thought. Yet, I’m not sure what I thought would happen. Perhaps I thought I would sell more books. Maybe I thought I would have more meaningful interactions where people actually believe I wrote something longer than a blog post. Whatever the case may be, I realize that this is all in my head because I’m my biggest critic.

Creed reminded me of the fact is that I still put myself out there and I continue to take on the brutal writing schedule where I don’t sleep because I need to prove to myself that I can do this. There is this need for me to do all this on my own with help from a select few people that I’m privileged enough to call a team. I could win or lose, but I get nothing if I don’t but my hat in the ring. So yeah, I was a bit hyped when Adonis Creed did his work outs and ran through the streets of Philadelphia because I understand that passion and the need to achieve that one goal.

I fight for my dreams because no one will do it for me. There will always be naysayers and there will always be supporters and I used them both for motivation.

my life, Race/Ethnicity, Racial Profiling, racist, religion

I’m Not Afraid of Muslims

mexico-more-guns1

I’m not afraid of Muslims. Perhaps because I’m not always watching TV. I don’t buy into the news telling me how to think and feel when I can read various reports and decide for myself.

I’m concerned about Islamophobia and how that will play into world events because history, at this point, is destined to repeat itself. Yes, we’ve seen what happens when a group of people are singled out and possibly rounded up.

I’m concerned about mass shootings. No matter what college I’ve worked for, we’ve had to prepare for these. Drills have been designed to help administrators save lives. We are taught to stay in place and lock down our areas. Active shooters are terrorists but you would never know that from the media.

I’m concerned about trigger happy law enforcement. None of that has changed. People of color are still being targeted. Black people, Latinxs, and Native Americans all suffer at a significantly higher rates. What’s happening in Chicago is systemic terrorism. Sure, I can put it another way but most people won’t like that either. Shall I call it corruption then? No. Institutional Racism? Well, that would be every where.

Did you know Transgendered people are also killed at a higher rate as well? Probably not, but I’m sure you can tell me all about your assumptions on Syrian refugees. How about you read up on the war in Syria instead of watching Homeland.

Let’s put it out there. 9/11 was terrible. I was there. I know people who died. It brought this country together so we can start a war for oil and create the Patriot Act. All of which has increased our Islamophobia. With that said, ISIL (Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant) are terrible people that need to be stopped. ISIL does not represent the billions of Muslims across the globe just like these bad cops don’t represent the entire American police force.

So, If you want to be afraid of something… then be afraid of every thing because something is going to kill us right? Climate change maybe? Oh right, that’s not real either. It’s just hotter outside because of El Niño. Just continue eat fast foods and sugary drinks because that wont kill you. Maybe you’re afraid of Ebola… which bring us right back to refugees.

Nope, wait, I got it. Mexicans. That’s what our issue is. We want to build a wall to keep out the Latinxs who clean the houses and pick the fruit. Those dangerous people are rapists because after all, Americans don’t commit heinous crimes like rape…we just shoot people in theaters.

The thing is, fear has a way of making people say and do stupid things like buy guns or vote for racists. Instead of being afraid, you can be concerned and realize that terrorism has always been there and we’ve always lived our lives. You can reject the idea that refugees are a problem and accept that our twisted way of gun life is troubling.

Just understand that if you’re afraid of a random person who (you think) is Muslim and you’re not afraid of the guy who has an open carry permit (with gun strapped to him) then you are part of the problem. Which leads me to my last point, how do you expect me to be so afraid of Syrians and Muslims when we have to deal with mass shootings and rouge police?

No, I’m not afraid of Muslims. I’m concerned about everything else.

my life

I’ve Grown Tired of Nouns

scrabble-243192_640

It’s December already. 2015 is just about over and just like year’s past, I find myself reflecting. While I’ll leave the entirety of reflection for another post, I can’t help but think about my life and how so much has changed this year while putting in perspective where I fit in this crazy world. All I can say is this is the year where I’ve grown tired of nouns (people, places, or things).

How crazy has this year been for me? Well, I won’t get into the whirlwind of being an author because there really isn’t that much to say that hasn’t already been said. I understand my place as a writer. I understand that people will always be surprised that I wrote a book without them being entirely interested in reading it. That’s just the way of the world and it wont stop me from doing what I love to do.

Instead, I will just focus on how I came to fully understand how people are. I’ve learned that friends are not always the friends you thought they were and that strangers can have a bigger impact on your life than people who’ve known you for almost all your life. While I’m not sure how this is possible at times, I do know that we never truly understand our impact on people until that moment it’s pointed out to us.

I’ve come to relearn an old lesson about assumptions. “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.” No matter how smart someone is, assumptions will always be their downfall. Of course, I don’t exclude myself from any of this either. As we get older we lead ourselves to believe we’re becoming smarter and wiser; that we know more about humans when actuality we’re just getting better at assuming the worst of people. This type of thinking is what has gotten me into lots of arguments this year.

However, I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from all the fuckery of this year is that fact that perhaps I gave too many people space in my head. I gave too much thought to those who only wish negative things on other people. I’ve become familiar and quite comfortable with blocking people on social media. Whereas, in the past, I gave people room to voice a particular feeling that may’ve offend me. I now find myself being intolerant of such behaviors. For example, if you feel the need to tell me #BlackLivesMatter is bullshit and you have no real argument, then it’s time for you to get blocked. This usually goes for people who were once “friends” of mine. So I will not allow people to live rent free in my head or any where else for that matter. I consider that to be a way of letting go.

Which leads me to think about where I fit. I gotta say, I don’t really know. I’ve simply grown tired of nouns (people, places, or things). I’ve grown tired of people and their ignorance (i.e. lack of awareness to their privilege). I’ve grown tired of places that promote ignorance. I’ve grown tired of things that people swear they need when they really don’t. I feel like thinking this way puts me in a minority, which I’m quite OK with.

Not sure where this will put me in terms of next year, but what I do know is that I will be traveling more than I did this year, I do know that The Book of Isabel will come out, and I know that 2016 will provide me with new challenges.

Finally, I also know that no matter what happens, I will still be tired of nouns (people, places, or things).

my life, Novel

Cover Inspiration

IMG_1620One thing is for sure: we never stop learning. As I slowly move along in the process of getting my second book out, I’ve taken a different approach on what I want to do. From where I stand, I’m seeing some pretty awesome things happening in terms of The Book of Isabel. Since I cannot release too much information, it’s both very exciting and also very frustrating.

10565748_10101762511444786_1156603653_nOne improvement I wanted to make from Hanging Upside Down was how I handled the cover. I remember having a vision of what I wanted and I had a very talented artist, Ooge, draw up some sketches. As amazing as they were, to implement any of these onto a book cover would’ve given my readers a false impression that this was a graphic novel. Which means, there could have been a real possibility that kids could’ve tried to buy the book and find no pictures in it. This does not rule out the possibility of me actually writing a graphic novel.

B0aqEJWCcAA0QypSo instead, I picked the final image and ran with it in terms of adverting. If you read the book then you will know that steering wheel concept plays well in the book on so many levels. However, this still left me with a problem of no cover design. So, with my small budget, I had to figure out if I really wanted to spend money on a graphic designer or if I should go bare bones cheap and do it myself. Since I publish all my books with createspace, the decision to DIY the cover was a no brainer. I figured that since I was spending so much energy on editing and re-writes, the cover was something that I just didn’t want to spend too much time on.

Book CoverAlas, I came up with something relatively clean and basic that I can say I’m happy with. It had the colors that I wanted and it sticks out. Once the back of the book had the proper information, I was pretty much good to go. The feedback on it was great. People liked it and that is all that mattered. However, this time around I knew that I need to do something different. I just had this feeling that if I really want The Book of Isabel to be taken seriously I needed to get a concept and design that is going to work for me.

I was 3/4 of the way down with the first draft when I started doing my research. I knew I wanted the book to look and feel a particular way. I also knew that if I was going to really DIY it again, I needed to up my game. I don’t have the Adobe Suite that includes Photoshop and InDesign so I have to find other way to crop and design pictures. I used a web based program called pixlr for my low level needs. In the effort to explore and play around, I wanted to see if I can make Marble image for the background of my book. I looked up how to do this on YouTube only to find out that I can’t do it on pixlr.

 Quick Design           Quick Design 1

Things get a little interesting when I just start using the drawing tool. A few lines here and there and I had an image. At first, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was almost sure I can never do it again. But lo and behold, I had something. A bunch of wavy lines formed into a woman. This image had been the only thing I worked on for weeks before I finished writing the first draft. I impressed myself by using different skin tones and actual hair color that I lifted from photos of my girlfriend.

Quick Design 2  Quick Design 3 Quick Design 4

What makes this satisfying for me is the fact that I used much of my creative juices to come up with something tangible that I ended up giving to a graphic designer as my inspiration for the cover. The reality of book design is that it is more than just an image and you know what? I’m a writer and I should leave designs to those who know what they are doing even if it will cost me some money.

The final image at the top was touched up by another brilliant young artist (and Syracuse University Alum), @misajc.

This is where I have to end this cover story. I feel blessed to know many talented people from my Alma Mater that continually help me with this process. The cover is 90% done. We’re on hold until the editing process is almost complete. There are some wording issues I have to solve for the back of book before we can continue. The cover looks nothing like this but it is closely related. Once I’m ready to put it out there it will be fabulous.

Unfortunately you will have to wait until 2016.

Blogging, my life, New York Mets, Novel, writing

Mets/Dodgers Game 5 – How this effects my book… #LGM

12109307_10156198934470078_7952402277200326924_n

This is an important moment right now. When I finished draft one of The Book of Isabel, I knew there was a chance that I would have to re-write certain parts of the story because much of it takes place and the end of 2015. Clearly, the protagonist is a Mets fan and there would be a certain emptiness in the story if the playoff run (no matter how it ends) is not included in some way.

Understand that I finished draft one in early August, just as this team was just heating up. I could’ve made the decision to just wait and see what happens and then write the rest of the story but that would’ve disrupted the flow I had going. So now, here I am writing this post because I have to keep myself busy.

As I write this, the Mets are down 2-1 and I have to remember to focus on everything I’m feeling. Angst, nervousness, and the general feeling of not wanting to watch this game. If they lose, there will be numerous break downs of “the slide” and the lack of offense from David Wright. I believe it’s important to show how passionate the protagonist in my book is about all this. It’s almost easy to express love and hate, but to really get into how a person lives and dies with a team is something most of us can relate to.

This post is also proof that writing is more that just a hobby for me. It’s the only thing that keeping from biting my nails and pacing around this apartment (hold on as I watch them look silly against Grienke).

I think there’s something to be said for instantaneous twitter reactions. Stats like these pop up and I hate to see them.

A fan of the opposing team has to push it out of his/her mind, but I think the biggest thing I’ve had to deal with is the delay between TV coverage and mobile/twitter updates. I have to mute apps and turn off social media in the middle of an inning so that nothing is spoiled. Is that weird? To have spoilers during a live game? This isn’t Scandal and yet I have to be aware of that.

Mets just tied the game in the 4th inning on a sacrifice fly after a stolen base (during a walk…what?). My heart is racing because the Mets have decided to fight and I love it. Still fired up. I killed a Heineken and that won’t be the last.

Every inning is a different feeling. It’s clear the Dodgers are pushing the issue. I’m really trying not to be stressed but deGrom has been living dangerously all game. I’m not the type of person to pray for a win because something tells me that universe doesn’t care about such things. There is a part of me that feels prayers are finite and we should never waste them on trivial things. I will always pray for someone’s health but a game? Not so sure. If this is meant to happen then it will happen.

Daniel Murphy hits a home run.

I tried my best to not wake up my cousin who was sleeping (its a little after 10:00pm). It was a muffled scream. I jumped up and down. My bad, she’ll be alight. This whole game is now different but it isn’t over. Nervousness turns to pure anxiety. Now it’s a matter of counting the outs left until this game is over and (not) praying to God they don’t blow it. Which leads me to think about how I would re-write all this in my book. I didn’t want to assume that the Mets would even be in the playoffs. So now, I have to take notes of all the big things that are happening so that the reader can actually believe that the character LIVED these games.

Both starting pitchers are now out of the game going into the bottom of the 7th inning. I now understand why they call it the stretch inning. Nine more outs until I can say that the post season continues, but for now… a much needed bio break after beer number two has been consumed.

Noah Syndegaard is in the game and he’s dealing (thank Thor). That was my last beer because I only had two. I won’t even get into the fact that since I’ve become a vegetarian, I’ve become a liability with liquor. I’ve often thought about describing the transition of diets in the book too but that might be a little too much.

How much of a problem is Justin Turner? This ex-Met and current Dodger is killing us. The Mets couldn’t keep him because they have an all star third baseman, duh. I don’t remember him being this good and it’s a problem. Syndegaard blows him away. #THOR

The announcers brought up the fact that Murphy is a double away from getting a cycle. No has ever hit a post season cycle…and neither will he.

I’m not happy that Cespedes looks bad in this game versus great pitching. That may be an issues against the Cubs. <— Look at me assuming we will win this game! We are still up 3-2 and Jeurys Familia (our closer) is coming into this game in the 8th inning to get the last six outs. Wow. This man cruised by that inning. This may happen people!

This may be the longest blog post I’ve written and it makes me think about all the sports writers who do this all the time. They write an article, tweet, and watch the game. That is incredibly difficult considering they are probably at the game and have to run to do interviews afterward.

Dodgers, of course, bring in their closer Jansen to hold serve. I kinda laugh that he walked Flores to get to Familia for the rare closer vs closer match up at the plate. No surprises that Jansen wins that match up.

Three. More. Outs.

In a fitting effing move, Chase Utley comes to bat and flys out. I wont get into it with him. Ellis goes down swinging. OMG! This might be it! Kendrick Strikes out!!!