I feel like I have no choice but to keep saying that I am not perfect, because really I am not. But, I find myself in interesting situations this summer. I have always considered myself somewhat lucky with the relationships I keep with the people I know. I feel that I knew a number of people that I can call friends in one way or another. I do not mean it in the Facebook way, in which everyone befriends us. I mean it it more a bonding type of way.
I am a true believer that everyone is put in our lives for a reason, whether it be for a short time or for a very long time, people play pivotal parts in our lives. We also play roles, sometimes in ways we do not comprehend, in the lives of others. Its the way the universe works. I have been fortunate enough to bond enough with some people that I would consider friends in a very real way. I consider myself a selfless friend who will do just about anything for his friends. I love to talk, laugh, and socialize, so I am always entertaining at the least.
However, there was a time this summer in which I took a break. Sometimes I do that from time to time in which I take time for myself. This wasn’t just a break from friends and such, it was also a break from this blog. I needed to think about my life and about my employment situation. I will say that during that time I did have two interviews for a University in Manhattan and it looked promising at the time. While, I did not get it, I learned a lot about myself and my resolve. Other things changed for me as well that I am not going to get into at this moment, but point being, I was not particularly looking for anyone and some people took exception to that. I did my sincere apologizing to an old friend, but apparently that did not work and I cannot beg someone to be my friend, so be it.
Then there is another person that I hit it off with a few months back. I began to think there was a good friendship emerging but as my life continues to change, things turned sour. When a friend crosses a line more than once then you have to evaluate whether or not there is a friendship there. Many do not seem to realize that for how nice I can be, I can cut a person off if I need to. Lately, it has becoming easier and I am almost sad by this fact. So that is another friendship that has seem to perish in a short life.
The final scenario is a situation of an old friend that I cannot seem to get along with for long periods of time. Not really sure how this happens. We get along great. When this person needs to vent I am there. When I need encouragement on writing…this person is there for me. It is a back and forth type of deal where there are certain hot button topics that will send us over the edge. The funny thing is, we will probably still be friends from years to come no matter what.
So what is my point? Well, do I have friendships or ships that pass in the night? I am not that difficult of a person. I love my friends dearly. Some I talk to everyday and some I talk to every few months. My college friends are people that I adore. No matter how much time passes without communication, it always like no time passed at all when I finally do see or speak to them. But, it saddens me that it seems I lost a very good friend. There is nothing much I can do about that fact. I feel that all relationships are a two way street and while I make mistakes, I do not feel I need to pay for those mistakes all the time. More importantly, friends also forgive each other. If I can forgive my friends for the dumb things they do then why am I the one that seems not to be forgiven? We are either friends or not.
I am a loyal friend. I have always been, at times you cannot get rid of me. I am the type to text someone after weeks of not hearing from them. I care about the people who come into my life, even if it just for a short amount of time. I would like to think that most people are like ships in the night that pass each other, but with friends…those are ones that should want to sail with you through good times and bad.