latinegro

Do We Know What We Want?

I was asked this weekend If I knew what I wanted and of course I said that I do. I want to be happy. I know that this is a very vague answer but it is so very simplistic in nature. Not that I consider myself old in any way, but I think that with my age and level of maturity I can really say what it is that I am searching for. I also believe that my fellow brethren who are about my age know exactly what I mean when I am vague enough to say I just want happiness.

Happiness to me is an all encompassing thing that I want to achieve in which my life is as close to bliss as possible. I realize that there are smaller goals that I need to achieve in order to work my way up to this. However, to truly achieve happiness we must first admit that we are unhappy. I think that most people in general hide the fact that they are unhappy and will deal with life because it is what it is. Of course, life is hard and there is no mistake about that.

The other thing is to understand and realize that our lives are not as bad as it could possibly be. Sure, I have my issues. I struggle everyday to survive with bills and the trying to maintain a healthy life as a single man. Not to mention the job search is not all that great. However, I have a roof over my head, I know that I can eat everyday and I have luxuries like a phone and a car. There are people in this world that cannot say that, which is why I try in my heart not to complain too much.

What it really comes down to is that we are not taught how to be happy. We are taught to be ruthless in a job market. We are taught subjects in school that we may or may not use later in life and we are definitely taught that we need to earn that money. Here is the thing: Money cannot buy love nor happiness, but it can destroy both (I am tweeting that as I write this).

Think about this and I may have said this before. We expect 18-22 year olds to decide on a major and what to do for the rest of their lives. What sucks about this is that most us do not find our true selves until our 30s. How are we supposed to manage that? What happens is that anyone us in our mid 20’s can end up in a job we went to school for and end up hating it after the first year. Why? Because as soon as we graduate we are told that we need to go right into the workforce to get that money to support our habits of buying things that we ultimately do not need to survive.

This is also effects relationships as well. How many people do you know have married their college for high school sweethearts? I know of one couple who are now married and they were in love since college. That is very rare these days. People will then tell me…”well our parents have been together for so long…why cant we?” Well, genius, it is different generation and different time. Using my father as an example here, he graduated high school and went into the navy which allowed him to travel the world and see things that I never have because I went to college. What that means is that he had 4 more years of actual life experience then I would ever have.

Take that into consideration when thinking about parents who have been together for so long. When we got out of college we had to figure a way to survive at 22-23, our parents were doing it at 18-19 (and sometimes younger). Those are critical years we are talking here. Now, what makes things worse is that when I graduated in the 90s a bachelor’s degree was good enough. That isn’t the case now, a Master’s degree is what we will all need to make the serious money. So imagine now being a college student having to stay 2-3 more years in school for something you may or may not like later in life and having to learn to survive at 24-25.

I bring all this up because I am 36 years old and I think I finally found myself. I think I am at a point in which not only can I make myself happy but I know what it will take to make another person happy. I have come to accept my own faults and deal with my place in this world. I am perfectly imperfect and I am ok with that. I spent my 20’s thinking that all I needed was a woman to make my life complete only to find out that only I can fix me. Once you get to that place, fear is just an emotion you can control just like the rest.

my life

Refreshed!

It has been a while since my last post. I took a self imposed break. Much of this had to do with my recent trip to New York City. I needed to unplug in many ways. While I was on twitter and facebook, I specifically took some time from this blog. In many ways, I feel I have been a little too deep even for me.

While I have been thinking so much about how this blog is definitely about my journey at this particular part of my life, I feel that much of this search for a better meaning in life is very much personal. I think that 4 hours of driving each way has a way of making anyone think about life. My drive down was so very refreshing because I was able to clear my head and focus on what this weekend was really about.

This weekend was very much about family as much as it was about me just going with the flow of life. The only descions I had to make this past trip was when I was getting to NYC and when I was leaving. Everything in between was just me going with whatever the days take me. I can say that the days took me to great places.

I went to Six Flags Great Adventure with my brother, nephew and a few of his friends. It was a a real good times to see Justin go on these rides for the first time. He showed no fear like his uncle and I am quite sure it is something that he will not soon forget. He turned 11 this past weekend and it just makes me shake my head thinking about how fast he is growing. I still remember when he was in the hospital on the day he was born.

I also felt that I was all over the Bronx with my cousin, Karen, who is about to leave NYC to start her PHD over at Harvard. We went to City Island, which I have not been to in such a long time. The family had a party for her this weekend as well to send her off. It was good to be with family on such a blazing day. I was on the grill, which made things hotter. I was ok with it, I had Coronas to keep me cool.

What made this past weekend complete was seeing Inception. I think this is definitely the movie of the year and a must DVD buy for me when it comes out. I do plan on seeing this movie again. I do wish, however, that I had more time to see people and old friends. I will be planning my next trip to NYC sooner than anyone will think. The drive coming back was just as good as my arrival.

I feel very refreshed. While I still have my goals on my mind, I can say that this past weekend was truly enough time for me to do me. There was no worries and no concerns for me at all. I feel refreshed and ready to take on what come next.

Brooklyn Dodgers, Mi Abuelito, my life, New York Mets, New York Yankees

How Am I a Met Fan…from the Bronx?

A friend of mine asked me the other day, how can a man from the Bronx be a Mets fan? She has known me for a while and wanted to know how this was possible because I should, of course, be a Yankee fan. I guess in some ways that should make sense. I grew up in the Bronx. I call it home. I feel total comfortable when I am there and would love to move back. I never let anyone forget that this and where I am from. Plus, my father is a Yankee Fan. So why am I a Mets Fan?

Well, since the second half of the season begins tonight, I figured I would answer this question. It all stemmed from my late grandfather. Mi abuelo came to this country from Puerto Rico and moved to Brooklyn. I often heard stories about how he had to hustle to survive. Back in those times, there were immigrants from all over the world and they were all looking for the same thing, a piece of that American Dream. I remember him telling me that he was able to communicate with the Italian immigrants because Spanish and Italian was so similar. But, the one thing that really united many people in Brooklyn was the Dodgers.

The Brooklyn Dodgers was one of 3 baseball teams in New York and was loved by the people, particularly after Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier. My grandfather was just as dark as I am so I am quite sure he was delighted to see someone of our complexion running around the bases. One thing for sure was how much he disliked the Yankees. More than any NY rivalry now, the competition between the Dodgers and the Yankees was fierce and throw in additional team…the Giants…and you have a city filled with baseball freaks who have a unique love/hate thing going on.

Oddly enough, when thinking about this, many people of color loved the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants because they were some of the first teams to have black players. Jackie Robinson was the crown jewel for the Dodgers and Willie Mays was the man on the Giants. However, the Yankees were very slow in signing black players. People picketed Yankee Stadium in the early 1950’s because of this. By 1955, the Yankess finally called up Eliston Howard to play in for them.

Sadly, in 1958 the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles and mi abeulo, like the rest of Brooklyn was heart broken. But it was not just Brooklyn that had their hearts broken, the New York Giants left for San Francisco that very same year too. So up until 1962, New York was a only a one baseball team town. My grandfather refused to root for the Yankees, so when the Mets were created he was loving baseball again. He did still root for the Dodgers when they moved, but he was a New Yorker.

Mi abuleo raised all his kids to be a Dodger/Mets fans. That was just the way it was. I am not sure when the family moved to the South Bronx, but clearly a location change did not matter. By the time I came around, being a Mets fan was just apart of life. My brother followed the Mets and I followed him. Sure, there were other family members who followed the Yankees but it was my grandfather who would watch the games with me and my brother. It was the one thing that him and I could talk about. I remember him yelling in Spanish at the TV for whatever reason. He had a passion for baseball and the Mets that I still have.

Growing up in the 80’s just made it easier. I remember the Yankees always seems to play the Dodgers in the World Series and even lost to them in 1981. So, by 1984 the Mets were relevant with the their rookies like Strawberry and Gooden. By 1986, the Mets owned New York. Looking back at it, I am very glad we was alive when the Met’s won it all that year considering that my grandmother died that year and the demise of my parent’s marriage happened shortly after that.

In his remaining years, baseball was his life and I will never forget how much he loved it and how much I loved him for it. He never judged me or my father (my abulelo is from my mom’s side). I remember him coming by with sandwiches for lunch to talk about the Mets and even watch the game. He died in 1992 right before I was set to come up to Syracuse. I miss him and I will say that his love for the Mets will always be in my heart.

I wanted to add something else. I have thought about this for awhile and with the death of George Steinbrenner I had to asses any hatred for the Yankees. While I dislike them, I cannot say I hate them as I used to because, after all, they are from New York (sounding like my dad right now -_- ). I know all the Yankee players by name and how good they are. But, there isnt really anyone one player that I detest, unlike the Philadelphia Phillies, in which I can write a whole blog on Jimmy Rollins alone.

I think a lot of it comes from the fans I have come to know who just love to be assholes about everything Yankee. I am not one to believe in entitlement, but most fans do. However, some of my dearest friends are Yankee fans and I find it hard to hate something that my friends love…

P.S. I really dislike the fact that most women I am really attracted to…are Yankee Fans (go figure…I will deal though! lol)

my life, self worth

More on Self Worth…

Sometimes our lives can change by a simple thought. I have been really thinking intensely on the idea of self value in my life. This is like a new concept to me. I have never really thought about how much my time or life is worth. When you place a value on something, it begins to become precious.

I think that I do a great job on placing value on other people and objects. I know how much my dog means to me. I know how much my family means. There is the value I place on my comics and various other things that I have. Then there is the value I place on my friends and loved ones. I know what is is to be in situations in which death is a serious possibility, so the idea of losing people can bother me. 9/11 had that effect on me in which I did not know if there were certain people I would never see again, not to mention that my own life could have been in jeopardy if any more planes came crashing down. Then there is instance of my car wreck where the police told me that had I not worn my seat belt, I would be dead. It is because of those 2 instances that I can tell people that I love them and not have a second thought about that. Why? Because I place a high value on those I care for and I am not sure what tomorrow will bring.

My personal value is something I never thought about. Perhaps because I have been selfless too many times in my life. But, there are the times that I have been selfish and that has cost me dearly. I think in both those cases it can be determined that my self value was never properly assessed. So there are people in my life who have and still do take me for granted because I have allowed them to do so. I have neglected in taking the time to show them how I want to be treated and respected because I never placed a value to that.

However, there are people that I have told. There was a few instances in which I have flat out told some people that I feel disrespected by the way I am treated and that I am so not appreciated. Some times people will acknowledge and change that and other’s wont. For those who haven’t have found that I have few words left for them. The problem is I do not do this enough. I am not saying that I expect to be appreciated because I do not but, I should expect to be treated the way I treat people. I am worth that much because I love myself.

I have thought about how I could have possibly gotten to point that I do not have a high self worth. It is sad to say but I am beginning to think about my childhood. I think about all the bullshit I went through in grammar school and how ugly I thought I was. The divorce of my parents and how I felt like an object they competed over. I know that some family members will ultimately say that I had a great childhood and I was spoiled because I got everything I wanted. Well, I do not think I was spoiled and even if I was, toys do not equal happiness. Sometimes, as children we look at adults to give us the definition of value outside of the number of toys/video games given in order shut us up.

Anyway, all that is simply water under the bridge now. Self value is now the only thing I want to focus on in my life. My time is precious and those who I choose to fill that with are also valuable. But more that who I choose to keep my time with, it is also important on what I do with my time. Self love means that I also need to maintain my health and mental well being. I will continue to read and write as well as looking for that illusive job that will get me where I need to be.

Lebron James, self worth, value

I am Worth It.

You know…people may shake their head at Lebron James for making this free agency a spectacle. I am one to believe that he should not put himself before the game. But step back and look at what he is doing. This whole show has very much to do with what he perceives to be his worth. All these teams are courting him hard in hopes that he will sign under their team’s name. Sure, call it an overinflated ego, but he thinks he is worth it.

So on that same token, why do we not believe in our own worth? Why do we take the bullshit that life gives us when we know we deserve something better? Is it fear that we may end up in a worse situation? Are we not worth the risk? I think we are. In fact, I am worth any risk.

Sure, I have made mistakes in my life, but who hasn’t? I challenge anyone to tell me that they have lived a mistake free life to come and tell me that I am not worth everything that I desire. We are all human we are not supposed to be perfect. We are worth more than the stress and the drama that we allow in our lives. Just think about what we allow to happen to us. We allow ourselves to be treated like shit by people who think they know what we are worth. They take us for granted because they feel we that we cannot do any better or that out loyalties are so deep they we will not find something better.

I am not saying that we need to start cutting off people who do not appreciate us (although it is a start) or quit jobs that keep us underpaid. What I am getting at is having the awareness to know what is happening in the world around us. We allow things to happen to us based on our own low self worth.

We should all be so lucky to have the world as our stage to announce in a hour special that we got a new job or that we are in love with someone. Sure we can go to Facebook to say all this but sometimes people are not very genuine and will do things to flaunt their egos. But, as someone who has spent the majority of his life searching for something and in the process thought that he was not worth very much…a little ego is a very good thing.

I am a great guy. I have a big heart. I can be very nerdy at times and I can be very silly at others, but you will always know what you are getting from me. I work hard and I play hard. I am a lover and fighter. I come to realize that I do not give up on things that mean the world to me. I do not live in the past and I am always thinking about what I can do to make my life in the present and future better.

I have always said I am on a journey. There is not doubt in my mind right now, that I will get where I need to go. Why? Because I believe in myself and I believe that I am worth the trouble. For those who do not believe that will only come to realize that they are wrong. Maybe that sounds a little full of myself, but if I do not believe in myself and my value…who else will?

We are all worth so much more that what we getting right now. I guarantee it.

dating, my dad, my life

Dating Game

The words the I remember the most from this weekend is “I don’t want you to get hurt”. These are words uttered to me by my father who called me this weekend because he wanted me to know that he was thinking about me and my upcoming free agency. It would make sense if you think about it. He was there to pick me up during my very first heart break.

I am very interested in seeing what the fuss is about. I want to sit here and say that I have not dated since the 90’s, but the real deal is that I have never been good at dating and I pretty much winged it. I met my ex wife through Yahoo personals because I was tired of going to bars and meeting superficial women who would not give me a second glance because I wasn’t a thug or rich looking. Granted, I was probably going to the wrong places and I get that, but in when you are single and in the 20’s where else do you really go?

Time is on my side and I am wiser. I am more confident in myself and quite frankly anyone woman would have a great time with me on a date. While I do not have much money because it seems that all I do is pay bills, I know how to have fun. I love to drive so the chances of me getting drunk are low.

What I have figured about myself is that I am a very patient person. I have seen loads of bullshit over the course of my life from women I know and have witnessed bullshit that other guys have gone through as well. So, I know there are pitfalls. I love women. I have grown up my entire life with them and I have come to realize that women lie better then men. They remember their lies and keep them together and quite frankly they tell better lies then men do.

I will continue to say that men are dumb. We do the dumbest things and tell the dumbest lies. Women are more sophisticated and will tell lies so that they do not lose ground, such as hiding the fact they care or flat out pretending that they do not care when in reality they do. However, women will also lie to make a man feel better like faking an orgasm. Either way, these are things that I have kept in mind.

My father has been such a great source in this process. I am not trying to figure out women all that much because that task is simply impossible. His simple advice is just to observe and listen. Listen to what a woman says because chances are whatever she is saying is not only important to her but could be important to me as well. Women love it when men listen to them because it shows they are not a sexual object. Observe what a woman does because body language is important. A woman’s actions speak louder than her words. She may lie but her body does not.

I have made up tons of excuses of why I have not gone out there and I know the time is coming for me to really start thinking about myself. I used the Hitch reference above because I saw this movie about 2 weeks ago after not seeing it for along time and I realized that anything is possible in the dating game if I simply remain who I am.

dating, divorce, my life

My Free Agency

NBA Free Agency is upon us and everything named Lebron seems to be dominated all kinds of news. But, there is one free agent in waiting that I am concerned with and that is me. Sure I am not in the NBA and I will not be signed to a million dollar contract but hey…This is me we are talking about.

I have been very leery of women because, let’s be honest, most of the one’s I have encountered are either crazy or close to it. I use the word crazy is the best possible way. It seems that I have an affinity toward them. Whatever the case, I think that I have not taken anything seriously because of my current status and I do not expect to be taken seriously either.

I fully anticipate my single status to be official by summer’s end. I joked to some people that I will be taking resumes with pictures when that comes. But in reality, I think I am going to tread lightly in the dating game. I am not even sure how much I really want to date right now based on the fact that I simply do not have my stuff together. I guess I could date with no strings just for the idea of having fun, but one thing I am not doing is dating in Syracuse.

It is all about perspective and mind set. Just how I started packing up some of my stuff this weekend because I need to get into that state of mind that my stay in Syracuse is now temporary. I need to let the fates know that I am pretty serious about getting up out of here. While the job market is not the greatest, I still need to make those moves. I just thank God that I found at least one roommate that will move in next month.

I am really not sure what is supposed to happen once all the paperwork is done. I would only assume that life will be just as normal as it ever was except that I will no longer have that excuse of not doing anything because I am still married. A friend pointed out to me that I will be able to do anything I want and not have to worry about anyone else. That might be the scary part. For such a long time I have thought about other people and not myself.

I truly believe that loneliness is related to freedom. They are not the same thing of course but I think there is a delicate balance. The fact that I am free to do what I want without having to consult anyone does bring me back to my college days but that freedom has a price. However, being that I am determined to get what I want out of life, being alone is not all that bad.

So being a free agent is exactly that…free. Marriage is not a institution of captivity, but if people make the wrong choices then it can be. I am just glad to be able to put things behind me so I can be better in the present and future.

Lebron James, Michael Jordan, NBA Basketball, New York, New York Knicks

Dick Riding Lebron

Is there no dignity left in people anymore? For years I have been trying to figure out why I have stopped being so into the NBA. Sure, I am a New York Knicks fan and probably the decline of that franchise has much to do with disdain for the sport, but I love college basketball. I think I has to do with people trying to be larger than the sport. The fact the people are begging Lebron James to come to their city is just so distasteful to me.

Lebron James right now is not the king, Kobe Bryant is. He has won no championships and his move to another franchise does not guarantee one. The fact that people are making websites and personal pitches is ridiculous to me, especially New Yorkers. It is almost like people are worshiping a false god and it should really stop. New York has to realize that they are not getting Lebron so dick riding is not cool.

The problem is that he thinks he is larger than the game. It has become very apparent to me. At one point, I thought he would be the savior that the NBA needs, but I don’t think that is the case anymore. Don’t get me wrong he a fantastic player but he has nothing to show for it. The issue is that people are looking for their personal Michael Jordan. The person who will win multiple rings in a row and restore glory to their team. I get that but, let the owners and the GMs do their jobs. To see these people march in parades and have shows for him is absurd.

Basketball is a team sport and you will need more that just one person to win. Much like baseball, and New Yorkers know this well, you need to have the right people surrounding your best players in order to make it through the playoffs. The Knicks do not have that…he will not be the Derek Jeter we need in basketball. Why? Because Derek has never made himself larger than the game.

Michael Jordan was built up to be larger than the game by the NBA and Nike. The reason why this happened is because he brought it every night..and sure he talked a lot of trash and destroyed the Knicks every chance he got but, he was that good. He backed up all the talk.

Sure maybe Lebron is the chosen one…for the right price (and if you promise not sleep with his mom). But the whole way he is trying to corner the market with his free agency status will put him quickly on my athletes to hate on list. If he was a simple person he would just work on getting Cleveland a championship.

So while you are all dick riding Lebron, I will patiently wait for the NCAA Basketball season to begin and watch true desire take the floor.

Short Story

Call Your Mother: A Play

Last week I mentioned that I wrote a screenplay of sorts to transfer schools. Well I am dusting off this thing so it can see the light of day, otherwise no one will really read it. As I have done it the past, I have posted a story in which I wrote and I am once again doing it here. It will not take long to read. I wrote this when I was 19. Let me know what you think. Enjoy.

Call Your Mother

Philip………………….son of Carlos

Carlos…………………father of Philip

Elizabeth (Liz)………..girlfriend of Carlos, mother of Jason

Jason………………….Philip’s cousin

Julie…………………..Jason’s girlfriend

Sonia………………….mother of Philip

Based on a true story.

This is dedicated to my grandfather. Rest in Peace Abuelito

It is May of a given year. This story takes place in the Bronx. Philip has come home with his cousin Jason, from college. Carlos and Elizabeth await them. The door opens and Philip walks in. He is carrying a duffle bag and a suitcase. He puts down both bags as soon as he walks in

Philip: Honey, I’m home! (with a smile on his face)

Carlos: (walks towards him, with Liz, from the kitchen) Who are you callin’ honey, bitch?

Liz: Carlos! (she punches him, lightly, in the arm and he laughs)

Philip: (sarcastically) Gee, you’re a sight for sore eyes.

Carlos and Liz hug Philip

Carlos: God, we missed you. So where’s the rest of your stuff?

Philip: In Julie’s car.

Liz: (surprised) She brought you?

Carlos: I thought you were taking the bus? (he and Liz look out the window.)

Philip: Well, I was, but Julie decided to swing around this way to drop off me and Jay.

Carlos: (looks at Philip) “Swing Around?” She lives in Main.

Philip: Hey, a free ride is a free ride.

Jason: (walks in carrying a box) Hey!

Liz: Hi! (Jason puts down the box next to the bag. He hugs Liz and shakes Carlos’ hand)

Carlos: What’s up? (he looks towards Philip) Do you have more stuff?

Philip: Uhh…(looks at what has been brought in) yeah, two boxes and a bag (looks out the door). Here comes Julie with the bag now.

They walk outside toward the car.

Liz: (looks at Jason as if she was examining him for anything wrong or out of place) Well how was the ride?

Philip: It was okay.

Liz: Are you ok?

Jason: I am fine. (a little defensive) Why, is there something wrong with the way I look?

Liz: No, well except for being a little thinner, no. So how long are you staying?

Jason: (confused) What do you mean?

Liz: You know what I mean. When she leaves for Maine are you going with her?

Jason: (unsure) I don’t know.

Liz: (anxious) What do you mean, you don’t know?

Julie walks in carrying a suitcase.

Julie: Hello! (smiling and cheerful)

Liz: How are you? (they hug)

Julie: I’m good, you?

Liz: Great, everything’s great. (she looks at Jason)

Carlos walks in with a box. Then Philip walks in with another. They put the boxes down.

Carlos: Well, those were the last two.

Philip: (relieved) Thank God I put the rest of my stuff in storage.

Carlos: Do you need help taking these upstairs?

Philip: Nah, I got it.

Liz: (to Jason) So what are you going to do now?

Jason: I think we are going to go home and unpack my stuff.

Philip takes one suitcase and the duffle bag upstairs.

Carlos: I’m cooking if you want to eat here later.

Julie: Okay. (she smiles and looks at Jason)

Jason: I’ll see you later then. (he kissed Liz) Bye.

Liz: Bye, que dios te bendiga. Bye Julie.

Julie: Bye Liz, bye Carlos. (she waves)

Philip comes down the stairs.

Carlos: Okay, bye

Philip: Later, yo.

Jason: Later. (Julie waves to Philip)

Jason and Julie leave. They go to the car and drive off. Meanwhile, Philip picks up a box and goes upstairs.

Carlos: So what did he say? (closes the door)

Liz: He said, he did not know. (they begin to walk toward the kitchen)

Carlos: I think he does know, but doesn’t want to tell you. She can’t be alone without him.

Liz: Carlos…(she sits down)

Carlos: She comes all the way down from Syracuse, drops off Phil then drives Jason home. (he walk toward the stove)

Liz: What are you getting at?

Carlos: (opens a pot on the stove) What I am getting at is, (he picks up a spoon on the side an puts in the pot and begins to stir) that Maine is very far from here. She is going to stay in your house (puts the spoon down and covers the pot) for a week. Then she is going to leave with him. (he opens another pot)

Liz: I know, but what am I going to do about it?

Carlos: Good Question. (recovers pot) If it were up to me, I would call him up and tell him to send the white bitch home.

Fade out.

Fade in. Kitchen. Two Hours later. Carlos calls Philip for dinner.

Philip: (walks in) What’s for dinner?

Carlos: Dog Food. (he is putting food on a plate)

Philip: Really? Can’t be any worse than the dining halls.

Liz: Were you on the phone?

Philip: Yup.

Liz: Did Jason call?

Philip: Nope. (sits down)

Carlos: Who were you on the phone with? (puts the plate of food in front of Philip)

Philip: Mike. (picks up a fork and starts eating)

Carlos: So you didn’t call your mother? (walks to the cabinet and takes out another plate)

Philip: No…why, should I?

Liz: Yes you should. One day, ‘God forbid’, something may happen to your mother or someone in your family, you are going to regret that you did not call and reconcile. Now, are you going to call her? (Carlos puts food on a plate and gives it to Liz)

Philip: Maybe, if I feel like it.

Liz: That’s a nice attitude. (she sits down)

Carlos: I wonder where he gets it from. (Carlos gets another plate from the cabinet. He puts food on the plate.)

Liz: Heh, I wonder. (she looks at Carlos and smiles)

Carlos: (puts all the covers on the pots, takes his plate and sits down) How’s the food?

Philip: Its pretty good for Dog chow. (Liz laughs)

Carlos: (Sarcastically) I’m glad you like it. (Serious) Look…you don’t have to call your mother if you don’t want to. If she wants to talk to or see you, she should call you.

Liz: (shakes her head) That’s not right. You should call you mother to show her that you are the better person than she is.

Carlos: NO! (slams his fist on the table) She has not done shit for him. I’m the one paying for his tuition. (to Philip) She is the one who disowned you remember?

Philip: (reluctantly) Yeah, I remember.

Carlos: (calmer) Look, do what you want, she is your mother. You know how I feel.

The phone rings.
Carlos gets up and answers it.

Carlos: Hello. (looks at Liz) It’s your son. (Liz gets up and he give her the phone)

Liz: I thought you were coming over?

Jason: We changed our minds.

Liz: Really? You changed your mind.

Jason: Yeah, we went out to eat.

Liz: (annoyed) Oh, and you are telling me now?

Jason: It was a last minute decision.

Liz: A decision on whose part? Yours? Or hers?

Jason: (shocked) I can’t believe you just asked me that.

Liz: And I can’t believe you went out without telling me!

Jason: Without telling you? I am 19 years old and I have to tell you where I am?

Liz: Yes. It is your first day back and I wanted to see you. But, instead, your spend time with a woman who had been with you since you were a freshman! You are very ungrateful and inconsiderate! (raising her voice) I am your mother and I come first! (Philip looks at Liz and begins to think)

Jason: (upset) Fine, she is leaving tomorrow anyway. I will be with you all summer.

Liz: Oh, is that right? Where is she now?

Jason: In the shower.

Liz: We will discuss this later. Goodbye.

Jason: Yeah, Goodbye. (she hangs up)

Carlos: What happened?

Liz: (upset) He went out to eat with Julie. Then he said that she is leaving tomorrow and that he has all summer to spend with me. (Philip gets up)
Carlos: Where you going?

Philip: (distraught) I need time to think.

Fade out.

Fade in. One Hour Later. Philip calls his mother from the phone in his room.

Philip: (Nervous) Hello.

Sonia: (Surprised) Well, Hello.

Philip: (After an uncomfortable silence) Look, I was wondering if you could give me abuelito’s nursing home address.

Sonia: (sounds as if she has been crying) I wish I could.

Philip: What do you mean? (after a pause) Oh no….!

Sonia: Yes, He passed away this morning.

Philip: (crying) N-no! That is not fair, I was going to see him tomorrow. Oh my god, nooo.

Sonia: It’s your fault he died.

Philip: (shocked) What???

Sonia: Yes…and you know it is. If you had just visited him once, he would not have felt neglected; maybe he would still be alive.

Philip: NOOO! How can you say that? (Carlos comes running into the room as Philip slams the phone down)

Carlos: Que paso? What happened?

Philip: My grandfather is dead and it is all my fault!

Fade out.

Dominican Republic, dreams, love, my life, roommates, the alchemist

Good Things Come…

Maybe it’s the books that I am reading or the music I have been listening to, but I am getting a definite feeling that good things are about to come.

Let’s start with the books. I am on my third book in a week and a half by the same author, Paulo Coelho. Clearly, I read The Alchemist and the other day I finished The Devil and Ms. Prym. Right now, I am reading Eleven Minutes and it seems to be another great read just like the other two novels. Reading these books make me realize so much about myself and the things around me. While The Alchemist made me realize to never stop dreaming, The Devil and Ms. Prym has made me understand the good people can be tempted to make bad choices, but that does not make them bad people.

Eleven Minutes is about love. One friend told me that this book made her believe in love again. I will say that I need to believe in that again. I know what I saw in the Dominican Republic and I am not entirely sure that is possible for someone like me, but it will be nice to have faith that it can.

There have been many omens that I have been following over the last week and because I have followed them, I am about a day or so away from finally having a roommate. I tossed around the idea of selling the house but in the end, my heart told me I need to really give this one more try. I put up one final ad and I got 2 decent people whom I met and it seems to this point that by July 1, I will have two people living with me.

The meeting with one of them went so well that he was wondering if I would be willing to rent out the 3rd room that I was just using for storage. This is something that I cannot ignore. I may have to take him up on that offer for a possible 3rd roommate by August.

Look, I am hustling. I am trying to get my work done at the job while maintaining a job search. Speaking of which I got what looks like a promising email so I will keep my fingers crossed on that. I made some minor changes to my resume that I feel quite good about. I will not lose my resolve and will continue doing what I must. This does not mean that I am not following through with Plan B of school full time. I have met with some people that have helped me in this process as well. Names were dropped and now I am on my networking flow.

Speaking of books. I started an outline for a book I would like to write in the future. It needs so much work but as I was doing it I began to realize that this is something that can actually be possible. I have a very good friend pushing to get this done and that is what I need. I have written so many blog posts to this point that I know that I can write a book. I just need to put my mind to it. This is a long term goal that I will see to the end.

I had a dream the other day about a hot steaming iron in my room. So like I normally do, I looked it up on dreammoods.com and came up with what might be the reason for this:

To see red, hot iron in your dream, represents action. Perhaps the dream is telling you to “strike while the iron is hot”. You need to take advantage of certain opportunities while it is still available.

I think this just says it all to me. I need to keep going. I need to not let anything stop me in my quest to better myself. I know for a fact that I am my worst own enemy. When I feel down or get emotional, I tend to stop and analyze everything around me. This is just a waste of time. I wont do it…not this time.

As far as music goes, I have picked several albums. Drake, Eminem, The Roots, and Marc Anthony. So far I am very much inspired by Eminem’s Recovery Album. He speaks about going to hell and coming back in just about every facet of his life. I feel like I have been on a similar journey.