I decided today that I need to do a workshop. This workshop will be about how young men talk to ladies. While this is not exclusively a problem with “boys” (because we all know that there are men of any age that feel they can say anything to a woman and think it is ok), I will limited this workshop to just young men preferably in college. Let’s face it, that is what I am used to dealing with.
I do not pull punches with the young men I deal with. I have called many out on their shit. I have called a few hoes, I have told some to straighten out and leave the girls alone. I have hurt feelings and was even accused of telling one student that he wouldn’t graduate (which is not what I said). The problem is that too many people coddle young men and assume because they are in college that they know what they are doing when they don’t.
Furthermore, I need to say that I am not a perfect man. I have made mistakes with women in the past and I will probably continue to do so in the future. So if you are the type to think that I am a hypocrite for giving advice on how to talk to or treat a woman even though I am divorced, can simply stop reading. Life is all based on trial and error and those with glass houses can just kiss my ass.
Now where was I? Yes…what I have noticed is that many young men I have run into feel that they are God’s gift. This is something that makes me laugh because at 18-21 you are barely mature enough to understand a woman of the same age. Not to mention that society has changed over the decades and we are generally dealing with kids from single parent homes, so the father figure is not always there to set boys straight. This is not to say that assholes are only bred from a lack of a father, but it does not help. Peer pressure and a group mentality doesn’t help either in the mind set of a young man.
There was a point in my life in which I did not know how to talk to girls and it bothered me. Sure, I looked like a nerd and was skinny with big ass glasses but, I always felt I had more to offer than the other idiots in High School. When I was living with my mother, I could never feel comfortable enough to ask how to a approach a woman, I was just never that close to my mom. However, when I chose to move in with my father it was because I wanted to know how to be a man. He was the one that told me everything I need to know…and he still puts me in my place when I do something dumb.
As I continue, I will generally use boys and young men in the same way. I call them boys because we are not living in my father’s generation where kids of their age had full time jobs or went into the service. I am also talking about young men of color. Latinos and African Americans can have similar ways of dealing and treating a woman. I guess listening to what is now being deemed as hip hop and watching reality television have given boys the impression that women are objects. This is not to say that hoodrats (hoes, for the ebonic impaired) do not exist but that does not give any boy a reason to treat a woman any less than what she is.
I will say that I cannot fit all this information in one blog entry but I can try to be as concise as possible. So there are a few things that boys should realize when dealing with women:
1. Listen to a woman. Listen to everything she says. Don’t sit there and pretend to be interested in what she has to say. If she is taking the time to talk to your silly ass then that is because she is generally interested in you. Make sure that you pay attention to her. It is better that you just shut up and not say anything dumb. Why? More men have lost the chance to have sex because they said something profoundly dumb. A woman knows whether she wants to have sex with you within the first two minutes of meeting you.
2. Never…and I mean NEVER compare her ass or any of her body parts to anything. It is not a plum or a prune. It is not a delicacy and you do not want to taste the sweet nectar of whatever because let’s face it, you are young and the only thing you really want to eat is a burger. Save the words for poets and if you are one then make better comparisions. Most guys who say shit like this only show their lack of intelligent ways of complimenting a woman and her attributes. If she is beautiful then say it.
3. She is not your possession. I love when guys believe that the goods really are his. A woman’s body is a temple. Her mind is her own and if she doesn’t not want you then why force her to tell you 3-4 times over text? If you fucked up and did something wrong, then you need to get over that.
4. Restraint. Restraint. Restraint! There is no reason to rush an interaction with any girl. If she is fast and you are into fast women then that is what you should stick to, but do not think all women are the same. For the most past, women at age of 18-23 are smarter then boys. They have already heard about you and what you have done and what you are capable of. The less restraint you have the more likely that you will be labeled as a man whore or perhaps some angry girl will just put you and your lack of manhood on blast all over Facebook.
5. Never tell a woman anything over text that you are not willing to say to her face. This is a general rule for anyone but since this “guide’ is meant for boys, this is a warning. Don’t try to be something you are not over a social medium because you will only be revealed as the idiot you probably are. Be nice, be sweet…yes, I have said in that past that women are crazy, but we actually love that crazy (you are just too young to handle it).
6. This is my final point. Trust is the only thing a woman has to measure you by. Violate that and your life will never be the same with her. Trust me on that. This is the golden rule.
I will maintain those six points for now. I am hard on young men of color because I believe they can be better than what they are. Of course, not all boys are idiots but, most are. I have to admit that women are complicated and just think differently. To boys, that is hard to deal with, which is why being the asshole is so much easier. But here is the thing…karma is a bitch.