women – Anthony Otero

African Americans, Black Superheroes, comic books, Michonne, The Walking Dead, women

Michonne: The Ultimate Black Heroine?

Let me tell you what I am grateful for. The woman called Michonne. Even if you do not watch The Walking Dead, you should recognize what is going on here. We are seeing the birth of the most unorthodox and most unlikely of heroines on Cable Television. A sword wielding Black Woman that kicks ass and takes names.

We live in a time where we see plenty of White women play a that hero role which breaks all kinds of barriers and gender roles. I can name countless movies like Aliens, Prometheus, The Hunger Games, and the Underworld movies just to name a few, yet can you name a real movie when that same person was a Black Woman? While my thoughts go to Pam Greer in Foxy Brown back in the seventies… most roles for African American women, in particular, are usually neatly carved out as maids, hoes, and single parent mothers trying to make it (and that is just in Tyler Perry films).

But, seemingly, out of now where comes this dark skinned woman in a world where you “fight the dead, and fear the living.” Most people seemed to taken by surprise how good this all looks. Can you imagine if a Black Woman was allowed to take out her “post racial” frustration on the living dead? What would that look like? I can tell you that reading the comic book, she is a survivor that takes no chances and trusts few people and that translation has worked well on screen down to her long dreads.

Which brings me to my next point. She is in a comic book! Can anyone tell me the last time a black woman was a major character in a comic book (that is not Storm from X-Men)? I immediately think about Captain Marvel from the Avengers books in the 1980s. But perhaps Milestone Comics had the most recent Black woman character with “Rocket” from the Icon series which came out in the nineties. I will just just answer my own question and just say that Amanda Waller in DC comics Suicide Squad is the only other MAJOR character in a comic book that I know of currently.

This raises a lot of questions for me. Is there some sort of thought that perhaps Black Woman are not seen as the hero types? I know plenty of strong Black Women that do not need a sword or the power of the Gods to fight crime. This is why seeing Michonne on The Walking Dead is refreshing. I knew about her for a long time by just reading the book (in which she is still alive). Her recent fame is only the tip of the ice berg when it come to her character and over all development in the psyche of the United States when it come to Black Women. She is a well developed character that is no laughing matter unlike Hally Berry’s Catwoman that might have set back African American woman back a few decades.

I challenge anyone who can find me an African American comic/movie/television hero that may have a stronger impact than Michonne. I think anyone will have trouble finding this fictitious person. Please do not include Storm in your searches because she is African. I wish you good luck and read The Walking Dead.

boundaries, my life, women

Boundaries

This is something I have been thinking about. As my love life seems to be solidifying, I have had to do be more careful with how I deal with women in my life. I have learned many lessons over the last 3-4 years about myself and how to deal with situations in which I am not used to. After tallying the numerous amounts of mistakes, I think I have learned how I got where I am and how to move forward. Not to mention that I am taking serious consideration on changing my blogger profile.

Am I really still on this road to self redemption? I am not sure so I am anymore. I think the focus of my life and of this blog have changed. I think that I am still on a journey, but it is definitely not the same thing. My path has shifted and I have come to see a brighter future and it because of this that have had to make a few changes in my personal life.

A few months ago I started setting boundaries with certain people in my life. What I have found out that some people do not know what boundaries are.This may sound weird coming from me because I was an habitual line stepper but, I understand that there are certain lines that one does not cross without understanding the consequences behind them. Let’s talk about what these boundaries may be. I know that flirting is something that people do and I have enjoyed doing that. I know what it and I can see it when it happens. I can tell when someone is flirting with me in person, over text, via email, on twitter, and on my Facebook wall. I can see when other people do and I can tell you that it is an art that very few people can master.

Flirting is either meant to be innocent to boost an ego or to prove you still got it or it can be a guilty pleasure that can get the juices flowing and thus getting yourself into all kinds of situations (not all of which are good). Since my situation has changed I have been very careful to not give off wrong impressions. The problem becomes that in dealing with some women that I have come to know, they may not understand how to read a stop sign from men.

Believe it or not, men do have stop signs. Some may not tell you this because they secretly hope that you ignore it. Others will straight out tell a woman that there is a line that should not be crossed from one reason or another. A real gentleman will tell a woman what the deal is and if he doesn’t he may not have simply had the chance to or figured she would get the hint through non verbals.

There is also the issue of clarity. We all know of people that we have issues being clear with even if you spell it out in bold letters on a dry erase board. Perhaps I have that issue. I know that I can write and draw attention to certain phrases if I need to. This becomes difficult for some people to understand in a conversation. I think we can ask people to be polite and not act a certain way but then something happens and they cannot help themselves. This could be a case in which some women do not think that any man could possibly say know “No” to them.

I have also come to find out that there a women that I can be friends with and some that I cannot be. I personally feel that I do not need to have sex with a woman to be their friend. I have many female friends in which that is not an issue. I chose to have more friends who are women because I can talk to them in ways that I cannot with dudes. Why in the world would I talk to a guy about females? I mean there are 3 men in my life I can talk to (My dad, my cousin, and my boy @panthbro). Only my dad has been 100% correct about women, but then again he has lived this life.

I am setting boundaries because I am taking my love life seriously. Any man who does this is someone who does not wish for those lines to be crossed or that boundary to be broken. If it is then the line between friends and defriend becomes very clearly on places like Facebook and Twitter. While, I do not define my love life in any social medium does not mean I cannot define a boundary. I think many people can learn from that lesson

love, men, women

Boys Need to Know How to Talk/Treat/Love… a Woman.

I decided today that I need to do a workshop. This workshop will be about how young men talk to ladies. While this is not exclusively a problem with “boys” (because we all know that there are men of any age that feel they can say anything to a woman and think it is ok), I will limited this workshop to just young men preferably in college. Let’s face it, that is what I am used to dealing with.

I do not pull punches with the young men I deal with. I have called many out on their shit. I have called a few hoes, I have told some to straighten out and leave the girls alone. I have hurt feelings and was even accused of telling one student that he wouldn’t graduate (which is not what I said). The problem is that too many people coddle young men and assume because they are in college that they know what they are doing when they don’t.

Furthermore, I need to say that I am not a perfect man. I have made mistakes with women in the past and I will probably continue to do so in the future. So if you are the type to think that I am a hypocrite for giving advice on how to talk to or treat a woman even though I am divorced, can simply stop reading. Life is all based on trial and error and those with glass houses can just kiss my ass.

Now where was I? Yes…what I have noticed is that many young men I have run into feel that they are God’s gift. This is something that makes me laugh because at 18-21 you are barely mature enough to understand a woman of the same age. Not to mention that society has changed over the decades and we are generally dealing with kids from single parent homes, so the father figure is not always there to set boys straight. This is not to say that assholes are only bred from a lack of a father, but it does not help. Peer pressure and a group mentality doesn’t help either in the mind set of a young man.

There was a point in my life in which I did not know how to talk to girls and it bothered me. Sure, I looked like a nerd and was skinny with big ass glasses but, I always felt I had more to offer than the other idiots in High School. When I was living with my mother, I could never feel comfortable enough to ask how to a approach a woman, I was just never that close to my mom. However, when I chose to move in with my father it was because I wanted to know how to be a man. He was the one that told me everything I need to know…and he still puts me in my place when I do something dumb.

As I continue, I will generally use boys and young men in the same way. I call them boys because we are not living in my father’s generation where kids of their age had full time jobs or went into the service. I am also talking about young men of color. Latinos and African Americans can have similar ways of dealing and treating a woman. I guess listening to what is now being deemed as hip hop and watching reality television have given boys the impression that women are objects. This is not to say that hoodrats (hoes, for the ebonic impaired) do not exist but that does not give any boy a reason to treat a woman any less than what she is.

I will say that I cannot fit all this information in one blog entry but I can try to be as concise as possible. So there are a few things that boys should realize when dealing with women:

1. Listen to a woman. Listen to everything she says. Don’t sit there and pretend to be interested in what she has to say. If she is taking the time to talk to your silly ass then that is because she is generally interested in you. Make sure that you pay attention to her. It is better that you just shut up and not say anything dumb. Why? More men have lost the chance to have sex because they said something profoundly dumb. A woman knows whether she wants to have sex with you within the first two minutes of meeting you.

2. Never…and I mean NEVER compare her ass or any of her body parts to anything. It is not a plum or a prune. It is not a delicacy and you do not want to taste the sweet nectar of whatever because let’s face it, you are young and the only thing you really want to eat is a burger. Save the words for poets and if you are one then make better comparisions. Most guys who say shit like this only show their lack of intelligent ways of complimenting a woman and her attributes. If she is beautiful then say it.

3. She is not your possession. I love when guys believe that the goods really are his. A woman’s body is a temple. Her mind is her own and if she doesn’t not want you then why force her to tell you 3-4 times over text? If you fucked up and did something wrong, then you need to get over that.

4. Restraint. Restraint. Restraint! There is no reason to rush an interaction with any girl. If she is fast and you are into fast women then that is what you should stick to, but do not think all women are the same. For the most past, women at age of 18-23 are smarter then boys. They have already heard about you and what you have done and what you are capable of. The less restraint you have the more likely that you will be labeled as a man whore or perhaps some angry girl will just put you and your lack of manhood on blast all over Facebook.

5. Never tell a woman anything over text that you are not willing to say to her face. This is a general rule for anyone but since this “guide’ is meant for boys, this is a warning. Don’t try to be something you are not over a social medium because you will only be revealed as the idiot you probably are. Be nice, be sweet…yes, I have said in that past that women are crazy, but we actually love that crazy (you are just too young to handle it).

6. This is my final point. Trust is the only thing a woman has to measure you by. Violate that and your life will never be the same with her. Trust me on that. This is the golden rule.

I will maintain those six points for now. I am hard on young men of color because I believe they can be better than what they are. Of course, not all boys are idiots but, most are. I have to admit that women are complicated and just think differently. To boys, that is hard to deal with, which is why being the asshole is so much easier. But here is the thing…karma is a bitch.

men, relationships, women

Simple Men

I feel like I have been doing research on this topic for about a month now. Much of it has been contemplation and another part has been observation. With the new year not too far away, I know I need to seriously look at myself and this brand new path that has been put in front of me. Being single is only a title; a social construct to state a purpose that I no longer have a wife. Truth be told, the day she left, I considered myself single. However, once it become official in the state of New York, I still felt different. I am just not sure how.

I do feel that I have been given the ability to understand 3 worlds all at once. The married life, the divorced life, and the single life. It is at this point that one can begin to see that when you know someone who lives solely in any of these 3 worlds, they have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to relationships. People will swear that they know how it is to be a certain situation but as never been through the fire of a bad break nor a divorce. However, I tend to be understanding to those people who have issues with their partner.

Let’s be real here. I do not have many male friends and out of the ones that I do have, none of them confide in me about their relationship issues. I have had very few male students come and talk to me about their girlfriends…yet they want to know who I am hooking up with. Most of my friends are women and they tell me their issues about men and in some cases, boys, all the time. This allows me to learn from the dumb shit that some of these guys do while giving out advice that is usually on point but hardly listened to.

I have touched upon this before. Men and women think differently. Women think too much and men do not think enough which leads into generalizations by all. I have no problem saying that men are dumb. We are because we don’t think the same way. We think in a straight line and will always be concerned with what is in front of us. What that means is that we let go of shit much quicker because women think more circularly. They consider everything and are often times 2-3 steps ahead of us.

Which brings me to my point. Men are simple. We love what we like and we hate what we don’t like. The only thing a woman needs to do is figure out the ego. If he is an asshole, do not expect change. If is an nice guy, do not expect change. The only thing that changes in this equation is the ego. A fragile ego is the worse thing that can happen to any man. He likes the ego stroked but not patronized. If at any point a woman has emasculated him, he might be a problem for a long time. Most men are every bit as insecure as women are. I consider men to be like a 2000 piece puzzle that can be solved bit by bit and as long as you find the end pieces first…you will solve the puzzle.

Women are complicated. We all know this and I love them for it. I consider women to be the 3D puzzles that takes forever to put together (and has like a 2-3 missing pieces). A brilliant woman is the only woman I can see myself with. I have come to the conclusion that I am done trying to figure them out. I will just take things as them come. However, I know that even I have had the comments that I am complicated and unpredictable. I really do not think I am. What I have noticed from the some of the women I have had the privilege to meet is that many women over think certain things.

I just think all of us need to be careful in not generalizing one gender or another. Often times I put up questions on the latinegro facebook page that has to do with men and women and I see that some people feel strongly about how complicated men are. Some feel that generalizing is the way to go. All I will say is that if you set the expectation that all men/women lie then this is what you get…liars. It is like a self fulfilling prophecy. No woman who believes all men are bad will be able to tell the good from the bad because the dial on the expectation meter is always set to fail.

Men are simple. The younger we are the dumber we are. The older we are the more mature we appear. But, if you are the type of woman who thinks that men are shit and women do no wrong…you will be in for a very lonely existence…

dating, girlfriend, my life, women

Why Don’t You Have a Girlfriend?

I wasnt sure that I wanted to write about this but it is something that has just been on my mind. The other day, a student asked me, “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I did laugh when I heard this question. I havent really thought about it all that much. I know that I am single, but I never thought about posing that question to myself.

The funny thing is that I never answered the question. She just looked at me as I was just laughing. I told her that I did not have an answer and she said…”because you think women are crazy.” More hilarity in my opinion because that is something that I had said before. In most cases, the women I tell this to, all agree with me. However, this question did make me think about my solidarity.

I do not toot my own horn because I have made it very clear on this blog that I am not perfect. I have made mistakes that I am still paying for (perhaps this plays into why I do not have a woman). It was pointed out to me that I am a funny guy who is caring and can be sweet, so I guess there is a lack of understanding as to how I remain single. Of course, I can be an asshole too, but so can any guy I suppose. I just know that I am sarcastic when I have to be and yet things I point out can make anyone laugh…plus, I am not bad looking either! 🙂

Again, thinking about how humorous this conversation was, not because of the question itself – which was a small snippet of a larger conversation, I decided just to tweet this question. Well, it turns out that there are other people wondering the same thing. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I can almost hear it coming out of a random person as if it was another way of saying, “What is wrong with you?” haha

Well, only a few people know me well enough to figure out the answer to this question. I can say that right now, I am not sure I am where I want to be in my life. I get some of the best advice in life from my father, who tells me to just sit and observe. So that is what I am doing, watching women and how they react to me and to certain situations. I should not have to feel that I am in a rush to find someone but, I will say that after the havoc I have caused in my own life, I do not need more drama in my existing life.

I love women and I respect them. But, if do go out there and start looking, it has to be on my own terms and I gotta tell you, I have plenty of terms. To be quite honest, I have to really know what I want. Do not get me wrong, I am not looking for wife number 2 either, but I am gun shy and very cautious about things. I wont say it is due to lack of trust, just that uneasiness of not knowing.

However, there are negative things that also pop into my mind when it come to my future. I find myself being very happy for those who find love, especially those who I hold in high regard. I think everyone needs a shot at it. I just cringe when I see those, all too happy, pictures on Facebook with all smiles because it makes me wonder if I will ever get there. Sometimes I am not so sure. Life has a way of throwing curve balls that look really good, but then just drop out of sight without warning.

I think I have also graduated from the point of getting a jumpoff or having a random fling. While I will admit that this has occurred in the past, it is not who I am. My father comments on the amazing amount of restrain and patience that I have, but I think much of it is that I know that meaningless flings are a way of covering up a fear that resides in all single men. The fear of being alone is something that is very real amongst men that only gets worse as we get older. Some of us have it worse than others. Some of us have it bad enough that it will force us to settle.

Bottom line is that I choose to not have a girlfriend. Quite honestly, getting one is not as easy as people make it seem anyway, but that choice is all mine. I wont say that I do not have people in my life that I am not willing to date because I do, but right now fate seems to be against me.

inception, love, my life, women

Projections (Inception)

“Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.”

One thing that I have always been fascinated with are dreams. I feel that this is the one thing that I have always had in my life. When I was a kid, most of my dreams were outlandish and vivid. I also feel that I have had more nightmares as a kid than normal dreams. In taking dream courses in college I have learned a few things about how the mind works when sleeping. I really believe that the answers to all of personal problems are locked away inside for us to figure out. Our subconscious feeds us these answers bit by bit until we can understand.

I have been a bit obsessed with the movie, Inception. I do not plan on shedding details for those who have not seen it, I will say this, to me, Inception is a must see movie. Sure, there is a lot of action and the special effects are off the chain, but the concept of the movie is what gets me. Essentially, we are talking about the birth of ideas and human thoughts. Do most of these things manifest themselves through dreams? I am not really sure but how many times has someone has said, “sleep on it” before you make a decision? Perhaps there was a time when a situation became clearer after a nap.

Dreams are just as important as sleep itself. We always dream. Many people will say they do not dream, but that is not true. We do dream but our minds do not always remember them. I know that I have come accustomed to interpreting my dreams and the dreams of others but, only we know the true meanings of our dreams if we break them down. The funny thing is that we may dream of specific people but dreams are rarely about specific people. Often times, the people we dream about are projections that represent something else, we just need to figure out what that is.

Projections and the acting of projecting are psychological in nature. In dreams, we project our own characteristics and natures onto other people. So we may see them for what they really are or what we may want them to be. Other times they are just a mirror looking back at us and portraying the things we least like about ourselves.

What makes projections unique is the fact that we can do this when awake. I have often talked about the ability that people have to lie to themselves. When people project their fears and undesirable qualities on to other people, this makes for this type of fuel. Many of us know people who think that nothing they do is their own fault and will blame others for their failures. Although many of us will say that they are completely honest with themselves (and indeed some of us are), keep in mind that we all project. A good example is telling a story in a certain way to make someone look good or bad. We are projecting whatever qualities to create a desired outcome.

We can project based on our own insecurities. Ever see a man who is known to cheat on his women be completely jealous of all the attention she may get from other guys? This person is the type to believe that because he cheats that everyone must do it. That all the things he has done is not his fault because that is the way life is so, no matter how honest the woman, she must have those same qualities and will thus do the same thing he did. Clearly he is living in pure denial that he is doing anything remotely wrong.

This is also very similar to the woman who thinks that certain men are a challenge. Because he is a bad guy, she can change him because she sees the good qualities in him. Not to say that a man like that does not have any good qualities, but often times she is projecting the qualities she wants him to have in order to justify her attraction to him. This may in fact play to her insecurities that she is simply not good enough or worth the affections of a good man.

How we view people in our dreams becomes very important. I know that when I was a little boy, I had dreams of meeting a woman that would complete me. She had a golden brown skin tone and the most beautiful hair that I could ever imagine. I think that I may have placed my projection of her in some of the women I have fell in love with thus placing some on a pedestal they may have never deserved. That is my issue and I own it. The problem with this is me not imagining the complexities and imperfections that make a woman so flawed and yet so very sexy.

We just need to manage our expectations of people and ourselves before we place the wrong projection on the wrong person. If you have not seen Inception, you need to and perhaps what I just said…will make more sense.

divorce, house, job search, my life, struggles, women

Struggles

It is June and I no idea what I am doing. I thought by now, I would have everything figured out. My goal is to be in NYC by the end of the year and I am no where near that goal. I have sitting here trying to figure out what I am doing wrong.

I have applied for a numerous amount of jobs at several schools. If I am lucky I will get a letter back, otherwise I will hear absolutely nothing. While I know the job market is bad, I figured I would be in the running for a lot more positions. Clearly, this is not happening. So, I need to go back to the drawing board here. Maybe, my resume does not stand out. Maybe I need to change the wording. I don’t want to apply for just anything because I can get bored easily if I am not challenged by the level of work.

There is also the fact that when looking for a job, it is not what you know but who you know. I will tell you that I am lacking in this department. I do not know many people in my field who reside in New York City. So that is a big problem because I will have to rely on other people’s contacts and knowledge and clearly that is not working either. I am really pimping myself out on Linkedin so who knows how far that will get me.

Which has led me to my ultimate decision which leads me to go back to school full time. I think the fact that I lack that Master Degree is what is hurting me. I can have a shit load of experience in my field, but clearly it means little with out this paper. So, I am making plans to shoot for January admissions in NYC. I am planning to meet with some people to get my shit together in order to do this. Of course, I could take classes up here, but I am really done with Syracuse and I need a scenery change.

Then there is this house. I was so very positive that I could keep this, but now that is not going to happen. Even now, I flip back and forth between selling and finding a roommate. Since, I need the money now, I tend to go with the roommate option but, I have no one. Why is that? Well my friend decided that he can now live with his wife again and now I am back being alone. So now I am stuck with this house alone.

So, I will put the house on the market. The problem is…I have no idea what I am doing. I do not want to use a Realtor because I do not have the money for that. However, I may not have a choice because it costs money to actually put it on the market from what I see. I realize that my life will be a whole lot better if I just got rid of it. There are tons of things that need to be fixed and things that have been fixed. This will be my struggle for the summer.

Then there is women. I say very little about this subject as it pertains to me because what is there to say? All I can say is that I observe. I watch what women do and I either smh (shake my head) or I just straight up laugh. I feel like everyday I refine my list of things that I want or expect in a woman. I know men are assholes and I will preach that all day but, most women make no sense to me. This does effect me because despite all the goodness around me, I am really starting to feel that I will be alone for very long time.

my dad, My Goal, my life, New York City, women

Updates and Such

I know that I have been slacking on this blog. I have been drawn to poetry and my goal to finish what I start. However, during this time, life has been happening. I have not been able to really focus on one subject or another to formulate a good blog. So I think it would be best to summarize the things that have been happening in my life.

April is always a tough month at work. I consider it to be culmination of all the efforts from the semester happening at once. My life outside of work has been ok. I am on survival mode right now. I have been searching for a roommate for sometime now and the search has been disappointing to say the least. I equate that search to my faith in people. I realized that over the years I have trusted people and allow them in my life so that I can have people to talk to. As I have slowly come to shed those people, I have to realize that I am closer to solitude. The good new is that it looks like I have one guy moving in this week. I am crossing my fingers because I have already had one person flake on me in the last day.

Which brings me to the job search. What do I say without saying too much? This one position that I really wanted never panned out. I felt I had done everything I could to put myself in a good position to get this job. In the end, it was not enough. I took it hard because I am a determined individual who is looking to complete my goals. Of course just when I thought all my options were spent. I found another potential opportunity. I will take the lessons from my first failure and apply it to this. I am one to believe that we have to fail first in order to succeed.

I also have to smile because when I talked about my opinion on women, I had some people talk to me about whether I was right or wrong about this subject. What really makes what I wrote hit home for me is seeing first hand how manipulative some women can be. Witnessing the pieces of a puzzle come together. I shake my head at her. This is the type of women my father has always warned me about. I can now consider her the benchmark of ulterior motives. I can thank her for trusting people that much less, but I want to thank her for providing me fuel for poetry. Poem 21 is dedicated to you.

Speaking of poetry, my dad told me that he read the poem I wrote to honor him. I have no idea why I am so caught off guard about this. I know he reads my blog as a matter of fact he has a correction that he demanded I make! One I figure out where those corrections are to be made I will write a retraction (You know how parents are). Which brings me to my question. Are my poems really that good? I only ask this of myself because there are poems that I don’t think that are that good. There are some I feel I could have done better. I work hard on all of them and they are always as long as they have to be. I do have my favorites. I never would have thought I would write a poem in Spanish.

I am about a month away from my trip to the Dominican Republic. This will be a much needed break for me. I have had a lot of ups and downs so far this year in every aspect of my life. I will give me a chance to look at this beautiful island while celebrating the start of my cousin’s marriage. This will be my time to reflect on what I need to do in the second half of this year to get back to NYC.

assholes, expectations, men, women

My Opinion on Women

Been struggling with blog topics lately. I think much of that has to do with the fact that I am just writing poetry all the time. Every so often I will get an idea based on a conversation that I will have with someone I know. Of course she knows I am a fellow blogger so I am thinking that at some point she knows I will blog about this. Her questions to be was very vague: What is your opinion on Women?

Not really sure how else I could have answered this. I like women. They are nice too look at. Some of my best friends are women. So I guess that means I have a pretty favorable opinion on them. However, I am not really sure that was the heart of her question. So I asked her to elaborate.

So then I get asked my feelings on women and relationships. Another broad and very vague topic. I can go in on this subject in numerous ways. However, I am not sure how to go about this. I want to say that women are essential to heterosexual relationships. I really didn’t want to get into the whole theory that women are ruthless and have ulterior motives because, again I am not sure this is what she is really asking.

Recognizing that my answers were very short and not really going anywhere, she asks her real question: Women and Relationships, What do you think our issues are? She goes on to explain that she had a discussion with her friends about men. One friend went on to say that men play too many games and the other said that a good man is hard to find because most of them are not worth shit. Before I could tell her that she needs better friends, she went on to say that she is just trying to get a male perspective. I did answer her, but I am not sure that I answered this in a way that I really wanted to.

I told her that different women look for different things. Some look for the perfect man while others looking to change the “bad boys”. I left my explanation just like that knowing that I did not go into a further explanation. Most likely because I know I was going to write a blog post about it.

So breaking it down further, I want to mention the perfect man scenario. I love TV and Movies, but I think we are in an age where we put people on a pedestal. Based on what I have seen, some women will idolize male characters on in films or tv shows as the type of man they want to find. This is utterly unrealistic. I am not saying that there is no good man out there, but many times what television and film does not portray are the mistakes these “perfect men” make. This makes it hard for any many to live up to such expectations.

Then there are the women that love the bad boys! I do realize that for someone women, good guys are boring and want some excitement in men that are assholes. It is has been my experience that these types of women are look to change men like this. That perhaps if they love him the right way or teach him how to love it will be a match made in heaven. Unfortunately things don’t work out as well as planned.

Before any of you think that I am blaming just women, just remember that I have said many times that most men are assholes. We make many many mistakes. But it really depends on the women to see us for what we are. All men want the same thing but not all men are willing to work for it. I resent the idea that all men are shit, because that is simply not true. I think it is more likely that certain women are attracted to certain type of man and that becomes a cycle of destruction. However, there are women who do find that right man and it is everything it can be.

Maybe the issues is expectations. Are they too high? I am not sure. Are they unrealistic? I think that is a better possibility.

dating, Friendship, my life, trust, women

Ulterior Motives

Last night I was watching Carlos Mencia, as evidence by the clip above. Every so often I wonder what is going on with the women in my life. Nothing ever seems like what it is. There always something extra that I cannot figure out. Or better yet, maybe there isn’t anything extra but I am being lead to believe something else. Whatever the case is, none of this is new. This has always been the way of the world. As a man, I have never understood women and I am not sure that I ever will.

I will be the first person to admit that men are assholes. I will say that men think differently than women. We think linearly and never really think about what we do and how it effects people around us. Women think circularly, which means they think in all different types of ways that men just never can.

Despite how funny this skit above is, the message is true. Women have ulterior motives when it comes to men. This is something that I have to remind myself constantly and as I write this it makes me angry because it means that my trust in women has to be evaluated. Now, before things get out of hand, I have to say most women and not all women in my life have to be looked at by me.

I do not have many male friends. I have a few because quite honestly because most guys I know are not on the same emotional level as I am. Do not get me wrong, I have very good friends who I can hang out with and talk lot of shit with. However, I cannot be real with them as I can with the women I know. But then I get into trouble because my perceived lack of character judgment. So if that is the case, then I have to look at everyone.

But my real question is, why is it that most women cannot be real? What is with the ulterior motives? Are you truly afraid of the judgment of men? Or are you looking for that one perfect human that may enter your life. I understand that women will ask a question wanting to get an answer they want to hear. I understand that if they do not get this answer that this must mean something. I also understand that this is crazy. When are we going to stop believing that everything that happens in movies are real?

I believe in the human spirit but I am not so sure I should anymore. I am still thinking that if I become the untrusting asshole that I know I can become that this will make my life easier to deal with. Not just deal with but lets think about it. How many assholes do you know that are chilling with all the things they want in life? It is that unrelenting lack of caring that makes them dominate their environment. That is why people who truly care about the welfare of other people do not make that much money.

Bottom line as I have been told by many women I know that women are ruthless. Right now the only thing I can control is myself and the situations I choose to be in. Honestly, men are dumb because we cannot see some of things that women want us to do. We cannot see the writings on the wall when they want us to. I can admit that much, however, some times it is just better for women to say what they want rather then have us figure out the mystery.