latinegro

No Ideas What to Write…So I Ramble…

I have been thinking all day about what it is that I want to write about. I haven’t really been able to identify one particular subject that I have wanted to spend time to think and write about. Most of the posts on this blog have been so much about emotion and what burning issue is in my head. I will say after that poem I wrote 2 days ago, I have had writers block.

So, in what I consider to be in true fashion of a writer, I am going to write anyway. I think part of the block that I have has to do with the better mood I have been feeling over the last week or so. I have always prided myself in really being able to put my thoughts on “paper” when my emotions are either high or low. The problem is that the poem that wrote actually hurt me to write. I have never been hurt by something I wrote. It tookme a few hours to really put myself back together after that. I consider that to be good writing.

It also does not help when I get interrupted when I am writing. I am all about flow. I can flow pretty well when I start writing. However, if I get interrupted (like I did when writing this) then I lose my place. It also does not help that I am watching the George Lopez on Nick at Night. So I am laughing in between sentences.

One thing that I have realized is that everyone seems to be going through something personal. I feel that while I am going through my personal issues that it is very easy to forget that someone just may have it worse than me. I can that people front as if they are happy when they really aren’t.

So at this point, I am taking things day by day. I am looking forward to the students coming back. Work is pretty dead in the summer without them. Once I was done with my trip to Florida, I was ready for the school year.

I am really starting to like the some of the Twitter feeds and topics I am starting to see also. There are some real positive Latinos that I am following. I am constantly being reminded of why I started this blog in the first place. When I started this in January, I want to talk about the lack of Afro-Latinos in media and while I have done that, my personal like has gotten in the way.

Not to fear however, as we get closer to Latino Heritage Month, I am going to make sure I get back on track, so you may all be seeing my emotional side mixed in with my passion to educate my people about the invisible Latinos among us: Afro Latinos.

I will continue to update the links to show more me. I wont add photos because that is what Facebook is for. I want to mainly concentrate what I can pull from my head when it come to this blog. Below are sites you can find me at:

http://www.facebook.com/latinegro

http://twitter.com/Latinegro

dog, love, poetry

Me & My Dog

I am foregoing “Tid Bit Tuesday” this week because I woke up with a poem in my head that I needed to write. I do not just come up with poetry everyday so the times I feel inspired I just need to write it down. So this is what I got:

Me & My Dog

My Dog would never…
Say “I don’t want you”
or tell me we can never be together

My Dog would never…
would never nag me or
complain that I work too much

My Dog would never…
ignore me and pretend I do not exist
nor would I have to question if I am being missed

My Dog is sad when I leave and happy when I return
I never have to wonder where I stand in the heart
of an animal that just knows what love is

My Dog would never…
be confused or require space
or be hung up on mistakes

My Dog has a very short memory and will not linger in the past
instead will live for the moment, for as long as it can last

My Dog’s love is unconditional and I would never have to worry
about maintaining a friendship
or proving my love

I don’t have to fight for My Dog’s heart, I already have it
when I am lonely I can look over and see
that all My Dog really wants is just me

My Dog appreciates…
my touch, my voice, my playfulness, and my humor
as well as my desire to be needed

I would never have to get defensive because
My Dog would not point out things that I constantly do wrong

My Dog understands…
that I am a man that is not perfect
that my indecisiveness is based on need to make a better choice

My Dog understands…
that at the end of the day all I want is hug
and to feel that I am important

Right now, the only thing
I need is the only thing
that loves me

So for now…it is just Me and My Dog

divorce, Facebook, family, love, my wife

Feeling Good

Last week and this past weekend has been very interesting for so many reasons. The fact that I have been feeling really good has proven to make my life so much easier. I will admit that I am not entirely sure why I am feeling so good. I am thinking that perhaps it is a delayed reaction to my trip from Florida. All the the sun must have done me good. Perhaps it is the running that I continue to do. From what I am hearing the endorphins from exercising is what makes us feel better.

Regardless, I feel that I am returning to my cheerful ways. I feel that I have always had somewhat of a positive outlook on life. However over the last several months I think my view on love and life have been darker. I have become this person that can give great advice but has difficulty following my own. I am not sure why that is, but in any case, I need to have a positive look on life.

I am very amused by the people around me. I am not saying I take my impending divorce lightly, but seeing people react or at least not trying to react makes me laugh. It seems that my situation has sparked conversation at my work place when I was on vacation and I am ok with this. This essentially means I don’t have to talk about it to people I rather not talk about it with. So if they want to me shocked by the news while I am not around then I am good with that. However, there have been a few people who have been very supportive and that goes a long way with me.

It all pretty much started when I put “single” on my Facebook. Before I went to Florida my father calls me and was very concerned that I may not be moving on since my wife has put single her status. I was more shocked about him calling me about this (I mean really? is it that deep?). I didn’t update my status because I just wasn’t paying that much attention to it, but to appease my father so he does not worry about me, I change it.

You would have the thought the “Bat” signal went up. I am getting texts and emails asking why am I single on Facebook. Some have not been so discreet by asking me on my page why am I single (but we wont go there). Most people thought it was a mistake! That perhaps Facebook in the many version it keeps updating to, changed my status. I just smile and tell them that it is no mistake. Once they pick up there jaws, I inform them that we are ok. Sometimes it is better to be friends then to be married. Of course I am amazed how Facebook has played a role in my social life. I even gave my parents a tutorial when I was down there.

I was asked to take down my picture from Facebook by my mother in law because I looked sad. This was a difficult conversation with her. She is very much a mother to me and she is having a hard time dealing with our break up. This did upset me but I told her that once again, we will be ok. Speaking of family, I was talking to my niece from my wife’s side of the family. She too noticed the news on Facebook and asked me if I am still her tio. This broke my heart. I love that little girl and she is the closest thing to a daughter that I can get. I told her I would always be her tio.

I am feeling good because there are so many possibilities in my life right now that it is hard to decide what to do. Couple that with the fact that I have been able to accept our decision to move forward.

forgiveness, Friendship, love, summer

Summer of Pain?

Maybe it is in the water or maybe it is all the rain we seem to be getting in the North East. I just seems that everyone is going through something. Of course, I don’t really mean everyone. But, most of the people I know are dealing with pain in someway. Particularly this summer. Most of which has to do with a break up or friendship, marriage, or any relationship in general. My question is, What is going on? Where is the summer love?

If no else has noticed it, then that is ok. It doesn’t mean that these things are still not happening. I have come to realize that people front all the time. They put up this barrier that is pretty convincing. So, the happy co-worker that you have come to know, may not be very happy at all. What sucks is that most people feel they need to put up a false image of what their life is. I should know because I was one of them. Personally, I put up that good front because I just didn’t want people in my business. I hate having to explain why I look a certain way. But, generally there are people who front because they care too much about what people think.

Regardless of all that, there seems to be many people in my life that are hurting for one reason or another and that is sad. I get the same responses all the time. “Men are dumb” or “Women are stupid”. I think it is time to face the facts people: We are all pretty much stupid. We all go through periods in our lives in which we make dumb ass choices.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is, why is all this happening in the summer? I thought summer time was a time to have fun and enjoy our lives? Just like that, as I am typing this, it hits me: Summer is the time of new beginnings. For some people, it the ending of school and the bargaining of a new job (if they are lucky). For others, it is just time to shake off the baggage and burdens that other people have. It sucks really, but in general…people suck.

To those people who are hurting: Just take things day by day. The pain will subside. Do not act like the pain is not there, it will only make it worse. Look for the little things in life that may make you smile. Connect with family (unless they are the ones pissing you off), usually family is the one thing that may ease the pain. The more importantly, forgive yourself for whatever part you feel you played in this. Once you can do that…then you can forgive the person who hurt you…and that might be the greatest release of it all.

Summer is not over yet. There is still enough time to enjoy life before winter gets here…

Afro Latino, Blogging, Latinos in America, love

Tid Bit Tuesday (Late Edition)

Thank You

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has supported this blog by reading and commenting, weather on this site or to me personally. Thank you for voting for this blog when you had the chance. I feel that I really have something here. My voice is being heard and my audience continues to rise. I am really enjoying writing as much as I do.

I wanted to point out the Blog Roll on your right. Every time I see an interesting blog I will add it there. I have quite a few and encourage all of you to read some of these blogs. There are truly amazing writers out there. I am also looking for guest bloggers…

Love Again???

It seems that I am always writing about this subject. I think that I have been able to show the many sides of love. I will continue to do so. Yesterday’s post was powerful, but what really made it interesting is that the friend I dedicated that blog to replied today. I am sure she will be ok. More importantly, I seem to run into people that have told me that my writing has helped them in some way. I really do hope so.

I am actually in the process of coming up with a list of movies that have no love in it! This should help some of my friends who are also getting a divorce. Hey we need entertainment too!

Latinos in America

CNN is going to air this documentary in October about my people. While I am excited that this will show Latinos for more than what the stereotypes make us seem to be, I am willing to bet a small fortune that there will be no Afro-Latinos anywhere in that documentary. It has been awhile since I have talked about this subject but I already know how this story goes.

Afro Latinos are very underrepresented in all forms of media across the world, with the exception of athletes. I am so hoping that CNN will do something to represent them. However, I know better. As a matter of fact, many of us no better. When I talk to Latinos about this special they tell me that Afro-Latinos will probably be in Latinos in America 2. How funny is that?

love

Unrequited Love

I am dedicating this blog to a friend, who last night, had her heart broken by a man that she loves. Her grief and anger are so very apparent and I feel bad because the words I have for her are not close to enough to soothe her. The fact that I understand provides very little comfort. The problem is that she loved a man that claims to not love her back. How does one recover from that? How do you tell someone to just move on when they are so very attached to the person they love.

Unrequited love is the worst kind of love. When you love someone and they do not return that love the feeling is often close to deep pains in the chest. Reactions to this situation can result in anger, depression, rage, and violence. But often times Unrequited love just results in deep sadness because no matter what, you will always love this person. The hardest part is that she may never know what his true feelings are. I cannot say what they are because I do not know. I can speculate, but what good will that do?

I want her to move on the best way she can. It is not good to hold on to anger. Sure, she is going to be sad, but that will pass in time. I believe she needs to accept that it is not meant to be with this dude. I find it hard to tell her this because she is angry! Sure, I can try to give her a glimmer of hope, but I am not sure that is the right thing to do.

What I want her to understand as well as myself is that life is full of opportunities. Each one of us is unique and special. We all have the potential to fall in love and have someone fall in love with us. The problem is that not everyone is ready to do so. We need to have faith that it will happen for us somewhere down the line. Some people are lucky to find their loves early in life. Others find it late in life. We all make mistakes and lose love…but that does not mean we should give up.

At one point she said that she would have rather never fall in love then ever feel this pain. I think that is a mistake. We all need to feel the good and bad sides of love to fully understand what it is we want. Once we know what it is to lose something then we will try no to lose it again if we are fortunate enough to get love again.

The best advice I have for her is that it is his loss. If he is willing to push aside someone who was willing to give him all the love in the world, then it is his loss.

blackest night, Green Lantern, indifference, love, Pride

The Opposite of Love

For awhile now, I have been thinking about a blog that I read months ago. It was a very interesting post about the opposite of love (still waiting for GP to write more). This is something that I have been thinking about. In that post, there is the thought that selfishness is the opposite of love. Then there is the thought that hate would be the opposite. Finally there is the suggestion that indifference might be the opposite side of love. I think I have explored this and have come up with a answer.

Let me go into my exploration. Love is the perfect emotion. I think that many of us can achieve it, but many of us tend to lose it. I have often thought that hate is the opposite of love. With hate comes negative feelings and emotions like rage that leads to violence. Whereas Love is more peaceful and calm. So it just makes sense that love and hate are on different sides of the same coin.

It was suggested that indifference is the opposite of love. Well, indifference is the lack of emotion. I think many people can pretend to be indifferent toward other people but that is just difficult to do. You can expend much energy to pretend not to care. However, true indifference is just a lack of enthusiasm and not caring. I am not sure this is the opposite of love. It is like saying that having no emotion at all is on the other side of the coin of love. I don’t know about that.

Selfishness is actually pretty close. The idea that you can do things that only benefit yourself is a very far cry from love. However, we can all be selfish and I think that in some cases it is a requirement. We can love so much and lose ourselves that being selfish at times is what keeps us grounded. Besides there is something else that is much worse than selfishness.

Let me digress here for a moment and have my geek side take over. There is a reason why I have been thinking about this (besides my current issues). As you all know, I collect comic books. One of them is Green Lantern. This is a book about a man who is a part of a intergalactic police force. More importantly, his green ring represents a color in the emotional color spectrum. There is a series called Blackest Night which is a war that is taking place within the books that has to do with the various colors of the color spectrum.

Bare with me here. Green represents Willpower and that means that you need to have a certain amount of willpower to use the ring. So lets see the colors: Yellow is Fear, Orange is Avarice (greed), Blue is Hope, Red is Rage, Violet is Love, Indigo is Compassion, and Black is Death. So what I find interesting is the different dynamics of all this. Each color has a ring and each ring has a symbol. What struck me the most about these symbols was love and compassion, which are close in colors. Violet, which is love, is a star with a circle in the middle, which represents the outward feeling of love. Compassion is similar, the indigo symbol is a circle in the middle with two triangles pointing outwardly (both up and down) which represents charity and concern for other people.

From what I can tell, Rage (red) is the opposite of compassion. However, the opposite of Love is Avarice. The symbol for Avarice is this orange circle with points and lines pointing inward, representing the power of greed. That made me think. I consider compassion and love, in the real world, to be the same thing. You cannot have one without the other. However, avarice is not the right fit for the opposite of love. Avaraice is more about greed and wanting material things. Which makes me think about selfishness but more directly made me think of pride.

Love is such a powerful emotion that make us think outwardly. If we have that feeling of love we would be willing to do anything for people we are close to. Once we are in love, then we think more about that other person than we would ourselves. We would put our own safety aside for loved ones. We would die for our children, parents, and spouses. That is because we feel that love and it is strong.

Pride is also powerful, but it will make us think inwardly. Sure, we would have the ability to love, but it would be mostly for ourselves. We would never admit we are wrong and would refuse the advice or help of others. Sure, we would help people, if it benefited us. Our arrogance would be very apparent. We would think our own worth is greater than others. Basically, we would think we are all that and we are above any subjection. Which is why pride is sin in just about every major religion: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Taoism. Clearly my examples of having pride is extreme but I think I made my point.

The quote that I have always heard was “Pride goes before a fall” which is a paraphrase of a passage from the book of Proverbs, in the Old Testament. I have dealt with prideful people in my lifetime and it is not something that I would not wish on anyone. Family members tend to be the worst at this. I am not sure what color of the emotional spectrum Pride would be, but I would guess it would be somewhere between Avarice (orange) and Fear (yellow).

destiny, fate, free will

Everything Happens For a Reason

As I prepare to run 4 miles today, something I haven’t done in more than a week, I wanted to get this entry out so that I can clear my head. One of the things that I have come to believe in, is the notion that everything happens for a reason. Everyone has their own theories on life, but this one seems to be the one that works for me.

I want to preface everything I say here by stating that as awesome as all this may sound, I have serious trouble following my own advice. Part of having a positive attitude about things requires a sense that you or I believe that down the road, everything will be ok. I do remember having this feeling earlier in my life that no matter what, things will just work out in the end because they just always did. It was this type of thought process that leads many people to think that I was carefree.

The problem becomes dealing with unforeseen issues in our lives. I know for me, the last 3-4 years of my life was just a roller coaster of things that I was just not prepared for. Yet for some reason I always felt that things will work themselves out. All this changed over the last several months. The life that I once knew has been slowly fading away and I am forced to create a new one. I am not so sure that things will always work out.

What I am sure of is that everyone in my life at this moment, serves a purpose. I am able to get motivation from people that I have either met on twitter or people that have been in my life for years. We all have a role to play. I am not talking destiny by any means. Destiny is just another form of thought that some people have on weather we are destined to do or become something. I wont say that I believe that, but I will say that there are things that happen in our lives that lead us in certain directions.

I also want to be clear in saying that I do not believe in Fate either. I think we lead our own lives and we end up where we end up based on the choices we make in life. I do not believe that you cannot just sit around shit will just happen for you. We are granted Free Will so that we can choose what happens to us. I just think that our choices are part of the fabric of life that interconnect with everything else.

I am not sure I would be where I am right now had my parents stayed together. I am not sure where I would be had I not been married. I am not sure where I would be if I didn’t have the friends I have to talk to me about my problems. What I do know is that everything happens for a reason. I may never know those reasons right now but they might be revealed in the future.

ceviche, disney, Facebook, Florida, my dad, vacation

Tid Bit Tuesday

Finally Home!

After a 20+ hour drive, I am back from Florida. I had a great time. I didn’t do much, but that is the point right? I was able to chill out with the folks and talk. I feel bad because the stash of Bud Light Lime is gone. I am not sure how many of those I had. Overall, I had plenty of time to myself, which is what I wanted.

The ride back was better then the ride going. We completely bypassed New York and New Jersey. Of course, I am home now and I am pretty bored…already.

10 Things I Learned on My Trip..

It rains EVERYDAY in Central Florida! Sure the Sun comes out, but you better head inside by 3pm.
We, as in New Yorkers, cannot complain about rain. The size of these drops will keep you wet for hours. Trust me my sandals are not the same (squish)
Running 4 miles is not happening after 9am. It is way too hot. Wasn’t trying to die.
People from Virgina cannot drive…if you don’t believe me drive that portion of I95
Pennsylvania has construction for no reason. They tare up the roads just to piss people off. The same project from last year…is still being worked on.
North Carolina is a HUGE state…I am still dreaming about driving through it.
Disney World has the best customer service period…hands down.
You cannot drive that far without a GPS system. That thing (a Tom Tom) was great!
I could live on Ceviche…I may have to blog about that.
I discovered that I am down a pants size…(all that running)

I Got Darker

One thing I wanted to make sure was that there was some visible proof that I went to Florida. Sure, I can take pictures and show them around, but nothing says vacation like black skin! There was a point last week when I told myself I need to just sit outside and just cook. My dad has a nice pool behind the house that is screen in (damn those insects). I sat out there when it wasn’t raining and read my book.

Now, there maybe…some pictures that might get out, that perhaps my father in his infinate wisdom, will post on his Facebook. Yes, the man has Facebook. So does my step mother. I gave a Facebook 101 class the first night I was there. In either case, I will let you know.

I think there is video too…

forgiveness, love, my dad, my life

Forgive Yourself First

I am currently on the road back to Syracuse and I know that it has been a few days since my last post. I wanted to write something. I originally was going to write about Disney but I will save that for later in the week. As usual, the urge to write something else has hit me. Let me start by asking you to forgive any typos since I am writing this entry from my phone.

Funny that I am asking forgiveness when this the subject on my mind. One thing I have noticed over my trip when talking to family is that someone is always upset or mad at someone else within the family for a whatever reason. Not matter how stupid or serious the reason it always seems to be a reason that causes angst. Of course if you love someone and they do something that hurts you it will always be difficult to deal with. Family will always be the first to hurt us.

Looking at it from a view of a friendship or relationship, depending how deep it is, the pain of someone hurting us can be just as great or even greater especially if love is involved. Most of the time the reaction to being hurt is the same. We deal with it and move on. However there are those times when we cannot deal and a relationship needs to end because of it. We find it hard to forgive another person.

Forgiveness is the hardest part of love. It is hard to let go of someones wrong doing. More importantly, it is hard to forgive ourselves for putting ourselves in the situation in the first place. Let’s not forget that we can also be the ones that hurt other people. So in either case, forgiveness is hard to come by because we tend to be hard on ourselves. I cannot begin to say how much I blame myself for the things that have gone wrong in my life. But eventually, I need to move on and forgive myself because on the end I have to look in the mirror.

More importantly, by forgiving myself, I can forgive others. I can let go of all the negatives and mistakes of the past. This is the best way to love. We all know people make mistakes and we all know that there are some evil people as well. None of that matters. It takes too much energy to hate someone. The stress and angst of being angry is not good for us. It is all part of letting go.

I worry about several people in my life. They lack the ability to let go. My father is one of these people. For as much good as he has done for me, he has so much pent up anger for relatives and people in general who have done him wrong. Nice people tend to get taken advantage of and it is a sad part of life, but we can turn that around by forgiving the fools who hurt us.