my life – Page 27 – Anthony Otero

More on Self Worth…

Sometimes our lives can change by a simple thought. I have been really thinking intensely on the idea of self value in my life. This is like a new concept to me. I have never really thought about how much my time or life is worth. When you place a value on something, it begins to become precious.

I think that I do a great job on placing value on other people and objects. I know how much my dog means to me. I know how much my family means. There is the value I place on my comics and various other things that I have. Then there is the value I place on my friends and loved ones. I know what is is to be in situations in which death is a serious possibility, so the idea of losing people can bother me. 9/11 had that effect on me in which I did not know if there were certain people I would never see again, not to mention that my own life could have been in jeopardy if any more planes came crashing down. Then there is instance of my car wreck where the police told me that had I not worn my seat belt, I would be dead. It is because of those 2 instances that I can tell people that I love them and not have a second thought about that. Why? Because I place a high value on those I care for and I am not sure what tomorrow will bring.

My personal value is something I never thought about. Perhaps because I have been selfless too many times in my life. But, there are the times that I have been selfish and that has cost me dearly. I think in both those cases it can be determined that my self value was never properly assessed. So there are people in my life who have and still do take me for granted because I have allowed them to do so. I have neglected in taking the time to show them how I want to be treated and respected because I never placed a value to that.

However, there are people that I have told. There was a few instances in which I have flat out told some people that I feel disrespected by the way I am treated and that I am so not appreciated. Some times people will acknowledge and change that and other’s wont. For those who haven’t have found that I have few words left for them. The problem is I do not do this enough. I am not saying that I expect to be appreciated because I do not but, I should expect to be treated the way I treat people. I am worth that much because I love myself.

I have thought about how I could have possibly gotten to point that I do not have a high self worth. It is sad to say but I am beginning to think about my childhood. I think about all the bullshit I went through in grammar school and how ugly I thought I was. The divorce of my parents and how I felt like an object they competed over. I know that some family members will ultimately say that I had a great childhood and I was spoiled because I got everything I wanted. Well, I do not think I was spoiled and even if I was, toys do not equal happiness. Sometimes, as children we look at adults to give us the definition of value outside of the number of toys/video games given in order shut us up.

Anyway, all that is simply water under the bridge now. Self value is now the only thing I want to focus on in my life. My time is precious and those who I choose to fill that with are also valuable. But more that who I choose to keep my time with, it is also important on what I do with my time. Self love means that I also need to maintain my health and mental well being. I will continue to read and write as well as looking for that illusive job that will get me where I need to be.

dating, my dad, my life

Dating Game

The words the I remember the most from this weekend is “I don’t want you to get hurt”. These are words uttered to me by my father who called me this weekend because he wanted me to know that he was thinking about me and my upcoming free agency. It would make sense if you think about it. He was there to pick me up during my very first heart break.

I am very interested in seeing what the fuss is about. I want to sit here and say that I have not dated since the 90’s, but the real deal is that I have never been good at dating and I pretty much winged it. I met my ex wife through Yahoo personals because I was tired of going to bars and meeting superficial women who would not give me a second glance because I wasn’t a thug or rich looking. Granted, I was probably going to the wrong places and I get that, but in when you are single and in the 20’s where else do you really go?

Time is on my side and I am wiser. I am more confident in myself and quite frankly anyone woman would have a great time with me on a date. While I do not have much money because it seems that all I do is pay bills, I know how to have fun. I love to drive so the chances of me getting drunk are low.

What I have figured about myself is that I am a very patient person. I have seen loads of bullshit over the course of my life from women I know and have witnessed bullshit that other guys have gone through as well. So, I know there are pitfalls. I love women. I have grown up my entire life with them and I have come to realize that women lie better then men. They remember their lies and keep them together and quite frankly they tell better lies then men do.

I will continue to say that men are dumb. We do the dumbest things and tell the dumbest lies. Women are more sophisticated and will tell lies so that they do not lose ground, such as hiding the fact they care or flat out pretending that they do not care when in reality they do. However, women will also lie to make a man feel better like faking an orgasm. Either way, these are things that I have kept in mind.

My father has been such a great source in this process. I am not trying to figure out women all that much because that task is simply impossible. His simple advice is just to observe and listen. Listen to what a woman says because chances are whatever she is saying is not only important to her but could be important to me as well. Women love it when men listen to them because it shows they are not a sexual object. Observe what a woman does because body language is important. A woman’s actions speak louder than her words. She may lie but her body does not.

I have made up tons of excuses of why I have not gone out there and I know the time is coming for me to really start thinking about myself. I used the Hitch reference above because I saw this movie about 2 weeks ago after not seeing it for along time and I realized that anything is possible in the dating game if I simply remain who I am.

dating, divorce, my life

My Free Agency

NBA Free Agency is upon us and everything named Lebron seems to be dominated all kinds of news. But, there is one free agent in waiting that I am concerned with and that is me. Sure I am not in the NBA and I will not be signed to a million dollar contract but hey…This is me we are talking about.

I have been very leery of women because, let’s be honest, most of the one’s I have encountered are either crazy or close to it. I use the word crazy is the best possible way. It seems that I have an affinity toward them. Whatever the case, I think that I have not taken anything seriously because of my current status and I do not expect to be taken seriously either.

I fully anticipate my single status to be official by summer’s end. I joked to some people that I will be taking resumes with pictures when that comes. But in reality, I think I am going to tread lightly in the dating game. I am not even sure how much I really want to date right now based on the fact that I simply do not have my stuff together. I guess I could date with no strings just for the idea of having fun, but one thing I am not doing is dating in Syracuse.

It is all about perspective and mind set. Just how I started packing up some of my stuff this weekend because I need to get into that state of mind that my stay in Syracuse is now temporary. I need to let the fates know that I am pretty serious about getting up out of here. While the job market is not the greatest, I still need to make those moves. I just thank God that I found at least one roommate that will move in next month.

I am really not sure what is supposed to happen once all the paperwork is done. I would only assume that life will be just as normal as it ever was except that I will no longer have that excuse of not doing anything because I am still married. A friend pointed out to me that I will be able to do anything I want and not have to worry about anyone else. That might be the scary part. For such a long time I have thought about other people and not myself.

I truly believe that loneliness is related to freedom. They are not the same thing of course but I think there is a delicate balance. The fact that I am free to do what I want without having to consult anyone does bring me back to my college days but that freedom has a price. However, being that I am determined to get what I want out of life, being alone is not all that bad.

So being a free agent is exactly that…free. Marriage is not a institution of captivity, but if people make the wrong choices then it can be. I am just glad to be able to put things behind me so I can be better in the present and future.

Dominican Republic, dreams, love, my life, roommates, the alchemist

Good Things Come…

Maybe it’s the books that I am reading or the music I have been listening to, but I am getting a definite feeling that good things are about to come.

Let’s start with the books. I am on my third book in a week and a half by the same author, Paulo Coelho. Clearly, I read The Alchemist and the other day I finished The Devil and Ms. Prym. Right now, I am reading Eleven Minutes and it seems to be another great read just like the other two novels. Reading these books make me realize so much about myself and the things around me. While The Alchemist made me realize to never stop dreaming, The Devil and Ms. Prym has made me understand the good people can be tempted to make bad choices, but that does not make them bad people.

Eleven Minutes is about love. One friend told me that this book made her believe in love again. I will say that I need to believe in that again. I know what I saw in the Dominican Republic and I am not entirely sure that is possible for someone like me, but it will be nice to have faith that it can.

There have been many omens that I have been following over the last week and because I have followed them, I am about a day or so away from finally having a roommate. I tossed around the idea of selling the house but in the end, my heart told me I need to really give this one more try. I put up one final ad and I got 2 decent people whom I met and it seems to this point that by July 1, I will have two people living with me.

The meeting with one of them went so well that he was wondering if I would be willing to rent out the 3rd room that I was just using for storage. This is something that I cannot ignore. I may have to take him up on that offer for a possible 3rd roommate by August.

Look, I am hustling. I am trying to get my work done at the job while maintaining a job search. Speaking of which I got what looks like a promising email so I will keep my fingers crossed on that. I made some minor changes to my resume that I feel quite good about. I will not lose my resolve and will continue doing what I must. This does not mean that I am not following through with Plan B of school full time. I have met with some people that have helped me in this process as well. Names were dropped and now I am on my networking flow.

Speaking of books. I started an outline for a book I would like to write in the future. It needs so much work but as I was doing it I began to realize that this is something that can actually be possible. I have a very good friend pushing to get this done and that is what I need. I have written so many blog posts to this point that I know that I can write a book. I just need to put my mind to it. This is a long term goal that I will see to the end.

I had a dream the other day about a hot steaming iron in my room. So like I normally do, I looked it up on dreammoods.com and came up with what might be the reason for this:

To see red, hot iron in your dream, represents action. Perhaps the dream is telling you to “strike while the iron is hot”. You need to take advantage of certain opportunities while it is still available.

I think this just says it all to me. I need to keep going. I need to not let anything stop me in my quest to better myself. I know for a fact that I am my worst own enemy. When I feel down or get emotional, I tend to stop and analyze everything around me. This is just a waste of time. I wont do it…not this time.

As far as music goes, I have picked several albums. Drake, Eminem, The Roots, and Marc Anthony. So far I am very much inspired by Eminem’s Recovery Album. He speaks about going to hell and coming back in just about every facet of his life. I feel like I have been on a similar journey.

Blogging, dreams, fate, my life, omens, the alchemist, writing

The Pursuit of My Dream

So the real question for me is…What is my dream? What is it that I wanted to do when I was a child? The only thing that I really wanted to do was write. As a kid, I used to create characters and superheros with elaborate histories and complex stories. This used to be my fantasy. I am not sure where it stopped. But, I was under the impression that comic book writers did not get paid much, so before college, that faded.

Let me mention again that when I was a child that I used write horror stories that involved my classmates. I would let them read it and listen to how amazed they were about how I used my imagination to scare everyone. Of course, as much as I tried to impress the girls that I liked, the guys I perceived to be better looking and less intellectual seemed to get all the attention in the end. So I stopped doing that.

In high school, I used to write sexually charged stories about women I met on the street. Many of them included teachers that have taught me.This is one tidbit of info I have never shared with anyone. I got to the point where I had a note book filled with chapters of, what I would consider now to be, smut. In the end, I felt ashamed that I was 15 and writing thinks about sex that I had no knowledge of. I ended up throwing out the book because I did not need my mother finding any of this.

Once I got to college and realized that I really should not be a History Major, I was looking to do something that I really wanted to do. So one of things I also thought about doing is being a screenplay writer or a play-write. So, in order to transfer to schools within Syracuse University I need to have a certain GPA and I needed to write a 5 minute script. My attempt was to join the school of Visual & Performing Arts because there was no way I was getting into the Newhouse School of Public Communications. So I wrote this script called “Call Your Mother” which was very emotional for me to write. It is about a son and his conflict between his divorced parents. Consequently, I didn’t get in due to my GPA and not the work.

I have actually kept that script. It is just sitting on my hard drive. I have tweaked it from time to time. I was thinking about adding to it, but I wrote it in such a way that is perfect the way it is…to me anyway. Poetry was never really on my mind. I didn’t care for it and I avoided classes about it. However, and again few people knew this, I loved hip hop in the 90’s so much that I used to write rhymes because I was so inspired (talk about lying to yourself)!

Finally, I became an English Major because it only made sense. I loved to write so much that I would correct other people’s papers. Even in high school I made some money doing this. Writing was the only thing that came naturally to me. I would often joke in my 20’s that I would write a book about my life because of some of the things that I have encountered. But, of course, when I graduated in 1996, all I hear is that English Majors do not make much money. So once again…I scraped this idea of being a writer of any kind.

In 1999, I found myself working in Corporate America and feeling very underutilized. The pay was great but I was bored. So I tinkered with the web and created a website. I posted pictures and just did dumb things, but it wasn’t until I read a blog from a woman, that ended up being a good friend of mine, that I began to understand what I blogging was. Her writing was such an inspiration that I had to get to know her. At that point, I create a blog and even had my own domain. (Currently she is re-branding her blog and if I am really lucky…she will guest blog *waving at Nakia*)

However, my writing was amateurish at best. I knew it then. I had nothing worth saying and it showed in the way I wrote. I would talk about my daily life in NYC and Subway stories and while they were funny, that wasn’t the person I was trying to present to the world. I would keep another version of the blog after I moved back to Syracuse on a site called Xanga, but I just wasn’t happy with it. I didn’t know how to find my voice and I didn’t know how to deal with writers block. However, every now and then I would write a blog entry on Myspace..so clearly, I could not let it die.

It wasn’t until January of 2009 that I started this blog and found my voice. Once again it was because I was inspired by a blog that a woman wrote (a different woman, *waving at Brooke* and I am friends with her too!). I had not written anything in 2008 and it showed. I wrote every day until May. Once I really stopped lying about my life and confronted my fears, is when this blog had really taken shape. Now, I manage 2 blogs, the other one being on tumblr for more creative work.

My dreams have shifted over the years and I still very much want to be an author. I also want to be a public speaker as well. There are obstacles in my way and they do slow me down. But after reading The Alchemist, I now know that those obstacles are objects that are placed in my way to make me appreciate my life and all the efforts it is currently taking for me to get where I need to be.

I still have that screenplay and I still have some short stories that I have written. There is also the poetry that seems to pour out of me. My dreams are very much to make an impact on this world. I love working with students and who knows where my Higher Education background will take me…but I do know that this profession pays the bills. Perhaps when I reach my dream…I will pay back all the karma I have spent just to get there.

fate, my life, omens, the alchemist

Omens (The Alchemist)

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.”

The funny thing about life is that sometimes things happen right when they need to. I think about the numerous amount of times that something happened to me at the right moment. I never really had a phrase for them until now, Omen. Under the recommendation of a few friends, I bought the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I read this book in 2 days.

I am not shocked with how good this book is but how much I needed to read this book at this moment of my life. I have always believed that things happen for a reason. I was even told to read this book last year, but I wasn’t ready. But due to a series of good omens, I was able to read this book and soak up everything that was written inside of it.

Simply put, the book is about a boy and his quest to follow his dreams. He is taught to understand the language of the world and how to listen to his heart. In so many ways I feel that this is me. I have spent 36 years of my life searching for something that I am not sure how to find. At times, I am not even sure what it is I am searching for. When someone asked me what I want, I would say I want to be happy. I know that I am was put here on the planet to do something. I can really feel it.

I just never really thought about looking at the world around me and seeking out the omens in my life. However, I am all about listening and following my heart. Many times I heard people talk about how illogical it is to follow your heart because what it wants sometimes is impossible or doesn’t make sense. The problem is that the heart is where all are dreams are housed. We do not follow what we really want because of that fear of failure or rejection. But like the quote said above is so very true…the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself. THIS is why people fail!

But, it is ok to fail because we can all get back up and continue to search for our happiness. This book puts so much of what I have been feeling about my personal journey into words. We have our paths laid for us and we just need find it and if not then we will always wonder “what if”.

The thing about omens is that they may appear to us everyday and we are either too blind to see them or simple do not know how to read them. Very my much like “coincidences” we may encounter. Everything we do influences the outcome of our fate in our daily lives. Think about what I wrote in the previous post. Had my dad not called me when he did…I would have made the 6:30 movie showing and never met up with friends thus having dinner alone. At the same token…my friends bought tickets to the 6:30 movie but it was too packed to find seats for them so they exchanged their tickets for the 7pm showing…where I was.

Life is interesting and God works in mysterious ways. I do not believe that our future is written, although I think there is a measure of fate in terms of being on earth to do a specific thing. However, it is us alone that determines whether we find out personal treasure and fulfill whatever our destiny is. It is those tiny omens that we see along the say that renews our faith that things will be ok.

fate, happy birthday, my life

A Twist of Fate

Chinese Symbol for Fate

In my last post I wrote about what my plan would look like for my birthday on Saturday. I had a feeling that not would go according to plan but I was ok with that. My main focus was just to go with the flow and see where the day takes me while using my plan as a guideline.

Once the clock struck midnight I a got a few texts and some phone calls. I always enjoys these. Most of them were to wish me well and tell me that I should not be alone on my birthday. My response back is, like it always is, “it is just another day”. Most understand this. However, I did have one friend blow my mind. She not only told me that I am never truly alone on this day (because too many people think about me) but that reason why this is not just another day is because 36 years ago I survived…and I have been surviving ever since. That is something to celebrate. I had no defense for this. So it ended up being something I thought about all weekend.

I went to bed late as I knew I would. I wanted to take Rocky out for walk so I set my alarm. This did not end up working because at 7am there was a thunderstorm closing in. This drives my dog nuts. He cannot stand the sounds and he gets frightened. So I have to get up and calm him down. Eventually I have to put him in the basement where he cannot hear the storm. I go back to bed and pass out until about 11am.

By this time I am starving. I clean up and take care of Rocky. I am by no means rushing. The World Cup match that I wanted to see is listed to start at 1:30pm. So I figured I have time. I leave the house at about 12:15 to get to I-Hop. I am blasting “Billionaire” by Travis McCoy and Bruno Mars in my car. I get to this place and it is packed! This seems to be typical for I-Hop considering how good their food can be. I end up waiting for awhile patiently and I am finally seated close to 1pm. I am still not in a rush. I figured it would be ok to miss a few minutes of the match. The food comes and things are great. Those crack cakes are the bomb!

So I get home at about 1:40 only find out that the match really doesn’t start until 2:15. So I relax and chill with my dog. The World Cup match between USA and England was a good one indeed. Highs and lows that end up in a 1-1 draw. For those who may not know much about fútbol (soccer), this was a good result because so many people think that the team from England will go far in the tournament.

After the match I realized that I had to get going because I wanted to make the 6:30 showing of The Karate Kid. My dad calls me at 5pm. I always enjoy talking to him and before I know it…it is almost 5:30. Now I had to decision to make. I will most likely have to go to the 7:00 showing because once I get to the mall I want to go shop with some of my birthday money.

My first stop is that Comic-book Store. I haven’t been there since right before my trip to DR. I had received in email when I was in New York City from them saying that I need to pick up the books in my reservation box before a certain date or my comics will be put back on the shelf. I figured things were good because I had already been there and I emailed them that will pick up my comics soon since the message clearly stated that any response would delay my reservation from being cleared.

So when I get there the guy tells me that my reservation box had been canceled for failure to pick up. I am like..wtf. I spend a lot of money on this store and I sent you an email. I will give it to the guy, he had great customer service. I didn’t press him all that much at all because in reality I was not all that upset. He was very apologetic and offered to restart my reservation and personally search for every lost item. Then suggested mail service. In the end, I told him I will think about it and I walked out. As I left, I kinda grinned. This may have been a blessing in disguise. Do not get me wrong, as much as I love comic books I should be sad but, I also know that once you become a collector…your collection owns you.

I head to the Apple Store and get a gift card and then I head to Express Men to cash in a a birthday coupon. I put my stuff in the car and I head to the theater. I had already bought my 7pm ticket when I got to the mall to avoid the possibility of the show being sold out. I grab a seat and wait for the previews. As fate would have it, I notice that two of my good friends walk in with their 2 children right before the previews begin. I grew up with these 2 in the Bronx. It just so happens they are SU alums and live in the area. Clearly, I get up and join them! They were happy to see me and we watched the movie.

The Karate Kid was worth every penny I paid. I could not help but to smile and think about how I ended up not going to the movies alone and to make it even better, they refuse to let me eat dinner alone. So after the movie, we go to Pizzeria Uno and have dinner. It was great to catch up with old friends and their children who are still very much used to me despite my absence. By the time I get home it is 11pm. I still had an hour to get my personal cake ready. I crack open the Shiraz and Brugal (I promise that I did NOT drink them together) as well as light my candle on my cake.

Happy Birthday to Me!

By 11:30pm, I have blown out my candle and I drink the rest of the night away. I consider this to be a very successful birthday…not also to mention the amount of messages left on my Facebook wall. I feel very fortunate and will try to make this year special.

birthday, my life

The Plan

Well…I don’t normally talk about it, so I will just get it over with. Tomorrow is just another day. Even though I turning 36, I am used to it not being a very big deal. I do have a plan on how I will spend the day. I am documenting this mainly so I can keep it all together.

I am thinking of getting up somewhat early. Depending on that, I was going to walk Rocky around the neighborhood. This is all based on weather because I think it may rain so it is possible this may not happen. I was thinking about going to I-Hop for some pancakes because they are made from crack.

The World Cup continues tomorrow. The United States takes on England at about 1pm. I am all over that. I am not into fútbol as much as the rest of the world, but I think this should be entertaining. After that, I am going to the mall. I received a gift card from Express and the means I get to buy a shirt. While I am there I will swing by the comic book store and do what I need to do…lol

I will stop by the Apple store and buy a iTunes gift card using the birthday money that my father gave me. I can buy some music and movies and be set. While I am there I am going to the movies. I want to see The Karate Kid and the A-Team. Depending on my time I may see the first and wait later for the latter.

After all that, I will make myself a nice dinner. Arroz con Maiz with Steak and maduros. I have taken the liberty of buying some wine, one cup cake, and some candles (they don’t just sell one…lol). I will light it up and drink the night away as I watch Nip/Tuck on DVD (of course I will fit the Mets game somewhere in there).

This is the plan for tomorrow. Happy Birthday to me.

P.S. I totally forgot I came back with a small bottle of Brugal from DR…oh this gets better…lol

divorce, job search, my life, roommates

An Issue of Contentment.

As I go through this process of sorting out the messes in my life, I want people to understand a few things about me. I think that in someway I may come across as depressed or saddened or that I feel helpless. That is not the case. I am just frustrated with obstacles in front of me. I consider my life to be this complex puzzle in which I cannot find the boarders to put the pieces all together.

I know I do not have a bad life. I have a job and a roof over my head. That is more than a lot of people can say these days. So my issues pale in comparison to someone else who may be dealing with a disease or have child that is suffering in any kind of way. I get that I have many things to be thankful for.

On that same token, I know that my actions have gotten me where I am. For better or worse, I am right where I am because of decisions that I have made. Everything happens for a reason and when I am meant to leave, then I will leave. I cannot force it as much as I want to. However, I can do everything in my power to give me a chance to do better things.

The issue for me is contentment. I was speaking to a friend and she made a remark about how her goal in life at this moment is to be content with herself and then suggested that it should be that way with me. This is an amazing point. I need to get to the point where I can be at the very least…content with my life and where it is. This is easier said that done when you set goals for yourself and those goals are not being met. However, I do know that many successful people have failed an enormous amount of times before they achieved greatness.

Failure is a part of life and I am not afraid of it…I am just frustrated about it because in the end, I hate to lose. I have decided that I am going to save every rejection letter I get from employers as fodder for my motivation. I am better than what I put on paper and I am certainly as good as anyone out in the field and I intent on proving that. It will be my journey to simply get better.

I am leaning toward finding roommates again. The simple truth is the the fiscal year for the schools up here starts in July. So do most of the leases. I can catch the rush of people looking for a room to live in between July and August. I realize that I cannot give up. My problems are something I can deal with I just need to not take them on all at once.

I am very fortunate that I am where I am. I just need to prove to myself that I can get where I need to go.

Dominican Republic, family, my life

Prodigal Son

Sometimes we all have to take a leap of faith. I have noticed that family has been on my mind for quite sometime now because of my trip to the Dominican Republic. Clearly, I have done a lot of introspection before and after this trip.

I am emotional. I know that. This has been my issue for awhile now, that I cannot control them. Granted, most people do not see it as much and that is the way I prefer it. I rather hide behind my humor and sarcasm. In fact, I rather people think I am distant. When I was in the Dominican Republic I saw something else besides true love, I saw family. Yes, mi familia was there and so was the bride’s and what I saw was how a family should be. So I caught myself being pensive at times.

I recognize that I strive to be things that my parents are not. My dad is impatient and my mother is irrational. These are two things that I work on the most when deal with people in general. However, both of my parents are emotional, which is why I believe their divorce took so long because neither wanted to give in a inch to the other all based on emotion.

As I have gotten older I have lost more control over my feelings in general. I try not to take many things personally and I do believe in forgiveness and the ability to let go. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have had some issues with my mother. We have had trouble seeing eye to eye since I was 16. Compound that with a messy divorce and my need to rebel and we both have years of just not speaking to each other. I can sit here and tell you that this is all her fault but I am not doing to do that. I know that I have my faults to.

Over that last few month and leading into this month I have slowly been letting my mother back in. The reason being that she is not getting any younger. I feel that I have enough mother figures in my life that I may not really need to have her in my life, but I may need to be in hers. In many ways I feel that I am the prodigal son returning…again.

I often say that there is no manual for being married, well it is the same thing for being in a family. While I sat at the wedding reception in DR, I noticed all 96 of the brides family members (exaggerating) party and act like a family. Maybe that is their public face but they put on awesome show of unity. My family does not do that unless someone dies.

Having a discussion with one of my cousins, we feel that it is younger generation of our family that may be the ones to teach the older folks what family means. I see where my family is heading on both parents side. I am not saying that things are disastrous but, what I am saying is that we are blood. We are bound by the fact that we are indeed related. While, we cannot save everyone, we can preserve what family is. I think that is what is lost these days when we talk about people losing their sense of history. It all starts with family passing down stories, traditions, and language. If you do not have that then what do you have?

If I am truly going to have kids, as many of you seem to believe, then what foundation can they root themselves in if they do not have family behind them? Forgiveness does not mean forgetness (I made that up) but it does mean letting go in order to move on.