my life – Page 31 – Anthony Otero

Music Monday

Clearly I am taking this title from a trending topic on Twitter, but I wanted to expand a bit on some of the music I have been listening to. My musical tastes have been all over the place lately. I have found that in my 30’s, I have not been pinned down to a particular genre of music. Just like in my real life, I tend to be all over the place when it comes to my musical tastes. So my heavy rotation consists of music from different types of artists.

First, let me just talk about Alicia Keys and how I cannot wait for her new album “The Element of Freedom”. Something tells me I will be rocking this album for quite a while. The songs that I have heard from her seem to be right on point. Everything that I have been going through or feel seem to be coming out in her words. Thank goodness that her music came out when they did. If they came out earlier, I think this blog would be even more emotional unstable! Her album drops next week I will definitely be on that.

Let’s talk about Lady Gaga. People have been giving me the side eye when I mention I like her music. They think that because she is so awkward with her shows and performances that she has not talent. That is far from the truth. Her voice is amazing and she plays the piano with a grace that you do not see much these days. Let’s not forget the artists in the past who have looked socially awkward at one time or another but are legends now (i.e Prince and Madonna, too name a few). So, for those who think she is a freak, just know she is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Drake is growing on me. I know that may sound weird, but I feel a certain way about hip hop. I grew up with this music and I have a certain affinity to it. I do not like every artist. I am not a huge fan of Jay Z but I recognize that his album is crazy. I cannot get into 50cent although her is a great business man. What has impressed me about Drake is his flow on the mic. True hip hop people recognize flow when they hear it. It does not bother me he can sing. It actually relieve me because no one wants another Biz Markie singing “You got what I need”.

In terms of my other genres, I think that Muse and Switchfoot are 2 amazing bands that have meanings in their songs that I really enjoy. To me that is what matters, meaning to each song. I want to also say the Frankie Negron is an amazing talent that seems to redefine Salsa music with every song he comes out it. I have seen his stage performance and he has that thing that makes people want to dance.

So with that said here is my heavy rotation list. Enjoy:

Uprising – Muse
Throw It In the Bag – Fabolous Feat. Drake
Whatya Want From Me – Adam Lambert
Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart – Alicia Keys
Aditco A Tu Piel – Frankie Negron
Hasta Bajo – Don Omar
Mess of Me – Switchfoot
Sexy Bitch – David Guetta Feat. Akon
Bad Habits – Maxwell
Empire State of Mind – Jay Z Feat. Alicia Keys
I’m Going In – Drake Feat. Lil Wayne & Yong Jeezy
Que Tengo Que Hacer – Omega

I have also started listening to Holiday Music…

destiny, fate, job search, my life

The Final Word on Fate?

I have a friend that will always say to me “Jesus take the wheel”. This is a general expression that she says to express that we are no longer in the driver seat in certain situations. Control becomes absolutely pointless in the face of adversity and stress (i.e. drama). We are not in control of many of things that happen in our lives. We are not in control of our future. We are not in control of thoughts of other people and (I will just throw this in for good measure) we are not in control of the system of oppression that society has on us.

This where fate comes in. I will easily preach that everything happens for a reason and everyone has a role to play in our lives. The issue becomes we do not know the grand scheme of things. So for what we do not know is left up to chance or in better terms, it is left to fate.

How did I come with this? Yes, I know that several times this year, I have stated that I do not believe in fate. That everything is about choice and our choices lead to the doors of opportunity to be open so that we can make decisions on our lives. But, more and more, in the back of my head i was hearing this question of, “what about the things we cannot control”.

Let me be honest here. I was a big believer in fate a long time ago. But due to how messed up things have become over the past several years, I began to think differently. To be even more honest, the idea of fate scares me. I feel that I have lost control of my life a long time ago and not being the one in the driver’s seat is not a comfortable feeling.

It wasn’t until I really started doing my job search that I realized that I need “Jesus to take the wheel”. While I control the things I do and where I apply, I am not in control of the outcome. I thought about this fact last night and I realized that I am going to end up exactly where I need to be in time. It hit me like a brick wall…fate. I am certainly not saying that I will land the perfect job because it was “demanded by the gods” but I will say that perhaps I have to realize I have a destiny.

The problem I truly I have with fate is when it comes to love. Relationships are hard enough as it is. I believe that while we really do not choose who we fall in love with, we do choose what to do with our feelings and that is when things get messy. What I constantly have to remind myself is that anything is possible in life. Perhaps I have to view love and relationships like a job application process. I will put in my resume in for various opportunities and wait for a reply. If I get no response then I need to move on, all in hopes that the right opportunity comes my way.

I think the above metaphor works to an extent because with jobs there is no emotion spent on one application and this because job searching is all based on chance. Sure, you can have a good resume and say all the right things in a cover letter, but one has to stand out. Much of this is not in our control thus the say, if it was meant to be…it will be.

So, is this my final word on fate? I am not sure. I would like to think it is. I may still talk about in general terms. However, I am a Gemini and I fluctuate my thoughts and opinions based on my experiences. Right now, I am just letting go of the wheel and letting fate take control.

awakening, choices, drama, my life

A Dramaless life?

I feel like my life is getting interesting again. Before I get all “happy” about it, I was just pointing this out to a friend. Some opportunities have presented themselves which are not all good and not all bad,but nevertheless they are there. Her response to me was something that I just didn’t expect. “An interesting life means you will have drama.” I just rolled my eyes.

See, one of my goals is to live life with as little drama as possible. I am one to believe that drama can follow people only if they let it. I do know that I do have some stresses in my life that I need to rectify at some point if I truly want to live such a life. Of course, I am not even sure if there is such a thing as a “drama less life”. Think about it for a second, even Jesus had drama in his life.

When I am talking about drama I am speaking in general terms, so yes I am being vague. The question is, do I invite it? Well, duh, I think I can answer that honestly and say yes I do. Not all drama is invited, things just happen that is beyond our control. However, I think it can be minimized (although, I am shaking my head right now because I have no idea how to do that).

I am forced to think about an argument I had the other day about how people do not change. I find that hard to believe. I think that, as humans, we have the ability to adapt. We have the will power to withstand things. However some of us, myself included, do not know how to change. Which is why people do soul searching. As I get older, I think about all the life decisions I had to make at an early age. I had to make a choice between who to be with: Mother or Father, at the age of 16. While this is a choice I do not regret, think about how hard that is. Yet, in certain circles of my family I am still regarded as the same person I was when I was 16.

We expect 18-19 year olds in college to make a choice in what they want to do for the rest of their lives, yet most of them wont really decide until they are about 25-35. Trust me, I know this. People decide to recreate themselves all the time.

My point is that a lot of drama is a result of the unwillingness to change. Now the trick is understanding that many of us just have a fear of change and do not even realize it. We can fight change so much that we create issues with just about everyone we know. We ignore our current issues because we refuse to see the real answer, which is that we have the power to make the right decision. I know I often think about the possibility of making the wrong move. The question of “what if?” come up all the time. It is fear that stops us from changing anything thus allowing us to continue down the same path of bad decisions and bad behaviors.

I am not sure a drama less life is even possible. If you read about the great people in history, you will undoubtedly realize that they had drama too. However, they found the strength to move above all that. What I need to do is be able to roll with the changes happening in my life right now and pray that I make the right choices. This may mean a complete reboot of my life and in the way I do me.

This is a part of my awakening. The fact is that anything is possible but, I cannot effectively deal with the future if I remain the same person I was…

awakening, Friends, my life, the moment

Awakening

I think I had an Awakening last week. Something like an epiphany. I suddenly realized that anything in life is possible. I know this may sound like a surprise coming from me because at times I can be negative, but when it comes down to it, anything can happen.

I have been trying to do something I talked about last week, which is living in the moment. While that is hard to do during the bad moments it is great during the good ones. I had something happen to me that was pretty extraordinary. I was writing my blog when an old friend hit me up. At first I was not sure who she was but when we spoke and I finally recognized her. I was in shock. Here is a person I have not spoken to in over 20 years, basically since my early years in grammar school, and we at talking about old times.

What amazed me was that I never thought I would hear from her again. She was the only girl in school who treated me like the nice kid I was. Then she had to leave do to an accident. Never saw her again. Sounds like one of those stories you here from the movies. But in this case it was true, until last week. Come to find out that she is the same good person I remember.

Why am I making a big deal of this? Well, because at that moment I realized that anything can happen. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. People come and go in our lives and they all serve a purpose. Of course, we need to figure out the purpose. I was validated in speaking to her. See, I always thought I was like this annoying little kid that no one cared for. She proved that was not the case. I am grateful for that.

Apply this lesson for the rest of my life and I may have something to look forward to. Look, I have made plenty of mistakes in the 35 years on this planet, but aren’t we all allowed to fail? Despite all this, I am still a good person. I do not have evil thoughts and I do think that one day good karma may swing my way.

This is the point of living in the moment because anything is possible. Maybe one day I will be so successful that I wont know what to do. Perhaps I will find someone that can make me happy. The point is that we just don’t know. I know that I use to have a fear of the unknown and that is because of the pessimist in me. Not so much now because I have been able to let go of many things. But now, I just feel something has awakened in me.

Is it confidence? I am not sure. Maybe it something that makes me realize that I am not fuck up that I once thought I was. One thing is for certain, once I move out of Syracuse, my life will change. I have no doubt that my angst to start over will pay off and all those who thought they knew me will be very surprised for what I have in store for them…

letting go, my life, the moment

Living in the Moment

“The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

One of the things that I have learned, is how hard life can be. It is so very easy for anyone of us to live in the past or dream too much of the future. But, it is very difficult to just live in the moment. I think that this is something that I am slowly learning to do.

When people say to me that I have to take things day by day, I am not really sure how to take that. I understand that we all have to live life one day at a time, but I have been the type to consider my past as a part of the plan that I once had for the future. The problem is that I never really stopped to smell the roses. In fact, the only thing I really stop for is the smell of bullshit, but I am sure that is just the way life is.

I have come to learn that life is a series of little moments that I just need to enjoy. These are things that I cannot feel too deeply about. There are also bad moments that I cannot feel too deeply about as well. So no matter good or bad I just have to take everything as it comes. So the goal is to enjoy the good ones and dismiss the bad ones, while not taking either too deeply. Wow, that is really hard to do. However, these little moments that I have define my day.

I know that I can work so much that I may never go outside on a particular day to see the sky (even though it is cloudy most of the time). Many days can go by and I may not stop what I am doing to just go somewhere. I also know with all things that I think about when it comes my impending divorce, I seldom take the time for myself to do what I would like to do. Again, this is hard to do. Not only I am going through a life altering event, I am also altering my life in various ways.

There was a thought that perhaps I may be living in the past or just caught up by it. That may have been true some months ago, but I do not think that is the case anymore. I have painstakingly taken my time to go through every last issue that I think I have and analyzed them backwards and forwards. It would be foolish to say that I have addressed every issue I do have. So, I have learned to let many of them go.

Living in the moment for me requires a great deal of patience. It is a balancing act that I have to do so that I do not get too stressed or too excited about the possibility of things. I just need to take things for what they are. Through this, I see that anything is truly possible in my life. Some people has mistaken my willingness to live in the moment as me waiting for something to happen and that makes me smile. Right now, the only thing I wait for the right job to come along so that I can move on with my life. While that might be waiting in a certain sense…it is only because I put the effort into sending out my resume.

With all this being said, I really do plan out my future in terms of goals for myself. I have goals that I set a few months ago, but that does not stop me from living in the moment. I want to also point out that I am not running away from the past either, it is what it is. Thus, the balancing act that I speak about. Almost like a tightrope walk to whatever my destiny is.

Afro Latino, culture, Latinos, my life

Afro is Latino

I can remember the first time I felt I was different. I was a small kid in catholic school and I questioned my appearance. I perceived myself to not be as cute as the other boys my age; the lighter skinned boys. Granted, I was a very skinny kid. Being called “flaco” was not something that was foreign to me. But, what really made me think that I was ugly had to do with how little girls responded to me versus some of the other boys I had seen.

I wont even go into the fact that some of my lighter skinned cousins thought it was quite amusing to call me “tar baby”. While that seemed funny at the time to them, I can remember asking God (in the numerous times I was at church because, again I went to catholic school)why was I born with bad hair? Why was I born not looking more like my dad since he can have flowing hair that women seem to be attracted to? I recall thinking why did I have to have darker skin?

I have the complexion of my mother. While I hung out with mostly African Americans, I was always told that I am not black. This lead to confusion because the mirror told me something different. So this made going to High School and College very difficult for me. It can be hard to try to fit in when you are not sure of your own place in world. Now that I think about it, this is probably the reason why I did not get along with many people in High School. I chose my friends sparingly and I think even to this day, I am not sure I can call many of them friends at all.

I always assumed that the college experience would be different for me and it certainly was. But the dynamic of not fitting in with African American or Latinos was unsettling. The funny thing is not many people really believe there is a difference in the social order, as if it were my paranoia. However, when you are a dark Latino you know that it is far more that just paranoia. I learned very quickly that people can be very color struck when it come to the appearance of others.

Just to break it down. White people have always thought I was African American. Which is why that I feel the need to represent my culture while I am in Syracuse. I use my Afro-Latino persona as a way to teach people that we all do not look the same. I bring this up because my parents cannot believe I am like this “Super Latino” when I am at work, but you know what? Someone has got to wear the cape. Most African Americans just think I am black as well, but they are not too surprised about my origin. Latinos…well they just know.

The funny (well maybe not so funny) thing is that during my college years it was just so very apparent to me that I essentially did not fit in any group for long periods of time. Of course, when I look back at it most of my good friends are black. I had always got the feeling that I was just not Latino enough for my Latino classmates (not all felt that way, but most). Was it perhaps that I did not speak Spanish as everyone thinks I should have? I am not sure, but there was definitely something because I do know that I was one of very few Afro-Latinos on campus at the time (believe it or not there were not the many Dominicans as there are now at SU…lol).

Why do I bring this up? Why am I all of a sudden writing about this? Yes, I know that this blog has been mostly about my road to redemption, but I want people to realize that no matter what I go through, this identity that I have will always be apart of me. I want people to understand that I am very proud to say that I am Afro-Latino. I understand why my skin is dark. I understand the African roots of my culture that includes the music, culture and religion. I also understand why people do not understand where people like me are coming from.

One of the questions I do get is why did I pick the name “latinegro”. Well besides the obvious connotation there is another reason. Two years ago, I did a research paper on Afro Latinos and I ended up coming away with so much knowledge that I used this name that I found which was coined by another person. Her name is Marta Cruz-Jazen and she wrote “¿Y Tu Abuela A’onde Está?”, which a very interesting article and she calls people like myself, latinegros. Clearly I loved it and had to use it.

So let me define what latinegros are in my own words that I am taking straight from the research paper that I wrote: Latino Negros can be identified as dark skinned Latinos. Often times they will be referred to as Afro Latinos or Black Latinos. In the various Latino cultures throughout the Caribbean and Latin America, they represent the bottom of the social ladder. They are normally the poor and uneducated. The term Latino Negro is a not a term that is recognized nor used, but it is something I feel best represents what I am in relation to other Latinos.

This is who I am. This is what I identify as. I may not have an Afro but the Afro has me…

honesty, lying, my life, The Invention of Lying

Honesty is Horrifying…

Ever wake up in a mood and not know why you are in that mood? Every feel an emotion that you thought was one thing when it really is another? I think that is one of things that makes us human is the fact that we cannot even figure out what is really wrong with us emotionally. Sort of when you talking to someone and the next thing you know you are yelling at them. Chances are you have some anger hidden inside of you that has yet to be released.

For me, it is a strange feeling to wake up in a anxious type of mood. My conscience mind just cannot figure out why am feeling this way. It usually takes me all day to figure out why. Normally the answer is in the back of my mind and I am ignoring it. It just takes some sort of admission to myself of what it truly is. Either I am mad at someone and just do not want admit it or there is a situation that is coming up that I know I have to deal with, in which case, I do not want to admit it.

Honesty is something that seems to playing very big in mind lately. It has been a banner that have been flying lately and not everyone is ready for that. I am not saying that I am ready for it either, but I have no choice. Being honest begins with self. I feel that I have been lying to myself for so many years. Not just about my marriage but about my entire life. Is it possible that I have not been the person I think I am?

I cannot say for sure, but I have come to accept many things in my life. The only thing that I can hold on to is honesty. Holding on to a lie is like holding on to a small branch while sinking in quicksand. There is no way you can get out of it. As I mentioned before, people who lie to themselves are dangerous people. I was one of them. I became a danger to myself and to others that I care about. Why? Because I did not know how much my lies can hurt other people.

The best policy for me is to be aware of my own feelings and emotions. Sometimes that is hard to do. I am sure there are times people have no idea why they are mad or upset. We tend to call it stress and it is self inflicted. It does make me think about people I may run into and they are always in a bad mood. Who is to say that they themselves are not tortured due to past decisions.

All these thoughts have to with a movie I saw this weekend, The Invention of Lying. When I say that people are not prepared for honesty, is how I feel when it comes to me being prepared for this movie. Here is one of those films that is billed as a comedy and you will walk out feeling completely changed. This movie completely validates my point on how the truth will set any one of us free. You want to be honest for yourself.

The premise of The Invention of Lying is very simple: imagine a world where no one lies at all and then in that world is one guy who has the ability to lie. Sounds like a riot right? Think again. If you can imagine no filters on thoughts, people telling you exactly how they feel about you at any given moment. Can you imagine if someone you thought loved you really cannot stand you? That is almost horrifying.

What struck me the most about this movie is that pure honesty did not bother people. It is what it is and people moved on. There was no false hope. No wondering if someone loved you. People know exactly where they stood in life. This is just unfathomable to me. Where would I be life today if I knew where I stood in person’s life? However, we, as humans, have to lie. We have to play the game because we love drama so much.

So my dilemma is that as honest as I can be to myself and others and no matter how direct I can be, people will always lie to themselves and to me. It is a part of life.

my life, New York City, poetry, Random Things, Willie Perdomo

Monday Musings

Me and Willie Perdomo

I stopped doing Tid Bit Tuesdays because many of my thoughts are not all scattered as they once were. Today I feel like I need to just reign myself in with all the thoughts that I have. So, I may just ramble a bit…

I have come to realize I need to fix my life. Don’t get me wrong, I think my life is good and getting better by the moment, however, there is a point in a person’s life in which they need to clean out the gutters. I look at my financial situation and I know I need to do something different. I am tired of being in debt and I am tired of not having enough money. I am not saying how much money I need but I just feel that is not enough.

Money aside, I think my decision to go back home is a good one. Of course, I look around me and everything that I need to do before that day comes and I almost feel overwhelmed. This isn’t something that I cannot just do overnight. But, the good thing is I am very determined to change the course of my life, which means I need to take some risks.

Which brings me to my next point. I have focused so much on staying in Higher Education that I have not considered that my skill set is very valuable in other industries. I tell students all the time to think outside the box and step foot outside their comfort zone. Why cant I do the same? This point was brought up by an old friend of mine that suggested getting a job at another University should be my safety net and my goal should be to do something new. After all, I have already conquered my realm.

I will admit that this thought does make me excited. When I left NYC 8 years ago, I had no career. I was just trying to make it. Now, I will return with a sense of accomplishment and a set of skills that sells itself. So, who knows what the future has in store.

Here is the other thing that I so enjoyed over my busy weekend: I got to meet Willie Perdomo. He is a legendary Latino Poet that is both hilarious and very insightful. He performed some of his work on Friday night and i was very fortunate to have both lunch and dinner with him. He expressed to that New York City has changed and depending on your point of view, it is either for the good or the bad. Clearly since I am not down there enough I cannot gage which one it is, however, I miss it enough not to care.

Willie Perdomo’s poetry was very inspiring and it made me want to just start writing all the poetry I have in my head. The problem is that I have been fighting the idea that I am a poet. I do not have a desire to perform this craft and the poetry I write has always been more about the moment. But, sometimes a poem will just hit me, which is why I now have to carry a notebook and pen with me where ever I go.

I did happen to write a poem since the last one I posted, but that one will not see the light of day right now. I amaze myself with some of the things I put on paper. This one is not ready for the world to read. The thought of making another blog just for poetry did cross my mind though. I will say that I did start on another poem before I had dinner with Willie. I would like to finish it at some point. Of course, I seem to say that all the time to myself. I have so many unfinished poems it is not even funny…

On a totally different subject, I will start lifting some weights this week. I need to work on there these arms. I have had several offers to join some guys at the gym, but I have declined because I simply want to go at my own pace. No need to look like the Incredible Hulk. I just want to look like a better version of me. Again…I am trying to fix my life in all aspects…

my life, prayer, self redemption, soul searching

Soul Searching

“Soul is about finding something in your life that is real” – John Legend

One things about going to a lecture is that it makes me think. John Legend came to Syracuse University yesterday and spoke about Philanthropy. He also did a few songs too. He spoke very well and made some great points; the line above is what stuck out to me the most. I had to post in on twitter because I know I would have forgotten about it if i didn’t. Of course the songs that he did sing were all love songs.

To me that line says so much about the journey that I am currently going through. I wont say that I have never had anything real in my life, that would be a lie. What that line signifies to me is that I need to find something that is real to me that I can connect with. Sometimes I think am surrounded by things are just not real. Maybe it is because I feel that I am so disconnected from everything.

There are times in life in which we have to find ourselves. It is also called soul searching. I believe that we are never too young to find ourselves. I never really thought about my journey in such a way. I never thought about all this as me find myself or me searching for something real. I just felt I was going down a path of self redemption.

However, I feel like I am a new person. I feel like I can be honest with myself. I feel that I can be honest with the world around me, which is why I need a change. My realization is that I cannot change the world around me but I can change my place in the world. It is hard for me to embrace the truth when you are used to living a place that can embrace a lie. It is not healthy. That is why I need a change of scenery.

I said I feel like I am a new person! My outer shell is changing. I really do look in the mirror more than I ever have before and it is not because I am vain. I inspire myself to continue the change because I will no longer go back to the person I used to be. I used to be that person that could not admit to himself that he succumbed to all the insecurities that he developed as a child.

I find myself praying. I pray to God for strength. I am not a prayer person. I am not even a church person. I do have my own relationship with God. I have come to the understanding that the reason I have not prayed in the past is because I was selfish. I didn’t want to pray because my intentions were not true. I pray for strength because I realize what is like to be weak and have no one else to turn to.

The one thing that I have never given myself is self validation. I still struggle with this. I know I am good at what I do. I know that when I put my mind to something I can do it. But, I have become so gun shy when it comes to my feelings. I have no problems with expressing them but I have come to learn I cannot express every last feeling at the very moment I am feeling them. I am rebuilding myself to be the better man I know I can be.

I am searching for my soul. I am looking to see who the real Anthony Otero is.

My Goal, my life, New York City

How Am I?

It has been a while since I have been able to give constant updates on how I am doing. I find the days going by very fast and the work load to be very heavy. My mind does not race as much as it used to. My body seems to be going in the direction I want it to be. All and all, things are not as bad as they once were.

I will say that I have done something that I have not done since March. I actually hung out with the boys this past weekend. While this may not seem like such a big deal, it is to me. I realized that I have been avoiding hanging out them for one reason or another. I was not really worried about questions or having to explain, men do not do that. I was just concerned with my overall appearance. Looking back at it, I had a very long summer in terms of my stress and emotional state.

There are things that I am still stressing and avoiding. Clearly my dreams are telling me this. I have debt that I do not want and it is weighing me down. To be honest, I am not sure how I am going to get out of it. I have some ideas but I am not sure what I am going to do next. I am sure I will work things out, but it is just another problem to me. I slowly cutting cost after cost so that I can have more money to play with but it is not easy. I have thought about a second job but the hours of this job just wont allow time for that.

The funny thing is, I am not all that stressed about this stuff. I will always have to pay bills, so I just need to do a better job at that. My real stress is just trying to get my life together. I feel that I need to do things in phases. My work life dominates the majority of my time and even then I feel I need to always be better at that. Which does not leave much time for my personal life. The time I spend doing that is just trying to be healthy. However, I have been inherently lazy and it bothers me.

The things is I know what I want. I have had several people ask me if I truly know what I want to do. I can say that I really do. I want to be happy. While that is a very vague answer, it works for me. But, let me list what my one goal. I want to go back to NYC. This is important to me. I want to be where my family is. I want to see my nephew, Justin, as he continues to grow up. I want to see old friends that I have not see in what seems to be forever. I would also like to go to baseball games when I want. I just want to live my life. That will make me happy, at least for the time being.

I haven’t mentioned this until now but, I did tell my supervisor that this will be my last school year working at Syracuse University. I need to move from this place and continue on my path to be a well rounded student affairs professional. I have already been looking for a job and I even applied for a few. My living situation has already been taken care of. I will live with my Aunt, who needs someone in her life to be there for her. I hoping that everything after that will just fall into place.

I have been told on several occasions that it seems like I have my shit together and I can tell you that I am not so sure about that. I think that I have wants and goals in which I am trying to achieve, but I know that I am not getting any younger. However, I feel like I am in the best shape of my life and I want to continue down this path…