I feel like I have been doing research on this topic for about a month now. Much of it has been contemplation and another part has been observation. With the new year not too far away, I know I need to seriously look at myself and this brand new path that has been put in front of me. Being single is only a title; a social construct to state a purpose that I no longer have a wife. Truth be told, the day she left, I considered myself single. However, once it become official in the state of New York, I still felt different. I am just not sure how.
I do feel that I have been given the ability to understand 3 worlds all at once. The married life, the divorced life, and the single life. It is at this point that one can begin to see that when you know someone who lives solely in any of these 3 worlds, they have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to relationships. People will swear that they know how it is to be a certain situation but as never been through the fire of a bad break nor a divorce. However, I tend to be understanding to those people who have issues with their partner.
Let’s be real here. I do not have many male friends and out of the ones that I do have, none of them confide in me about their relationship issues. I have had very few male students come and talk to me about their girlfriends…yet they want to know who I am hooking up with. Most of my friends are women and they tell me their issues about men and in some cases, boys, all the time. This allows me to learn from the dumb shit that some of these guys do while giving out advice that is usually on point but hardly listened to.
I have touched upon this before. Men and women think differently. Women think too much and men do not think enough which leads into generalizations by all. I have no problem saying that men are dumb. We are because we don’t think the same way. We think in a straight line and will always be concerned with what is in front of us. What that means is that we let go of shit much quicker because women think more circularly. They consider everything and are often times 2-3 steps ahead of us.
Which brings me to my point. Men are simple. We love what we like and we hate what we don’t like. The only thing a woman needs to do is figure out the ego. If he is an asshole, do not expect change. If is an nice guy, do not expect change. The only thing that changes in this equation is the ego. A fragile ego is the worse thing that can happen to any man. He likes the ego stroked but not patronized. If at any point a woman has emasculated him, he might be a problem for a long time. Most men are every bit as insecure as women are. I consider men to be like a 2000 piece puzzle that can be solved bit by bit and as long as you find the end pieces first…you will solve the puzzle.
Women are complicated. We all know this and I love them for it. I consider women to be the 3D puzzles that takes forever to put together (and has like a 2-3 missing pieces). A brilliant woman is the only woman I can see myself with. I have come to the conclusion that I am done trying to figure them out. I will just take things as them come. However, I know that even I have had the comments that I am complicated and unpredictable. I really do not think I am. What I have noticed from the some of the women I have had the privilege to meet is that many women over think certain things.
I just think all of us need to be careful in not generalizing one gender or another. Often times I put up questions on the latinegro facebook page that has to do with men and women and I see that some people feel strongly about how complicated men are. Some feel that generalizing is the way to go. All I will say is that if you set the expectation that all men/women lie then this is what you get…liars. It is like a self fulfilling prophecy. No woman who believes all men are bad will be able to tell the good from the bad because the dial on the expectation meter is always set to fail.
Men are simple. The younger we are the dumber we are. The older we are the more mature we appear. But, if you are the type of woman who thinks that men are shit and women do no wrong…you will be in for a very lonely existence…