latinegro

Faking the Funk

There are people in this world that just cannot figure out where their place is in life. Then are those people that know exactly where their place is and are completely comfortable in their own skin. However, you have those people what their place in life should be and fight against it. The people are that I refer are Faking the Funk.

Let’s see if I can elaborate. I mentioned before that men who are assholes tend to lie. They lie because they do not want to hurt women because of a lack of understanding of the situation. What I neglected to mention was the type of man (and this can be a woman too) that lies to himself. People who lie to themselves are dangerous. They are unpredictable.

It made me think about how I am. I consider myself to be very honest. I am not saying that I was always this way. Like most men, I believed that lying was a necessary evil, not really knowing that there is alot of power in the truth. I have lied to myself several times about many situations regarding my life and my marriage. It is very true when someone says that the truth will set you free.

Being true to ourselves is very key to find happiness. It is not only the fact that being true means we know what we want, but it also means that we would to do anything it takes to get it. If we were to lie to ourselves because we are battling the pressures of what other people think, like family and/or friends, then our happiness is ultimately unreachable until we start being real. Someone who lies to self is usually a person who often seems like they are looking for something, as if nothing they currently have satisfies them. Perhaps this person moves from job to job or from person to person because they are so unsure of themselves or what they have. A person a that lies to self, at some point or another, will have to realize that they cannot keep being in denial forever.

I always laugh when I think about the phrase “Keepin it Real” because it means many different things to so many people. The true essence behind the phrase always been to just be yourself. The problem is that to some people, being themselves is either not enough or, quite frankly, too painful for them to deal with. Living a lie becomes much more easier and acceptable, which is why people who are like this are dangerous. If they can lie to themselves…then they can lie anyone of us.

If you are in love with one of these people and it ended suddenly or unexpectedly, have you ever thought, “I never really knew this person at all” Bingo. Guess who was lying to themselves and to you? That does not mean that we all don’t do it, because we do. Many times we are in denial because we rather not deal with the truth. I have seen women who really do know their man is cheating, but will never admit it to themselves (at least not until it is too late) because the truth is harsh!

But, not matter how harsh the truth is, it is the universal equalizer. It separates the weak from the strong. Honesty is a hard to thing to look at because it is pure. It is only harsh because it is attached to emotions. That is why I appreciate people who can confront me if they have a problem. It is the the essence of being real…

For those in denial it is only a matter of time before the truth come out. The questions is can you live with yourself after the fact.

Ayo word up, I think you’re fakin’ the funk – Main Source

divorce, letting go, love, my life, no regrets, overthinking

If I had to do it all over again, I would…

“I am a guy…when do we ever get anything right the first time?” – Hitch

About a week ago, one of my friends on Facebook posted this on her status: “If I had to do it all over again, I would…” First, I was amazed she got 38 responses. It was an interesting topic that had people thinking about regrets in their lives. It made me think about if there is anything that I may regret in the 35 years of being on this planet. My response to this status was simple: Everything happens for a reason. I am not sure I would be the person I am now if I made different choices…

As you very well know, I am the first person to admit when I am wrong or when I have made a mistake. Life is full of mistakes and we should learn from each one, I am just not so sure we should go back and reflect on them for very long. Of course, I am not talking about a life altering mistake in which someone goes to jail. In those cases, people have nothing but time to reflect on the choices that have been made.

I think about all the things that have led me to where I am today. All those decisions, to either take advantage of an opportunity or bypass one, is at the heart of who I am. I do not reflect on what could have been for too long because that is just not healthy. I will also go on record to say that I have no regrets. However, that does not mean that I do not acknowledge any of my wrong doings from the past, it just means that I am learning from the mistakes that I have made in both love and life.

I have come to realize that if there is too much regret from the past then it will be hard to seek happiness in the future. I know that I tend to be hard on myself. I tend make myself pay for all mistakes. I think it is human nature to blame ourselves for things and it may also be that same nature to harp on the things that we wished could have been. The problem is being able to stop myself from overthinking the past, which I do tend to do. Sure, it is easy to just say “It is what it is” and move on, but we tend to stick to certain points in our lives that just stand out.

I realize that overthinking the past simply means that I may have not let go of everything yet. We try to hold on to ideals. We try hold on to the memories because in certain cases that is all that we have. The concept of letting go is deep on so many levels. I have gotten to the point in which, if I am dealing with something that has to with a past issue and I feel hurt or stressed by it, I take a step back and tell myself that I have not let this issue go. I let the idea of letting go become a barometer for how much I have or have not moved on from a particular issue.

I consider regret as another way of not letting go. So, that is why I can firmly say that if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am who I am, mistakes and all. Could I have done better? Sure! Could I have been a better husband? Absolutely! Could I have been a better son? Yup! Could I have been a better friend? Of course! But, I cannot regret all of that. I really cant. Because I know that through each phase of my life, I have had things that I was constantly dealing with that have made me question myself.

Now, I get to start all over again. A true clean slate. I choose who is in my life. I choose what I want to do. I now have a reference in which I can look back to and say, “I wont do that.” I know first hand consequences of bad decision making. This all comes back to what I have always said: things happen for a reason. In many cases, things happen so we can learn to be better people. Mistakes happen so we can learn to better ourselves.

I had a discussion with a friend about 2 weeks and I said to them: I have a new number 1 in my life…and that person is me.

assumptions, family, love, overthinking

Assumptions

The last time I wrote a blog (sorry for the delay but the students came back last week), I talked about how a friend of mine said I overthink. Well, it turns out that my number 2 problem is that I make assumptions. It makes me smile because he is absolutely correct. I do make way too many assumptions about all the things that I overthink about. Of course, my dad would say to me, “You know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME.”

I think that my assumptions are a bi-product of me overthinking. When I overthink, I tend to imagine the worst possible outcome. The reason for this is because I just don’t think that life is all peaches and cream. I do not believe that everything has a happy ending because the world does not work that way. I have learned that not everyone has the best intention and not everyone can be trusted, so why should I assume that any situation I am in would come out good?

Now, with that being said. I do believe that in the end, everything will work itself out and not in the fate type of way. I do not believe in fate because things don’t just happen, especially in relationships. Everyone has a choice in what happens to them. It is because of that, that I assume the worst because (again) not everyone has good intentions.

Then there is the fact that I can be so emotional that I think things are essentially about me when they really aren’t. Assumptions can be particularly bad when it comes to this age of social media. It is very easy to think that a status message on Facebook, AIM, or Myspace can be about us. We project this because quite possibly we hope that we are being thought about even if it is not in a nice way. Not to mention the numerous amount of “tweets” that go around these days. It is very easy to get caught up in the hype.

The best assumptions are the ones that are completely baseless. I think about my family on this one. I will tell you all right now that my family is jacked up…on both sides. You have people not talking to each other because this person said that. There is animosity on so many levels that I am willing to bet all of it is based on assumptions. Miscommunication and overthinking breeds assumptions. We all assume that when a loved one doesn’t call it is because they are not thinking about us, not realizing that this may be the furthest from the truth. In fact, I have had many discussions with family members about why I don’t call them…meanwhile the phone works both ways.

Someone asked me why do I always assume the worst. The answer is very simple. When the worst happens, I am prepared for it. So, if the best case scenario were to occur it is a welcome surprise. Probably not the best way to think about things, but I make sure that I do not fool myself when the shit hits the fan. This type of thinking does me very well at work (of course). I am never caught off guard when it comes to a situation because I am generally prepared to handle many bad situations. Why not apply the same principle when it comes to love and life?

I know that I am talking mostly about bad assumptions and worst case scenarios, but do I really think about the best possible outcome in a given situation? Yes, I do. It tends to be a quick thought of what could be, but I never prepare for anything good to happen because I tend to roll with the good times. Besides, assuming the best of times can be just as bad as assuming the worst times. Alas, my issue.

So now what? Well, I was sitting in my bed the other night, just looking at the ceiling. The TV was on and at that time it seems to just look at me. During that moment, when it was just me and my thoughts (and my dog), I made a promise to myself that one day I will be happy again. With that said, I reflect back to my overhthinking and my assumptions and I ponder the advice of that good friend: “You just have to roll with things and go with the flow”

Blogging, my dad, my life

Overthinking Everything

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and he identified my number 1 problem. He told me that I over think everything. One thing about friends, the good ones who really know us , is that they can point out our faults without us getting hurt. I mean, this man is so on point. I do over think…everything! I am not even sure why I do this. (Disclaimer: I will probably over think this current subject, but this is my blog and I reserve the right)

Of course I overthink! That is why I have a blog so I can overthink any subject I please. I am not sure how I got through life without this blog. I find myself thinking so much about my issues as well as my job. The funny thing is, I don’t over think my job. Many times I just do. No matter the situation, I get into a groove and never over think a problem. The solution always seems to be in hand.

In my personal life, not so much. It can get to a point where some of things that I over think about can shut me down and stop me from doing work. While I know this is natural, I consider this to be big problem of productivity. However, I am not sure I know of any blogger that do not over think things. It is what we do. We analyze our topic and write about it.

I would like to think that I get this trait from my father. He over thinks a lot. He does not know this but, as a teenager when he was dealing with his divorce, I used to watch him sit at the table and watch him think. I could see the wheels turning! I would also watch the times when he was alone in the backyard, after he vacuumed the pool. My father would sit on the deck, put his feet in the water and crack open a beer. He would sit there for hours…just thinking.

Maybe I did get this sense to really think before I take an important action. It is not like I am not impulsive because I certainly can be. What I have come to find is that I do not like to make rash decisions. I have witnessed many people make rash decisions based on very little fact and that is something I do not want to do. I have been called indecisive and I think that is probably true, but I would rather make the best decision as possible. Let me point out that not making a decision counts as making one (am I making sense?).

Am I overthinking the subject on overthinking? Of course! This blog has been my forum that allows me to do this. While my friend wasn’t saying this to put me down, I wanted to remind him that the blog has been born from my ability to over think everything. It keeps me grounded, other wise I may just erupt with emotion without something to express myself.

Hung, love, vindictive

How Much for a Broken Heart?

Last night I am doing laundry and I decided to turn the TV to HBO so I can watch my new favorite show, Hung. If you haven’t seen this show, the premise is that main character, Ray is a man whore. He is pimped out by this lady and they have clientele. It is actually a pretty good show that has a lot of moments that make you go…OMG. If you do watch the show and did not see last night’s episode, you might want to see it first before reading this.

Anyway, during his travels, Ray, falls for this woman named Jemma and he thinks she might be the one for him. Of course, every time he sees her, she pays him after the night is over. So, just when he takes her out for real, Ray tells Jemma that she does not have to pay anymore because this is real. So they go out and at the end of the night, he is thinking about how different the sex was and he might be falling in love again. He wakes up in the morning to find a wad of money on the pillow.

Which brings us to last nights episode. Jemma calls him and breaks it off. He finds this hard to believe and finds a way to show her that he is serious. He writes this letter and brings it to her. Ray tells her to read the letter because it is from his heart. She goes…”Fuck your heart”. I think my jaw dropped just as much as his. I kinda felt his pain. He was just standing there asking how did she just change overnight.

Ray is devastated and gets drunk. His pimp, Tanya, visits him and tells him that Jemma did this on purpose. She wanted to break some one’s heart in the same way her’s had been broken. Not only did she want to break his heart she wanted to do it with no explanation and to top it off, do it to a man that was as caring as she was. She told Tonya that Ray made her happy too. In end…she paid Tanya 2 thousand dollars. Again, I am shocked. I automatically asked, How much is a broken heart worth?

Clearly this just a show, but this makes me think about all the things that have happened to me and the people around me. As I stated, everyone is going through something. When it comes down to it, we know when we break some one’s heart. We all know how shitty it is. But as I said before, being vindictive is not the answer. I wrote a blog weeks ago about The Scourge, which is a man scorn. I never though about a woman scorn in the same aspect as man scorn.

See, when I think about a woman scorn I think about Waiting to Exhale. When Bernadine burns her husband’s car with the clothes inside is the perfect image of a woman scorn. I would not have thought about a woman who could use another man and then shatter his heart. I would just normally assume that most women understand love, but as I have come to realize…I take too many things at face value. I forget that women can be ruthless and I need to be very careful who I trust.

Which brings me back to my question about the value of a broken heart. I am not so sure I would have taken that money (then again, I wouldn’t be a man whore). The money seemed so dirty at that point. It made me realize about how people tend to think money can solve everything. I have seen women become so vindictive, in terms of a divorce, in which taking money from the man becomes much more important than mending the broken heart they have. In which case, does half a man’s possessions become that value of that broken heart?

I very much believe that revenge and vindictiveness will very much make a person’s heart turn to ice. It can take the person with the biggest heart and shrink it. So what is the value of a broken heart? I think that the value can never be determined. But I will say that breaking some one’s heart may cost you your own heart.

Latino Festival, Latinos, salsa, Syracuse

Proud Latinos in Syracuse? Really??

I look at my collection of blogs I see when I log on and there are a bunch of posts that are in draft mode. It goes to show how busy I have been. So, tonight I had the honor of trying to figure out which “draft”post to complete, but in true Gemini fashion, I realized I am bored with all those subjects for now. Then I realized that there was something that I wanted to write about…

This past weekend was the first time in a very long time that I was able to just chill at a festival and listen to salsa. The city of Syracuse had yet another Latino Americano Festival this summer. Being from New York City, I feel that perhaps it is unfair judge this festival in year’s past. But, I have to admit that the festival in year’s past has been lack luster to say the least.

It would be 2 days of just all day mess. Sure, they served food from the limited amout of Latino owned restaurants, but the entertainment would be lacking. Don’t get me wrong, there would be live entertainment via the stage. The acts were middle level at best. So for the most part we would stand around looking at the vendors who came up from New York City to make the extra money. The number of booths would just not be enough to hold any attention. But, surprisingly enough, the Latinos up here thought that this was dope. I guess you take what you can get from a city that considers us practically invisible.

However, this past Saturday, I was so pleasantly surprised by this festival. For starters, they made a 2 day festival and turned it into one big day. This made the crowd larger than normal. Now, if you have ever been to the 116th street festival then you know that large crowds make for a great time. While the crowd was not that large, to see people dancing to the various Latino music was great too see.

There were a lot of food vendors. Many more than I recall from previous years. Let me tell you, wack or not, I make sure I eat at these festivals. The vendors from NYC were out in full force, even selling La Mega CDs (which was a first). The weather perfect and I could not help but notice the large amount of Afro-Latinos in the crowd, which always makes me smile. Let me also not forget the serious games dominoes that occured.

So what could make this night better? How about a live performance from Frankie Negron? This was the only reason I came to this festival. The rest was cake. I love good salsa music live! The atmosphere was completely electric. People dancing in the streets and everything! Frankie, of course was off the hook. He did his thing. The best part was being able to be backstage and see the show close up. Josie is the Vice President of the Spanish Action League (La Liga) and was able to make sure that a bunch of us got a better view. Thus the picture above.

I will say that this is the first time the city of Syracuse made me really proud to be Latino.I hope they can do it again during Latino Heritage Month…

blood, dryer

Man vs. Dryer

I totally expected to have a blog out yesterday but things have picked up at work. I have employees to train and preparations to make for our students to come back. I have been so busy as of late that I have not even thought about this blog, which is bad! I am really aiming to get at least three posts a week. I am also not going to write about love today! Amazing! It probably wont last long.

I know that in the beginning of the year I was posting everyday. I am at the point that I would prefer quality over quantity. As a matter of fact, I am barely able to finish this blog due phone calls, texts, and me finally fixing this damn dryer…

So a few months ago, before my trip to Miami. My dryer broke, with my clothes in it. So imagine my surprise as to what they smelled like in the morning. So, since then I have been dragging my feet to fix this thing I figured the washer still worked, I could wash them and then go to the laundromat to dry them.

So, there had to be a reason why it broke. The motor does turn on but the drum does not spin. That usually means the belt is broken. Even as a kid, I have always had a knack for fixing this. As, a matter of fact, I used to break stuff, just so I could put it back together. But, I felt that a dryer is a complex machine and since I paid for it, I do not want to mess it up further. I begin to search the Internet for the answer.

Once I started, I found a site that gave me detailed instructions on how to fix this thing. I had to open up this bad boy. All dryers seem to have a sequence of strategically place bolts on the outside and screws inside (i.e. the lint trap). So, I go into my handy tool bag and pull out a socket wrench with all the different sized sockets. I figured, I am good, I will just take out the bolts and see what I have to do. I get the first 2 bolts off and I move to the back of the dyer. I go for the next few and the bolt is too big. No problem…I just get another size socket. That doesn’t fit either. Come to find out that none of them do.

This delay of course stops me from getting back to this project. Come to find out that my socket wrench and all the sockets are measured via the metric system. Who knew? The bolts on this American Made, Kenmore, dryer is obviously measured using the standard measuring system. Which means that I have to buy another set of sockets. Which I eventually do. I open up the back and for some reason I cannot remember I stop and just leave the dryer not working for awhile.

So, weeks later, I come across a video on YouTube on how to fix a dyer. I knew it was the belt, but I wasn’t sure how to get to it. I watch the video and my jaw drops and not because of the sure ease of how to replace and install the belt, but because I opened the wrong side of the dryer! I was none too happy about that. But, I figured the belt would cost be some loot as well, which was another reason for the delay. I end up going to Lowes this past weekend and come to find out belt was $4. I wanted to slap myself.

So yesterday, I decide that I am going to install this dryer belt. I take apart the front part of the dryer (so now it is completely taken apart now) and prepare to install. I take out the broken belt that snapped in two and then I look at bottom of the dryer and there is money! So much change that I could actually do…laundry (whomp!). I must have found close to $3 in change and a button. I put the belt in and all I need to do is put the damn dryer back to together.

Putting this thing back together took longer than installing the damn belt. But, I did it and plug it in and it works! I mean, I will just ignore that it spins funny, but fuck it. I go to wash my hands and it turns out I sliced my finger on the left hand. No big deal, just a flesh wound. A mark of a job well done. Josie commences washing sheets. Puts them in the dryer and…that shit doesn’t work. I roll my eyes because I know exactly what I did wrong.

Wet sheets go back into the washer. I open this thing up again. I put the belt on wrong. I had to invert it, which means…flip it over so that it can grip the motor. Ok! So I attempt to put the dryer back together. This time it would not cooperate. What I found out the hard way is that the front part of the dyer has sharp edges…which means I end up slicing my right hand…lol. After the injury delay, I finally manage to put the front part of the dryer back together.

So for now, it works and I have given enough blood to satisfy any Aztec God…lol

love

The Perfect Heart

I am continuing my theme that everyone seems to be going through something this summer. This is a rough summer for many people I know when it comes to love and there also seems to be a lot of death as well. Those of us who work with students know that we strive to maintain a certain sense of positivity. This morning I attended a breakfast for the Division of Student Affairs. In the effort to motivate us, our VP of Student Affairs told us this story to motivate us before the school year begins:

One day a young woman was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that she had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired her heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. She even kept it in a glass case to protect it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young woman was very proud and boasted more loudly about her beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old woman appeared at the front of the crowd and said “Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.” The crowd and the young woman looked at the old woman’s heart. It was wrapped in burlap and she unwrapped it for all to see. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn’t fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared – how can she say her heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young woman looked at the old woman’s heart and saw its state and laughed. “You must be joking,” she said. “Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”

“Yes,” said the old woman, “Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love – I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges — giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”

The young woman stood silently with tears running down her cheeks. She took her heart out of the glass case and walked up to the old woman. She reached into her perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out and offered it to the old woman with trembling hands. The old woman took her offering, placed it in her heart and then took a piece from her old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young woman’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young woman looked at her heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old woman’s heart flowed into hers. They embraced and walked away side by side.

How sad it must be to go through life with a whole untouched heart.

While he talked about about how we try to guard our hearts we must realize that the best way to live life is with our hearts open. These students deserve that much from us.

I was stunned after hearing this story. I have mentioned before that love is the perfect emotion but it never appears perfect when we feel it. Some of us keep a barrier around our hearts so that we can never get hurt. We should never see that loving someone is a bad thing, no matter much much it hurts to tear a piece of it out and give it to someone. Our scarred hearts should be a reminder that we have the ability to love and continue to love.

So when someone says that it is better to never love than to be loved, show them this story. I wear my scars proud because my heart, no matter many mistakes I have made, is a good one. My heart is beautiful and many times as I want to encase my heart in glass I know that I have the unique ability to tear out a piece and give it to someone.

You too have this ability, in case of emergency, break the glass and love.

Latinos, Students, Syracuse, work, writing

I am Stumped!

I have to admit I am stumped. I am not sure what to do with my life at this moment in time. I know what want. But, getting there is a something I am not sure about. I already know that my days in Syracuse are numbered as it is, but it is a matter of when.

Going into this semester I feel myself being excited to have the students back. I look forward to the many new challenges my job has to offer. The issue for me is that I think I have learned all I can learn and I need to move on. Now, with that said, I know that I need to prepare myself for any transition in my life, which is what grad school will do for me. Unfortunately, in order for me to truly move up in my field, I need to get a Master’s Degree.

There is something about this that doesn’t sit well with me. I am willing to put in the work. I am willing to learn about education and how we can improve it to benefit the Latino youth. What gets me is the amount of work I have put in up to this point. I love working for the University but I feel lost because of the lack of representation within the staff. This does frustrate me, but, when I look at the students that need my help, I seem to forget about all that.

What do I want to do? Well, I want to write a book. I just do not know how I get to the point of pitching this idea I have to someone who would be willing to give me a chance an publish it. This goes well beyond my aspirations of being a short story writer. I am just not sure if this is something I should do after I get my Masters, or before, or during.

I am also nervous because once I walk down this path, there is no going back. I love what I do now, but I feel the time may come to take chance on my abilities. I know that I eluded being on the “The Precipice of Solitude”, but I am also the brink of something better. I just cannot put my finger on it.

divorce, love, mother, my dad, solitude, vindictive

The Precipice of Solitude

I have been thinking about ways to write this blog all weekend. I found a need to say so many things and I am not sure how they will come out but I am just going to let it all come out today. What really has me going is something that I have said for a few weeks now, everyone I know seems to be going through something. I realize that we all deal with adversity in our own ways. But, for the most part, it is hard to deal with pain and broken dreams.

I have dealt with my own issues the best way I can, which is looking inwardly for all the answers in my life. There has been a time where I have actually prayed for guidance and strength because sometimes my thoughts betray me. I am not going to say that how I am going through things is the way everyone should, but one thing I will say is that no one should let their pain rule them. I seen too many instances where people have let their pain beat them. I am one of those people who refuse to let that happen to me…but I admit, it is a struggle.

Pain can make our thoughts go sour…and depending on the person, they want nothing more than to share their misery with the person who created that pain. I completely understand this reaction but it isn’t the right one. I have witnessed instances where someone can become very vindictive because of another person’s deceit. The problem is that you cannot battle deceit with vindictiveness because no one wins. Karma dictates that what comes around goes around. We can never force this. If anyone of us were to be vindictive to another person we may find ourselves at the end of karma.

Which brings me to my example. Many people want to know why my mother and I have not had the best relationship. As I once again stand at the precipice of solitude, I look at my past in order to see where my future may lead. One of the things that I did not want was for my marriage to lead to divorce because I lived through the very painful and damaging divorce of my parents. My mother left my father when I was in grammar school and the divorce was not finalized until college. Here is where I realized being vindictive does not work.

My mother was not happy with my father and wanted to make sure he paid for their failed 14 year marriage. When she moved out she took me with her. The nomadic period of my life began here, where we moved 3 times in 5 years. When I was 16 I had to make a difficult choice of which parent to live with. I chose my dad, not because I didn’t love my mother, but because I wanted to become a man. My social awkwardness up to that point in my life was not working for me. I didn’t know how to speak to a girl much less have the chance to hang out and meet one.

Clearly this upset her and a messy divorce ensued. As a result of my decision to choose my father, my mom disowned me. She took me out for dinner one night at Willie’s Steakhouse and told me that I am no longer her son. Thus my first break up from a woman, the one that seems to haunt all of my relationships. This is where I link my issues abandonment. This is where I feel that every woman I fall in love with will eventually leave me because if my mother can do it, what is going to stop anyone else? Trust me, it has happened 4 times so far…

Her vindictiveness also lead her down the path of making my father pay. As you know, women are entitled to half of a man’s assets, so she wanted half the house, which forced my father to take a loan for 90k. When the time came, he asked her to pay half tuition. She said no..and he took her to court and made her pay half of all my tuition. At one point we talked and she cried to me saying that my father was being unfair and taking all her money…but I was reminded of the Lexus that she drives (and still does…it is a pretty hot car too).

My relationship with my mother has been very shaky for years. We have made attempts to repair this relationship on many occasions. Every time I experience a break up, I am forced to think about her. I wonder if I had a healthy relationship with her if I would be where I am now. Maybe there is a part of me that inherently does not trust a woman for some reason because I know I will give them a reason to leave.

My point is being vindictive solves nothing. You end up hurting yourself more. The best way to “get back” someone is to be the best person you can be. I know that sounds kind of spiritual but it is what it is. For anyone who is done wrong, eventually things will look brighter. Turning the other cheek against those who have wrong you will be the best thing you can do. It will be easier to move on and live your life.