latinegro

What is the Point of Looking?

Let me preface this post by saying that these are thoughts in my head that I am toying with. When you drive 4 hours from one place to another, you have time to think about life.

This year I will be 36 years old. I am getting closer to 40 and I start to see many things in my life clearly. I looked over my past battles over the idea of fate and it has left me with one question: What is the point of looking?

Bear with me here. I am going through a divorce in which I was married to her for 8 years. Before her there were years of me being single in which, I was looking for someone to love me as well as someone to love. My prior relationship ended badly and I was thus single for about 3 years. I didn’t really date, although I tried. But, I always felt I needed something or someone.

I do not feel that way anymore. Not really sure what has changed or how I got here, but I do feel that I do not need a woman to make me happy. There is the realization that I am talking about need and not want. I not going to say that I do not want a woman because of course I do, but I do not feel that I need the love of a woman to make me happy.

I think that we get in trouble in relationships because we constantly want to look for someone who is perfect for us. Why cant we just let fate decide? I know myself. I know that I will be single for a while. The difference between then and now is the simple fact that being alone no longer bothers me. I have a certain freedom of being able to do what I want to do.

The other things is… I am just not interested. Before I open those can of worms, I will say that I know who I want, but sometimes things are what they are. Outside of that, I am not interested in the drama. I am not interested in the getting to know someone well enough to realize that they are not for me. I am not a person who goes to the club to meet a woman. At this point, I am just going to live my life and let fate decide what is going to happen.

So, what is the point of looking? Ever lose something in your room and cannot find it, then you find it when are not looking for it? Same concept here. While it almost sounds that I am looking without looking, it really isn’t. I am too old for many of the games that I see other people go through. Right now, I am just trying to survive this month so I can deal with the next.

Plus, I am a guy and more often than not I seem to run into so many women that will actively preach that men ain’t shit. I dig it. I have made my fair share of mistakes and blunders thus, I am now a single man. I still do not see how any woman would want to deal with some of the very real issues I have right now. I am not saying this because feel bad about myself, I really don’t. Perhaps it is better this way, I can finally focus on me.

There was a point where I had a fear that I may die alone. Interestingly enough, I do not have that fear anymore. Not to say that I will or that I wont, things happen for a reason. If it meant for me to get another girlfriend it will happen regardless if I look for one or not. So why look?

Trust me, I have heard many things. I am still young, single, and have no children. So that some how qualifies me to be this object that women should go after because after all, women are ruthless. I have been told that everything a woman does is calculated. All I can say is…eh. Solitude is not a bad thing. I have family and friends that will keep me quite busy if I let them.

The point is, I need to get my shit together.

poetry

The Arrow Side Effect

I need to ask myself a query
something personal, can you hear me?
How did I get this way?
Biting my tongue so that I don’t say
What it is that I truly mean
How did I become so jealous?
Is there something that cupid doesn’t tell us?
As sharp as that little
fat, pork chop eating bastard
is with his accurate aim
he never tells us of this game
If I ever catch him
near me or even looking at me
I will set a trap to get
his porky ass
just so I can clip
each wing, feather by feather
I will pluck
all because his arrow is stuck
in my chest
while love is supposed to cure all
there are side effects
neck stiffness
internal heart bleeding
blue balls
feelings of jealousy and envy
and a swollen aorta
but most of all you must see
a doctor if your erection
last longer than four hours
How did I get this way?
does this make me a hater?
or do I hate if he date her?
the arrow is dug so deep
that it is hard to tell

Facebook, guest blog, Haiti, racism, Twitter, white privilege

Everything is About Race.

Yesterday I was called a Racist on Twitter. Reason being that I had the nerve to point out something on Facebook that that my guest blogger stated. If you read what yesterday’s blog was about you would know that Rameer was pointing out the simple fact that not many white people he knew posted anything about Haiti on their Facbook statues, yet just about all the people of color he knew, did. It was a commentary on sociology of race relations and what we hold to be important.

Like I normally do, I will tweet about my blog to let people know what today’s topic is. I asked a simple question: “How many white people do you know on Facebook that posted something about Haiti?” Let’s be real about this. I think it was a legitimate question in which I got answers to. One follower, who is a woman I have spoken to via chat and on the phone, was offended by my question. “Why do you have to make it racist?”

What I find interesting is that I just asked a question. Consider that I have taken classes in social justice, sociology, racism and education, and I am a trained facilitator in racist dialogue…I think I would know if I was being racist. But I digress. The point is, that Racism exists and pointing that out, does not make me racist nor does it mean I am perpetuating it.

“When people like you ‘point it out’ but are really just being racist yourself. I think its so ignorant.” I am one to believe that ignorance is bliss. If people like me do not point such things out then we are truly being ignorant about the world around us. Do I need to explain why Haiti is suffering so badly? Do I need to explain why that country is so poor? Race has everything to do with it. I was just saying this week that we need to know our history. Haiti was once a colony of France and after it was bled dry by the French, they left the Haitians to fend for themselves.

Let me explain what Racism is, since I am so ignorant about the world. Racism is a part of the system of oppression that is perpetuated by those who are privileged. Racism is power plus privilege. According to her, this definition is antiquated. I am not so sure how old this meaning is especially when sociologists still hang on to this definition, so let’s go with Webster’s Dictionary: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.

Ok…so how am I being Racist? Do not get me wrong, I can be prejudice. We all can be. We all have our thoughts about other people. Honestly, that is natural. “ANYONE can be racist! If you don’t like someone based on their race…your racist.” As I pointed out to her, I never said I do not like white people. But, if you really know me (which she does not), then you will know that I point shit out like this all the time. Why? Because I have heard people say that they think racism does not exist anymore…yeah ok.

“…and you are making assumptions. Maybe people didn’t post about it but chose to deal with it their own way or donated privately.” I will say this, I do make assumptions. But if someone points something out and many other people agree and see the same thing, what does that mean? I get the fact people want to deal with things in their own way. But, why donate privately? Do white people think they will be judged by their peers that donating to a “3rd world island” is not the in thing to do? Or would they rather hold up a blind fold and watch “Jersey Shore”?

Which being me to my point and why I had Rameer write that post yesterday. It is clear that we all live on the same planet, but we live in different worlds. It seems to me that most, if not all people of color, care deeply about what happen in Haiti. Most likely because they either have family there, or know people who do. More importantly, these people look like us! White people in general can be blinded to the plights of many of our people. The very system of privilege makes it hard for them to realize what we go through. So Haiti is a different world.

Everything is about race…Everything. If you do not think so then think about this. If you are a white person: Do get followed in a store because you are are white? Do you ever think you will ever be stopped by a cop because you are driving while white? Do you have issues buying a white doll from Toy R Us? Do you struggle to find a sitcom on TV that positively portrays white people?

Never EVER tell me that everything isn’t about race. When I think about Racists, I think about Pat Roberston. I am so not like him. I live my race everyday. Do you?

Facebook, guest blog, Haiti, racism

Truth Is Truth: Do White People Care About Haiti?

Guest Blogger today! My boy, Rameer Green. I had to hit him up yesterday based on what happened on his Facebook page…check it out:

I’m a Facebook junkie.

I fully admit it. Like millions of people worldwide, I can’t get enough of it. I connect with people, engage in online conversations…hell, I sometimes get news faster on Facebook than I do in real life. One thing is constant – regardless whether it be serious or jovial, I always have some stimulating online convos.

But yesterday, I caused a pretty significant stir.

One thing should be known about me – I’m pretty blunt. I say what’s on my mind, straight with no chaser. I’m also brutally honest…I rarely lie about ANYTHING. Some people love this about me, some hate it. People say they want honesty; I find most really don’t want someone who is ALWAYS honest.

This honesty upset A LOT of people on Facebook.

See, I took notice of something I found very peculiar. When the earthquake hit Haiti Tuesday night, my Facebook feed was lit up with reaction. People expressed shock, dismay, sadness, worry, offered prayers – everything you would expect to see in reaction to a horrible tragedy. I saw this all night, and saw it continue Wednesday morning when I logged on to my computer at work. That wasn’t the peculiar part.

The peculiar part was that not a single white person on my friends list had typed a single word in reference to it.

I have over 500+ people in my friends list. And I don’t add due to trying to take part in a popularity contest; I have some real connection with every person in that list. Out of the 500+, I’d say a bit more than 200 are white.

Not one had anything to say about the loss of possibly 100,000 human lives?!?

So I posted a link to the AP news story Wednesday morning, and I pointed this fact out. And inevitably, the reaction started to pour in: I was horrible to point this out, why do I have to make this about race, Facebook isn’t always for serious stuff, etc.

But no one could answer why none of them had posted any reference or reaction to the situation in Haiti. And my responses were consistent – truth is TRUTH. The reality didn’t change that none of them had posted ANYTHING.

I should point out that out of the 250+ people of color in my list, well over 50% posted *something*. A link, a reaction, prayers…something acknowledging the story dominating national news. I didn’t do the math, but I’d say somewhere like 75% of all people of color posted something. And, as I stated on the thread, this wasn’t the first time I have noticed a story or subject that resonates with people of color that whites seem to have no reaction or opinion on. This was simply the first
time I called this crap out on Facebook.

In my opinion, it comes down to this – the value of human lives is very different in some people’s eyes. A single white kid missing in Iowa can make national news and illicit the attention and sympathy of many whites; a good, promising young Black student getting killed as an innocent in the crossfire of gang violence in Chicago doesn’t. Mexico facing it’s worst violence to start a new year in over 50 years catches few whites’ attention, but violence in a European country is “terrible”.

I have concluded many years ago, and had it reaffirmed with years of research by experts much smarter and more knowledgeable than me – that this occurs at a subconscious level. It’s the result of attitudes that go back to the dawn of this country – that whites are somehow more important and substantiative as opposed to the brown, red and yellow people of this Earth. And this is propagated in the education we receive, the entertainment we watch, and the how things a represented in the media.

As we debated throughout the day, here’s the funny thing…I noticed many of my white peers did start acknowledging what had happened. Many copied and pasted statuses I had put up regarding donations and help. Others brought attention to their white friends on their lists. And in the most impactful instance, three people who work in media were spurred to give better coverage and attention to it than they had been. This LITERALLY resulted in newscasts being changed at THREE stations in my
market, and feature stories being done on the topic.

No one was ever able to give a semblance of a good excuse for the disparity. There was one guy who was actually honest…he said “Wow. Way to make us feel guilty.” But he wasn’t being condescending, he was sincere. He DID feel guilty, as he told me – because he knew he was one of those that post things daily about things of substance that effect white people…and that there really wasn’t a good excuse why he was apathetic to this situation. And I appreciate his honesty. Many others simply got
defensive and tried to turn it into a different type of debate. I didn’t really fight too much, I just pointed out the numbers don’t lie – truth is truth.

None of them either cared to post something or thought to when they do so for a number of other things. And that I don’t know for sure why that is…they’d have to look within themselves and determine why this had occurred. 200+, and NO REACTION?!?

Scratch that. One white woman I know DID post something that I missed. I gave her kudos. 1 out of 200. Less than 1%.

What started out as a convo actually made a much bigger impact than I could’ve imagined by the end of the day. And I’d like to think I gave my white friends and peers some real food for thought as to how they think and how they subconsciously view and value the lives of some people over others. I’m not making the argument that any of these people are blatant, hateful racists; as I’ve stated – I believe this was a subconscious thing much deeper than that, but still rooted in racism.
Like many things, we’ve all been indoctrinated with certain things in relation to whites being of a higher value than those involving people of color. I should note – I work in media. I see subconscious decisions as to who and what is important daily…and there’s a huge difference when the people behind the scenes are all white as opposed to when there is diversity.

Someone told me I was being negative. I think I made an observation that made a whole lot of white people feel uneasy. But like I said in my responses – a negative reality is STILL reality.

Truth is truth. I just happened to be the one who pointed it out on that particular day.

gossip, honesty, my life

Every Story has 3 sides

The one thing about like that will never change is the fact that people love to talk. Historically, we humans have had the ability to orate stories for entertainment. In certain cultures, stories are passed down word for word. Oral history was a way for many cultures to pass down history, ideals, and knowledge from generation to generation. In some ways, you could consider this the gossip of the time.

None of these stories were exaggerated. They were the truth told in a specific way so that lessons can be learned from past deeds. Once history started being written down, stories were left open for interpretation. Stories started becoming a matter of a opinion along with the facts. That is just the way life is. As a writer, it is hard to not inject yourself into whatever you write.

When I think about how things are now in my life and in the lives of people I know, it become very apparent that people talk. Of course, I know perception is reality in most cases, but unless you are a orater the percentage of truth is very low when it come to gossip. Assumptions and opinions can blind us when we are speaking about another person’s life. We think we know what we are talking about when in actuality…we don’t.

Now, before I make it seem that I am better than other people (which I am not), I gossip too. Come to think of it, guys love to gossip just as much as women do. However, I know that the information I hear is so very one sided. Many times what many people fail to see is the one sided nature of the stories they tell and or listen to. There is a failure to see that there is always 3 sides to every story: his side, her side, and the truth.

The truth is a very fine line that never changes. Think of it as the double yellow line on a road and the stories are traffic and moves in 2 different directions on either side of it. The intersections are were the stories connect, but the truth will always remain the same. There will be people who will choose to believe one side or another. There are people who will only hear one side and not the other. But, you will have those people that will ultimately be smart enough to put together the truth based on both sides.

Ultimately, the truth is never really heard. Unless you are trained in telling a story like the days of old where the is no opinion, it is just facts.

Afro Latino, history, Latinos, Roberto Clemente

Know Your History/ Conocer Su Historia

If you know you me well enough then you will know that when I first entered Syracuse University as a freshmen, my major was History. It was one of the few things that I was really good at in high school. I loved it and understood it. History was not just about dates but more about the events and how things occurred in the past that might effect our present day.

So when I really started getting into history when I was in college, I was shocked by a very disturbing fact, I was learning about His Story. History is always written by the winner in most cases. What bothered me the most was what I did not learn in high school. The thing that comes to mind the most was the Transatlantic Slave Trade. While, I knew about it in high school, it was never presented in the same way as it was in college. That always stuck with me, so I decided to talk courses in African American history.

Once I got a different perspective on history, I dropped the major and switched to English. However, I still wanted to know more about my history. At that time, there wasn’t a Latin American Studies program but you could navigate certain classes to learn about the Caribbean and South America and I made sure that I did that.

I bring this up for 2 reasons. The first being that I was speaking to one of my students, who is Latina, about know her history. I have no problem explaining how the slave trade impacted the Caribbean. I have no problem explaining how Europeans killed most of the indigenous population, raped the survivors, and then replaced the workforce with African slaves. Most of this information cannot be found in history books at the high school level. What I do have an issue with is people not knowing icons. The second reason is really simple. February is coming soon and that means Black History Month will be upon us. As usual, most Latinos think they they have no contributions to this month and that is the farthest from the truth.

I have a Wheaties Box in office. Yes it is there, unopened. The person on that box is Roberto Clemente. Maybe it is just me, but I feel that all Puerto Ricans should know who he is. What bothers me is the ignorance. I have been asked, “why haven’t you eaten the cereal?” I like how certain people scoff as if it is disgusting to have an old box of cereal. I always have this puzzled look as I think to myself that all they see is a box of cereal and not the person who is on the box. Why is that? Because they do not know their history.

Conservatives in Texas do not care if you never know your history. Clearly they believe that they can remove people like Cesar Chavez from the history books because he lacks “lacks the stature…and contributions.” Which basically tells me that they are just looking at the Wheaties box and not understanding that history cannot just be rewritten by the “winner”. It very much like how the MTA in New York City wants to remove free transportation for students. The less people who know their history, the more control the powers that be have. Make no mistake that racism is still alive.

So, my question to you. Do you know your history? Or are you faking the funk? The way to understand everything that is going on in this world, from Islamic Extremists to Gay Marriages, is to know the history behind them. Perhaps more perspective will be gained by everyone.

poetry

Zombie

Thank you
I hammer each nail
Thank you
My hammer is accurate
Thank you
each strike is true
Thank you
for providing the nails
Thank you
for helping me shut this
Thank you
for everything.
The case is closed
the coffin is shut
the past is behind me so what
is next maybe a surprise
so no more cries
for help or tears of sorrow
because I look at tomorrow
and I see something very clear
I have no more fear
I am motivated by
something that once was a lie
Now I can be me
and the image that you see
will fade away and it will truly
be me underneath a mask
that no longer exists
So thank you
for the nails in the coffin
I will rise from my grave
clawing and scratching
dirt between my fingernails
worms in my teeth
breaking my coffin
with each fist, feeling the dirt
pour over me
I will climb, grasp, and pull myself up
I will break new ground
with my hand & rise from the dead
I will shatter my tombstone
and walk amongst the living
I will brush myself off
shake of the dirt
and become alive once more
So thank you
for providing me with the tools
to wake up and rise
no nail can stop me
from coming back from the dead

love, marriage, New Year, reflections, relationships, self redemption, single life

Being Single

There is something to be said for what happens when you are single and what happens when you are married. I think for most people, they spend their single years either trying to get into a relationship…and when they finally get into one, they think about how great it was to be single. I find myself smiling at many students who tell me how bad their relationship problems are. It is hard to convince many of them that their current boyfriend or girlfriend is just a phase in which they have to go through.

I have made this point before that as a society we expect 18 years old kids to make a decision on their lives starting with picking a major they may not like by the time they graduate. Why is that any different when it comes to love? Love is just like any other subject in school, you have to be educated in it. Sometimes you pass and sometimes you fail, but in each case you learn.

The real problem that I have learned is that when I was single, I was not in the mindset that I need to better myself. Many times the thought process is to maintain a job and to date as many women as possible. Keep in mind, that when I was 25, I did things that I would never do when I am 35. In general, our thought process changes.

I can see how single people in general are afraid to get married. However, marriage is not bad. The problem is that no one ever tells us what marriage is about. I know that sounds strange but, it is very true. The only reference is what we see on TV. Of course their are books about how things should be, but I am a firm believer that we shape what our relationships should be. Society should never dictate anything to us.

I was talking to a fellow writer over the break about true love and marriage. She was amazed about how arranged marriages always seem to work out. Her belief is that love is learned and developed through growing and learning together. That means to me that as single people, we are too busy “trying to get it in” to try to really learn anything. Of course the love learning process is not just a two way thing. Learning to love someone also means you have to learn to love yourself. This is where I think we all get screwed. We think that we can make someone fill that lack of love for ourselves and replace it with theirs…

I have learned that being single means I need to take that time to fix me. I should have done that in my twenties but I was too stupid to even realize it. Being single means means I have to take care of myself. I need to maintain my health and I need to really set my life in order. Not to say that I could not do this when I was married, but what really happens is that when anyone of us gets into a long relationship, we get too comfortable. I got complacent. I let myself go.

On thing that people do not say about marriage is the fact that people no longer feel the need to impress their partner. It just happens. The once tight haircuts do not happen as often. The lack of exercise becomes apparent and before you know it you have let yourself go because the mind set is…there is no one to impress. Granted this is a bad way of thinking, but is it the truth.

So the being single should be about finding the path to our true selves. A relationship should not define us, we need to define our relationships. Marriage is not for everyone and perhaps I was not ready and I can admit that now, but the learning of who I am in the process is something that cannot be replaced or even duplicated.

Being single should be about falling in love. Some people fight this notion because love is a scary thing indeed. What makes us human is the ability to feel. Love is our key to happiness. No one can achieve happiness without love. People are not ready to trust or even to be honest. Some cannot be themselves because love is so hard to deal with. However, I am not talking about love for another person. I am talking about love for self.

I intend on falling in love very hard this year…with myself. (I hope I am ready)

my life, New Year, pokerface

Can’t Read My Poker Face.

I am holding up my end of the bargain I made with myself. While this is not the game of poker the stakes are high. The jackpot is happiness in the game of life. I have my set of chips in all different amounts. Each colored chip represents a different emotion. The higher the emotion the greater the risk. I should never go all in, but often times I do.

The house almost always wins but every so often, you can beat the odds. I intend on beating the odds that are stacked up against me. Sometimes, “I have to hold them like they do in Texas plays”. Other times I have to play with the big boys in order to show that I belong.

Everyday I play with the deck that has been dealt to me. Sometimes I have to fold and other times I have to raise. So far I have been holding as I wait for the dealer to flop. Those cards that he flips up become crucial to my overall plan for the year. I do not expect to win every hand because that would be impossible, but I do except not to lose.

I am taking a gamble. That is what we all do. Life is too short not to take risks. However, I refuse to show weakness in times of great stress. I will buy into this round because I plan on winning it. No one knows what is in my hand. I may have the high card or I may not. I can bluff like a pro, but do not underestimate me in the end because I just may have a royal flush. But, in either case, I will not show my hand until I have to.

So let the dealer shuffle the cards. I post my blind and bet the amount of chips I feel this round is worth. The dealer will place the cards on the table face down, one by one. Once I see what I hand I am playing with the real betting will begin. I do not have a tell. My poker face is solid. The audience will be captivated.

While this is not the World Series of Poker, this is the World Series of life. 52 Cards, 52 Weeks. I am all in.

Mum mum mum mah

expectations, family, New Year, reflections

Expectations… (Happy New Year)

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.” – Brian Tracy

There is one final thing that I feel I need to adjust in my life. That would be expectations. I know that what I have come to expect of people over the last year and maybe even over the last decade has been to treat me with the same regard and reverence as I treat them. I have come to realize that this is an unrealistic expectation. I may be expecting too much of people.

Perhaps I am expecting too much of myself to think that having faith in people is the best way to go. Now, don’t get what I am saying wrong. I am not becoming this anti social person that would rather be alone. The point I am trying to convey is that trust in people is something that needs to be earned and not given out freely. I think I have done that once too often.

On the other hand, I think that I have come to expect less of family than I really should. Because of my issues, I have come to expect the worse out of people that I am related to. My experiences has always led me to put up a wall when it comes to members of mi familia. There is something twisted about the fact that I may be able to trust or have faith in those who are not related to me rather than trust blood relatives.

My expectations of people simply need to change. Not everyone will have my true intentions at heart. 2010 will be a big year for me in terms of family and it is time that I start thinking about things differently. So far during this vacation, I have been very surprised about how family have dealt with me and my current situation. Where are I thought there would be judgment, there was acceptance. I realized that I should not be surprised when family accepts me.

When it comes down to it, I have to look out for myself now. I have some pretty awesome people in my life but I cannot expect things from anyone. I need to continue to pull myself up when things get rough. I would be lying if I said that I was not scared about what tomorrow will bring. Once I get back to Syracuse, my life becomes real again. There are certain actions and choices that need to taken and made. I am very scared, but it is time to man up.

Not only will it be a new year, but it is a start of a new decade. I plan on starting it with hope. I am throwing all my expectations out the window accept for one. I expect from myself to be a better man. I have my goals in place for 2010. I will be as aggressive as I need to be in order to meet my own expectation. Would I like help? Sure. Do I expect it? No. The only thing I need is for people to have enough faith in me as I have in myself.

Happy New Year!