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Poem #11 Insomniac Creative

I can’t sleep at night
my creative wont let me
rest right
it’s like my blood
runs hot with
a fiery passion
a blaze
that will not be put out
until I achieve what
I was set out to do
And if I do sleep
it is a restless night filled
with dreams
of female goblins
who try suck
the very ink
out of my pen
or I am being chased
by zombies that
want to consume
my creativity
but I fight every night
and tell myself
that I will be complete
While I want to complain
about how unfair life is
I move on
knowing my
creative juices will
always be active
I have learned how to write, despite
someone being fucked
in the room right to me
I use that noise as motivation
to not blame my past
but ignite my creative
to another level
to block out the distractions
to maintain my reactions
But I will not rest
until my dreams are
are fulfilled
and I can sleep
a full night
so I wont need
coffee in the morning
I can feel my fate is calling
time to wake up
and answer

Poem #10 The Side Eye

I am not one
to judge another
but what I can do
is give you
the side eye
with my head tilted
to side like a dog
who can’t figure out
what the fuck
he just heard
my eyes locked
as I turn my head
because your
stupidity puts you
out of focus 
when you cry
over your own mistakes
you get the side eye
when you pretend
not to care (when we know you do)
you get the side eye
when you flirt with me
in front of your husband
you get the side eye
when you cannot see
past your own indiscretions
you get the side eye
when you blame others
for your obvious problems
you get the side eye
when you cant figure out
that this poem is about you
you. get. the. fucking. side. eye. 
the side eye
is like a mini death star
that has a laser
aimed directly at your dome
to blow up your spot
because your story
or lack there of
need holes to be
punched into
the side eye is designed
to be universal symbol
of stupidity recognition
without being all
confronting and
avoiding the neck rolling
response one would get
if they cease to be
passively agressive
so to all of those
who make no fucking sense
i give YOU the side eye
as the ultimate act
of civil disobedience
to protest the
crazy ass women
and the dumb ass men

Poem #9 Roles


We all have roles to play
you play yours
and I will play mine
and in the end
neither of us
will get an award
Every action
has a reaction
every actor
has their script
every singer
has their lyrics
We all conform
in our ways
and we all perform
on other days
we transform
but real life never pays
in wages
for our roles
so while you give
an inspiring performance
on how you my not care
your role has been
recast
because the audience
is not believing it

Poem #8 My Pen is

you can take my heart
but you cannot take
my pen is
my spirit incased
in the greatest of instruments
and is my mightiest weapon
I used it as shield
and a sword
I can make love to you with it
or I can make the world
hate you with it

i can never be silenced
my pen is
my strength
to move past
the bullshit
the craziness
the realness
and the sanity
that is my existence

My pen is
my extension
that makes me
the man that I am
and ink the life blood
to my creativity
and I don’t need
to measure
the size
of its importance
You can never hold it
the right way
because you can never
write with it
exactly the way I do
but I can lend it to you
so you can see
how unique I can be
how much of a man I can be
how much of a lover
of life I can be 
My pen is
the only thing
that cannot be
separated from me
it functions even
when I am heartless
it functions with no cap
and the ink is never dry
it never dysfunctions
and it is always up
for more poetry

Poem #7 Definition of a Boy

Weed Smoking
No book reading
pants sagging
yankee cap to the side
smiling in my face
yet thinking your
dick is bigger
when you cannot
last longer than
one of my sneezes
playing women
like dropping quarters
in a video game machine
as if your life depended
on the amount of
ass you get
when you probably
like men more
but you never tell your boys
because you don’t
know how to be one
you are a boy
who may look like
a man but cannot
define in his mind
what a man is
because while you
walk around quoting
lyrics from a genre
you think you know
real men define
themselves by accomplishments
real men aspire
to inspire
they take the risks
they break the mold
they understand that
bagging “bitches”
is actually fucking
your own mother
one thrust at a time
but since you are boy
i dont expect you to
understand

Poem #6 "X" Girl

When I close my eyes
I see your image
almost like a
construction paper cut-out
you pop out
and into my psyche
with an exhilarating silhouette
your curves are more round
than any circle I can comprehend
you make want to relearn math
just so I can solve for x
and know that circumference
I imagine your skin being
as smooth a silk
giving me goose bumps
every time you place
your hand on mine
i can feel your energetic
soul that gives you a kinetic
power over me that is euphoric
i don’t like weak women
so your mind is as strong
as your body
Your perfections are highlighted
by your imperfections
which makes you the
perfect woman for my
imperfect life
because our flaws connect
like pieces of a jig saw puzzle
with no edges
because our love would be infinite
in a time of finite
Your beauty would only be
measured against your intelligence
you can solve for my x and my y
with an aura of sophistication
that would make me melt
with every solved equation
I would appreciate you
you would appreciate me
we would be ideal
and revel in our perfection
which begs the question
where are you?

Poem #5 Fear Write



Fear in my heart
not sure where to start
or where to end
i cannot pretend
that life is also
puppies and rainbows
but I can hope for something better
I recognize my privilege
because my life is not that bad
although better than yours
at least I can look
in the mirror everyday
and know who I am
and know how I am dealing with
there is no sugar coating
the truth
that all people suck
some just better than others
and while I may have had
a few too many
I know that I am thinking
quite clearly
you just choose not to hear me
my emotions rule me
and make me a better man
because I am in touch
with all the things that
any man should
but rather hide
according to the guide
all men are assholes
and I am more of the
sum of the whole
or the hole of the some
I just rather just freeze
my veins
and become like the rest
go from hole to hole
like a game on the green
but i know myself
I am not that mean
so that just leaves me
back a square one
with thoughts that are clear
and a heart full of fear 

Poem #4 Pressure Underneath

My feet in the sand
I try to draw that line
but I see the sun setting
me against the world
I feel pressure in my chest
overwhelmed with fear
I can see the tide coming in…
Submerged in my emotions
swimming within the reaches
of my consciousness
I breathe water like air
in search for peace within
the answers lay deep inside
the recess of the choppy waters
that is my mental
Name, faces, dates, and times
blend together in a collage
of images like
a high def movie screen
submerged in a pool
the pressure of deep
watery emotions
causes an explosion
of fears
with the ripple effects
irritating old pain
is it funny how ocean water
taste just like tears
but I swim deeper to see
what is causing the pressure?
is there a monster in my life?
whom do I need to cut out?
the further I go
the clearer the water
I arrive to the answer
the water I breathe
become a source of
a shocking choke
a mirror appears
and I now get the joke
an enemy within
truly the reason as it seems
I wake up in my bed
cursing my dreams

Retail Therapy

I have to admit that shopping is every bit as cathartic as women say it is. Of course, I have gotten into shopping for myself over the last 2 years and it has this strange sense of making me feel better about everything. This is not to say that I am feeling depressed, I have been so focused on my goals that sometimes I do forget that I have to do for myself.

The other thing I realized is that I have never really been brought up with the sense of how to shop. When I was a kid, my mother would take me to Alexanders and just pick stuff out. When I was in high school, things were a little easier because when you go to Catholic School, you can just buy whatever from Macy’s and hope it matches.

However, there came a point when I started working and hanging out, that I knew I had to buy clothes for social purposes. We are talking about the 90’s here when overalls were in. Needless to say that was a disaster. I am not even sure how I got through college. Shopping was always something that I disliked. I hated to go with my mother because she would take all day and I would hide inside the round clothing racks because I was that bored. But, as I grew older and women began to play a huge role in my life, I began to see how important it was to be patient when a woman shops. I got to see how meticulous they can be, not only about the price, but about the quality.

Most guys who shop will just get anything because it may look good. They many not care about the price or the quality at the same time. I know when I started my venture to really change my wardrobe, not only did I have a woman with me, but I really took an interest in certain stores and what I can do to make that extra impression. I will always remember my cousin looking very neat and clean when we were hanging out in high school. I used to joke about how much of a diva he is but, I feel like I am beginning to resemble that.

In my line of work it is very important to look professional. When I first started working I would wear the collared shirt with slacks because I was more of operational person that did more manual labor than anything else. I had always heard that you dress for the job you want and not the job you have. Once I was promoted, I did change the way I dressed. I noticed the immediate effect on customers and co-workers in terms of how they approach and interacted with me.

So, over the years (and more recently), I have become more comfortable with my appearance. They say that 90% of all communication is non verbal. I try to make sure that what I am trying to convey about myself comes across well which is why I bought two suits yesterday. Granted it was buy one get one free at Men’s Warehouse, but if you ever go there then you know that those suits are not cheap.

There was one thing that made me spend all that money…the service. The guy who helped me made me feel important. He never made it seem that I could not afford the clothing. He showed me all quality stuff and when I told him I wasn’t sure of the price, he looked me and basically said that anything less would effect the quality of the suit and I am trying to make sure you look good. He earned his money.

It made me think about something that my dad says, “you get what you pay for”. So spending as much as I did, I walked out the store really thinking that I am so worth every penny I am spending on myself.

Poem #3 Let Go

There comes a moment
of clenching fists
gritting teeth
tense muscles
eyes water
tears rundown
dry lips become
saturated with
the realizations that
all control is lost
because the mind races
to blame ourselves
when we dont even
know how we got here 
holding on to that something:
the past
a picture
a pillow
a letter
a chain
so tight that
fingers bleed
from the shards
of broken promises
and shattered dreams
the death grip
so tight we forget to breathe

take a deep breath
and release
hold on no more to the shame
unclench your teeth
give up the power
that you allow the other
relax the muscles and watch
the puppet strings *snap*
open your hands
and look at wonder of
a stress free life
let go
you are free from the lies
free from the cries
the excuses
the abuses

let go and become
the beautiful person
that God meant you to be