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Fair-weather Knicks Fan?

I have been waiting to write this post for a few weeks now. It turns out that there have been a few changes in the NBA that has caught my eye. The New York Knicks are relevant again. Not only are they a playoff team but they now have star power. The type of star power that raises ticket prices and gains national attention without accomplishing a thing in the playoffs. Right now it is good to be a Knicks Fan.

Of course there comes the natural debate of real fans versus the bandwagon fans versus the fair-wheather fans. Once the Knicks acquired Amare Stoudemire they became a team to watch. Knicks fans young and old united to cheer for a team that has not won a championship since 1975. It is awesome to see many people on twitter and facebook talk about how the Knicks are back. However, I would see, every so often, one person or another talk about how all of a sudden the fake Knicks were coming out the wood work.

I remember taking exception to this on more than one occasion because I know that my “sudden” interest in the Knicks may have risen some eyebrows. While I do not pay attention many of the things people say, sports in many cases is just as important as politics for men. Questioning one’s affiliation for lack of one can be the cause of fights and with the passive aggressiveness of some people on twitter, I feel that I need to make it clear right now on how much of a Knicks fan I am.

During the 80’s when the Lakers and the Celtics seemed to win everything, I remained a Knicks fan. It was easy in those days to love Magic Johnson and the Los Angeles Lakers. Perhaps it was just as easy to follow Larry Bird and the gritty Boston Celtics. Those were the only two teams that seemed to matter when I grew up. But, I was stead fast with following the Knicks. I remember Bernard King, but I also remember when Patrick Ewing was drafted.

I witnessed the wars in the 90’s when it felt impossible for the Knicks to ever get past Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. I watched the Reggie Miller vs. Spike Lee game when it seemed that he would not miss! I saw when John Starks went 2-18 in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals. I rooted for the Knicks when the Miami Heat became a heated a rival. I watched in horror when Ewing missed that layup against the Pacers. I cheered uncontrollably when Larry Johnson completed the 4-point play….and I could not bear to see the Spurs dominated the Knicks in the 1999 NBA Finals.

Being a Knick fan is not easy, much like a Mets fan. I can get disgusted by both ball clubs. When the Mets were horrid in the 90’s with Bobby Bonilla, I could barely watch. When management got serious and acquired Mike Piazza in a trade with the Florida Marlins, I knew that things were looking up. So yes, I followed the Knicks from afar for many years because I feel the Knicks did Ewing wrong and the team just fell apart as if ownership just did not care.

For more than a decade the Knicks were just bad. Isiah Thomas was a joke. Where was the heart? Not to mention that the NBA itself, in my opinion, just seemed to change with all the rule changes and it seemed a different type of player emerged after the Jordan era. The media was looking for someone to replace him. In any case, the Knicks were no longer relevant and when ownership doesn’t care, the fans don’t either.

So when the Knicks made a plea for Lebron James last year, I think most fans woke up because it seemed that someone in the front office may have cared that there is basketball in New York. The signing of Amare brought most of the fans back. I doubt most of us expected a championship caliber team. We just wanted a team who can compete and make the playoffs. No one thought he would be this good. An All-star starter?

Then the unthinkable happened. A dream come true for this Syracuse University Alum. The Knicks pull off a trade for Carmelo Anthony. Now, we can all envision a deep advance into the playoffs, maybe not this year, but soon. Of course, you had those who complained about giving up to much, but those complaints have fallen by the waist side.

Which leaves me with my original point. I am not a bandwagon fan. Perhaps, I am a bit of a fair weather fan (even though I went to some Knicks games when they were bad), but never question my affiliation. The New York Knicks had a way of hurting their fans with bad moves and horrible decisions. Some people who remember the Ewing years just couldn’t deal with the losing. But, it happens….and now the Knicks are back. So are we, the fans. Deal with it.

I am Official!

I wrote this as I sipped on some red wine and thought about my goals last Friday…

I know that I have spent a good amount of time talking about my application to Sarah Lawrence and expressing how badly I want to get in. However, I have other projects that I have in the works that will great benefit me whether or not I get into graduate school or not.

It started with my speaking engagement at Utica last year. I very much enjoyed speaking in front of an audience. It is something that I feel shaped much of my decision to go to grad school. The only problem I had with the entire process was with the contract. There was nothing wrong with it per say, but I know that things can get muddy if a contract is not up to par. So before I signed it, I had it looked over by a good friend of mine who just happens to be a talent agent.
He looked it over and told that the contract was legit, of course because it was from a college. I just wanted to make sure there was nothing there that I had to be concerned with. He then looked at me and told me that he could get me more money. During that time it was not about the money for me. I just wanted this experience to see if this was something I could do. Earlier that semester I had went to a lecture by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva and seeing what he does made me think that public speaking was something that I could do.
As expected, I loved the gig. I still think about it as a fond memory. Utica will always stick out in my mind as the first time I was able to do something on my own. However, a problem had arisen and I didn’t get paid in a timely manner and it worried me a bit. It was never a point that I thought I would not be paid, it was more that I do not want to imagine going through the lack of payment again. Sure I eventually got paid, but I knew that if I wanted to do this again, I need to do something different.
I ended up connecting with the November Media Group through that same friend who runs it. I would not consider this a plan B, but more of a supplemental plan that may work in my favor. One thing I learned from people like Bonnila-Silva and Juno Diaz is that presentation of written material is important. I have to be able to keep the audience interested just like I keep readers interested. More importantly, I think I have something to offer.

This isn’t just a favor that one friend can provide for another, this is me branding myself. I know that is kind of weird because I am so very much against the type of blogs that is all about the person and not about the writing, which is why my layout is what it is.  But, I do understand the power of branding yourself.  We are all caught in this world of social media and each of us has to carve out a niche. 

Right now, this is something I am aiming towards: getting paid for my blogging and writing. The November Media Group site just went up last week and I want to make sure I ride this wave. Sure, there are some typos and tense issues in my bio (which I am not sure is my fault, but I should have caught), but they will be fixed soon enough and I am working on getting some professional photos done.

This is the next step and I am willing to take a leap of faith on myself.  I am just happy because I feel that things are coming together. I am official! 🙂

Lonely is a Dirty Word

Driving home today I was just thinking about my life in general. I have gotten so used to the daily routine that I am in. It has taken a little more than a year to get where I am right now. I do not have the same worries, but yet I have new thoughts to replace the old ones. I reminded myself today that I have only been officially single for less than 3 months.

Interestingly enough I have only been living alone for a little more than a year. Well, I know I have roommates but I don’t really consider that to be the same as to living with someone you are married to. My home life is not event filled. I come home late, watch some sports, read a book, and if I am feeling good I will play my Wii. I spend much of my time to myself trying to figure out food for me and making sure that Rocky is well taken care of.

I pass the time on twitter when things get interesting on television. It almost becomes a shared experience when I make comments on something that most people are watching. I go to bed late everyday. I do not want to consider myself an insomniac but I do not sleep much. Then again, going to bed early was never my thing. I think it is because I was forced to go to bed so early as a kid that I would just stay awake for hours in the dark listening to my parent’s tv. Perhaps I just rather be awake and deal with reality than to be in a dream that I will ultimately wake from.

I have become a person of routine. I laugh to myself when I am at work late and I say, “I have no one at home waiting for me.” Which is untrue. My dog is waiting for me. Lord knows that if I do not get home in time to take him out, he will leave a present for me that I do not want to open. Still, it is good to come home to a warm reception every night. Sometimes I can tell that he missed me. I found him one day on my bed knocked on my pillow.

I thought about my divorce timeframe today because people have been inquiring lately as to why someone like me is single. First, I am not sure what that means: someone like me. That is to assume that I am special from some reason when most times people don’t really know me. My response is always, I am chillin. I am not sure why the surprise to my singleness. There are some people who cannot be alone. They surf from person to person in order seek the someone who is perfect for them without giving a general thought that maybe the quest for that perfect person comes from within.

It would be less than honest of me to say that I did not think about having a woman in my life again. However, there have been several times in last few months that I have been reminded that being single is probably the best thing. It is hard to fight that urge to think that I need a woman. The truth be told I really do not. I am completely self sustainable.  Not that this stops me from talking with women, but I have been able to observe things and learn how to be the person I want to continue to be.

However, I had been recently thrown for a loop when someone told me that despite my appearance of confidence and the wall of intellect, she sensed a certain sense of loneliness. That perhaps my routine was a simply a way of covering up something that I desperately want, which is to be loved by someone. Interesting. This, of course, left me rather speechless. I had that vain attempt to pretend that her words didn’t invade my soul. So of course, it takes me days to process all of this.

While I am not so sure how true this is, I need to explain that I am the type of person who can feel alone in a crowded room. I have seen myself fade in the background in certain social situations in where I just didn’t feel comfortable or confident. When that happens, I lose all interest and I would just rather be somewhere else. That sounds so very introverted of me when I am very much an extrovert. However, I think that I seem to go back and forth depending on the day (I am such a gemini).

Lonely is such a dirty word. However, I have not failed to notice that 40 is right around the corner. I am getting older folks. Soon I will be taking medical test that will make me cringe. While I am not nervous about being a single 40 year old man, I think about being in a whole new category. But, that is 3 years aways and thus I cannot think about this right now. I do think that age is a dirty three letter word. I just thank God that I don’t even look 36!

I will say that I do miss many things about being in a relationship. But, I cannot use that as a reason to be with anyone. Dating is still something that I am apparently not that good at, so I guess I will have to get better at it. Perhaps it is something I need to put into my routine because Lord knows I got flirting down to a science.

I wont give a time frame on anything when it comes to finding anyone. I want to be able to be with someone because I want to there rather than feeling that I need to be there. I have been in that place where I felt I need a woman when clearly I do not.

Even Superman has a fortress of solitude.

Undergraduate Reflections

I feel like this is a big month for me. There is countdown clock in my head that is ticking down the days until I get this letter. It is becoming all that I think about. I cannot give myself a real reason why I would not be accepted to Sarah Lawrence College. I really feel that this is a right fit for me.

However, I look back at my undergraduate years and I think about how I could have done so much better. I was so lost in everything that was not my books. I went into college blind to how hard the environment could be. I went away to get away from warring parents. I continue to think that this was the best choice for me. Syracuse University is where I eventually found something within myself.

However, those 4 years were indeed hard. My grades certainly reflected this. I spend the first 2 years trying to figure out what I want to do in life. I took all these liberal arts classes that were ok, but there were some that I could not wrap my mind around. Math was something that always kicked my ass, but it was African American Studies classes that kept me somewhat focused.

Women were foreign territory to me. I had no idea what I was doing and they distracted the hell out of me. I got lucky a few times by fooling around with some girls here and there, but I was so convinced that I was just not good enough. I was not confident in myself despite the fact I may had a few girls who liked me. The one thing that really noticed was the fact that it was only black girls that seemed interested. I spent much time wondering why women of my own culture were not interested.

This was part of me recognizing my place in this world. I began to figure out that I didn’t quite fit in either black or latino culture on campus. In the end, I ended up hanging out more with my African American friends. I felt that I connected more with them, but I was just beginning to understand my own roots. My grades still suffered because I was really not thinking about school as much as I was thinking about just surviving day to day. Sure, I went to class but, I was taking classes in things I really did not care for.

Then, by my junior year, two things occurred. I finally selected my major and I finally got myself a girlfriend. She was not technically my first girlfriend, but she was my first real relationship. In terms of my major, I finally chose English. I also became a student leader on campus and it seemed all things were going right. This is where I finally felt that twinge of confidence. I begin to love my classes and love the person I was becoming. My grades finally improved but, I ended up graduating with a GPA that is not what I call to great.

I think about all of that now and I cannot wish that I could do it all over. Everything that has happened in my past has shaped my present. I am who I am because of the path I walked. So, I have to live with the bad grades because I was just no focused enough. This is why I have such an affinity and understanding with the students I mentor and supervise.  There was no one like me back then. I make the choice everyday to make sure that students know I am here and I have been in there shoes.

My grades in graduate classes are what they should be. I am averaging an A-. Although, it was just three classes, I took them while working, on average, of 55 hour weeks. I just hope that it is enough to sway the panel of admissions or whomever makes the decision that I am indeed good enough.

MacBook Cometh

This is my first (of many) posts in which I am using my MacBook Pro. If you are following me on twitter then this is not a new thing because I have been talking about my laptop. There is a reason for my lack of posts this month. My Dell laptop met it’s bitter end about a week and a half ago.  So I have had to replace that with a MacBook Pro.

My old Dell laptop with
battle scars
It has been a goal since last year to get a MacBook. Money being what it was, I could not afford to do it so I decided to put that on hold until the right time. I also knew that my PC laptop was on its last legs since last spring. There was several things that were not working well.  The screen light went out first. So I had to plug into monitor. Then the connections from the malfunctioning screen to the rest of the laptop broke so it was almost in 2 pieces. 
That is what I was dealing with for about 2 years. I held back on purchases because I did not think it was essential. Technically, my laptop still worked.  I just had to deal with the hardship until the time came in which I can get a new one. I really didn’t think that my hard drive would die so I guess I waited a little too long. However, I had been waiting for my Tax Refund so, I didn’t really wait all that long.
Funny thing is you never really think about all the stuff you have on a laptop. Thank God that I had already backed all my pictures on a portable hardrive. All my music was tucked away in my iPod and some of my movies were in my iPhone. My documents are all gone. However, my stories and poems are all copied in other places like email. So when I think about it, I really did not lose all that much. Well, at least nothing important.
The government finally decided to pay me yesterday and I promptly bought this Macbook. No, it is not the new one that has just come out. The SU Bookstore was selling this model (which used to be new) with a discount of $350 off with a free printer and an SU thumb drive. I could not beat this and buying it made me happy. I began to realize that this is yet another goal I can scratch off the list. I wanted this laptop for my very hopeful future at Sarah Lawrence.
First, let me say that it is an adventure to get music from an iPod to a Mac. However, I supposed that if it was meant to be easy Apple would have just came up with an app for it. So I have had to get some software for a very small fee and I am finally happy to say that I have about 99% of my songs back. This also makes very much appreciate all of my efforts to collect every piece of music I own.
Which beings me back to my thoughts. 10 years ago when I decided to leave New York City to come to Syracuse, it was an easy decision and in the grand scheme of thing, took minimal effort to move. There were no goals then. I just wanted out because I hated the direction my work career was going and 9/11 made living in the city hard to deal with. I just had to leave.
Fast Forward to 2011 and everything I do has to be a goal. The move back to NYC is becoming this epic deal that involves smaller goals being accomplished. It is funny that when I was 26, I could fly off from the seat of pants and not worry about…the future. Now, I am the 36 and future becomes something worth planning for. This may be one simple MacBook to you, but this is just symbol of what my future brings…

Color Blind Latinos

I am thinking that I am justified in my thinking that some people just don’t get it. I know that I am not an expert nor am I a historian but I do read, which means that I have knowledge in several areas. When I can sit here and write blogs about being Afro Latino I am only a reflection of things that I have read, seen, or experienced. I know that in my style of writing there is quite a bit of emotion as well. That is just me, take it or leave it.

Naturally, I will feel obligated to give my opinion when needed about Afro Latinos and it is not a surprise that I always feel like I am teaching someone something  new. So today was no exception by having a disagreement about Afro Latinos on the Being Latino Facebook page.

Being Latino is a blog that celebrates…well being Latino. There is a team of blog writers that post material everyday about various topics. One of today’s topics was about Afrolatinos: “The Untaught Story” (video below). It was a very good post by Eric Cortes which can be found here. Of course, on the Facebook page you can make your comments and click “like” if you did indeed like the post. I was a bit intrigued to see any of the feedback, not because of the nature of the blog content, but just to see what people have to say about the topic itself. So, to save time you can view the discussion here.

There were some thing said by a few people that I found interesting. There was the suggestion that the social issues in Latin America was more of a class issue rather than a race issue. That perhaps articles and documentaries like this were promoting division rather than unity. I have heard arguments like this before, on this blog in fact, that pointing out racism creates more divisions. I personally do not beleive this is the case. The fact is that Latinos as a body of people are not unified at all. The color of skin complicates things even further.

As I argued on that site, I think that suggesting that classism is the real issue instead of racism is misdiagnosing the problem. Sure, in most countries like Colombia and Mexico, most Afro Latinos are poor. That is not because of some caste system that was created by the elite like in India. This simply the fact that people are oppressed because of the color of their skin. Unity does not help this because most privileged Latinos simply do not care enough to unify.

Such thoughts about unity and the “let’s all get along” mentality simply means to me that many people are color blind. While that sounds ideal on surface because no one sees color because we are all human beings, the fact is no ones sees color! I want you to see my color. I want you to see my culture. I want you to acknowledge that there is a blackness within our culture. Once you get people to acknowledge this, then there is a possibility to unify.

Then there was a comment that Afro Latino blood was not all that prevalent within Latin America with the exception of Colombia, Brazil, and “tiny” islands in the carribean. This was something that set something off in my intellect considering that the same person said the Black Mexicans barely exist in Mexico since they are less than 1% of the population.

I am totally not sure about that speculation of the 1% in Mexico but I doubt that is true. There are whole cities like Vera Cruz and Oaxaca that are in Mexico where a large numbers of Black Mexicans. However, are they recognized as citizens? Afro Latinos live in every country within Latin America and the fact that this person cannot recognized that is just lack of education on his part.

Conversations like this is why I press on. There are people that refuse to really see the African side of their heritage. I mentioned that we can all move our hips to salsa with the congas and the zulu beat but there is no way in hell that most privledged Latinos will admit their roots back to Africa. I think it is time for a history lesson…

The Waiting Game

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words – wait and hope” – Alexandre Dumas Père

This is where I am right now. Waiting for my fate to be revealed by letter from a school that I am so desperately wanting to go to. I have had a certain quiet confidence about me but, I have not been cocky in my assessment that I would be a good for Sarah Lawrence College. Since I entered my application in January I have been slowing making plans with my life. I know exactly what I am going to do.

However, this is the waiting game. Although I may be one of the most patient people you may ever meet, anticipation of what will happen slow eats away. Sure, the nervousness is starting to set in. I have been trying my best to move on with my life for the past year and a half and it has not been happening (not from lack of trying) at the rate I would like it to. Now I have a real chance to get out of here and I feel the nerves getting tight.

I do not have a plan B at this point. I really didn’t have a plan B when I applied to Syracuse either, but I was forced by my dad to apply to schools that I really did not want to go to. I have always been the type that when I want something, whatever is the next best thing does not match up. I can remember as a kid collecting the Transformers and I tried to be as authentic as possible. When other people would buy me similar toys that were transformers but were the bootleg kind, it felt cheap.

What I do not want is to get to the point in which I just leave this place with no job or no school. So failure is not in my thought process at this moment. So I wait. I think about how much I wait on a daily basis. I realize that I have so much patience with people in general. I do not panic in most situations because there is no point. I know that I will find a way. The problem is when other people have my fate in their hands. I am not very good at selling myself and I have the hardest time doing self assessments at work. That is why I had such a hard time to do my bio.

This is where my patience will pay off. I have those people who already assume I have gotten in. I love them but I am not so sure. I do not want to assume a thing. Then there are those who ask me all the time if I have heard anything or when will I hear something.

So let me just say that I did receive a letter from Sarah Lawrence College yesterday stating that they will mail out decisions for my program on March 17. So there. I have a date that is ingrained in my head so much that I am sure I will have a count down at some point in my thought process. What makes this funnier is that I will be in NYC at that time, which means that I will not know about a thing until I come back that Sunday on the 20th. Once again, patience will play a key because I will not call any of my roommates to read me the letter. I need to see those words myself.

Patience is the world I live in.

“Patience and fortitude conquer all things” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Latinegr@s 2011: Laz Alonso

Yet another person that I cannot believe that I did not highlight last year was Laz Alonso. While, I certainly wrote a blog about Zoe Saldana (and they were in the same movie), I clearly missed that opportunity last year. Now, I follow this gentleman on Twitter and I kinda put it out there to see if he would be down for an interview but that was not meant to be. So, like a true blogger, I will write about him anyway…lol

I first saw Laz in a movie called Miracle at St. Anna. This was was Spike Lee joint that came out in 2008 in which Alonso actually played a Afro Latino. The story is about four Black American soldiers who are trapped in a small Italian village in 1944 during the heart of WWII. This move was done very well and I am surprised it did not get more acclaim.

At that point I figured he was bound for something good. Laz Alonso is Afro Cuban and was born on March 25, 1974 (a great year). He is an alum of Howard University that graduated with a degree in Marketing. After working at Merrill Lynch for a little bit, he went after his heart’s desire: acting. Laz has been in a number of movies in his career that started in 2000. However, the role that has made him famous comes from the blockbuster move, Avatar, where he played the character, Tsu’tey.

I have to admit, I should have known who he was in this movie and I was just astonished to know it was him. I hadn’t seem many movies that he has been in nor much of his television roles. What I do find amazing is that Alonso seems to do his best to play Latino characters in many of the roles he plays. Perhaps not all roles are meant to be Latino, but some is good for me. Like playing Detective Gil Puente in Southland or Detective Ray Di Santos in Captivity. These are the type of characters that are not often seen on television.

When I talk about the fluid identity of Afro Latinos, I am reffering to the ability to go between the worlds of African American and Latinos. It is totally understandable how Laz Alonso becomes valuable in the diversity of roles he could be offered. It is important to note that he is one of very few Afro Latinos in Hollywood.

I think Laz Alonso is an up and coming actor that has not reached his pique and it will be very interesting to see how his career unfolds

Celia Cruz: The Queen of Salsa

It has been such a long week for me and yet the days keep flying by. After the last post, I started searching for pictures of Afro Latinos and I came across the one above. I cannot believe with all the posting that I did last February that I did not write anything about the great Celia Cruz.

Growing up in my house would have never been the same without hearing music from Celia Cruz. It seemed like every family cookout we were serenaded by her various albums. I feel like she had a greatest hits album when I was just a kid. There were so many songs that I could sing when I was kid that I had to search for them when I was adult. I could remember my father making tapes from vinyl and her music was always on heavy rotation.

When I think about the golden age of salsa, which is clearly before I was born, one of the people I think about was Celia. What struck me the most about her music was seeing her perform on tv. I was not used to seeing someone who looked like they could be a member of my family performing salsa on television. I was awe struck almost expecting someone who looked completely different. After all, from what I saw from on Univision, Telemundo, and any album covers were light skinned Latino men with light skinned Latinas.

While I am not too educated on her entire life I do know that she was born on October 21, 1924 in Havana, Cuba. She spent most of her life performing and has earned 23 gold albums. She has won 7 Grammys and while that is impressive in itself, I can only imagine how many she would have one if they recognized her contributions to music early on. I counted over 60 albums to her name and in my research I hear that number could be as high as 80. In any case, she a woman that loved music deeply.

I think about that. Over 60 albums! I personally have 45 of her songs. That is a mere fraction of her collection. That can be so hard to fathom when I think about all the other artists I follow in which I have all their albums. Not to mention that I have none of her recent songs because most of what I have is from what I remember hearing as a kid.

Celia died of a brain cancer New Jersey on July 16, 2003. Her title has not been and will never be revoked. She is the Queen of Salsa.

Latinegr@s Project 2011

I feel that this project is in phase two of it’s existence. My partner in crime, Bianca, and I have been talking about what do with this month and what are the next steps to keep this going. Unfortunately for her, I have been so slammed with work that this continues to be an ongoing conversation.

For me, I am going to do what has worked for me. I will continue to weigh on issues that revolve around the blackness of Latinos. I have also decided to use my tumblr to highlight images that will enhance the Afro-Latino experience. This will not take away from the Latinegr@s site either, which is a shared site that anyone can contribute to. 
This is a short month with lots to do and talk about. I cannot guarantee that I will write everyday but I will say that my contributions to this project will be substantial. I think I want to focus more on images of Afro Latinos because as much as I am good with words, pictures can speak louder if used correctly. My point with this is that I do not know everything and I certainly do not want to fake it. I want to explore images that are insightful and post ,on this blog, the ones that make me think the most.
I also plan on doing some interviews with people who are out there doing great work carrying the Afro Latino banner. I may just sit here and write about the culture but there are people out there that promote it in ways that I never could. 
This is about sheer awareness. Black History Month should always be a time when people just become more aware of the things around them. Lack of pride in what we are is one of the main reasons why it is so hard for people to make it.
So in the end, I plan on doing my part in educating myself. I am no where near an expert but I will say that what I learn, I plan on sharing with the rest of you. 

As a reminder.. the submission page for the Latinegr@s site is: http://lati-negros.tumblr.com/submit